Friday, December 30, 2005

"What did you do to him while I was gone?!" - Kels, to Buchs, after I made some Bucholtz-like comparison regarding her smooth, newly waxed arm and my "jut-sack" as Kels called it. There was also an offer put forth to test the comparison if I remember correctly.

Fuck I'm sweet. Get used to it (maybe).

Tomorrow is New Years of course, so that'll be disgusting. Posts will come sometime after, once I've fully recovered from what I expect will be one helluva hangover.

Happy '06 homies.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

:: Year In Review ::

A year ago at about this time, I said, unlike some people, I wasn't necessarily looking forward to 2005 because 2004 had been awfully good to me.

Fast forward 12 months, and I don't feel the same way again. Far as I'm concerned, this year can't be over quick enough. It started out well enough, with life rolling along according to plan - I even started going to the gym in hopes of losing some weight. Turns out that would be one of the few steady, positive things about this year. The rest was a rollercoaster...

A quick rundown...

- got drunk a lot.
- There was some ugliness.
- Recovered.
- fell down a driveway.
- Recovered.
- Brad got hurt.
- my dog died.
- Currently recovering.

And now my grandma (not the grandma many of you have met, my other grandma - my dad's mom) is in the hospital. She's diabetic, and has leukemia (another wonderful thing brought to light this year), and just today my dad had to take her to the hospital after she had some kind of stroke or diabetic shock. She was this close to being in a diabetic coma, apparently.

Just one more log thrown onto the fire of shittiness.

Chris summed it up nicely today on the phone: "This is the worst year of my entire life."

Yes, there were good points - camping trips, parties, ball games, trips to Seattle and Alberta, but overall, it just feels like I've constantly had something on my mind - almost always bad. I've had a very hard time just relaxing, and I've lost my ability to just go out and enjoy myself without thinking, worrying, wondering, etc. I don't know when that'll change.

I don't know what exactly I've learned this year, what 'life lessons' I'm supposed to take from all this bullshit. Maybe for one, I learned not to take my friends for granted, because tomorrow they might be gone - in a coma, moved away, or just moved on to other things and other people.

And I guess I also figured out that, sometimes no matter what you do, and what you say, some things are just the way they are, and won't ever change. No matter what.

Fuck off '05. Don't let the door hit cha on the way out.

And as for 2006, I don't expect it will be the greatest year for me either. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not being pessimistic, just hear me out. I know (hope) that '06 will be better than this year, and I'm sure it will be (it can't be worse).

But let me use a sports analogy, if I can.

After lots of success, every winning team eventually has to go into rebuilding mode to get back to where they want to be. Hell, even the New York Yankees sucked in the '80s. And 2004 was my World Series. This year, I guess my life played with guys called up from Triple-A who weren't quite ready for The Show. And it'll be another year of "rebuilding" before I get myself where I want to be. There's a number of things I need to do, but I won't get into that here. So 2006 is simply Year 2 of the Nick Rebuilding Plan.

Things will be a lot different in 2007 - I'll be a lot different. And that's gonna be my year I think.

And as for a resolution for the next 12 months?

Move forward. In every sense.

*EDIT: Me and Chris went for Chinese food tonight. At the end of dinner, we got the usual fortune cookies. My fortune said "Your fantasy will come true."

I couldn't do anything but laugh, since the chance of that happening are..well there is no chance, let's put it that way.

Nice to see even the Chinese are mocking me now, along with God and whomever else is pulling the strings. What a day this has been. One thing, then another - if my house catches fire tonight I don't know I'd even be too surprised.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Festivus everyone!

In keeping with the Festivus traditions, we will now proceed with the airing of grievances...

On second thought, that would take far too long.

And as for the feats of strength, I only try to fight when I'm drunk, and I never find any takers.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Catching up...

I promised you when I began posting again that we had some catchup to do, so I'll try and finish that off today, and then we can get back to the current biznass and ridiculousness.

Back in November, Tara decided to throw a dinner party for everyone, except Chris and Jenna because they're ugly and weren't invited. Actually, they were out of town, in Kamloops. Anyway, it was a pretty fun night - the food was excellent, and we all ate too much - and we also got drunk off wine, which is new for us. (See? We're expanding our horizons!).

Unfortunately, I don't have any funny quotes from that night - but one of the highlights was definitely Tara's brother Paulo. He was HAMMERED, and entertaining us all - especially Bobby, Buchs and me when he did a little 'routine' at the top of the stairs. It was aimed at a certain someone, but we'll leave that you your imagination. Fuck was it funny, but that's all I'll say aboot that. I also had a wicked burn on Kelsey, and doubled its effectiveness by not telling her what I said after we all laughed.

I'd tell ya right here and now but I forget what it was.

Between the dinner party and now, there were a lot of the usual parties - my house, Sean and Rachel's house, Lambie's, and Jer's too. They all kind of blend together, but some quotes...

"I wish I wore makeup." - Buchs

"A nosebleed is like a period from your nose." - Kels

"I had to febreze my room once after a chick left." - Buchs, on classy broads.

"I hate how no matter what I do you always find a way to make fun of me!" - Kels, to Chris after he made fun of her dinner selection at Jimy Mac's. Yep, that's vintage Chris for you. He's a douchebag.

"I do all my own stunts." - Kels

Rachel: I used to be like an elephant in the memory department.
Bucholtz: I'm like an elephant in the penis department.

"I'm the perfect example of a guy who's not good at anything." - my buddy Steve from work, drunk at the staff Christmas party.

Kels: Craft fair?! Let's go!
Kels: Do you think they sell Kraft Dinner?

After Buchs had a blue mouth from eating a Push Pop...
"Yeah, I was eating out Smurfette."

Kels: I love People magazine, because it's trash, but it's classy trash.
Me: Just like you!


Me and Kels also went to a Canucks game back in November, which was freakin' fun. I hadn't been to a game in a couple years, and Kels had only been to one ever, when she was 13 or something... They were playing the Blackhawks, and won, which was good. Also, we spent a considerable amount of money on $7 beers, so that was fun too. All in all, a good night. Best money I'd spent in awhile, actually.

And of course, we could barely get through a period without something stupid happening...

"The Sedins are twins?" - Kels (obviously).

"I wish I lived at Canuck's Place." - Kels, unaware it was a hospice for sick kids. I'll give her a break on this one I guess.

And that folks, is the backlog of stories and quotes from the past two months I was on hiatus. Now, only new stuff to arrive. Sometime in the new year, there will be a "Best Of" section added to the left side, and I've got a couple decent posts already in the works...some funny, some sad, some just plain good. Maybe a few that're all three rolled into one blog-orific package. Wait and see...

Happy Christmas Eve-Eve.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The best two things I've heard since October...

"Brad talked to me today!" - Kels

"Let's go." - Brad

Soon, B-rad. Soon.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

:: No More ::

This is the second consecutive weekend where I've had one morning where I wake up feeling like a complete retard. Not hungover, mind you, but I just feel like a moron. Probably has something to do with Ian feeding me straight vodka and me actually drinking it.

But I'm done with that now. Sooo done.

No more.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

"I need more booze...because I'm funny!" - Amanda

"Are you loaded?!" - Amanda again...then she fell over after asking the question.

"Even your olive skin can't contend with my blackness." - Buchs, to Kels.

Amanda: Why can't I call Bobby?
Me: Because that's the T.V. remote.

Buchs: You know...the hospital waitress?
Me: The nurse?
Buchs: Yeah, that's it.

"Jesus is the best wingman ever. He'll take the fat chick every time." - Buchs.

"It's time to say 'Get on your knees or just get out.'" - Bobby, on his philosophy.

"I'm making a fool of myself." - Amanda.

(as an aside, notice the quote variety? Not just one or two people. Whiners)

Last night was a bit of a mess - Amanda, for example, was drunk by noon! It was her last day of classes, so she was drinking with her school buddies. A few of us hung out and my place for awhile, then me, Amanda and Kelsey headed to Sharks.

Amanda lasted only about a half hour before running out of steam, so she left. Bobby came by for a bit too, and bought some Jack Frosts. Then he left to go pick up a wandering Bucholtz, who was on 96th sitting on the side of the road, chugging 7-UP out of a 2-litre bottle.

So the rest of the night, we had a couple more drinks, then Bobby came and picked me up at about 1:15 and I left Kels there...not sure where she ended up really. I came home and passed out, woke up at 4:45 and was a little confused as to what the hell was going on.

As an aside, I really don't like those mornings where you wake up and nobody's around, and you don't really know where or how everybody ended up, but that tends to happen a lot lately.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

:: Back by popular demand ::

At long last, the hiatus is over. I know I said the blog was discontinued til Brad got better - and I still stand by my claim that it doesn't feel right without him - but I've also come to the realization that it will be awhile yet until he's up and given'r again, and I know you people don't want to wait that long.

Turns out you just can't get enough of me. Can't say I blame you either, what with my clever wit, good looks, and charming personality.

So I'm back baby.

Since Halloween I have actually been writing stuff down, with the plan of making a few monster posts to catch Brad up on what's he missed. I'm not going to recap every single event for you right now, cuz that would take awhile, but I will toss a few quotes your way, collected at times over the last few months. More will come later.

So what's been shaking the last few months? Well, for starters, there were many, many hospital visits in November - such large crowds that we were once asked to leave by a nurse. (On a related note, Cindy wants more people to visit again now. Go say hi to Brad if you've got the time. Even if you don't, make the time and do it anyway. It's the holidays and people need to be with their friends).

Some hospital quotes....

Somebody: We shouldn't be so loud.
Kels: Who cares, everybody here is in a coma.

After the second night, some of us went to The Spaghetti Factory for a late dinner. Scott, Bobby and Buchs ordered Caesars. At one point, Kels just broke into a mini fit of laughter - not even because she said something funny but because she almost said it. Yes, we're now so impressed with ourselves we're laughing at stuff we don't even say. What was so funny you ask?

"Scott, can I eat your bean?"

Yep. Not even going to say anything more about that. Nothing, I swear.

There was also one strangely funny moment, when Kels and I realized we had both ordered the EXACT same thing, right down to drinks and appetizers:

Caesar salad
Seafood Linguine

Buchs: You ordered the same thing? You're like an old married couple!
Me and Kels at the same time: Shutup!!
Buchs: Proved my point right there.

Ugh. Outsmarted by Kyle Bucholtz. Youch.

And, now to liquidate some of the older quotes - from the Halloween party at Dave's house. Brad, I'm doing this for your benefit, because I know you won't have any memory of the night. But here's the rundown: You were Batman, Sean was a hideous-looking Robin. There were young girls there who were sloots. You may or may not have got with one of them - I honestly can't remember. Just to make it sound better, let's say you got with three. At once.

Nice work.

"I wish you could just push a button and be drunk." - Kels

"What's in my pocket? Oh, it's cheese." - Kels

When some young sluts left early...
"What, curfew?" - Kels

Buchs (to some girl): Wanna go upstairs?
Kelsey (butting in): Worse two minutes of your life.

Jer: I don't know why Colorado signed May.
Brad: Maybe because his last name is a month.

"I have the hugest wedgie. It's like a taco in my ass." - Brad.

Wow, sure feels good to see Brad's name attached to a stupid quote again, even if it is old.

Tune in later on while I purge the rest of the quotes and stories while we play catch-up.

Coming up: Dinner party at Tara's house, some random parties, and me and Kelsey go to a Canucks' game.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I know I said earlier this blog was on hiatus until Brad got better, but I'm making an exception today. And no, it's not a happy exception either. Sorry.

When I was five or six years old we bought a dog, Buffy. Small, maltese, used to fit in my dad's shirt pocket. Somehow, the little guy stuck around for 19 years - long, long after most dogs have had their day.

Still not sure how he managed that, to be honest - thats' 133 in dog years, for christ's sakes. It got to the point these last few years and months where I seriously wondered if he'd stick around forever.

Sure, he got blinder and blinder, and deafer, and the last months seemed to really struggle breathing at times, but somehow he always fought it off.

'Til yesterday, when we had to put him down. He just couldn't breathe this time...poor guy.

I don't really know what else to say, other than he's gone and I miss him.

Just one more thing to tack onto this trainwreck that's been the last 2 months I guess.

See ya pal.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

These last two days have been, without a doubt, some of the worst I can ever remember. I don't even know how to put it into words.

We're all thankful to hear that things seem to be slowly getting better, though. Now all we need is for B-rad to wake up.

We're right with ya buddy.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

I was gonna post about all the fun events and quotes from Saturday's Halloween party, but I can't - maybe some other day.

Right now there's no way. I just can't. I don't know what to write right now. Or think.

I just..I just don't.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Cleanin' up some biznass Part II

More quotes, some new, some as old as two weeks, but funny nonetheless.

"In the clutch, I perform." - Buchs, on being a good friend.

Someone: Where's Bobby?
Someone else: I dunno, probably riding a camel.

"I'm pretty much like Jesus." - Jer

"The table's name is...somebody else." - Sean, incredibly drunk and not making a God-damn bit of sense.

Stomach vs. Fists
Chris: Let's go fight hindus.
Ian: Can we get some BBQ peanuts first?

As Chris left for his hockey game...
"Good luck....Dammit, I wasted two words there that I'll never get back." - Jer

Now, I was just planning on posting those quotes, but then Kels called me a few minutes ago, driving home to Burnaby after coming out here to watch the hockey game with us. She was bored on the drive I guess, and well, was weirder than normal.

She was going on and on about the following random topics - her windshield wipers, a big puddle off the Kensington Ave. that's always "the funnest part of the drive home", and the movie A League of their Own. In between all this, she was singing country songs horribly (I mean beautifully). Now, it wouldn't have been THAT bad, except every five seconds the songs were interrupted with road rage - "Fuck you bitch! Get out of my lane!"

American Idol awaits...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

***I forgot to mention the first time, but three more people - Tara, Amanda, and Katie - have recently started msn blogs. I don't know how often the three of 'em will update, but at the very least there are some good pictures there, so I added them to the link list. I also organized the blogs by my groups of friends - mainly because otherwise there'd be two Tara's on the list, and we can't have that.

Cleanin' up some biznass...

I haven't posted in a week or so, and I've got some old quotes and stories to blog about. Most are from Kelsey's party she had last Saturday.

"If I wanna stick my thumb up a little dog's ass then I'm gonna do it!" - Ian, tanked.

"That's not a fucking raccoon at all!!" - Ian again, after staring at a rabbit in a cage for a solid 5-10 minutes.

"If I wanted to get wet I'd baptize myself." - Brad, not happy about walking in the rain.

'Twas a good shaker overall, or a good 'Box Social' if you will. I remember parts of it, but I did drink a bottle of gin too, so that might be why parts are blurry. This weekend hasn't exactly got off to the greatest of starts. Work was alright Friday, I've got a couple big stories on the go, which is always fun.

Our Friday nights lately though, need some improvement. A lot of people aren't around anymore on Fridays due to work/hockey or working early Saturday a.m. So there's a limited crew, and not a whole lot to do. Some of us ended up going to Sharks but it wasn't very fun, and to be honest I was kinda sick of being around people, so I took off and came home to sleep. Lame? Maybe a little, but it was OK still.

Tonight, Canucks' game. Can't go wrong with that (I don't think).

Friday, October 14, 2005

After Brad mentioned on msn he wanted to go back in time to his birth...

"He definitely needs a mulligan on life. Maybe he'd do it right next time." - Chris

Speaking of people who may or may not need "life mulligans", it was Mike's birthday yesterday, the 13th. I tried saying happy birthday to him on msn, but he didn't answer, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna waste LD minutes on my phone and actually call the poor sucker (by the way: Mike, I don't have your Vernon #'s anyway). Anyway, because of all that, I'm here writing this.

Happy Birthday.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

"I love hockey so much I just wanna blow my load every time I think about it." - Sean, happy (to say the least) about the return of the NHL.


Well, it was Thanksgiving this past weekend. Normally, it's not a holiday I really give much attention to. It's just a day off and an excuse to gorge on turkey and pie. Good enough for me. Then Melissa asked me what I was thankful for, and I said I didn't know.

I really hadn't thought about it.

In previous years I've probably said I was thankful for the usual stuff that everyone always says they're thankful for - their friends, their family etc etc.

All good choices. Except this particular year I'm thankful for something else for a change.


Yup, I'm gonna be a conceited bastard and say the thing I'm most thankful for this year is myself. That I'm here. Alive. Well. Doin' my thing (whatever that turns out to be).

For a decent majority of my life, I've spent a lot of energy on other people - lookin' out for 'em, cheering them up, or just generally being there for them, whether they needed or wanted it or not. Any number of my friends will tell you I'm too nice for my own good.

Well, this year has been no different. Except that I've now decided to try and not waste so much energy on other people. That's not to say that I'm not thankful for my friends, or won't be there for 'em should some catastrophic event arise, but I'm just not going to care so much about any of the piddly crap anymore - especially other people's crap.

Instead I'm just going to worry about myself, because this year, for the first time in awhile I actually have "me" stuff to focus on. And thus far this year I've done a decent job of doing that, so I'm thankful for myself.

Cuz if I didn't do any of that, I'd be pretty fucking miserable.

Now, like I said, I'm still thankful for everyone else, but for the time being I'm more thankful for myself.

You should be too.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Okay, in the past few posts, Jer has given me shit for not remembering or posting every single funny quote, and I confess right now that there's one I can't remember - Jer even said to me "Hey Nick, remember that!" right when it happened...but I forget. So Jer, if you remember, comment away. Sorry bud.

Alas, there were somethings I remembered.

"You know what fucking pisses me off? (Minorities) who still get overly offended and think absolutely every time you say anything it's somehow a racist burn on them. You know what? Slavery ended 170 fucking years ago. Get over it." - Buch's rant

Buchs, shitfaced on Wednesday, making new friends...

Buchs: So, where you from?
Guy in bar: Washington.
Buchs: That sucks. I've been to Washington twice and both times it fucking sucked.

"It's like fucking a fleece bear." - Buchs again, on the virtues of wearing his new sweatpants.

"God I hope my kids don't grow up to be like him." - Kels, talking about - guess who? - Bucholtz.

"Why are you licking the carpet? What are you, a lesbian?" - Kels, to her dog Rocky the other day.

"Four guys in a purple Ford Aspire. Man, we're pimps." - Sean, before honking the horn at some girls.

"Did you know the there's no slang in the German language? It's true - they can say 'Let's liquidate the Jews' but they can't tell you to 'Fuck your hat'." - Buchs.

Last night was a pretty low-key one once again, went to the movies with Buchs and Brad and saw Two for the Money, which was pretty good, although the last few times I've seen Al Pacino in a movie it hasn't been as good he used to be. Ah, well, he's still rad.

Then we headed over to Lambie's for a bit, where everyone else was - minus Chris, who's in Kamloops, and Kelsey, who's in Enderby. It was actually an odd Friday for me, because my normal Friday routine consists of working til 3, then going to Jimy Mac's for beer/food with Kelsey and/or Chris, and usually Tara too. But instead, I worked late, til my usual 5:00 quitting time, and came home and didn't go to any pub for dinner. Instead, my two usual accomplices were in the Okanagan, and some other people bailed on the food idea, so we went to the movies instead. It was a good night, but it was a bit different than the normal routine - never bad to mix things up once in awhile though.

So that was the night in the nutshell - the highlight being when Lambie ate a sickeningly-gross spider web and dead bug in it for $14. Just gross. Yet awesome. Tonight we're watching the Canucks' game, I'm just not sure where. Somebody's house, or Slapshots, most likely.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

"It looks like a giant robot took a shit." - Ian, on the skytrain, looking at the Expo/Science World building.

"Fuck I'm sweet." - Sean, happy with himself after spraying playing cards all over his living room, and right onto Rachel's plate while she was eating something. He was more impressed than her.

Sean: I'm not going. I got tired.
Brad: Tired of what?
Sean: Being awake.

Sean: Why don't you grow up?
Brad: I would if I could. Then I'd be like Jack and the beanstalk. I'd be all tall, and climby, and shit.

"I thought I hit a dog but it was only a juicebox." - Brad, after parking his car.

After Jer poured a perfect beer really quickly...
Kels: Nice pour!
Jer: Yeah I know. I'm not gonna lie, I got a woody now.
Bobby: Really? I think that'd only be worth like a half-chub at best.
Jer: Hey, it's my pour and I'll get whatever percentage of chub that I want.

It's weird how we can end up going to three bars in one night, yet having nothing really super exciting happen. No one was drunk (except Brad), just very mellow.

Some of us went to Fort Pub for dinner - where Bucholtz wouldn't stop singing "Closer to the Heart" at the top of his lungs. Then he left without his cell phone and iPod. Idiot.

After Fort I went home for an hour or so and just chilled - there was a decided lack of activity last night - Sean, Buchs and Ian all had to work Saturday so they called it a night before 10; Chris was coaching hockey; Jer was at the Giants game with his dad; and Kels wasn't sure if she'd be coming out of not.

She did though - and me, her, Tara, Amanda and Brad decided to go to Sharks for awhile. But it was shut down for the night by the Liquor Control folks, so we were out of luck with bar #2. So we inevitably headed to the ol' standby, Slapshots. Turned out to be fun in the end - Jer and Bobby showed up later, and Rob was there too. Just not our usual night of craziness - which was good actually because I was really tired from the Audioslave concert the night before (Which was fucking AWESOME!).

I didn't really drink - a couple beers probably, just 'cuz I'm saving my energy for tonight's Canucks' PPV exhibition game. We're headed back to Slaps.

Should be good.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

"I wish that the song 'I'm too sexy' would play whenever I walk down the street." - Bucholtz, after performing his "model/runway" walk.

"When I get a seat I don't mess around." - Ian, after plunking himself into a corner seat at Mirage. He started pounding beers and didn't really get up all night.

After a night pounding beers at Jeremy's on Friday, we went to Mirage for the 'official' birthday celebration of Sean and B-rad's birthdays. Not being a real club guy, I didn't have high expectations for the place, but it was surprisingly a very good night. $3 beers and $2 highballs had their desired effect too - but after talking with people today, it seems like I came out better than most.

Nick 1
Mirage 0
Everyone else -10

I was pounding gin-and-7s pretty consistently last night, with a few beers mixed in, and Bobby was doing pretty much the same. He was the first to go - not even making it to the bathroom before puking all over the bar. He passed out in the parking lot (still puking) with Jeremy. And Gorski felt like hell this morning, and Kels said "I feel like death."

Normally, I'd be in the same boat - especially since I had to be up by 9 for a quick bit of work this morning. However, I felt fucking fantastic. No hangover. Not even that tired. It was marvelous.

Like I said, the night itself was a good one. We got there VERY early (we were about the only ones there for a few minutes) but it picked up quickly. Early on, the DJ/host/guy with microphone came out and said he needed 3 volunteers to try and win a free drink. Being it was their birthdays, we volunteered Sean and Brad. Some other girl was contestant #3.

The contest? Make the best sex noise without using any actual words. Sean had the mic first and was actually really good - he would've won had the girl not recruited her friend to do it for her. She was marginally hot and sounded really slutty, so Sean conceded victory.

Brad, however, was fucking terrible. At first he tried to slink off the stage but they wouldn't let him. He was clearly embarrassed - and I don't blame him, I probably woulda been too. But it was still a bad attempt.

"I couldn't tell if you were having sex or riding a horse." - The host, critiquing Brad's work.

The rest of the night got slightly more blurry. Spent most of the last couple hours dancing and hitting on some girl named Stacy, which was fun. I'm not used to getting that much attention at clubs, so I just went with it.

Even if my "wheeling" ability was a little rusty ("In pre-season wheeling form" according to Chris). He seemed slightly disappointed afterwards that I didn't complete the "full wheel" but I got effort points.

"You had the wheel going pretty good for awhile." - Chris

So that was the night. Not a bad one at all.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Another Friday...

"I should clone myself." - Kelsey

"Alex Rios is my boyfriend.'s a secret." - Kels

Tara: This woman called my work the other day and said she'd only speak to French Canadians or Jews.
Chris: Who likes French Canadians?

"Nigga's funny cuz I'm so white." - Kels

Kyle: I wanted the pink and diamond phone but it was too much money.
Kels: Why, did you grow a vagina?
Kyle: No, but if I did I'd fuck it.

"Okay fine, just drive home you idiots! I don't care. But do me a favour and both die at the same time so I only have to buy one set of funeral clothes!" - Jer, yelling at me and Kels before we left. (For the record, I wasn't drunk and nobody drove anywhere)

"It's like a hat..for a waterbottle." - Kels, talking about her new waterbottle's lid this morning (completely sober)

Last night was a decent one. Started at Jimy Mac's for dinner and a couple pitchers o' beer, then it was off to the Scramstad residence for some more beers. Hung out there the rest of the night with pretty much everybody. And me and Kels were somewhat shocked to realize that we were pretty fuckin' tanked and it was only 8:12.

We work quickly.

The night progressed as usual, with the odd hitch here and there. Then Kyle, Jer and Ian came home. They'd been out at Jer's uncle's place fixing his truck. But when they walked in the door, they looked very different.

All three of them had shaved heads. And Sean quickly followed suit and did it too.

Now, Jer and Ian have always had short hair, so they didn't look that different. But Bucholtz has had long curly hair for as long as I've known him - since he was probably 13 or something like that. He looked ridiculous - especially considering his hairline comes to a point (like a perfect arrowhead) in the middle of his forehead.

We decided that - not only does it make him look 5 years younger - his new hair makes him look like Dracula...or Count Chocula, whatever.

"He looks like Dracula, not Count Chocula you bunch of cereal munching idiots!" - Jer

"Weird. I'm hanging out with a bunch of white guys with shaved heads." -Bobby, afraid that some kind of racial hate crime/skinhead situation was about arise. It didn't.

"Now that you're drunk can you fix my hair?" - Ian

Then when it was time to go home around 2ish (I think), Kels was back in her form of two weeks ago, demanding to drive home. I don't know that she actually would have, but I stole her keys again anyhow, even if I got yelled at for it. (and told to "Go away and fucking leave me alone!") But that's ok.

"I don't know how we're such good friends. You should've punched me in the face." - Kels, this morning, about how I (and I alone) usually end up (undeservedly) taking the brunt of her drunken wrath.

It's tough work, this attempting to keep my friends alive and out of jail, but the next-morning "You were right" is enough for me.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Things I've been called this week by newspaper readers:

Someone who should never had kids (because "it's probably better that way")
A bastard

But now it's Friday. Let's drink.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

As some of the crew were playing a drinking game...

Kels: Hey, can I play?
Buchs: Sorry, no. To quote the scripture, 'No cunts allowed.'

"I wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on earth. I'd do the devil first." - Melissa. Can't remember who she was talking about.

If you scroll down a post or so, you'll see a quote from Ian (mis-reported as Jer though) about how you know you're old when you don't know people working fast-food jobs anymore. I had a similar experience last night, out at Blarney Stone with Melissa for her birthday. We were sitting there, then some girls from Melissa's work came by, so we all introduced ourselves, and then we all were talking about what we do for a living...

"Sports writer"
"Legal assistant"

For most of my life, I've been more used to lists like "Dairy Queen/going to school/drug dealer."
Just something I thought I'd point out. I guess it wouldn't kill me to hang out with older people once in awhile, who knows. Sometimes I'd imagine it'd be less fun - cuz I don't want to spend an evening sipping wine discussing RRSPs - but it'd probably be less crazy too.

Anyway, on to the weekend. It had it's highs and lows, but overall it was typical. Saturday night, like I mentioned earlier, was Blarney Stone downtown for Melissa's birthday. Me, Melissa, and Ashley started drinking in Burnaby around 5ish, then we headed to the Stone around 8:30. I hadn't been there in 5 years, and it's a pretty cool place. I had to leave a bit early though, but that was OK, better than missing out completely.

When I came home from downtown everyone was just hanging out. Nothing really eventful happened before I called it a night except Kels wouldn't stop blathering on about her shoes...and then she bounced around for awhile goin' "Wanna fight?"

Then I got punched in the jaw. Pretty hard (for a girl). But I got a few shots in...

Me (after a body shot): There, I got one punch in!
Kels: You didn't even hit me in the face! Body punches don't count.
Me: Yeah, but this way I get to touch a boob.

I could probably make another joke or two out of that conversation, but I won't.

Friday night was Shark's Club, and to be honest, it was nowhere close to as fun as the last time we went. I guess there was no hope of that place putting together back-to-back wins. Can't say I'm really surprised, but whatever. At least we got drunk.

Some of the Shark's events: Jeremy starting an arm-wrestling contest in the patio/smoking room; Sean being extra mouthy to random strangers, and then Sean snapping his cell phone in half, apparently because he was mad about something while arguing with Rachel.

Oh, and Ian kept demanding that I punch him in the face.


Saturday, September 17, 2005

"I went to the mall determined to buy something and I came home with a pretzel." - Melissa

"I can't even take you seriously right now." - Brad, to me when I had my hair in a faux-hawk at Slapshots the other day.

"This place is almost as crappy as it was before." - Brad ( I think) upon the re-opening of the 'new and improved' Slapshots.

"You know you're getting old when you dont know anyone who works at mcdonalds anymore." - Jeremy


Couple links to check out....

My iPod Shuffle thinks I'm gay

List of things that piss us off

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I was clearing some random files off my desktop today, and came across a file with a couple old quotes from Kelsey that I meant to post but forgot about. Better late than never I guess...

Me: Why are your socks 42 different colours?
Kels: They're my lucky socks. They helped me get a job today!
Me: They helped you get a job?
Kels: Well it was either that or my awesomeness.
Me: Probably the socks.

Me: I'm eating potato salad right now.
Kels: E-mail it!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Sean: Me and Rachel had sex in a hot tub in the middle of the afternoon!
Ian: Is that a challenge? Because I'll do her right now!

You hang out with Brad for a whole weekend on a roadtrip, and you're bound to collect some doozy quotes...

"They shouldn't go to jail, they should get a trophy." - Brad, on the people who dug the drug-smuggling tunnel under the Canadian-American border in Aldergrove.

"It's almost time I developed a gambling problem." - Brad

"Buddy, if basepaths were downhill, you'd be Rickey Henderson." - Brad

Slut: Do you like blowjobs?
Brad: Do I like Christmas?

"There's just two kinds of people who wear purple: The Anaheim Mighty Ducks, and homos." - Brad

"I gave her the juice. That's like a cross between the business and...more business." - Brad again

"I have a little more respect for Bucholtz now." - Chris, after him and Brad met some friendly black guys. Bucholtz of course, is 1/6000th black.

"We're still friends with you but I don't know why." - Chris

"I'm gonna change careers from a no-good son of a bitch to a ballplayer." - Brad

"They should've had a doubleheader today. The first game should've been all this Sept. 11 stuff, then Game 2 should've been Muslim Appreciation Night." - Brad, after the Sunday M's game.

Jenna: Can you believe we got all this beer, a sandwich, and two bags of chips for $30?
Nick: God Bless America!

Well we're all back from Seattle, and it was awesome. We stayed in Everett actually, at Jenna's aunt and uncle's house. They're rad people to stay with - they stayed up on Saturday and drank a bit with us. And the best part was that Kerri spent a good deal of the weekend questioning how a) Brad could be so dumb and b) How come it didn't bug him that we bug him so much.

(As an aside, here's a typical Brad situation. We were watching bullriding on TV, and Brad revealed to us all that he didn't know that bulls were only male, and regular cows female. I'm not kidding you. Nice job B-rad)

Anyways...the games were awesome even though the Mariners lost them both. The second game the Safeco ushers moved us from our top row bleacher seat to the near-empty Terrace Club, where the seats are wider and comfier, and the food is brought right to your seat.

We also took the Sounder train from Everett to Seattle for Game 2. It was pretty cool cuz I'd never been on a real train before. A good deal for $6 roundtrip.

The only part that kind of sucked was that the M's super-rookie, 19-year-old Felix Hernandez, didn't have his usual stuff in Game 2. The kid's a fireballer -and the video radar gun had most of his pitches in the 96-98 mph range, but he got a little roughed up in the second and didn't dominate as he's been doing so far in the show. Oh well, still nice to see him throw.

The rest of the weekend was just a lot of hanging out, drinking beer, chillin' and playing with Howie the cat, who I thought was pretty awesome (and I don't even like cats).

I think a few of us are also dreading our cell phone bills when they come this month, thanks to the wonder that is the Roaming function on our phones. Now, I didn't actually make or take any calls while stateside, but I sent out a lot of text messages. Hopefully they're still free like at home, but if not, uh oh. When I came down 2 weeks ago with my Dad I maybe sent out 10 messages, but this weekend I sent about 10 a minute. Sent some to people because I was just kind of bored, some because I was drunk, others because people wanted to know how the game was goin', and others I sent to make sure people were doin' OK and having a good weekend

And Chris and Brad called everyone they knew at 3:30 a.m. to ramble incoherently.

Nice way to spend those airtime minutes fellas.

All in all though, an A+ weekend, especially when combined with Shark's Club Friday, which me and Kels decided was one of the best times there in the past 8 months or so - at least.

And, for a change - she could actually remember most of the night.

Which was about the most shocking thing I've heard since February.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Well, me, Chris, Jenna and B-rad are heading to Seattle tomorrow to watch a couple o' ball games, but tonight was pretty damn decent too, and I hadn't expected it to be - at all.

I had to work today until 11 p.m. because the Eagles were having their season opener. I was supposed to be at work since 8 a.m. but because I overslept, it wasn't quite that early. Anyhow, I still didn't wanna be working that late CUZ IT'S FRIDAY. But alas, I was stuck. I missed out on Jimy Mac's and, because the game was so lopsided (Eagles suck this year), I left after the second period and made it back to Grove just in time for Shark's Club. Normally it's not my favourite place, but we hadn't been there in ages and everyone wanted to go, so I met people there.

Turned into a pretty good night - got decently buzzed, and sat around, talking mostly with Ian and Kelsey, and Sean too. We left early, at around 12:30, after Buchs and Derrick had already been booted (not sure why) and Sean was next in line after he yelled at some old guy for grabbing Rachel's ass. Me and him were ready to punch the douche in the face, but we relented, and just went home.

Well, I went home anyway. The rest of the folks headed to Liquid for the last hour of it being open. I'm not a club guy, and just wanted to go home though. Good night all around, especially considering how it was shaping up earlier.

See y'all when we get from Seattle.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Just in case you needed a reminder that pro athletes, and in particular NFL players, aren't all thugs, felons, or just dicks in general. Read this about some New Orleans Saints and the Hurricane.

It's an excellent article, I read parts of it twice - especially the following paragraph from wide receiver Joe Horn, about the desperate people being branded as looters.

"Hell, if I'd been trapped there, you'd be calling me a looter, too. Picture watching your little sister drown and you're scared and hungry and you don't have any shoes, and now two hours later you see a Wendy's or a Footlocker. What would you do?
"You know what I'd like to say to everyone stuck there? Loot my house. Seriously, I have a nice house in Destrehan that's full of stuff, and anyone who wants it can have it. Go on in and take my flat-screen TVs and raid my refrigerator. Whatever."

Sure, there are thousands of regular non-famous people doing lots to help too, but I only read Sports Illustrated.

Monday, September 05, 2005

"I'm going to get two tattoos - one on each hand. One one hand it's going to say 'UNLOVEABLE' and the other will say 'UNSTOPPABLE.'" - Kelsey.

"I'm a spy." - Kels again, this time excited about the hand-recognition system being installed in her new office.

"I don't gamble with horses, just my life." - Gorski (who else?)

"Pickles can eat my butt." - Sean

"I hate brown people. The only good brown person is me. The rest suck." - Bobby

"What did you do? You're a C*&@ that's what you did!" - Derrick, shitfaced, reading (then burning) a letter from his girlfriend. Or maybe that's ex-girlfriend by now.

Bobby (watching football highlights): That's my man right there, Daunte Culpepper!
Gorski: My man is Jesus.

"Oh fuck off, you'd kill a hooker if you got the chance." - Bucholtz

Well, this long weekend was an absolute doozy. Of course, It didn't feel like a long weekend for me since I'm on holidays anyway, but I'm back to work Wednesday, which I'm not really looking forward to, but I guess nobody can stay on vacation forever.

Friday things started off pretty strong with the Pearl Jam concert. Me, Chris, Jenna, Kels, Sean, Rachel, Pat and Brad took a limo downtown - and had the bitchiest limo driver ever. Most of us wanted to throttle her. Thankfully the guy on the way home was a lot cooler - and he didn't charge us $5 per unscheduled stop (even if it was just a 20 second pee break on the side of the road). Anyway, the concert itself was probably the best I've ever been to. Right from the start, PJ busted out all the classics - Release Me was the first. I guess because they weren't promoting a particular album they just played their old tunes - Wishlist, Release Me, Black, Alive, even Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town.

It was awesome.

We were all pretty drunk too, thanks to a bit of pre-drinking, and then a few beers at the concert. Brad was especially in fine form, but we've come to expect that from him by now.

A lot of people were out of town beginning on Saturday - Sean, Rach, Jeremy, Ian, Lambie - so we gathered the remaining troops and started drinking at my house. We BBQed some steaks and had some potato salad (although Kels ate the most of it, as per usual :P) Then we headed to Dave and Derricks and proceeded to get friggin blitzed.

It was a good time - Derrick was his usual angry/hilarious drunk self, and drunk Dave was Creeper Dave (again). Also at one point, Gorski threw an empty beer can at me, and so I drunkenly decided to chase him down Dave's steep driveway. Now, for one thing, Brad's pretty fast and I was apparently keeping up with him pretty good - until I bailed, did some somersaults, and crashed onto the road. My leg and hands have some pretty good road rash right now.

Also somehow me, Buchs, Bobby and Kels ended up in Surrey at The Mirage, because BK knew some guys who were gonna get us in past the line. Well somehow after we parked, Kels and Bobby took off for the bar, and me and Buchs were left wandering the parking lot. Buchs took a cab back and after accidently calling my dad instead of Bobby, he came and picked me up. Good thing, cuz I don't think 11 bucks wouldve got me a very far cab ride.

So there was a little bit of confusion, I was kind of mad, but in the end it was just drunk talk. I eventually ended up with Bobby, Kels and the Mirage guys at Denny's at 3 a.m. Then we were back at my place where I was booted out of my own front yard by Kels cuz she had to talk to Bobby.

Apparently I wasn't allowed to hear their conversation about golf. Fools.

Bucholtz was slightly more angry than me about getting left in Surrey, which was actually his theme for the weekend, cuz he was unneccesarily angry and snap-showish last night too. But excessive booze will do that to ya I guess. Still kind of a pain in the ass, but whatever.

He ended up calling the cabbie a douchebag before getting kicked out at 176th. Gorski had to come get him.

It was also revealed last night why Kels has said 'No' everytime I've asked her to dance when we've been at Roosters or wherever. Apparently I'm not on her list of "4 or 5 people" she'll dance with.

People on the list: Bobby, Brad, Kyle.

Ouch, that's a tough list to crack. :P

Sunday, August 28, 2005

:: My frustratingly awesome weekend ::

"There's so many hot chicks here... I might meet my future wife tonight." - Brad, at Roosters.

"Oh who am I kidding, I might meet my ex-wife." - Brad, minutes later.

Sean: Does anybody know Dave's number?
Bucholtz: I think the more important question is 'Aren't you...Dave?"

After some weird guy followed Kelsey from the dance floor to our table at the bar...

Chris: How do I know you?
Guy: You don't.
Chris: Then why are you standing here?

"Somebody bit me." - Brad

Bucholtz: I'm gonna buy a sword.
Jenna: Really?
Bucholtz: Yeah, ninjas have been coming into my house like they own the place, so I gotta put a stop to it.

Well this weekend had its ups and down. The ups - Friday night at Roosters for Jenna's birthday. It was, as usual, a gongshow. Much drunkery and buffoonery ensued, thanks to $3 Coronas. It also included most of the above quotes, and also a near-scrap between Chris and some very large, angry men, and then Bucholtz vs. the very same goons about 2 hours later. Nothing happened though.

For the first time ever, we actually got there before the place even opened - although me and Kelsey and a few others had been drinking for a few hours by then.

Saturday morning a bunch of us went out for hangover breakfast at Ricky's, then Bucholtz, Gorski and me went to the mall for a little while, and watched Buchs' blow about 300 bucks in 20 minutes. I, on the other hand, just bought the complete series of The Job - a Denis Leary series from a few years back. It's awesome - classic Leary.

In hindsight, I should've bought a backup cell phone too, cuz not even 12 hours later, I lost mine. Now, losing a $250 phone sucks enough - not to mention all the phone #'s I lost along with it. However, it's how I lost it that has put me in a bad mood ever since.

We went to a kegger last night at Dave's house, but beforehand, a few of us were at Sean and Rachel's, just chillin'. I had my phone then, cuz I was talking to Tara on it, and then we left. We made a quick stop at Willoughby to meet Brad, then we left for Dave's. About 5 minutes after we left the park, I realized I was sans phone. I just figured it was on Sean's table, where I thought I left it. No biggie.

Well it's not there. It's not in Sean's car. It's not on the ground at the park. I seriously have no idea where it is. But it absolutely MUST be at Sean's or in his car - but nobody can find it. It's like it just disappeared into thin air.

Of course, after I buy a new one tomorrow morning, It'll turn up. I can guarantee you that. It's so fucking frustrating it's literally ruined my whole weekend, which sucks because it was a doozy. Dave's party was pretty decent, including another episode of Kyle and Brad "Sharing" - that's the third time for those scoring at home.

Also, Chris was in his usual asshole form. By his estimation, "I bet 75 % of the people there hated me."

He says that with pride, mind you.

So that's been my weekend. I leave tomorrow for a day and a half in Seattle to watch some M's games with my dad, and I'll be dropping $300 on a new phone before I head out around noon.

In other non-aggravating news, my photos from Merritt are finally online, you can see them here.

I'll see ya'll in a few days. (And if anyone finds my phone before tomorow at 10:30, call me.)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Well folks, today marks the beginning of GongShow Weekend. Yes, I know that approximately 83 % of our weekends are gongshows to some degree, but this'll be especially ugly.

Tonight is Roosters - for Jenna's 20th Birthday! (Happy Birthday, by the way!) It'll definitely be a shitshow because, well, because that's what Roosters always is. Can't wait.

Then tomorrow, I just found out, is a keg party at Dave and Derrick's house in Cloverdale. And nobody can resist the lure of a keg. Nobody.

It's gonna be rad.

And not only is it Jenna's Birthday weekend, it's also the last weekend Katie will be here before she goes back to school, which sucks. But I guess people gotta go to school, so not much you can do about it.

At least we're not losing Ian to UNBC too.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

"Somebody could've walked in here and just stolen our house." - my Mom, after Tara walked in and dropped off a birthday cake for Jenna without either of us hearing her say "Hi."

Brad and me talking about getting back to weekday drinking once Canucks games get back on TV in a month or so...

Me: Our livers have had a year off from hockey drinking so we need to show 'em who's boss.
Brad: Mine already knows who's boss.
Me: Mine too probably.
Brad: That's okay, it'll be laughing in 30 years when it goes away. It'll go on a little vacation with my heart.
Me: Don't forget your lungs.
Brad: Oh yeah. Dammit, all I'm gonna have left is my spleen....Good ol' spleen.
Me: What's a spleen do anyway?
Brad: I spleens things.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Well, here I am in Vulcan, AB. Day 3 of my 19-day holiday extravaganza. Mike and I just got back from a couple days in Calgary - we stayed at his cousin's place (in the darkest, most sound-proof room I've ever been in).

The trip here Friday was actually better than expected - took 11.5 hours to get here, and just under 10 til I was in Calgary. It would've been faster had I not had to make a million pee breaks, but I guess that's to be expected when you drink a large starbucks, bottle of water, bottle of lemonade and a diet pepsi all before 1 p.m. On the brightside though, I did see a bear - near Revelstoke.

Last night we were in Cowtown, and we basically just hung out for awhile - checked out a few stores, went to Reb Lobster for dinner (and had the "Ultimate Feast"), then went and watched Four Brothers, which was awesome. Nothing out of the ordinary, but just a good action-packed flick that really had no boring parts to speak of. Also had a very cool car chase - Mike and I agreed it's one of the best we've seen.

We've also spent some time watching really bad movies, which really isn't that out of the ordinary for us. First off, we watched Evil Alien Conquerers - starring Oswald from The Drew Carey Show, the Mighty Ducks' Fulton Reed, and a uni-browed Tori Spelling. It really was a terrible movie, but it's funny because it's supposed to be bad - whoever made this thing had to know it was terrible right from the start.

Definitely entertaining stuff.

Not really sure what we'll do tonight now that we're back in the bubbling metropolis of Vulcan - probably just loaf around, get something to eat and watch TV, which is fine by me. Mike's gotta work tomorrow and Tuesday, so I'm on my own. I'll probably just wander the town for awhile, and when I cover the town from end to end (I estimate it'll take 15 minutes) then I'll just come back to Mike's and chill...and think about how I'd normally be working on a Monday afternoon.

I might post again before I come home, but I don't know. I do have some pictures to load up - one of a beastly yak we saw today that looked like something out of that kid's book "Where the Wild Things are". It was awesome. We named him Stanley the Yak.

Well, see ya in a few days. Enjoy working on Monday suckers.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

On the mole holes in my backyard...

"It might've been Digby. He digs - that's why he's called Digby. If he didn't dig, he'd just be Normalby." - Bucholtz.

Bucholtz: I lost my shirt. I think it's at Lambie's house.
Chris: It's probably lost there with Ian's phone.
Bucholtz: I could have a shirtphone!

"When my kid is 10 or 12 I'm just gonna wake him up at like 4 a.m. for no reason at all. When he asks why I woke him up I'm just gonna say 'It's payback, bro.'" - Financing manager at the car dealership where Melissa bought her car, talking about how his young son always wakes him up in the middle of the night.

This weekend was a quiet one.

Our crew was depleted fairly significantly. Jeremy is in Saskatchewan for family reunion, Kelsey's in Enderby for a week, Sean and Rach were MIA all weekend long, no even answering the phone. Ian worked late Friday til 11, and Chris and Jenna weren't around saturday or sunday.

Pretty weird, that's all.

So friday, me, Kyle and Tara went to Fort Pub then me and Buch's started drinking. A handful of people - Chris, Jenna, Derrick and Brad - were at Derrick's but I guess we weren't on the guestlist.

"We're coming over, we're coming over right now" was all we heard for at least 2 hours. So we drank a bit on our own, then when Chris and jenna came by, nobody felt like drinking anymore, so we went and saw Wedding Crashers.

It was a fucking awesome movie, really funny.

Saturday was good - went to Burnaby in the afternoon and helped Melissa buy a car. She got a 2005 Chevy Cobalt. Definitely a nice ride. Then we went out for dinner, and came back to Grove and drank a bit on the deck. Ian, Bre and Tara came by for awhile, but it was another low key night.

I hadn't seen Melissa in awhile so it was about damn time we hung out.

Nobody else was around again - Chris and Jenna were out getting trashed at Charlton family BBQ/Gongshow of some sort (nice 2 a.m. phonecall by the way, Chris. Funny stuff.) And Brad, Derrick and I guess Bucholtz were at a "private party" which isn't too surprising these days. Or maybe they just didn't have their phones on them. Or maybe they were shoved up a certain place and couldn't use 'em, who knows.

Just kidding, I don't care. We had a fine time Saturday night without them.

Only 4 more working days til I'm off for 19 straight. Friday morning I'm Alberta-bound again. But this time I'm only going for a few days, not 8 months like last time.

Let's hope the weather's better too.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

:: Monday to Thursday Hermit ::

Tara made a good point today when said that since slo-pitch ended last month, nobody does anything during the week anymore. I'd been thinking recently that it was just me who doesn't do much - since Chris and Jenna are often out-and-about after dinner. I, on the other hand, watch Seinfeld reruns and lounge around in my track pants or old shorts.

In fact, today I fell asleep for over an hour.

I am the epitome of socialable behaviour, let me tell ya.

Anyway, Tara's right. Since ball ended, this is the typical weekday convo I have with people (when I talk to them at all).

Me: Hey whats up?
Friend: nothin. you?
Me: Sweet fuck all.
Friend: cool.
Me: yup.
Friend: I'm gonna go.

Since ball ended, Ian has switched to afternoon shift and works every night til 11, and without softball Kelsey doesn't always have a whole lot of reason to make the trek across the Port Mann all the way from Burnaby.

And I assume that the rest of our friends, like me, just can't get enough of those Seinfeld reruns.

Well to adjust the boredom factor down a notch or two, I really wouldn't mind doing something the occasional night. If somebody wants to do something, just call me.

I may or may not be sleeping.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

On why Brad doesn't want to eat salmon for dinner...

"Who wants to eat the same thing as bears?"

Thursday, August 04, 2005

"It's not a zoo, it's a captivity warehouse." - Kelsey

Me: Oakland's stadium is in a pretty shitty part of town.
Steve: Yeah...Oakland.

:: Give'r on the river ::

"I'm so uncool I should drive a mini-van." - Keith, a 40-something guy we were rafting with. He was upset that he doesn't know what music is cool anymore.

"I don't understand why people come up to other people and say 'Wow, you look tired.' Basically they're saying 'You look like shit.' Would you walk up to a fat person and say 'Gee, you look really full?' No, of course not." - Keith again.

This past August long weekend was a doozy. We went rafting just outside of Princeton, and it was tons 'o fun. We'd went once before, two years ago, and I definitely wanna go next year.

We got a bit of a late start on Friday, because everyone worked til at least 5:30, but we eventually got our asses movin' in the right direction.

On Friday it was late once we got there and got settled in and set up, so we just started drinking. Heavily. Well, Chris and Sean did anyhow. Me, Jenna and Rachel probably had a few - I was reasonably buzzed, but Chris and Seaner were something else, let me tell ya.

Firstly, they were yelling at each other and ending up rubbing an empty salt and vinegar chip bag on each other - on Sean's face and Chris' shirtless back. It scratched both up nicely, and combined with the salty and vinegary residue on the bag, rest assured it stung 'em both good. As if that wasn't weird enough, the next thing we all knew, the two of them were standing 5 feet apart spitting on each other. The game ended when Sean got one right in the eye.

Classy fellas, really classy.

The next morning bright and early, after some delicious bacon and eggs, we hit the river. Me in my kick ass raft, and Chris and Jenna in the Party Barge - a big square inflatable 6ft x 6 ft contraption that, on first glance, wouldnt appear to be river-worthy. But it kicked ass.

We cruised down the river for about 3 hours, stopping periodically to drink beer and/or swim. Then lunch and back for the second leg of the river - for most people.

The seven of us, you see - Us plus Sean's cousin Steve-O and his girlfriend Sara - were stuck back at the campsite because a certain brother of mine locked his keys in his truck and BCAA had to come get 'em out. Now this tow truck guy (named Doug) could not unlock the doors, cuz he was clueless. He was there for well over an hour, fiddling with his coat-hanger like tools, trying to pop the lock.

Then Jenna did it.

To show how inept this guy was, here's a quote. Keep in mind Chris' keys were sitting on the seat. No windows were open. No opening of any kind - other than the cracks wide enough to stick the coat-hanger thing in.

Doug: Well I can't pop the lock. What we may have to do is just get the big, long tool and fish the keys out.
Chris: Yeah, well thats great, but how are you gonna do that?
Doug: We'll go through the door.
Chris: And once you do that, how are you going to get the keys on this side of the door?
Doug: Hmm...good point.

The next day was a scorcher - 41 degrees according to somebody who was there. So we again hit the water. The first leg was fun again, lots of relaxing, beer drinking and watching Sean and/or Chris fall out of the boat. Although none of them fell out quite like I did after lunch.

So we're heading down the river, and my boat had me, this annoying but nice kid named Devin and his whiny bitch, anorexic girlfriend Sam. Now Sam didnt wanna come at first because she "didn't wanna get wet." (who comes rafting and doesnt wanna get wet?)

And for the most part, other than the odd splash, the whiner stayed dry.

Then our raft capsized.

Beer everywhere. Sunscreen down the river. Sandals floating away. Man Overboard.

We were in a spot called The Black Hole - really the only real rapids on the whole river. We ended up getting smashed into a big rock and then we flipped. I managed to jump out and wade off to the side - the water wasn't very deep - but then I still had to get through the rest of the small section of waves sans watercraft. So I just floated through, occasionally banging my legs on rocks, and getting a few chunks taken out of my fingers. Nothing major, and itwas actually kind of fun. Since it was so hot it was definitely refreshing.

And even better, we didnt really lose much - Devin grabbed the boat, Sean had one of my sandals, his step-sister Brittany had the other one. We even managed to reclaim the sunblock. We lost a few beers, but they were Devin's so I didn't care.

Just too bad we couldn't lose his girlfriend.

Once we were all back onboard, Sam started complaining. Her arm was so sore "it can't move" her poor legs were bruised and cut and sprained. She was tired from thrashing in the water, etc etc.

She hopped on one foot the rest of the weekend because she was apparently too hurt to walk. Well maybe if you weighed more than 35 pounds you wouldn't have taken such a beating you retard!

God we all hated her.

Then came Sunday night - the party night. When we went up in 2003 we had a rule - nobody could come home with any beer. So if that meant drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning on the last night, then dammit that's what you'd do.

We all had plenty of beer left.

Because we had so much beer we changed the new tradition slightly - You could come home with minimal beer as long as on the last night you did your absolute best to drink it all. No pussying out, basically.

I ended up puking 5 times after doing back-to-back beer bongs, and last I saw of Brittany she was lying in the dirt behind her dad's truck puking beside her. A lot of the night is a blur, but that's really the whole point.

Next year is gonna be sweet.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

"I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. It's OK though - it's a good way to meet people, and I won't mind going to meetings." - Melissa

Well, it's almost the long weekend. I'm not even sure what the Monday holiday is to be honest (I heard B.C. Day, does that sound right?) but alls I know is no work for three days so that's all I really need to hear.

It's gonna be a rad weekend. Me, Chris, Jenna, Sean and Rach are going tubing/rafting near Princeton. I believe the river is the Similkameen..should be fun. Me and Chris went two years ago with Sean, his fam, and his stepmom Sandy' work associates. It's basically a 3-day gongshow where you get sunburned.

In '03 when we went, the last night we decided we weren't leaving the river/beach until all the remaining beer was drank. I don't remember how many were left, but it was A LOT. I passed out (while standing up) in a prickle bush, where I pretty much stayed for about a half hour before somebody (probably chris or sean) picked me up. I also puked a few times on the bushes, if I remember correctly.

I'm pretty pumped about going. It'll be nice to get away for a few days and just chill.

Pretty much everyone is going their separate ways this weekend. Jer's going to catch up with his family at Okanagan Lake, Brad and Ian are going to Oliver, and Buch's is working non-stop. I don't know what everyone else is doing, I don't really talk to people during the week much these days.

It'll be kinda different to be in a smaller group probably, but it'll be nice.

Speaking of holidays, from Aug. 22 - Sept. 5 I had 2 weeks off work. A nice solid two weeks. And now its' just getting better and better.

I've worked 8 hours of OT the last week, so I get a day off down the road. I decided to make that day Aug. 19 (friday) adding to my holidays. Then I discovered that Sept. 5 isn't actually my first day back because it's Labour Day. So tack another day onto the holidays. Now for the best part:

My work discovered that somehow they owe me two holiday days from '04 (when I didnt even really get vacation yet). So I took one random day next week, and added one final day onto my two weeks, thus giving me from Aug. 19 to Sept.7 off work.

19 fucking days. (With Pay).

Pretty god damn sweet. I've got a few minor plans in the works for the time off. Pearl Jam concert is Sept. 2. Also I'm going to Seattlefor a few days at the end of August to see a pair of Mariner/Yankee games, which is gonna be awesome.

And knowing me, I'll get bored of sitting on my ass and I'll probably take off for somewhere at some point, so if you live reasonable far away from me, don't be surprised if I show up on your doorstep.

Mike, I'm looking in your direction.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

:: Finally, a post ::

"Yeah, she's a crazy bitch." - Jer, in Merritt (I think he was talking about Katie, but I can't remember now.)

Kelsey: Eww, look at all those bugs on you.
Chris: Those aren't bugs, they're my little friends!

Me: That's awesome!
Brad: It's like waking up to waffles!

Random chick at Roosters (who had previously told us she had a kid): Do you have a condom?
Chris: No, I don't use 'em.
Chick: You should always use one!
Chris: You're the one with the kid, I don't think you should be lecturing me on using a condom.

Some kid named Jay: I'm from Canoe.
Buchs: I'm pretty sure that's not even a place.

Sean: What are you talking about?
Derrick: I don't know but if you don't like it you can get the fuck out.

"I'm gonna shave my entire body, roll around in the snow then go kill some Elves." - Bucholtz

I know, I've been remiss with the posts lately, for a number of reasons. Firstly, when we got back from Merritt I was tired and kinda grumpy about some shit, and didn't feel like posting. Don't get me wrong, Merritt was lotsa fun, but it certainly had it's moments of ridiculousness as well, which is fairly common. Too much booze for too long a time, I guess.

Regardless, it was fun. Four straight days of drinking, the beer bong in fine form (Good thing I made that damn thing the day before we left).

We saw boobs, Tim McGraw, and some crazy fuck shotgun 20 beers in 27 minutes (while puking about 8 times or so, maybe more). I've got some pictures, which I'll upload to the pics page sometime soon. I recommend looking at the pics of Gorski, passed out in the pathway - what a fucking gongshow.

The only thing that kinda sucked was the weather - it was overcast and chilly, and rainy at times even - so we could only chill out in the river on Friday, which is where many of the aforementioned boobs were seen. We did our fair amount of wandering around the fairgrounds too, with Chris eating just about every 5 minutes. Foot long hot dogs. Corn Dogs. Kettle Corn. Hamburgers. Beer. Pepsi. What a pig.

Beer pong was also a big highlight - many, many games were played. Me and Jen got slaughtered once badly, and Chris and Jer lost their championship beer bong belts (even if they were too drunk to remember it happening).

The few shitty parts of the weekend worth mentioning though, were these: Some of the concerts (Chely Wright) just sucked knobs. Too much yackity-yack yack between songs you stupid ass - if you aren't really famous yet, you might want to try and endear yourself to new fans by not sucking. Now, I'm not entertainer, but it just seems like good business sense: If you want to get bigger and better, don't suck.

Also, the first few Tim McGraw songs were impossible to hear due to shitty as hell sound quality. It actually had 160,000 people booing. If they hadn't have fixed it, I don't doubt that a riot would've broken out, with angry mobs of cowboy-hatted drunks tearing shit apart.

Since we got back from Merritt, it was a pretty lowkey week, although this weekend has been Rachel's birthday and slo-pitch playoffs. Friday we went to Roosters and got blitzed, although me and Jer only had a few each because neither of us really felt like drinkin'. On the way home, with Tara, was the funniest part.

Tara, you see, has no tail lights on her Civic. No turn signal lights either. No lights of any kind. So we got pulled over on Lougheed Highway, in Maple Ridge. Tara plays dumb ("Really? You mean all the lights are out? Is that just a fuse problem, I don't really know.") The cop made her breath on his face, and when he was sure she hadn't been drinking ("Wanna give me the breathlyzer just for fun?") he let us go.

Then in Walnut Grove we got pulled over again, but before the woman cop could even get up to the car, Tara yelled that we'd already got pulled over once, and were on our way home, so she too, let us go. All while me and Jeremy were laughing our damn asses off. Just hilarious.

Then, the baseball playoffs. We got fucking slaughtered on Thursdy (14-1 or something) then we had 2 games today. The first, at 12, was awesome. We were playing a bad team, and we started off the first with five runs - thanks to a three-run dinger by me, complete with an apparently terrible-looking slide and me getting an errant throw beaned off the side of my head. Scraped up my leg a little, but it was worth it - first softball home run for me ever (I'm not much of a hitter). I finished the game 3-for-3 with a home run and 4 RBI. Not a bad day at the dish.

We ended up winning the game 7-6, after my dad made the final out in left field - catching a pop fly I thought for sure was gonna drop in for a hit (the bases were loaded and it would've lost us the game).

We lost the second game fairly badly, but by then we'd been in the sun all day and everyone was pretty beat up. Chris played half the game and could barely move after hurting his leg earlier, and Jenna had so many blisters on her feet she had to play second base instead of the outfield because she couldn't move around much. Also, making defensive matters worse, I booted another easy ground ball, this time it bounced off my toe and into right field.

But I still hit a home run.

I rule.

Friday, July 22, 2005

:: NICK: MISSING IN ACTION (no reward offered) ::

Well, since no posts, funny quotes or comments, or photos have emerged from the Merritt Mountain Music Festival, I think it's safe to assume the obvious reason.

Nick is dead.

Perhaps he was eaten by a bear or other large marsupial, or was attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines. Perhaps he was thrown in a campfire by a rowdy Bucholtz, causing his alcohol-permeated body to instantly ignite and torch up.

Or perhaps the Pure Awesomeness of the weekend overloaded his feeble brain, and at this very moment, he lies drooling and slack-jawed in some bushes in Merritt, wearing only an oversized poncho, a rubber glove, and a trucker hat that says TORCH.

One can only hope.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Happy 21 Chris, you jackass....

Well, like I said in the previous post, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

For starters, yesterday (July 11) was Chris' 21st birthday, which we celebrated on the weekend twice - on Friday at Jimy Mac's and Derrick's and Saturday at Roosters. It was awesome.

But before we get to those festivities, we'll rewind to Thursday - Guy's Night.

Brad: Wow, she's hot eh?
Buchs: She's a yeah.

The guys and girls in other little troupe decided to split up for one night, we went to a shady peeler bar in Surrey, Delanie's, to see the proclaimed "World's Biggest Boobs" According the the announcer guy, this chick (Maxi Mounds in case you wanna Google her) has size 156 MMM whops.

The girls also went to a slightly more classy joint - T-Barz - to see boobs too. And apparently the girls were the life of the party - which I guess is bound to happen when a bunch of young non-ugly chicks sit in gyno row.

Delanies though, was friggin hilarious. There were a few hot normal broads up before her, and then the main event - and it was worth it. After her little show, people could pay $20 to lie on the stage and she'd basically suffocate you with her rack.

A few people went first (including one chick and Crazy Eyes) and then of one us ponied up 20 and convinced Bucholtz to do it.

So he gets up there and lies down and proceeds to giant ginormous boobs all over him, then the chick decided to take off his belt, which wouldn't have been a big deal except for one thing:

Bucholtz wasn't wearing anything under his jeans - not boxers, not briefs, not even a burlap sack.


So she got a little surprise, and the rest of us couldn't stop laughing for a really long time. The best part? She let Kyle keep the $20. Must've been impressed.

Now, on to the weekend.

Friday I was off work a bit early and me, Tara, Kelsey and Ian decided to go to Jimy Mac's for a beer or two, and something to eat.

Then some more people showed up and that "beer or two" turned into four and a half hours of drinking and a $220 tab.

I couldn't even drive my car home - Kelsey had to.

Then we went to Derrick's and got even more shitfaced. It was fun for the most part - complete with the usual ridiculousness - although I took off shortly after 1 a.m.

The birthday boy, on the other hand, stayed. And drank 18 beers. The next day I had doubts that he'd survive long enough for Roosters.

"I feel like a monkey's ass. This is the worst I've ever felt in my whole life." - Chris
Roosters, of course, what the usual shitshow. On the plus side, I didn't get kicked out this time and Brad didn't get accosted and threatened by bikers.

Derrick was in fine form and after half a 26 of rye at my place and a large quantity of $7.25 doubles at the bar he was $200 lighter with more than a few motor skills impaired. Pretty much everyone was sloshed. A few highlights:

- Chris and Brad trying to pick up every chick they could at the end of the night. Chris would ask them to dance and when they said yes, he'd say "Sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend." He also wanted to fight just about everybody he saw - including some sorry fellow in a red shirt.

- Jenna handing out the penalties - complete with the proper hand signs. Game Misconducts. Gross Misconducts. 10-minute misconducts. Match penalties. Tripping. Hooking. You name it, she called it.

I had to work Sunday night, and have spent the beginning of this week working (its been a shitty week at work) and getting ready for merritt. We painted the trailer tonight finally, it looks friggin sweet. Tommorrow is the last work day before we take off on Thursday.

It's gonna be awesome.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

A conversation with Brad...

Brad: Hey, what's shakin?
Me: Nothing.
Brad: Cool. Can I get a ride with you guys tonight?
Me: Sure.
Brad: My balls are itchy.

Lots of other things to post about - Thursday night at the peelers, and tonight is Rooster's night for Chris's birthday, so expect updates in a little while, but probably not tomorow cuz I'll be too busy at work.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

:: More quotes and other such nonsense ::

"Remember when Stewie left a time bomb in Lois's uterus?....I really wish I hadn't said that word." - Sean, talking about Family Guy

Ian: You're slightly standing behind me.
Sean: Uh, no I'm definitely standing behind you.

Bucholtz: I'd definitely be down for some racquet sports right now...Actually, instead let's kidnap a dog and dress it up like a clown.
Bobby: I'd prefer to kidnap a cat and dress it up like a dog.
Bucholtz: That's just crazy enough to work!

Me: I have like 65 bites on my legs.
Bobby: I'm brown.

Bobby: Are we going yet?
Ian: No.
Bobby: How long are we staying then?
Ian: At least...longer.

Yesterday started off a little slow, since I had to work. It was supposed to just be a quick little league baseball game I had to go to, but from the time I left the house until I got home it was still over a 5 hour work day. Not too impressive.

But after that we went to Jeremy's for a little shaker and beer ponging, which was pretty fun. The team of me and Sean lost our first game handily, and then me and Bobby created a new team, which we called Team Michael Jackson, or Team Open-faced-Oreo (had it been a three-person team with one more brown guy it could've been just Team Oreo).

Anyway, Team Open-faced-Oreo never actually played a game, instead we just drank. Jeremy and Lambie were 4-0 until Chris showed up and him and Bobby (Team Gorski's Mom) beat 'em.

Other highlights:

-Jeremy zapping people with a abnormally high powered bug zapper. I could actually smell my arm hair burning when he held it on there. It was pretty sick.

- The trampoline competition. Basically a two-man competition between Derrick and Bucholtz to see who could do the best flips. Then Lambie entered into the competition, where he did a couple of lame backdrops. Somehow though he weaseled back into the competition after being eliminated and then blew away the competition to win.

He still did the same lame tricks, only this time he was wearing a red speedo he just happened to have under his jeans. I'm not sure exactly why he was wearing it - maybe he just assumed a situation like this would arise, I don't know. Either way, the gold medal went to him.

The last noteworthy thing that happened was Derrick tying Bucholtz's shoes to a cabinet door, tying about 30 knots in them, covering them tighlty in three different kinds of tape, then zap-strapping them together, just for the hell of it.

Bucholtz seemed choked about that - and apparently about other stuff too for some reason. On my drive home I found him walking around the streets in his socks, mumbling about how everyone had pissed him off.

It was pretty damn funny.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Usually I wait til the end of the weekend to post up all the stupid quotes from the previous two days and nights, but I didn't feel like posting any last weekend, so I've got a backlog of good stuff. Here they are...two weeks worth of awesomeness (or stupidity..your choice).

Bobby: Hey - are you drinking my beer?
Jer: No.
Bobby: Are you sure? Do you want to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

"All you people are garbage." - Bobby

"You know what they say...liquor before beer - Hey are we going to the fireworks?!" - Brad, combining ADD and alcoholism.

And from last weekend...

"My mom is like McGyver." - Kelsey

Bucholtz: Don't you just want to light things on fire sometimes?
Bucholtz: Me neither...who does that?

"I use boobs all the time." - Kels (I have no clue what she was referring to now, but it was written down in my phone, so she must've said it.)

"I'm just trying to drink through it." - Sean, after a particularly tough week. It's not a bad idea. Not bad at all.

"I have pillow boobs." - Kels (once again, no idea)

Friday, July 01, 2005

:: Canada Day ::

I don't really have a whole helluva lot to post about today. Being that it's Canada Day I'm sure we'll go out tonight and do something. The last couple years we ended up at the fireworks/Canada Day party at the Langley Airport, but to be honest, it's pretty lame.

It is, however, something to do. Last year, after taking 2 hours to find a parking spot, we watched the 3-minute fireworks, bought some mini-donuts from the little fairgrounds, and played hackey-sack til security told us we had to go home.

Word on the street is that some people wanna go to Cloverdale's Canada Day thing, but I don't feel like drivin' out there just to see a free Colin James show. I'm sure Colin James is a fine Canadian entertainer, but I can't name one of his songs so he's not high on my priority list.

Last night was pretty good, even though we lost our ball game 13-11 and I made 3 errors at first base in 4 stellar innings of work. Afterwards we went to Gorski's and drank. Still on my no-beer kick (and now deathly afraid of gin and its consequences) I decided to drank the ol' standby - rye and coke.

And I realized that I don't like it. Not one bit. I used to love rye, but now I honestly can't stand the stuff.

So now I have half a 26 of rye and half a 26 of gin that I doubt I'll be drinking in the near future. Maybe I'll feed 'em to a dog or a hobo, or 12-year-old kid...but more likely I'll get drunk, run out of booze and go to those bottles as a backup plan at 3 a.m...yep, that's pretty likely to happen.

I am happy that this weekend shows signs of being more fun and less stressful than last weekend. It has been a draining week though - up, then down, then really down, then very up.

Maybe that's why getting effin' plastered last night and just chillin' and playing drunk Guess Who with Chris, Sean and Brad was so much fun. (me and Brad still have to play the finals)

On another topic, Kelsey isn't here this weekend, instead she's off having a funtastic time at home in Enderby. While I know she's having a freaking good time (and a very drunk time too), the thing about Kelsey is she HATES missing out on stuff, like whatever we're doing down here. She just hates it.

Now, I bring this up only because she said before she left 'You better call me and tell me what's goin' on while i'm gone."

Well, it's awfully hard to do such a thing if you don't return the damn messages! (And I don't wanna hear nothing about no cell phone service either.)

I will however, accept the following as reasonable excuses:

If you were...

a) Too drunk to dial a phone.
b) Too drunk to even stay conscious.
c) So drunk you fell in the river or other body of water.
d) Attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines.

Those are the only options.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm off to the driving range to embarrass myself.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I'm not going to write anything about this weekend, because I know i'll either end up with my foot in my mouth, or someone's foot in my ass.

Or quite possibly both.

All I'll say is the last few days have sucked - easily the worst in recent memory.

That's life I guess.

Live and Learn.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

"DE-FAULT, DE-FAULT! The two sweetest words in the English language!" - Homer Simpson

So we had a ball game tonight, at an unusual location -Stafford Secondary - because of some kind of scheduling conflict. Apparently the other team didn't get the memo, so they didn't show - giving us a win by default. Normally that woulda sucked cuz we all wanted to play - but a team in the G2 division (we're D1) played before us, so they stuck around for a rules-be-damned exhibition game.

Not exactly a real intense affair - we didn't always bat in order, we subbed in guys whenever we felt like, I played right field, Kelsey pitched, we drank beer on the field, and at one point we had no left fielder and three guys playing shortstop.

And NO defence was played. If we were keeping score the final woulda been probably 55-40..for us of course. And even though the other team was horrendous on defence, I still went 4-for-5 with two doubles. TWO! Sadly, my first extra base hits of the year.

And, just because I feel like it, I'll end with a Mastercard commercial....

Cost of pack of gum: $1.29

Being back in the #1 spot: Priceless.

It's good at the top.

Monday, June 20, 2005

:: Last Ditch Effort ::

In January, I decided I had had enough of my current out-of-shape state. It has never gotten me anywhere, and I figured it was holding me back from certain things. So I made one minor change: I gave up fast food completely.

It worked, to a certain degree. I lost like 15 pounds between January at May. Not nearly enough, In the last few weeks I started going to the gym, and gave up these additional things: Beer, pretty much any food that's bad for you, and my sanity.

Did I mention beer?

For the first time since I can remember, I've actually been motivated. Very motivated, in fact, for a variety of reasons which I won't get into. Not having a heart attack and dying at like 30 is one reason, but it's by no means near the top of the list.

Basically, I'm tired of people saying "Oh, but he's really nice." or "He's funny."

Funny, nice guys don't get shit. Guys who are in shape do - even if they're pricks. One day I'd like to find that out for myself.

It's been pretty damn difficult giving up all that stuff - you never realize how much shit you ate until you actually don't eat it anymore. But I'm still confident that in the end, it'll be worth it. I don't know if it'll be worth it tomorrow, next month, or a year from now, but eventually I think it will be.

It damn well better anyway - did I mention I gave up beer?

Sunday, June 19, 2005

:: Victory laps and cheap gin ::

"You know what really pisses me off? I didn't start eating potato salad until like a year ago. I missed out on a lot of potato salad eating opportunities." - Kelsey, lamenting 19 years of missed opportunities.

"I'm like one of those guys in the know, soldiers?" - Bucholtz

"It did not get cool until I got here." - Kelsey

"Maybe I'll just not let anyone come over and I'll stay at home and build lego all night." - Ian, on his potential change of plans.

"What do you think is better - having one of those wheelchairs you control with your mouth, or having a big Swedish guy carry you around all day in a giant snuggly?" - Bucholtz

"Or maybe I'll just ride around on a giant hippo." - Bucholtz finds a third option to the above dilemna.

Chris: Where's Jenna?
Buchs: She's inside with Amanda, talking about yarn, or whatever it is girls talk about.

By most accounts, this weekend was a good one. Although it further reaffirms my position that I should not be allowed to have a cell phone while drunk. Too many opportunities for a drunk dial or far-too-truthful text message. I don't necessarily regret it, but sooner or later it'll be a mistake, I'm sure.

Anyway, Friday started off with a phone call from Bucholtz about a half hour before our ball game, at 7:35. He needed a ride. Not because he didn't have a car or anything, but because he was freaking loaded. He got off work at 3 and spent his afternoon drinking free beers with his boss.

Needless to say, he only played an inning of the game before we yanked him. In that time however, he still looked ridiculous by striking out, and pretty much embarrased his family name - with his grandparents in the stands to watch.

It was a really good game, well played and lots of fun. We ended up tying, but we were very close to pulling out a W. Oh well, still better than a loss.

After ball, we parking lotted it for awhile before hitting up the beer store and heading to my place. My normal Friday night beverage would be beer and plenty of it, but I'm actually off beer for awhile, as part of a little plan of mine. Anyway, I decided gin was the way to go.

And it didn't take me very long to get friggin' sloshed. I hadn't wanted to get that drunk, honestly. But the gin really hit me harder than I expected, and I passed out by about 1:30 or so, not before slamming my front door, yelling at Sean, and generally being mad. It didn't turn out to be my best night, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Saturday, I went to the dentist, then patiently waited for people to wake up so I'd have some company. That eventually happened when Chris and Kelsey woke up at like 2 p.m.

It was Harmony's 1st birthday so we went to Danny and Amanda's for awhile for the partay. It was pretty cool, and Little H seemed to have a good time, even with cake all over her face. It was so good in fact, Bucholtz wrote in the 'guest book' type thing that he "Hopes you have lots more birthdays" which is really like saying "I hope you don't die"

How touching.

Anyway, Saturday night was a shaker at Ian's because his 'rents were gone away for a day or two. It too, turned out to be pretty good. I drank some more gin, and, because Bucholtz chickened out, I also drank a small cup full of beer, gin, orange Kool-Aid, and Frank's Red Hot Sauce.

It tasted like puke, but thankfully I didn't hurl. It was a close call though.

The night turned into a marathon, with me and Kels eventually wandering home at 5 a.m. Before heading inside we sat in her car for a few minutes and chatted.

Then we decided a victory lap was in order.

Sunday, I was thinking about doing a bit of work in the morning, but I obviously slept right through that. oops. The fam came over for a Father's Day BBQ in the afternoon and evening, which worried Kelsey because that meant less potato salad for her. My great-uncle Ed was here from Florida too, and he was a little camera happy, which made most of us not. Some people are camera shy, others like myself not very photogenic, and he always wanted people to "snuggle up closer" if he was taking a picture. It was just sort of annoying.

Really, the weekend was not unlike many others though - some booze, lots of fun, and me and Kelsey spending most of the weekend loafing aroun trying to annoy each other and/or hit each other with stuff.

And me generally feeling the same way I do at the end of every Sunday - happy, except for the fact that I know I won't be asleep for a long time yet.

It's 12:20 a.m. already. I'm betting on 3 this time.

Dammit, this has gotta stop.