From the "What kind of answer did you expect?" department...
Me: What other kind of job could you see me doing?
Buchs: I dunno...condom taster?
Buchs: I know! You should go to Iraq.
Me: And do what, exactly?
Buchs: I don't know...go hang out with Connie Chung and Geraldo Paldorrama, or whatever.
Me: You mean Rivera?
Buchs: Whatever. How 'bout baboon trainer? You know anything about monkeys?
Me: No.
Buchs: Shit, 'cuz that'd be awesome.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
:: Football, gambling, college basketball, crying, supermodels ::
"Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports! Bart gets to ride in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports!"
Well, I tried to go buy a SportsAction ticket just now, but it said my ticket was invalid, or some such nonsense. Must be too close to gametime or something, I'm not sure.
But, just to (attempt to) prove that I know a lil bit about sports, I shall document my picks here. Later, we can see if I would've won $53 on my $5 ticket.
Saints to beat the Bears
Colts and Patriots to tie (a game within 3 points, for you non-gamblers)
And then, just for shits and giggles, U. of Pittsburgh to beat Marquette in college hoops.
And for the record, even though I picked a tie game between the Colts/Pats, it's going to be Colts by 3 on a last-second Adam Vinateri field-goal. And then New England is going to wish they never let him get away. And then Tom Brady might cry. (but he'll be crying into the arms of supermodel Giselle Bundchen, so he'll be OK.)
Go Colts! Go Saints! Go..University of Pittsburgh? Sure, why not.
*In-game edit: Anyone reading this while the Saints/Bears game is on, I implore you to listen to a few minutes of this game on TEAM 1040 radio. The "Prism Radio Network" is broadcasting the game, and I'm fairly certain that the colour man is Jesse "The Body" Ventura. If not him, then an old man who ate a pack of unfiltered cigarettes for breakfast.
"Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports! Bart gets to ride in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports!"
Well, I tried to go buy a SportsAction ticket just now, but it said my ticket was invalid, or some such nonsense. Must be too close to gametime or something, I'm not sure.
But, just to (attempt to) prove that I know a lil bit about sports, I shall document my picks here. Later, we can see if I would've won $53 on my $5 ticket.
Saints to beat the Bears
Colts and Patriots to tie (a game within 3 points, for you non-gamblers)
And then, just for shits and giggles, U. of Pittsburgh to beat Marquette in college hoops.
And for the record, even though I picked a tie game between the Colts/Pats, it's going to be Colts by 3 on a last-second Adam Vinateri field-goal. And then New England is going to wish they never let him get away. And then Tom Brady might cry. (but he'll be crying into the arms of supermodel Giselle Bundchen, so he'll be OK.)
Go Colts! Go Saints! Go..University of Pittsburgh? Sure, why not.
*In-game edit: Anyone reading this while the Saints/Bears game is on, I implore you to listen to a few minutes of this game on TEAM 1040 radio. The "Prism Radio Network" is broadcasting the game, and I'm fairly certain that the colour man is Jesse "The Body" Ventura. If not him, then an old man who ate a pack of unfiltered cigarettes for breakfast.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
And Kevin Bieksa vaults into second place among my favourite current Canucks (T.L is #1, obviously)...
During a guest spot on The Fox this morning, on my drive into work, Bieksa explains why he missed his shootout attempt during the game last week against Dallas: (keep in mind, I'm paraphrasing here)
"I had no idea I was going to shoot. I was just sitting on the bench with the guys, and we were putting our rally caps on, so I had my helmet on backwards. Then they told me I had to shoot, so I jump off the bench, and I was rushing to flip my helmet around and snap up the chinstrap and I didn't have much time to think, and I ended up shooting it off (the goalie's) shoulder. I think I've probably fallen to the bottom of the list, now."
Then, when asked if he planned on using the three-day all-star break to spend some quality time with his wife, or his family, he said he wasn't doing anything of the sort.
Instead he's flying to Texas to hang out with his buddy who plays for the Amarillo Gorillas of the Central Hockey League.
What a guy.
During a guest spot on The Fox this morning, on my drive into work, Bieksa explains why he missed his shootout attempt during the game last week against Dallas: (keep in mind, I'm paraphrasing here)
"I had no idea I was going to shoot. I was just sitting on the bench with the guys, and we were putting our rally caps on, so I had my helmet on backwards. Then they told me I had to shoot, so I jump off the bench, and I was rushing to flip my helmet around and snap up the chinstrap and I didn't have much time to think, and I ended up shooting it off (the goalie's) shoulder. I think I've probably fallen to the bottom of the list, now."
Then, when asked if he planned on using the three-day all-star break to spend some quality time with his wife, or his family, he said he wasn't doing anything of the sort.
Instead he's flying to Texas to hang out with his buddy who plays for the Amarillo Gorillas of the Central Hockey League.
What a guy.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
:: So this is the New Year ::
So, it being a week since my last foray onto this blog, and it now being 2007, I guess I owe y'all a post. And what better place to begin than where the last post left off - New Year's.
Now, I like New Year's in as much as it's a reason to drink and have a good time, but I do fail to see why people tend to get so god-damn crazy about it. There are people who agree with me, I'm sure. Like Bucholtz said last night, New Year's is an "old person holiday" - an excuse for the 40+ crowd to get a little wild one night a year. Which is fine by me, but it can easily lose significance for people like us because it's a good bet that, nobody how hard we party on Dec. 31, we've probably partied just as hard on some previous non-descript Friday.
Or Tuesday, for that matter.
That being said, we did manage to take New Year's up a notch from our usual sitting around, drinking, and playing Fuck The Dealer. In fact, contrary to my previous buzz-kill paragraph, it was a downright kick-ass weekend.
Two days in Hemlock.
I could break it down for everyone, event by little event, beer by beer, but there's not a whole lot of point since you were all likely there. That may have been the best and more surprising part actually - that damn near everybody came. I think there were about 12-15 of us in total. And, in Coles Notes' form, here was the two day highlight reel: Drinking, discovering that I still know how to ski after a years-long absence, almost killing myself on the last run of the day, racking up a $381 bar tab as a group while watching the 'Nucks on Night 1, and Sean periodically leaping for second-storey windows into large snowbanks - one time sans footwear.
So that was our weekend. Our New Year's. A quality start to 2007, if I do say so myself. Pictures are here.
Then came the last week at work, which was pretty painful, pretty boring. It's tough after the holidays to get back into the swing of things, and today was a Case in Point.
I was working a late shift today - and since I'm there by myself nobody cares - so I rolled out of bed by 9:30, and was at work 'round 10:30. I was in a fine enough mood, I suppose, considering how much I hate working Sundays in the first place. But as soon as I stepped through the door I was in a worse mood. That's because of the note left for me.
It was my usual Sunday to-do list - a laundry list of menial tasks that I'm stuck with every weekend - with one exception.
"Also, please take ALL the papers out to the recycyling bin."
So now I'm the fucking janitor, too.
You may be thinking, 'Hey fuck off you lazy shit, just toss a few papers into the blue bin.' And you'd be right in thinking such things - I am lazy. But also understand this - we have at least three copies of each issue of our paper from 2006 stacked in the corner of my boss's office. That's a lot of god damn papers.
And I got to be the god-damn clearing house. Man did that piss me off.
So as I sat there, procrastinating by reading about fellow bloggers who suddenly get to write for Fox Sports Online, or have book deals or TV development contracts, all I could think of was, where the fuck did I go wrong?
I'm serious. Sure, I'm envious of the people linked above, but all they do is get loaded and write online, no different than me; no better.
So there I stewed, knee-deep in shitty newsprint. Then I left 4 hours early because I just didn't want to be there anymore. (although in my defence, I have a cold coming on, so that's my excuse.)
So, it being a week since my last foray onto this blog, and it now being 2007, I guess I owe y'all a post. And what better place to begin than where the last post left off - New Year's.
Now, I like New Year's in as much as it's a reason to drink and have a good time, but I do fail to see why people tend to get so god-damn crazy about it. There are people who agree with me, I'm sure. Like Bucholtz said last night, New Year's is an "old person holiday" - an excuse for the 40+ crowd to get a little wild one night a year. Which is fine by me, but it can easily lose significance for people like us because it's a good bet that, nobody how hard we party on Dec. 31, we've probably partied just as hard on some previous non-descript Friday.
Or Tuesday, for that matter.
That being said, we did manage to take New Year's up a notch from our usual sitting around, drinking, and playing Fuck The Dealer. In fact, contrary to my previous buzz-kill paragraph, it was a downright kick-ass weekend.
Two days in Hemlock.
I could break it down for everyone, event by little event, beer by beer, but there's not a whole lot of point since you were all likely there. That may have been the best and more surprising part actually - that damn near everybody came. I think there were about 12-15 of us in total. And, in Coles Notes' form, here was the two day highlight reel: Drinking, discovering that I still know how to ski after a years-long absence, almost killing myself on the last run of the day, racking up a $381 bar tab as a group while watching the 'Nucks on Night 1, and Sean periodically leaping for second-storey windows into large snowbanks - one time sans footwear.
So that was our weekend. Our New Year's. A quality start to 2007, if I do say so myself. Pictures are here.
Then came the last week at work, which was pretty painful, pretty boring. It's tough after the holidays to get back into the swing of things, and today was a Case in Point.
I was working a late shift today - and since I'm there by myself nobody cares - so I rolled out of bed by 9:30, and was at work 'round 10:30. I was in a fine enough mood, I suppose, considering how much I hate working Sundays in the first place. But as soon as I stepped through the door I was in a worse mood. That's because of the note left for me.
It was my usual Sunday to-do list - a laundry list of menial tasks that I'm stuck with every weekend - with one exception.
"Also, please take ALL the papers out to the recycyling bin."
So now I'm the fucking janitor, too.
You may be thinking, 'Hey fuck off you lazy shit, just toss a few papers into the blue bin.' And you'd be right in thinking such things - I am lazy. But also understand this - we have at least three copies of each issue of our paper from 2006 stacked in the corner of my boss's office. That's a lot of god damn papers.
And I got to be the god-damn clearing house. Man did that piss me off.
So as I sat there, procrastinating by reading about fellow bloggers who suddenly get to write for Fox Sports Online, or have book deals or TV development contracts, all I could think of was, where the fuck did I go wrong?
I'm serious. Sure, I'm envious of the people linked above, but all they do is get loaded and write online, no different than me; no better.
So there I stewed, knee-deep in shitty newsprint. Then I left 4 hours early because I just didn't want to be there anymore. (although in my defence, I have a cold coming on, so that's my excuse.)