Saturday, March 31, 2007

Chris, on being indispensible at work...

"I may have an easy job - a job a monkey could do, but nobody else there knows how to do my job except me. So if this monkey left, all those other chimpanzees would just be standing around going, 'Duh...what fucking tree do we climb?"

That is one of my favourite quotes of all-time.

While some sex show on T.V. talked about 'chakra centres'
"The only chakra centre I care about is a milk chakra centre." - Jeremy, lover of chocolate.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Some quotes, old and new, to start us off this fine Friday ...

"Well, she should've tapped out." - Bucholtz, on his solution to last weekend's quasi-ugliness between a drunken Scotty and Kels.

"Yay, I'm a rapist!" - Bucholtz again. (From last weekend, no idea the context)

"This is a proud day for me and my family," - Scotty, shitcanned last weekend, after he tried and failed to pronounce 'puberty' about five times. It's not 'poo-berty' buddy.

"It's a reverse blanket. Like taking your pants off, but not quite." - Bucholtz

"Just get a Where's Waldo? book - no words, just fun." - Bucholtz, after Bre said she was going to get a crossword puzzle book to do while Ian played hockey.

"You know how much money I spent at the casino? A gwop! A gwop of money!" - this Greg character from last night, inventing new currency.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

"I love the smell of leather, but not quite as much as the smell of box though." - Bucholtz, classy as ever.

Me: So how much trouble do you figure you're in here?
Scotty: I'd say severe, to very severe.

Me: You think your phone, keys, and wallet are all going to be there?
Scotty: Well if it's my night, they will be.
Me: Trust me, it's not your night.
Scotty: Well, it could be.
Me: It's not. You know how I know?
Scotty: How?
Me: Where's your girlfriend right now?
Scotty: About 50 nautical miles away.
Me: Point made.
(Then we only found the keys and the wallet)

Friday, March 16, 2007

:: You make me sick, like Strawberry Quik ::

Well, it's St. Patrick's Day tomorrow, and if the world was fair I would be on my way to Kamloops right now, where I'd then proceed to get drunk of green beer with Meghan, Lorne, and whoever the hell else is there.

However, due to a high school basketball tournament that requires my attention and attendance, I am still here. Sober. Drinking nothing green of any kind. However, just to get everyone into the St. Patty's Day spirit, here's one of the finer things Irish.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

:: Kelsey's Birthday ::

"If this T.V. had arms it would strangle itself." - Scott, not overly impressed with Kelsey's below average-sized television.

"Nick, we need to go on a hunt - and not just any hunt, a slut hunt." - Ian, apparently trying to help me meet some drunk girls, of which there were plenty at the Foggy Dew.

"Do you have a cock? No? Hi, my name is Scott." - Scott, on standards when trying to pick up girls.

and a few old quotes, from weekends past...

"I'm just gonna get messed up and fuck bitches." - Bucholtz, on his ambitions while in Mexico.

"Foiled in my own web of suck..Dammit!" - Ian, absolutely shitfaced to the point of not being able to walk. I have no idea what he's talking about.

So yesterday was Kelsey's birthday, which consisted of some serious pre-drinking, followed by more pre-drinking and pizza, and then the Foggy Dew pub.

By the time we rolled into Kelsey's, some of us - me, Ian, and Sean - had already downed about five or so beers, and after a few periods of the Canucks game, I was pretty well on top of my game, which slowed a bit once we got to the pub, but not by too much.

Never having been to the Dew before, I thought it was pretty cool - I like Irish pubs to begin with, but this one's pretty damn nice. The kind of place I wish we had in Langley, but alas, we're stuck with The Vanilla Room, The Rendezvous and Citrus/8 Seconds/Liquid/China Beach.

Like most nights - and birthday's specifically - Friday offered numerous highlights, from Rachel's stalker and $10.25 Baileys, to Pat's triumphant-but-brief return, to some drunk dude in the bathroom, who didn't have any idea where he was ("I'm where? In fucking Coquitlam??! FUCK!")

All in all, a pretty quality night. No hangover either, unlike the birthday girl.

Sucker. Happy Birthday though.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

:: A glass half-full approach ::

Forget that the odds of winning this week's insanely massive $370 million lottery in the United States this week is 1 in 200,000,000, this one dude - a gambling addict named Barrie Green from California has a much sunnier approach. I don't know if he's hyper-optimistic or just plain retarded, but it's an interesting way of thinking. (Chris, do not use this line of thought to increase your Sports Action habit. The odds are still shitty).

"I realize I don't have a chance, but nobody's got a chance. So the way I look at it, I have a 50-50 chance – either I win it or someone else wins it."