Thursday, July 28, 2005

"I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. It's OK though - it's a good way to meet people, and I won't mind going to meetings." - Melissa

Well, it's almost the long weekend. I'm not even sure what the Monday holiday is to be honest (I heard B.C. Day, does that sound right?) but alls I know is no work for three days so that's all I really need to hear.

It's gonna be a rad weekend. Me, Chris, Jenna, Sean and Rach are going tubing/rafting near Princeton. I believe the river is the Similkameen..should be fun. Me and Chris went two years ago with Sean, his fam, and his stepmom Sandy' work associates. It's basically a 3-day gongshow where you get sunburned.

In '03 when we went, the last night we decided we weren't leaving the river/beach until all the remaining beer was drank. I don't remember how many were left, but it was A LOT. I passed out (while standing up) in a prickle bush, where I pretty much stayed for about a half hour before somebody (probably chris or sean) picked me up. I also puked a few times on the bushes, if I remember correctly.

I'm pretty pumped about going. It'll be nice to get away for a few days and just chill.

Pretty much everyone is going their separate ways this weekend. Jer's going to catch up with his family at Okanagan Lake, Brad and Ian are going to Oliver, and Buch's is working non-stop. I don't know what everyone else is doing, I don't really talk to people during the week much these days.

It'll be kinda different to be in a smaller group probably, but it'll be nice.

Speaking of holidays, from Aug. 22 - Sept. 5 I had 2 weeks off work. A nice solid two weeks. And now its' just getting better and better.

I've worked 8 hours of OT the last week, so I get a day off down the road. I decided to make that day Aug. 19 (friday) adding to my holidays. Then I discovered that Sept. 5 isn't actually my first day back because it's Labour Day. So tack another day onto the holidays. Now for the best part:

My work discovered that somehow they owe me two holiday days from '04 (when I didnt even really get vacation yet). So I took one random day next week, and added one final day onto my two weeks, thus giving me from Aug. 19 to Sept.7 off work.

19 fucking days. (With Pay).

Pretty god damn sweet. I've got a few minor plans in the works for the time off. Pearl Jam concert is Sept. 2. Also I'm going to Seattlefor a few days at the end of August to see a pair of Mariner/Yankee games, which is gonna be awesome.

And knowing me, I'll get bored of sitting on my ass and I'll probably take off for somewhere at some point, so if you live reasonable far away from me, don't be surprised if I show up on your doorstep.

Mike, I'm looking in your direction.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

:: Finally, a post ::

"Yeah, she's a crazy bitch." - Jer, in Merritt (I think he was talking about Katie, but I can't remember now.)

Kelsey: Eww, look at all those bugs on you.
Chris: Those aren't bugs, they're my little friends!

Me: That's awesome!
Brad: It's like waking up to waffles!

Random chick at Roosters (who had previously told us she had a kid): Do you have a condom?
Chris: No, I don't use 'em.
Chick: You should always use one!
Chris: You're the one with the kid, I don't think you should be lecturing me on using a condom.

Some kid named Jay: I'm from Canoe.
Buchs: I'm pretty sure that's not even a place.

Sean: What are you talking about?
Derrick: I don't know but if you don't like it you can get the fuck out.

"I'm gonna shave my entire body, roll around in the snow then go kill some Elves." - Bucholtz

I know, I've been remiss with the posts lately, for a number of reasons. Firstly, when we got back from Merritt I was tired and kinda grumpy about some shit, and didn't feel like posting. Don't get me wrong, Merritt was lotsa fun, but it certainly had it's moments of ridiculousness as well, which is fairly common. Too much booze for too long a time, I guess.

Regardless, it was fun. Four straight days of drinking, the beer bong in fine form (Good thing I made that damn thing the day before we left).

We saw boobs, Tim McGraw, and some crazy fuck shotgun 20 beers in 27 minutes (while puking about 8 times or so, maybe more). I've got some pictures, which I'll upload to the pics page sometime soon. I recommend looking at the pics of Gorski, passed out in the pathway - what a fucking gongshow.

The only thing that kinda sucked was the weather - it was overcast and chilly, and rainy at times even - so we could only chill out in the river on Friday, which is where many of the aforementioned boobs were seen. We did our fair amount of wandering around the fairgrounds too, with Chris eating just about every 5 minutes. Foot long hot dogs. Corn Dogs. Kettle Corn. Hamburgers. Beer. Pepsi. What a pig.

Beer pong was also a big highlight - many, many games were played. Me and Jen got slaughtered once badly, and Chris and Jer lost their championship beer bong belts (even if they were too drunk to remember it happening).

The few shitty parts of the weekend worth mentioning though, were these: Some of the concerts (Chely Wright) just sucked knobs. Too much yackity-yack yack between songs you stupid ass - if you aren't really famous yet, you might want to try and endear yourself to new fans by not sucking. Now, I'm not entertainer, but it just seems like good business sense: If you want to get bigger and better, don't suck.

Also, the first few Tim McGraw songs were impossible to hear due to shitty as hell sound quality. It actually had 160,000 people booing. If they hadn't have fixed it, I don't doubt that a riot would've broken out, with angry mobs of cowboy-hatted drunks tearing shit apart.

Since we got back from Merritt, it was a pretty lowkey week, although this weekend has been Rachel's birthday and slo-pitch playoffs. Friday we went to Roosters and got blitzed, although me and Jer only had a few each because neither of us really felt like drinkin'. On the way home, with Tara, was the funniest part.

Tara, you see, has no tail lights on her Civic. No turn signal lights either. No lights of any kind. So we got pulled over on Lougheed Highway, in Maple Ridge. Tara plays dumb ("Really? You mean all the lights are out? Is that just a fuse problem, I don't really know.") The cop made her breath on his face, and when he was sure she hadn't been drinking ("Wanna give me the breathlyzer just for fun?") he let us go.

Then in Walnut Grove we got pulled over again, but before the woman cop could even get up to the car, Tara yelled that we'd already got pulled over once, and were on our way home, so she too, let us go. All while me and Jeremy were laughing our damn asses off. Just hilarious.

Then, the baseball playoffs. We got fucking slaughtered on Thursdy (14-1 or something) then we had 2 games today. The first, at 12, was awesome. We were playing a bad team, and we started off the first with five runs - thanks to a three-run dinger by me, complete with an apparently terrible-looking slide and me getting an errant throw beaned off the side of my head. Scraped up my leg a little, but it was worth it - first softball home run for me ever (I'm not much of a hitter). I finished the game 3-for-3 with a home run and 4 RBI. Not a bad day at the dish.

We ended up winning the game 7-6, after my dad made the final out in left field - catching a pop fly I thought for sure was gonna drop in for a hit (the bases were loaded and it would've lost us the game).

We lost the second game fairly badly, but by then we'd been in the sun all day and everyone was pretty beat up. Chris played half the game and could barely move after hurting his leg earlier, and Jenna had so many blisters on her feet she had to play second base instead of the outfield because she couldn't move around much. Also, making defensive matters worse, I booted another easy ground ball, this time it bounced off my toe and into right field.

But I still hit a home run.

I rule.

Friday, July 22, 2005

:: NICK: MISSING IN ACTION (no reward offered) ::

Well, since no posts, funny quotes or comments, or photos have emerged from the Merritt Mountain Music Festival, I think it's safe to assume the obvious reason.

Nick is dead.

Perhaps he was eaten by a bear or other large marsupial, or was attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines. Perhaps he was thrown in a campfire by a rowdy Bucholtz, causing his alcohol-permeated body to instantly ignite and torch up.

Or perhaps the Pure Awesomeness of the weekend overloaded his feeble brain, and at this very moment, he lies drooling and slack-jawed in some bushes in Merritt, wearing only an oversized poncho, a rubber glove, and a trucker hat that says TORCH.

One can only hope.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Happy 21 Chris, you jackass....

Well, like I said in the previous post, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

For starters, yesterday (July 11) was Chris' 21st birthday, which we celebrated on the weekend twice - on Friday at Jimy Mac's and Derrick's and Saturday at Roosters. It was awesome.

But before we get to those festivities, we'll rewind to Thursday - Guy's Night.

Brad: Wow, she's hot eh?
Buchs: She's a yeah.

The guys and girls in other little troupe decided to split up for one night, we went to a shady peeler bar in Surrey, Delanie's, to see the proclaimed "World's Biggest Boobs" According the the announcer guy, this chick (Maxi Mounds in case you wanna Google her) has size 156 MMM whops.

The girls also went to a slightly more classy joint - T-Barz - to see boobs too. And apparently the girls were the life of the party - which I guess is bound to happen when a bunch of young non-ugly chicks sit in gyno row.

Delanies though, was friggin hilarious. There were a few hot normal broads up before her, and then the main event - and it was worth it. After her little show, people could pay $20 to lie on the stage and she'd basically suffocate you with her rack.

A few people went first (including one chick and Crazy Eyes) and then of one us ponied up 20 and convinced Bucholtz to do it.

So he gets up there and lies down and proceeds to giant ginormous boobs all over him, then the chick decided to take off his belt, which wouldn't have been a big deal except for one thing:

Bucholtz wasn't wearing anything under his jeans - not boxers, not briefs, not even a burlap sack.


So she got a little surprise, and the rest of us couldn't stop laughing for a really long time. The best part? She let Kyle keep the $20. Must've been impressed.

Now, on to the weekend.

Friday I was off work a bit early and me, Tara, Kelsey and Ian decided to go to Jimy Mac's for a beer or two, and something to eat.

Then some more people showed up and that "beer or two" turned into four and a half hours of drinking and a $220 tab.

I couldn't even drive my car home - Kelsey had to.

Then we went to Derrick's and got even more shitfaced. It was fun for the most part - complete with the usual ridiculousness - although I took off shortly after 1 a.m.

The birthday boy, on the other hand, stayed. And drank 18 beers. The next day I had doubts that he'd survive long enough for Roosters.

"I feel like a monkey's ass. This is the worst I've ever felt in my whole life." - Chris
Roosters, of course, what the usual shitshow. On the plus side, I didn't get kicked out this time and Brad didn't get accosted and threatened by bikers.

Derrick was in fine form and after half a 26 of rye at my place and a large quantity of $7.25 doubles at the bar he was $200 lighter with more than a few motor skills impaired. Pretty much everyone was sloshed. A few highlights:

- Chris and Brad trying to pick up every chick they could at the end of the night. Chris would ask them to dance and when they said yes, he'd say "Sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend." He also wanted to fight just about everybody he saw - including some sorry fellow in a red shirt.

- Jenna handing out the penalties - complete with the proper hand signs. Game Misconducts. Gross Misconducts. 10-minute misconducts. Match penalties. Tripping. Hooking. You name it, she called it.

I had to work Sunday night, and have spent the beginning of this week working (its been a shitty week at work) and getting ready for merritt. We painted the trailer tonight finally, it looks friggin sweet. Tommorrow is the last work day before we take off on Thursday.

It's gonna be awesome.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

A conversation with Brad...

Brad: Hey, what's shakin?
Me: Nothing.
Brad: Cool. Can I get a ride with you guys tonight?
Me: Sure.
Brad: My balls are itchy.

Lots of other things to post about - Thursday night at the peelers, and tonight is Rooster's night for Chris's birthday, so expect updates in a little while, but probably not tomorow cuz I'll be too busy at work.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

:: More quotes and other such nonsense ::

"Remember when Stewie left a time bomb in Lois's uterus?....I really wish I hadn't said that word." - Sean, talking about Family Guy

Ian: You're slightly standing behind me.
Sean: Uh, no I'm definitely standing behind you.

Bucholtz: I'd definitely be down for some racquet sports right now...Actually, instead let's kidnap a dog and dress it up like a clown.
Bobby: I'd prefer to kidnap a cat and dress it up like a dog.
Bucholtz: That's just crazy enough to work!

Me: I have like 65 bites on my legs.
Bobby: I'm brown.

Bobby: Are we going yet?
Ian: No.
Bobby: How long are we staying then?
Ian: At least...longer.

Yesterday started off a little slow, since I had to work. It was supposed to just be a quick little league baseball game I had to go to, but from the time I left the house until I got home it was still over a 5 hour work day. Not too impressive.

But after that we went to Jeremy's for a little shaker and beer ponging, which was pretty fun. The team of me and Sean lost our first game handily, and then me and Bobby created a new team, which we called Team Michael Jackson, or Team Open-faced-Oreo (had it been a three-person team with one more brown guy it could've been just Team Oreo).

Anyway, Team Open-faced-Oreo never actually played a game, instead we just drank. Jeremy and Lambie were 4-0 until Chris showed up and him and Bobby (Team Gorski's Mom) beat 'em.

Other highlights:

-Jeremy zapping people with a abnormally high powered bug zapper. I could actually smell my arm hair burning when he held it on there. It was pretty sick.

- The trampoline competition. Basically a two-man competition between Derrick and Bucholtz to see who could do the best flips. Then Lambie entered into the competition, where he did a couple of lame backdrops. Somehow though he weaseled back into the competition after being eliminated and then blew away the competition to win.

He still did the same lame tricks, only this time he was wearing a red speedo he just happened to have under his jeans. I'm not sure exactly why he was wearing it - maybe he just assumed a situation like this would arise, I don't know. Either way, the gold medal went to him.

The last noteworthy thing that happened was Derrick tying Bucholtz's shoes to a cabinet door, tying about 30 knots in them, covering them tighlty in three different kinds of tape, then zap-strapping them together, just for the hell of it.

Bucholtz seemed choked about that - and apparently about other stuff too for some reason. On my drive home I found him walking around the streets in his socks, mumbling about how everyone had pissed him off.

It was pretty damn funny.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Usually I wait til the end of the weekend to post up all the stupid quotes from the previous two days and nights, but I didn't feel like posting any last weekend, so I've got a backlog of good stuff. Here they are...two weeks worth of awesomeness (or stupidity..your choice).

Bobby: Hey - are you drinking my beer?
Jer: No.
Bobby: Are you sure? Do you want to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

"All you people are garbage." - Bobby

"You know what they say...liquor before beer - Hey are we going to the fireworks?!" - Brad, combining ADD and alcoholism.

And from last weekend...

"My mom is like McGyver." - Kelsey

Bucholtz: Don't you just want to light things on fire sometimes?
Bucholtz: Me neither...who does that?

"I use boobs all the time." - Kels (I have no clue what she was referring to now, but it was written down in my phone, so she must've said it.)

"I'm just trying to drink through it." - Sean, after a particularly tough week. It's not a bad idea. Not bad at all.

"I have pillow boobs." - Kels (once again, no idea)

Friday, July 01, 2005

:: Canada Day ::

I don't really have a whole helluva lot to post about today. Being that it's Canada Day I'm sure we'll go out tonight and do something. The last couple years we ended up at the fireworks/Canada Day party at the Langley Airport, but to be honest, it's pretty lame.

It is, however, something to do. Last year, after taking 2 hours to find a parking spot, we watched the 3-minute fireworks, bought some mini-donuts from the little fairgrounds, and played hackey-sack til security told us we had to go home.

Word on the street is that some people wanna go to Cloverdale's Canada Day thing, but I don't feel like drivin' out there just to see a free Colin James show. I'm sure Colin James is a fine Canadian entertainer, but I can't name one of his songs so he's not high on my priority list.

Last night was pretty good, even though we lost our ball game 13-11 and I made 3 errors at first base in 4 stellar innings of work. Afterwards we went to Gorski's and drank. Still on my no-beer kick (and now deathly afraid of gin and its consequences) I decided to drank the ol' standby - rye and coke.

And I realized that I don't like it. Not one bit. I used to love rye, but now I honestly can't stand the stuff.

So now I have half a 26 of rye and half a 26 of gin that I doubt I'll be drinking in the near future. Maybe I'll feed 'em to a dog or a hobo, or 12-year-old kid...but more likely I'll get drunk, run out of booze and go to those bottles as a backup plan at 3 a.m...yep, that's pretty likely to happen.

I am happy that this weekend shows signs of being more fun and less stressful than last weekend. It has been a draining week though - up, then down, then really down, then very up.

Maybe that's why getting effin' plastered last night and just chillin' and playing drunk Guess Who with Chris, Sean and Brad was so much fun. (me and Brad still have to play the finals)

On another topic, Kelsey isn't here this weekend, instead she's off having a funtastic time at home in Enderby. While I know she's having a freaking good time (and a very drunk time too), the thing about Kelsey is she HATES missing out on stuff, like whatever we're doing down here. She just hates it.

Now, I bring this up only because she said before she left 'You better call me and tell me what's goin' on while i'm gone."

Well, it's awfully hard to do such a thing if you don't return the damn messages! (And I don't wanna hear nothing about no cell phone service either.)

I will however, accept the following as reasonable excuses:

If you were...

a) Too drunk to dial a phone.
b) Too drunk to even stay conscious.
c) So drunk you fell in the river or other body of water.
d) Attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines.

Those are the only options.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm off to the driving range to embarrass myself.