Tuesday, February 28, 2006

:: Last Call ::

With everyone else writing farewell's to Slapshots on their respective blogs, I figured I should do the same, since Slaps is certainly worthy, considering how many hours, days, and pints were spent there over the past handful of years.

Tonight was the final night for Slapshots as we knew it. It will eventually just fade into the ajoining restaurant, and while it will still serve alcohol, it won't be the same but for the name on the door.

Tonight's Canucks' game was the last hurrah - although it could be argued we really went out proper on Friday night.

Although it was just a little watering hole that never made much money (and had been know to close down for months at a time due to lack of funds) it was still our home base, and it wasn't uncommon for us to be there three or four times in a given week, depending what games were on the tube.

We'll miss it, no question.

It was the place we went on boring Fridays, the place we went after ball games, the place we went to when any sporting event required a large T.V.

And the place we'd go to just 'cuz.

The food wasn't always very good, and they went through managers and owners like they changed a keg, but in the end, the bartenders knew our names, always had our table ready for us, and had our drinks on the table before we even ordered them. It was ours.

I think Amanda said it very nicely yesterday on her blog, when she said of Slaps:

"Slapshots was the place that welcomed you in before you were legal and kept you comfy when you were."

And with that I present to you... my Five Favourite Slapshots' Moments, in no particular order:

5. Bucholtz' 19th Birthday
Buch's 19th - Dec. 23, 2003 - was a killer night. I didn't live here at the time, being in Peace River. I flew home for Christmas the night of his birthday. My parents picked me up from the airport, I went home to drop off my bags, picked up Mike and went straight to Slaps. The guys were already sloshed - Buchs especially, of course. On last call, a hammered Chris demanded mine and Mike's remaining cash (which we drunkenly handed over), and he came back with something like 13 highballs for us to pound back. All I remember of Buchs is that he spilled two full pitchers of beer in Ian's lap, and ended up passed out in the parking lot by midnight. After four months in solitude in Alberta, it was good to be home.

4. Super Bowl 39
January 2005. A whole team of us were there to see the Pats' win another Lombardi Trophy as the best team in football, but I ended up winning a trophy of my own - a Sleeman's mini-fridge fully stocked with beer. For every Sleeman's beer you bought, you put an entry form into the bucket for the fridge draw. Having gone pretty hard the night before (read: Hammered) I didn't figure that downing beers at noon the next day was wise. I'd just have one, I figured. Well, one soon escalated into one bucket (3 beers), and one bucket soon turned into...well, you get it. Then the draw came and lo and behold, Lisa the bartender announced my name. So me, Chris, Ian, Sean and Dave the manager hauled it off to Chris' truck, and it was mine. It's been in my room since.

3. Canucks playoffs (2003-04 season)
I wasn't even in the bar, or the province for that matter, for this one, but I still remember it. It was Vancouver's first round series against Calgary. Yes, that series. I know the Canucks lost it on Martin Gelinas Game 7 overtime goal, but before that, I remember many, many phonecalls from my Peace River apartment to the guys - Chris, Ian, and Jer mostly - as they watched from Slaps. There was a ton of noise - and thanks to cheap drinks when the 'Nucks scored - a lot of boisterous activity. Even though I was miles away, it was still fun to hear what was going on. In a province where everyone was cheering for the Flames, it was nice to still know what it felt like to be shitfaced in a bar, cheering on the good guys.

2. New Year's Eve 2004
Oh boy, was this one ugly. I remember this one for the sheer number of people we were there with. It was one of the rare times the place was actually packed - and over 30 of us were there. Close friends. Acquintances. Hockey buddies. Friends of friends. We started drinking real early, and to be honest, I don't remember the details. One of the highlights for me was when Dani (waitress) was coming around with complimentary tiny shot-glass size plastic cups of champagne on a tray, and Me and Garski took the whole tray and did about 15 shots each of champagne. Incidentally, it was also the one-and-only time I've ever puked at Slaps. There were a pair of other solid moments - from a tanked Bucholtz getting physically shot down (pushed away) by one of Bre's friends; and Jeremy and Katie disappearing for awhile to a roller hockey dressing room...I'm sure they were only talking.

1. The last Friday
This night has already been mentioned on the blog this week, but it was still a good one. Cheap/free drinks. Brian giving us all kinds of free shots, and us leaving hammered with half the bar in our pockets. Glasses, candles, pitchers, chairs. Didn't matter - if it wasn't nailed down, we scooped it. And in Jer's case, even if it was anchored somehow, we took it anyway. Was it blatant theft? Yep. But I prefer to think of them simply as parting gifts - a way to reward the best customers that place ever saw, so we can remember the joint long after it's gone.

Sure, they can take our bar, but we'll take a bit of it too thank-you very much.

So goodbye sweet, wonderful bar. May your taps never run dry.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

:: Bad haircuts, 4x4's, and fights ::

"There's nothing like a four-way man kiss." - Lambie (actually from last weekend).

"If it had been about a llama and a tranvestite It'd be a different story." - Buchs, after saying he wouldn't watch Brokeback Mountain.

"Curry's the new ketchup." - Jer

"All they know how to fucking cook is mashed potatoes. They gave me potatoes with spaghetti for fuck's sake." - Brad

"When I push the button, they come running. They're like my bitches." - Brad, on the nurses.

"You and I are gonna have words tomorrow." - Kels, to her beer.

"Don't you ever get ashamed by the things that you say?" - Sean, to Buchs.

It was, by most accounts, a quality weekend all-around. We actually had a good Friday for a change - usually they're boring because it's many people doing many different things. This time, though, we were all pretty much in the same place, except for Buchs, who just didn't show up and told us he went to a Clan Rally. Really, he went downtown to hit on coug's with his work buddies.

He insists that he had a 100% success rate, but with his new haircut, I really find that hard to believe. Just a word of advice: Nobody, and I mean nobody, can pull off the sidewalk.

Not Shawn Desman. Definitely not Kyle Bucholtz.

But I digress...

With our longtime watering hole closing its doors forever as of Tuesday, we took the opportunity to have one last blowout there Friday night. We drank for basically free, since the bartender, Brian, is a buddy of ours and no longer cares about his job. I ate dinner, drank about 8 double rye-and-sevens, two martinis, and we also had about 4 or 5 rounds of shots.

I paid $16 bucks.

Also, we took some souvenirs - but Brian said we could.

I now have a beer pitcher, martini glass, a high-ball glass, and a candle-holder thing. Panda has a freakin' bar stool, somebody else has a number of glasses and a chair, and Jeremy just ripped some Coor's light paraphernalia off the wall.

Yep, we all got our money's worth, although it is fairly sad to no longer have a home-base bar. Nobody to get us drinks before we even order them, no more preferred seating and 'preferred customer discounts."

"I think I actually might cry. This is sad." - Amanda, moments before we left.

We then proceeded to go back to Sean and Rachel's, where we got just plastered - or I did anyway. I hadn't really got drunk in awhile and I felt like I needed to get just fucked..so I did. And so did Ian, and Brett. And Jer.

The four of us, especially, were a show. Or so I was told - I don't really remember. I don't even remember how I got home. Apparently Kels gave me a ride.

It was a doozie of a night.

Saturday was similar, but a little more low-key. Me and Ian went and checked out a townhouse (it sucked), went to visit B-Rad, and then went for chicken wings. Then it was back to my house where everyone just sat around, had some drinks - the usual.

And it ended in a very familar way - with me, Chris and Jenna cleaning up the bottles, Buch's fast asleep/passed out in his truck out front, and Jeremy and Lambie beating up guys in the Mcdonald's parking lot.

Okay, maybe not everything was the usual.

Weekend Awards

Worst idea...
Bucholtz, for his duct-tape assisted haircut.

Best fight scene...
Jeremy and Lambo.

Best disappearing act...
Lambie, who we found sleeping under my stairs on the floor.

Best impulse purchase..
Kelsey, for buying Tank.

The weekly drunken argument award...
Sean and Rachel, of course.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

:: The Weekend ::

This weekend was a bit of an odd one - both eventful and uneventful at the same time..sorta.

Yes, I'm aware that's not actually possible, but that's how this weekend felt for me. Friday got started a bit later than usual, but at least I squeezed in a decent-length nap. We all went to White Spot for dinner, then just chilled at Lambo's house. I packed it in around midnight though - I wasn't drinking and was just tired.

Things picked up a little bit after I left, apparently - but it continued the streak of subdued Friday nights - Sean and Rach were downtown, Jer and Katie called it a night early, and Kelsey was somewhere else entirely. Not sure where, she just wasn't there.

Saturday, I put an offer on a townhouse - so that would count as eventful. But it's only a backup offer because somebody else beat me to the punch, so chances are very, very slim I'll actually get the place, hence the uneventfulness. Went and looked at a couple new condos after that, but they sucked - way too small and overpriced.

Saturday night, while most people went downtown to Shark's Club for a hockey fundraiser, I went out with Doug, Steve, and some other people for Doug's birthday. We went out for dinner, then back to Doug's place and had some drinks.

Even if it wasn't quite on par with the craziness of a usual Saturday night with the usual crowd, it was still pretty rad. Nice to see some different faces I hadn't seen in a long time - especially Steve-O, who I hadn't seen in maybe 10 months or more.

There was less drama too, which was also a nice switch.

Sounds like Shark's Club was pretty fun too - Bobby had to call me in the morning and ask if he talked to me the night before, just to give you an example of how drunk he was.

All in all, I guess it was just a nice change to have some space for a night. Not that I don't have that already, but expect more.

And now, without further adieu, the Weekend Awards...

Best idea...
Jeremy/Nick, for 'borrowing' White Spot's "Tastes of the West Coast 2002" training video.

Best idea II...
Whoever turned the watching of the video into a drinking game.

Worst Movie...
Tastes of the West Coast 2002 training video.

The 'Shoulda seen that coming' Award...
Me, when Jer snagged my hat and locked it into a newspaper box. (That's twice now, for those scoring at home).

Best attempt to foil a theft...
Sean, at the beer store.

Oddest/funniest compliment...
Steve, who said I looked "like a fuckin pimp," last night when I met him at the restaurant. Like I said, I hadn't seen him in a long time and I'm a little different now.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine's Day. For many reasons I don't feel like listing - maybe if I had a girlfriend, or even some easy lay on the side, I'd feel different, but I do not.

Ah well, that's life.

I'll leave you romantics with this V-Day quote from Ian...

"I got Bre flowers and all that shit. Stupid girls - flowers die anyway. I should get her a fence, that'd last a lot longer."

I don't even know what else to say to that, other than I laughed pretty hard.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

"This is the first time I've ever showered while staring at Jeremy." - Ian, after hockey on Tuesday.

Pretty bland weekend, not a whole lot of good stories, or anything. Friday was lame, and I was home by 10:45.

Saturday was alright though - it was nice out for a change, so we went down to the park and threw a baseball around, then went out for dinner and over to the Scramstad residence. Certainly didn't suck, but seemed to lack our usual energy, that's all. I'm not even gonna do weekend awards because, well, I don't know that there were any. Nothing I can think of, anyhow.

And, as a side note guys, don't steal other people's shots...God that was an over-the-top episode.

As an unrelated aside, I heard the best band name on the weekend - some bar band in Vancouver is called Pepper Sprayed by Hookers.


Friday, February 10, 2006

:: Traffic Jam ::

Well, that was fun wasn't it kids?

While I appreciate all the blog traffic - and especially the comments - you may have noticed the over-abundance of commenting lately. Back in the day, each post was lucky to get 4 or 5 replies. Now though, each one gets close to 15-20.

It's pretty awesome, especially when everybody else's blogs still only gets a few.

That means I'm winning, bitches.

But while big numbers are great, can we all please just take a second to realize what the fuck we're commenting about before we do it? We all saw what happened on the last post - I had to delete at least 12 messages.

If you're mad, take a breath. Hell, take a breather even if you aren't mad. All I ask is this: If something looks bad -whether it appears racist, sexist, gross, or just mean - it probably isn't meant that way IN THE LEAST.

You have to consider our group of friends and how we operate. If you don't quite know, err on the side of caution because we're not bad people.

Or just give'r shit I guess, if you still want to. But just don't get angry when you lose the comment battle, like you inevitably will.

Because I run the show here, and I always win.

That, and I'm the only one who can edit or delete messages.

Carry on children.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

"Do brown people go to Merritt?" - Kelsey

One of life's eternal questions.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

"What you do is dip Rach in KY and say 'C'mon Sean, all the orifices are lubed." - Kels

"My mohawk is better than Jesus." - Jer

"He's brown. That's definitely below the food chain." - Kels, immediately regretting it.

"You know, you're the only guy here who I haven't seen naked." - Ian

:: Weekend Awards ::

Best Idea...
Jeremy, for "Hey Ian, want a mohawk?"

Best Answer/Biggest mistake...
Ian, for saying "Yes."

Best impersonation of a homeless person...
Bucholtz, for sleeping in his truck at 3 a.m. with a tallie on the dashboard.

Best nipple-related story

Best dare...
Bobby, for drinking a glass of Creamy Poppyseed salad dressing.

Best addition to the dare...
Bobby again, for downing mustard and hot sauce after the salad dressing to "get the poppyseed taste outta my mouth."

Best baseball analogy...
Ian and me, for "hitting for the cycle."

Saturday, February 04, 2006

:: Super Bowl XL ::

With tomorrow being the Super Bowl, I figured I'd make a prediction. In the past, my predictions have actually been fairly accurate - I've been right the last two or three years, and in 2004 I even predicted that the game would be won on a last-second Adam Vinitieri field goal.

But I'm having a tough time this year not only with a prediction, but deciding who to cheer for. I know, I'm supposed to cheer for Seattle because there "technicaly" the local team, being just a few hours south, but to be honest, I've never really been a Seahawks fan. I'm a Chargers fan, and over the last couple years, I've kind of taken a liking to the Steelers.

Chris and Ian are both gonna go hard for the Hawks on Sunday, and Bobby's cheering for Pittsburgh, but I just don't know.

One on hand, there's the locals... One the other, I wanna cheer for the Steelers because of stories like this.

Right now though, I'm leaning slightly to the Seattle side of things - in predictions and cheering.

Seahawks by six.