Saturday, October 25, 2008

A few days ago, Lanette posted on her blog something called "100 things about me" which, of course, encouraged Kelsey to post a similar thing on her blog, but instead called "102 things..." because Kelsey can't count very well.

So now, because I'm nothing if not a follower, I have a similar post, with one unique twist:

:100 things about me, plus 1 thing about someone else ::

1. I am 27 years old, but cannot grow a beard.

2. I am a very good liar, which I learned at Grade 7 camp, when I played a prank on someone and, with a straight face, convinced the prank victim that I had nothing to do with it, and instead implicated someone else. Instead of getting upset with me, the camp counsellor who witnessed our conversation complimented me on my skills of deception.

3. My favourite song of all-time is the Tragically Hip's Ahead by a Century.

4. My middle name is Kelly.

5. Kelsey's middle name is Dawn.

6. I enjoy a good game of extreme bocce.

7. I'm a charter member of the Grammar Police.

8. I spend most of my time at work e-mailing Wayne's World references to my co-worker, and text messaging Simpsons' quotes to Bucholtz, yet I am always praised for my incredible work ethic, and ability to get shit done.

9. I have a press pass for the Vancouver Canucks.

10. I'm hungover right now.

11. When it comes to success with the oppposite sex, I was in a slump for a very, very long time.

12. I'm doing better now.

13. In Grade 6, I won a fight against the toughest kid in school, Clay, because I hit him in the stomach with a hockey stick.

14. On one particular New Year's Eve, about 3 a.m., I got in such a loud argument with someone on the street in front on my parent's house that it woke my dad up, even though his bedroom is at the very back of the house.

15. I'm sometimes a very confrontational, obnoxious drunk.

16. I've lived in South Surrey, Langley, Kamloops and Peace River.

17. In Kamloops, I once helped throw an old Christmas tree off a 2nd floor balcony, over a fence and onto a muddy embankment.

18. The next morning, when I heard the landlord come to the door and tell one of the (non-involed) housemates that they had to go get the tree, I got up from sleeping on the couch, grabbed my stuff, and went home before anyone else woke up, so I didn't have to help. (Sorry Mike, Meghan, Melissa and Lorne...sort of)

19. I regret going right from high school to college, and then getting that done in four years and then getting a job. I wish I had taken a year to travel.

20. If I didn't live in B.C., I think I'd like to live in northern California.

21. I work in what most experts consider a dying industry.

22. Two of the playlists on my iTunes player are called, "Of course I'm drunk, asshole" and "Keep running, Fatty" (for the gym).

23. My brother is my best friend, and about 10 years ago I successfully stole all his best friends for myself because I decided they were a lot better people than the d-bags I'd been hanging out with in high school and my first year of university. I was right.

24. I successfully swindled my second dog, Digby, away from another friend, because I told everyone Diggers was better off with us. He was, for sure, but mostly I just didn't want to give the little guy back.

25. I've always been "the responsible one" "the funny one" or the "nice one" None of these "ones" help you get laid.

26. The first movie I ever saw in a theatre was Lady and the Tramp, in Vernon with my brother, mom and grandma at Christmastime. I remember it because, at the same time on Silver Star, my dad was skiing with my uncle and broke his leg.

27. I don't look it, but I have a pretty good ability to play almost any sport at a passable level, but I wish I was really good at at least one of them.

28. When I was 13, I cried when the Vancouver Canucks lost Game 7 of the 1994 Stanley Cup finals. If they ever win it, I'll probably cry then, too. I'm not ashamed of that, either.

29. I'm a pretty independent person. Growing up, I could always entertain myself. I've also never had a roommate, and if I ever had a girlfriend for more than 15 minutes, nobody can seem to remember.

30. I fall into the infamous "friend zone" with girls waaaaaay too easily, and it's impossible to escape from later. It's like fucking quicksand.

31. I have a parallel life with my friend and co-worker Kristyl. We went to the same high school (Walnut Grove), same college (Kwantlen), same university (TRU) and now we work together. Oddly enough, she also lives across the street, but we never even knew each other until last year when she started working with us.

32. I am not a morning person and value sleep more than almost everything. Today, for example, I woke up at my parent's house at 9 a.m., got a ride home, slept for another hour, got woken up by my drinking partners to go for breakfast, then came home and slept for another 3 hours. I woke up for good at 2:37 p.m.

33. I've only been to Las Vegas once, but I just absolutely love it. Not sure why, as I'm not a huge gambler, but I just love it. I'm going tomorrow.

34. I talk a good game, but am rarely motivated to do what I say I'm going to. In the past 12 months, I think I've said the following things: I'm going to buy a new place; I'm going to get a tattoo; I'm going to buy a Cadillac; I'm going to get laser eye surgery; I'm going to buy a dog. None of these things have happened.

35. I'm not ashamed to be lazy.

36. My favourite TV shows always get cancelled after just a season or two (Sports Night, Studio 60, The Job, Undeclared).

37. When I moved home from Alberta four-and-a-half years ago, I lost about 45-50 pounds, but haven't been able to lose anymore since, and it frustrates me more than anything else in my life.

38. My two favourite beers are Bud Light and Sleemans Original Draught.

39. One day I'll probably try and write a book or a screenplay, but everytime I start doing it, I give up about 5 pages in, at most. I don't know how the real writers do it.

40. If my parents weren't around, I'd probably be very lost, especially when it comes to how to cook stuff (mom) or how to fix things (dad).

41. I can bust out pop culture references like nobody's business.

42. One of my biggest pet peeves is e-mailing somebody and not getting a reply or acknowledgement back.

43. I'm still pretty shy, but not as painfully so as I used to be back in the day.

44. I'm very competitive, and hold the honour of being the first Cannons' slo-pitch player to be booted from a game.

45. I love Mexican food.

46. I'm a chronic list-maker. (I like to be organized.)

47. Last year was my finest year of work. I won a first-place Suburban Newspapers of America award (Canada & United States) for sports writing, and a third-place for column writing, the latter of which I'd been doing for less than a year.

48. Last year I won $1,600 in a hockey pool.

49. In my school and work life, the two biggest criticisms of me have been the following: I'm too much of a smart-ass for my own good (school), and I'm not intense enough (work).

50. Both times I was told those things, I literally laughed out loud to the superior who told them to me.

51. I showed up shitfaced to my year-end university banquet, even though the banquet started at noon on a Wednesday.

52. Mike and I once purchased matching ugly orange ties from Value Village for us and six of our friends. To my knowledge, I am the only one who still has his, although Mike might, too.

53. I just learned how to tie a tie a few months ago.

54. I was once part of a consortium of troublemakers who attempted to dismantle and steal a Sifton Ave. street sign in Kamloops. Our impending failure resulted in Mike almost getting arrested, me running for blocks and blocks, and Shaun losing a shoe.

55. A little while after the above escapade, Mike and I commemorated the event by making T-shirts that said "Sifton Avenue Mischief" on them.

56. I survived a northern Alberta winter without snow tires on my Honda Civic.

57. I make fun of myself a lot, especially in my column writing.

58. In the last two years, I've become very addicted to golfing, even though I'm not very good.

59. I eat sushi at least twice a week, but not the raw stuff. I could live very comfortably off beef teriyaki rolls and prawn tempura.

60. Like Kelsey, I panic when I don't have my BlackBerry on me.

61. Me, Doug and Chris once made so many prank calls, especially to one person, that the cops came to my mom and dad's house. The cops also came once when someone in the car I was driving threw a Burger King cup out the window. Old people behind us called 9-1-1 and told the cops it was a beer bottle, and that we intentionally tossed it off the overpass.

62. Most of the time, I think people should just mind their own fucking business.

63. I hate awkward, forced conversations, which is why I've successfully weaseled out of nearly every banquet or other schmoozefest that my company has ever tried to send me to.

64. Two of the (hundreds of) girls I've slept with in my life had boyfriends at the time, or so they said. 64B. I feel absolutely no guilt for this. Like none. Whatever I can get, I takes.

65. My grandpa is one of my biggest role models in my life, for many reasons. I respect him more than almost anybody.

66. 80% of the time I'm awake, I'm either chewing gum or drinking Diet Coke.

67. I started this blog five years ago because Mike had one and I wanted one, too, but since then about 10 of my friends have started blogs, most of which are now dormant or erased from the 'net, Mike's included. The lesson here? I'm a trendsetter and I have staying power.

68. I hate returning gifts.

69. Hahaha, 69. (I'm pretty immature at times)

70. I'm addicted to double-doubles from Tim Hortons.

71. I failed my driver's test twice, and back when it was run on the old demerit system, I passed my third test with the maximum allowable demerits. One more missed shoulder check, and I'd have failed.

72. I once went to work at my old auto parts-delivery job after having been drinking all night with my cousins, and subsequently fell asleep at a stop light later that day, while delivering to some place at the airport. It was only for a few seconds, probably, but only a honk from the car behind me woke me up.

73. After being accepted into school at Kamloops, I changed my mind at the last minute, and applied to the Human Kinetics/sports management program at UBC, which I somehow got into. Then, two weeks later, I changed my mind again and switched back to the 'loops, which is where I stayed.

74. The real reason I applied to UBC was because I didn't want to move away.

75. Three junior hockey coaches in two different leagues have been suspended and/or fined because of things they said to me after a game, and which I then published in the paper.

76. Things I've been called by angry readers during my tenure in the news business: an asshole, a stupid young fuck, the devil, an idiot, arrogant, inconsiderate, Rick.

77. I think I was born to be a GM of a baseball or hockey team. When I was a kid I used to invent entire fake teams with fake players, write down all the lineups and stats, and face the teams off against each other in an imaginary league. Players would retire, get traded, everything - somewhere still there is probably an entire notebook full of phony rosters, box scores and transaction reports.

78. I am the undisputed Scattergories champion of the world.

79. The first girl I ever kissed, way back in elementary school, died about three years ago as a result of some kind of eating disorder. I just happened to see her obituary in the paper one day, and remembered her name.

80. At heart, I'm a pretty frugal person, but you wouldn't know it by the amount of money I blow.

81. After I gained back a few of the pounds I lost upon my return from Alberta, I decided I would no longer weight myself. I've been trying to lose weight again lately, but have absolutely no idea how much I weigh anymore. I'm scared to look. I judge my fitness ups and downs by whether or not I can fit into my biege and brown Brody button-up, and an old white Hurley t-shirt that I love, but haven't been able to wear for a couple years.

82. Right now, the Brody shirt doesn't really fit, but the Hurley one does, so I'm still very confused.

83. I despise mushrooms, and when I was a kid I hated mayonaise so much that I refused to even touch the jar. Now I don't mind it.

84. I have 1,325 songs on my iPod - everything from the Barenaked Ladies to Nirvana, to Frank Sinatra and Jay-Z.

85. I dislike the mall very much. If not for Orange Julius and those big slices of pizza in the food court, I'd probably buy everything online.

86. My favourite position in baseball is the outfield. Nothing beats making a diving catch. Nothing.

87. The best baseball advice I ever got was, oddly enough, from a hockey coach. In Peace River, the junior B coach told me that the most important thing in baseball was to learn how crush home runs. Why? "Chicks dig the long ball."

88. I went to school with a guy who was, at one point last year, one of B.C.'s top 10 most wanted car thieves. Another guy I went to school with had to move halfway across the world to escape his going-nowhere life, and another was murdered about a year and half ago in a gang-related execution. Oh, and those infamous Bacon Brothers of Abbotsford? They used to live across the street.

89. I hate being cold.

90. My two favourite movies are Wayne's World and The Goonies.

91. Last summer, I fulfilled my life-long goal of being so drunk that, the next morning, I puked in a children's playground.

92. I have an official MLB baseball that Richie Sexson hit into the left-field bleachers at Safeco Field during pre-game batting practice.

93. For years, I kept the puck that was my first-ever minor hockey goal, which I scored when I was eight. I don't know where it is, but I bet I could still ID it - it had a large chunk missing from it. It was a garbage goal too, I was standing in the crease and fired a rebound into a wide open net.

94. I'm very superstitious when it comes to sports. When I was about 13, I once won about 10-12 games in a row, so I refused to re-tape my goalie stick until we lost. When we finally did, I rolled the old tape up a ball, and kept it in my hockey bag for years, as a good luck charm. I still have it.

95. At no level of baseball or slo-pitch have I ever hit a ball over the fence, and it remains my biggest sporting goal. If I could just do it once, I could retire happy.

96. I go to my parents' house for dinner pretty much every Sunday. (And also whenever I run out of food, but Sundays for sure)

97. I miss my two dogs all the time.

98. As a teenager and even in my early 20s, I always seemed to have money when nobody else did, and I have no idea why, because I only ever had crappy part-time jobs. I'd always end up lending people money, and only stopped when I realized I wasn't getting it all back in a timely fashion. For awhile, a buddy of mine nicknamed me "Transaction Man"

99. And on the subject of money, I'm pretty sure that, for one reason or another, Kelsey still owes me $20. I couldn't tell you from what, or if she actually does, but I just assume. We've had a fair number of prolonged transactions through the years.

100. The CP Style Guide basically runs my life.

101. My lucky number is 3.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

:: Get a life ::

I'm pretty sure that this guy right here has never seen a real boob. I mean, seriously - look at his "setup."

If you read through the story, you'll see that it costs this guy over $5,000 annually to play that stupid game.

Jeez, some people's kids....