Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Monday, December 29, 2003

"I don't read the blogs unless I know I'm going to be in them." - Melissa

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Looks like Christmas at 55 degrees
This latitude weakens my knees

Well, I may have lost the football pool to my arch-rival Mike, but I'm not too upset because in a few short hours I'll be at home.

No Christmas at 55 degrees for me.

So I will soon leave the cold little town of Peace River for the mighty suburb of Langley, where there's better restaurants, more traffic and everybody knows my name.

Tonight will be good. Going out for dinner with my parents, then when Chris gets off work, me, him, Jer, Ian, Bucholtz (and probably Mike!) are going to Slapshots where we'll proceed to get loaded. It's Bucholtz 19th birthday today too. Now he's "allowd to buy beers"

I don't think I've ever been this excited for a green christmas in my entire life.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

:: Kentucky Fried Idiots ::

Contrary to popular belief, and recent television commercials, "all the excitement" of the new Lord of the Rings movie is not found at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I hate commercials like this. Just fuckin' hate them. Not only is it false advertising, it's stupid false advertising. Do they actually think people will come to their restuarant because they expect to have as good as a time there as they would at the movie?

Customer 1: Ah, dammit. Return of the King is sold out.
Customer 2: That's okay, let's just go to KFC!!!

They'd be better off blatantly lying and saying Orlando Bloom would personally deliver your bucket of extra crispy if the drive-thru takes more than three minutes.

Memo to Colonel Saunders or whoever is running that chicken shack nowadays: People aren't stupid. The excitement of the movie is not in your crappy restuarant. All that's there is artery-clogging, greasy chicken, bad potato salad and a souvenir cup.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

:: How much I rule ::

"If you want to play the fiddle you'd better be prepared to pay the piper." - Darcy, Jr. B hockey coach, mixing his metaphors in an angry diatribe after the game.

In a shameless bit of self-promotion I just thought I'd let everyone know that the compliments just keep rollin' in for me lately. Going back to last week's staff Christmas party I found out that I'm irresistible to drunken women co-workers. Also during that party, someone told me that I had lots of class and style, and I was complimented on my tequila drinking abilities.

And then to top it all off, the other night while at the hockey game, I was chatting with the owner of the team for awhile, and he told me that a) I was doing an excellent job on the articles I write about his team, the Navigators, and b) Other people and owners around the league tell him that his team has, by far, the best media coverage in the entire league.

So there you have it folks. Not only am I classy, stylish and the object of drunken women's advances, I'm also the best God damn junior 'b' hockey reporter in all of Northern B.C and Alberta - and that's not me assuming either, that's straight from the horse's mouth.

I just thought you all should know that, in case you needed a reminder of my fantastic-ness.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

:: Get Festive ::

You may have noticed, unless you are colour blind or perhaps dumb, that I have changed the colours of the blog to match the holiday season. I originally stole the idea from Mike, and I think it's a good one.

It's almost the middle of the December folks, so if you haven't already, make like this blog and get in the holiday spirit -- throw a snowball at a moving car, go to the mall and get in the way of busy, stressed out last-minute shoppers, or go make yourself a mistletoe belt and see if you can get any takers.

As for me, I'm going to tip over one of those Salvation Army donation kettles that are on street corners and watch those poor santa-hat wearing, bell-ringing volunteers chase all that loose change into the cold frozen street. Just kidding.

Happy Festivus everyone!

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

:: Gimme my money, Bitch ::

For the last few years, I've read this online humour column by a guy named Aaron Karo. It's really good stuff, and every once in awhile he writes something that I totally agree with. Here's what I read today.

What really pissed me off this year is people who kept telling me that I had to “pay my dues.” That’s old peoples’ response to everything isn’t it? “Well, you have to pay your dues.” “You have to pay your dues first.” “Don’t worry, you’re just paying your dues.” You know what? I’m sick of paying dues. My whole life I’ve been paying dues – temple dues, pool club dues, fraternity dues. When the fuck do I get paid?

Amen to that, dude.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

"Don't you know I like snowmen? Where's my fuckin' snowman!?" - Shelly

"Nick, get over here and come get your picture taken with the Chinese people." - Shelly

"Hi Nick, it's me...Shelly." - Shelly, like 4 inches from my face, just in case I didn't recognize her.

Jessica: Shelly, what are you doing?
Shelly (smoking): I'm having my Christmas cigarette.
Ken: Christmas cigarette? what the fuck is that? Hey Nick, let's go get the Christmas bong.

"Me and Nick are screwed because we're the only guys here and we're going to end up with bath salts or something. The only thing we're gonna do with bath salts is smoke 'em." - Ken, talking about the disadvantage of the random gift exchange situation.

Well, the Record-Gazette Christmas party was interesting, to say the least. It's quite shocking actually, to see the normally reserved people from work in a completely different light - a drunken light. Shelly, the woman who works in the composing department was especially drunk, and while she was pretty wild and funny, she was also quite...embarassing I guess, and certainly not politically correct. She kept trying to drag me around the bar, so I made it my goal to stay away from her. It had to be extra sneaky. For the most part, it worked.

For the most part. There were a few occasions where I could not avoid her, or her drunken counterpart, Marie, the office manager, and I was literally dragged, unwillingly, onto the dance floor, where I made it my goal to leave as quick as possible. Not that I don't like dancing, but after being dragged onto the floor, I actually spent less time
dancing, and more time trying to re-button my shirt that was practically torn from my body in the act of being dragged around. So then i went back to the table and talked with the rest of the drunken girls I work with, who were nearly just as drunk and crazy as the two I had just escaped from.

I eventually left about an hour early because I had a killer headache. I thought drinking an entire pitcher of rye-and-7 would make it go away, but it didn't quite work.

But on the plus side, I learned a few things:

1) Crazy girls' boyfriend is almost as weird as she is.
2) Crazy girl is still crazy.
3) I'm irresistible to women. Well, at least those I work with. When they're drunk.

So that was my night: Got very drunk, attacked and dragged around by two drunken co-workers, then escaped and sat with more drunken co-workers where I had to watch out for various drunken ass grabs and such. It's just too bad most of the girls I worked with weren't hot and/or single.

But whatever. I guess when you got it, you got it.

Friday, December 05, 2003

"Chicks dig the long ball." - Darcy, the Jr. B hockey coach, talking about his baseball skills.

Another game, another win for the Jr. B Navigators in Peace River. The team almost lost this one, and if they had, I wasn't looking forward to talking to the guys after the game, because they were against a last place team and besides, nobody's happy when the lose. It's always easier when people are in a good mood. Luckily they came back from being down 4-3, scored 4 third period goals and won 7-4, but I was worried for awhile. I don't know why though, they've only lost 1 game out of 22.

Maybe a loss wouldn't be bad for my sake though. I'm having trouble coming up with new interview questions, and "How come you guys rule?" isn't a really good one, although it may come to that sooner rather than later.

Stay tuned, tomorrow: Record-Gazette Staff Christmas party.

Monday, December 01, 2003

"I don't see the logic in building a city in uninhabitable conditions. It would be like building a city underwater. It's just not meant to be." - Carlos, after hearing how cold it is in Peace River.