Tuesday, July 29, 2003

It's hot here. And not just regular hot. Or even fuckin' hot. It's fry-an-egg-on-my-goddamn-forehead hot.

Now, I'm not necessarily complaining, because it's very nice out, but I don't really handle the heat all that well. And as much as I like the beautiful weather, I've come to the conclusion that miserable, cold winters aren't all that bad. I know that may be hard for some people to believe, especially sun-lovers like Melissa, but I like winter. (note: I like Vancouver winters, not necessarily winters north of the Vancouver region)

Anyways, usually when it's this hot I just lie around and don't really take advantage of the summer. It's too hot to do anything is my usual response to anything. But not this year. Nope, by accident or design, I've been doing a lot more summer-ish things than normal. And it's been sweet.

I've been camping in the sun at the Merritt Music Fest and this weekend I'm going rafting. Also, I've done my fair share of beer-drinking on sunny patios. And the other day me and Ian took his dad's air-conditioned car down to Stanley Park for the day and then we went for some beers (Come to think of it, most of my cool summer experiences have involved beer. Oh well, it's probably just a coincedence.) And tommorrow I'm going to a Vancouver Canadians baseball game and I'm going pay seven dollars for three bucks worth of beer while heckling minor league ballplayers from the cheap seats.

Not a bad way to beat the heat if you ask me (and most people do).

Maybe I like summer more than I thought.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Jeremy on beer...

Jeremy: This is how I look at it. In the wild, if there's a herd of buffalo, the weaker, slower buffalo get killed off. And if the herd losses all the slow, weak ones, it makes itself stronger as a whole. Now, everyone knows that beer kills brain cells. But I think that beer only kills the slow, weak brain cells, which then makes my brain stronger, just like all the buffalo.

Nick: Then how do you explain the battery shoved up your nose.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

:: Merritt Mountain Music Festival ::


Over the course of the week, some people acquired some nicknames that I just felt like mentioning.

Chris: The Show.

Chris got this name after bonging about 15 beers in one day. After doing one, Dave said to him, "People should buy tickets to this, you're a show."

Chris (nickname #2): Bonger.

This guy we met, who himself had a nickname (He introduced himself as "Hayseed"), introduced Chris to everyone as "Bonger".

Jeremy: Tan Jacket.

While wearing the tan coloured cowboy jacket he borrowed from his dad, he did two bongs on Sunday night consisting of a combination of beer, fireball whiskey, and rum and coke. Anyone who saw him do it would always yell "Hey tan jacket" when they saw him around the festival.

Nick: Thumper.

Now let me tell you how this (stupid) name evolved. On Tuesday one of us was reading the festival program and it mentioned a Lumberjack Challenge, in which one event was called Speed Bucking. I thought that whoever said it said "Speed fucking" to which I replied, "Speed fucking? I'd be good at that," simultaneously insulting myself badly for the sake of a laugh, and also giving myself a nickname - Speedfucker. A little while later, the previously mentioned Hayseed showed up and warped the nickname to Sheepfucker, which I didn't really like. Then to spare me anymore embarassment, he retired the name Sheepfucker and renamed me "Thumper" for some reason. It was a better name than the first two, although I unfortunately thumped nothing all week.

Monday, July 21, 2003

:: Merritt Mountain Music Festival ::


*note: more quotes may be added as I remember them.

"There's no way I'm sitting here sober!" - Chris, after waiting in the lineup of cars for about 3 minutes.

Me: The Cowboy hat store had no hats that were my size.
Chris: You should've yelled at them.
Steve: No, you should go back there, take a hat, flip it upside down and crap in it. Then hand it back.

Some hot girl (yelling from down the road): I'm looking for Owen!
Fraser: I'm Owen! Over here, I'm Owen!
Some hot girl: You'd better be Owen!
Fraser: I'll be Owen you one in the ass if you don't get over here!

"Take off your tits!" - Chris, and also Jessen, when they meant to say either "take off your shirt" or "Show us your tits"

"Give me a ride asshole!" - Dave, drunk and trying unsuccessfully to get someone to give him a ride up the hill to tent city, rather than walk up the big hill.

"That's awesome!" - Chris and later Dave. All weekend long, this was the answer to anything weird that happened.

Craig: What day is it?
Fraser: It's Sunday morning, time to go.
Craig: What? Isn't it Saturday?
Fraser: No, you passed out last night at 10.
Craig: So it's not still Saturday night?
Fraser: No.

"Fraig! That's the greatest name ever! I'm gonna name my kids that!" - Ian, after combining Fraser and Craig's names together when he was drunk.

"She said 'I'm pregnant' and I said 'I'm movin' to the West Coast," - Fraser, explaining why he moved to B.C from the East (I think Newfoundland).

"Hey guys, I met Andy Moog's daughter. Andy Moog!" - Chris, repeatedly throughout the weekend.

Drunk #1: It's the battery.
Drunk #2: No, it's the solenoid.
Drunk #1: No it isn't, its definately the starter...or maybe the alternator.
(Car starts after getting jump-started)
Drunk #2: I told you it was the battery.

"Jesus Christ, we've got Beavis and Butthead helping us out here, let's just call BCAA." - Chris, in the midst of getting "help" from the aformentioned drunks.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

:: Merritt Mountain Music Fest ::


I've just returned home from Merritt where I spent a week in the scorching hot sun drinking my face off and listening to some good country music. It was a wicked week overall - I met tons of cool people, partied with a lot of friends - it was awesome.

The festival could have very easily been called the Dirt Festival, as high winds and dry conditions combined to coat everyone and everything in inches of dirt and dust. It was pretty gross, and my tent was so dusty I basically slept in dirt (and when the cooler spilled, I basically slept in mud).

First of all, here are the cast of characters: Me, Chris, Ian and Jeremy were there first. on Sunday. We waited in line until the gates opened on Monday and we finally got a spot in Tent City around 4 PM on Monday afternoon. On Tuesday, Kyle (my cousin Tracy's fiance) and his friend Neil drove up and the partying officially started. Next up, on Wednesday, came my cousins, Tracy and Jen, Jen's boyfriend Dave, and Tara and Leslie. Also there were two friends of Jen's - Allison and Alicia. On Thursday came the last of the party-ers, Kyle's friends Craig, Fraser, Steve and Sheila.

We spent most of the first few days just hanging out in Tent City, although we went down to the infamous campsite C a few times to check out the craziness - loud music, guys ripping around on Harleys, beer bongs, Wet T-shirt contests and all kinds of debauchery.

:: Beer Bong ::

Speaking of beer bongs, Chris was hitting them hard. There were all kinds of elaborate bongs around the place, and at one time, we had a cool one too, but it sat around uncleaned for months and got moldy. So instead we had to break out a beer bong that Chris and his friends made in like grade 10 - an old, dented 2 litre 7-UP bottle and a piece of stolen garden hose. Compared to other bongs in Merritt, this one was disgraceful. So much in fact, that at first Chris didn't want to even bring out the "ghetto bong" until after it got dark. We all did a few bongs, but on one day, I think it was Wednesday, Chris did about 16 or 17 in one day, then passed out at 2:30 PM and didn't wake up again until 9:00.

Jeremy also made a name for himself with the beer bong while we were still waiting in the lineup on Sunday. He was already pretty drunk, then some people came around with a beer bong and convinced Jeremy to do a few. The first one didn't only have a beer in it, it also had three-quarters of a mickey of Fireball in it. Then, soon after, he did a bong with one beer and a large glass of rum and coke mixed together. He didn't puke, but needless to say, he was done for the rest of the night. However, he was recognized throughout the week by those who saw him on Sunday, and "Hey! It's Tan-Jacket!!" was heard on more than a few occasions.

Also, in an impressive display of beer-bongery was my cousin Tracy. She doesn't drink beer, and refused to do a bong all week. Finally, when he was drunk, Craig offered her $60 to do one. She was worried that she would puke, but she did it very well, and pocketed 60 bucks from a slighty poorer, drunk, Craig.

:: Intensity in Tent City ::

While it was widely known that for partying, Campsite C was the place to be, we did our best to make Tent City a good spot to party. Between us and some people we met from Chilliwack, we partied pretty hard, and it was lots of fun. The partying in Tent City culminated with 2 drunk topless girls making out in our very own campsite, and for nothing more than a string of beads that somebody offered them, Mardi Gras style.


Saturday, July 12, 2003

:: The Party ::

Tonight we went out to Roosters for Chris's 19th birthday. There were a lot of us there (Me, Chris, Ian, Jeremy, Sean, Danny, Amanda, Pat, Tracy, Jen, Dave, Neil, and Tanya) and it was a wicked night. We started out at the Keg for dinner then took a limo to Roosters and back. The night was full of highlights - hotboxing a limo, bodyshots off hot girls, cheap Corona, and then, to end off the night - 3 Pearl Jam songs in a row on the radio during the drive home - Daughter, Given to Fly, and Nothingman. Then of course there were the 2 trips to McDonald's and Chris lying face down with no shoes or shirt, passed out, in The Keg parking lot at 3 AM before Sean drove us home.

An excellent night overall.

Friday, July 11, 2003

:: No more fake I.D's ::

Well, today marks the end of Chris's fake I.D collection. Over the past year, as everyone turned 19 but him, he had collected a wide variety of identifications - he had a few from guys on his hockey team, he had one of mine, he even had one from Iowa that we made on the computer. But that all ends now because it is Chris's birthday.

Happy 19th Birthday ya jackass!!!!

"Marge, send the kids to the neighbours I'm coming back loaded." - Homer.

We're going drinking tonight (obviously) and loaded we shall be.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Weird things are happening to me.

For starters, I've been getting unexpected money from weird places lately. Not that I'm complaining, but it's all a little bit odd. And to add to the weirdness, something else weird happened today.

This morning I had some errands to run - I had to go to the bank and then the mall. When I first got into my car, I noticed that somebody had messed with all my mirrors. I thought that was weird, but I just figured Jeremy messed with them when I wasn't looking. He likes doing that. So that wasn't a big deal. Then I go to the bank, and when I get back in my car to drive away, I take a quick glance at my gas gauge - which I hadn't noticed at first. I had a full tank of gas. I didn't have a full tank before. I didn't put any in myself. On tuesday I was right empty, so I put 10 bucks in the tank, which gave me just under half a tank. How that tank became full is beyond me.

I called around. My dad didn't borrow my car. My mom didn't. Chris didn't. Nobody drove it anywhere. Now either this is some elaborate plot to mess with my head - maybe my dad or Chris did take my car out and they're just denying it. Or maybe some greater force is pulling my strings just for the hell of it:

I can see it now. There's God, maybe after a few too many heavenly Heinekens, calling over to his buddies. "Hey dudes, check out what I'm gonna do to this poor schmuck. This is gonna be wicked!" On second thought, I don't know about that. God probably has better things to do than mess with me.

And he probably doesn't say "dude".

Thursday, July 03, 2003

"Do you think we could be any cooler?" - Jeremy, asking us as we sat around in a deserted parking lot doing absolutely nothing.

The answer Jeremy, is yes. We can be much cooler. Don't believe me? Check out the new game we created out of sheer boredom.

:: ConeBall ::

So me, Chris, Ian, Jeremy and Sean were sitting around in a parking lot tossing a football around. One of us, I can't remember who, took a tall skinny traffic cone that was lying around and put the football on top of it, sort of like teeball. Then we took an orange, wooden tree stake to use as a bat. The goal was to see who could hit the football the farthest. We judged distance by how many painted parking lines the ball cleared before hitting the ground. Here are the results:

GOLD: Chris
BRONZE: Jeremy

Yeah, we're geeks. Shutup.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Well I have three reasons for posting tonight. Well, four actually.

The fourth reason is that it's Canada Day people! And I feel it's a good opportunity to celebrate the wonderful-ness of this fuckin country. Rock on Canada! Reason number three is that I'm drunk, and God knows I post sweet messages after a beer or two, or in this case, 14. Also, reason number 2 is that Jeremy told me tonight that he is sick of seeing my Sports Night quiz at the top of my blog page. But, above and beyond the previous three reasons is reason numero uno: Today, July 2, is MEGHANS BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Happy birthday Meghan, I hope your day is a good one.