Wednesday, March 29, 2006

For some reason, the realtor has put pictures and a virtual tour of my new townhouse after it's already been sold, which in some respects makes me nervous, like they're going to back out of the deal for some odd reason...but mostly it's good because you can now all see my new place, inside and out.

Go here.

And no, I did not pay that price for the place.

I paid more. But can you really put a price on awesomeness? Check out the pics and decide for yourself.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

"Who's idea was it to let me drink...ever?!" - Amanda

Chris: His hands are huge. His pinky is like the size of my dick.
Someone: That's unfortunate for you, then.
Chris: No, it's unfortunate for Jenna actually.

"I'm completely douche free." - Kels

"Ahh...that's good. It's like pissing in the mouth of God." - Buchs, peeing outside

"I've never swallowed a quarter but once I stuck a marble in my ass." - Lambie

And most importantly, this one, from Thursday, when out with some work people for drinks...
"There's nothing sexy about a guy who lives at home with his parents." - Brenda

No, no there isn't.

However, contrary to the post preceeding this one, that is no longer a problem for me, as I have bought a townhouse. But just like the first attempt (which I lost) , it wasn't exactly a walk in the park.

To recap: I had an offer on a condo on Thursday night, but lost in competition with two other bids. It was a stressful, stressful night that did not end until after 11:30 p.m. I was pretty discouraged, and worn out, and was planning on just taking the house-hunt down a notch because it was taking a lot out of me - time-wise, and stress-wise.

Then I found one more place and decided to buck up and look at it Friday afternoon. I put an offer on it later that night, and then waited. The offer was supposed to close that night, then was switched to noon Saturday, then five. The selling realtor wanted to stall in order for more bids to come in. As of 4:25 mine was the only one.

Joke's on her, I thought.

I thought wrong. A second offer came in right before the deadline, which meant I had to alter my offer from $4,000 below the list price, to almost $10,000 over the list price.

Yes, over. A $14,000 swing just because of competition. Guess that realtor knew what she was doing after all.

I don't however, feel like I got taken to the cleaners. After comparing it to other just-sold places in the same complex, this one was a little under-priced to begin with, and I still save 11G's compared to the one I almost had Thursday.

Plus I'm just happy I won. Like I told my realtor Dan, while signing the amped-up offer. I wasn't nervous, I was just getting competitive.

I wasn't gonna lose twice in one week. When I want to lose that much, I go play softball.

This place is also a townhouse, not a condo. The condo was in an old-folks area. This place is certainly not. During my two trips there, I saw four 20-something people, all carrying beer into their places. I saw one guy with orange hair and a sweet dog. And I saw two pretty hot chicks.

Score one for me.

Also its about three blocks away from Icehouse.

Sorry there's no pictures of the place to show ya, and I most likely won't move in until the summer, but maybe I'll be able to get some pics at some point before then, we'll see.

So that was the big event of the weekend.

In other news, I got pretty wrecked on Friday night. I slept for a wee bit, then went out for dinner with Chris, Jenna, Buchs, Kelsey and Amanda. After that, we ended up at Sean and Rachel's place, as we often do.

And, let me tell you, I got done. Bucholtz bought me a 26 of Crown because he owed me booze from a previous time, and I downed a little over half the bottle - normally it'd take me more to get that wrecked but this time it didn't. After a few stressful days, it was pretty fun. Amanda, for one, seemed to be having the most fun. Fuck is she ever molding into one fine alcoholic.

Nice work.

Saturday should've been a writeoff, because when Dan the realtor called me at 9 a.m. to tell me that the deadline had moved to 5, I was nursing one helluva hangover, plus I was just tired. I messed around on the computer for a few minutes, then went back to sleep until noon.

Then we hit the ball diamond for a little slo-pitch, and then I did the townhouse buying thing, which took me until dinner time. After that I ate some chinese food, watched the game at Derrick's place, came home and fell asleep by midnight.

All in all, a pretty stellar weekend (haha...stellar. good word eh Kels?). And like I told Kels, now that I have a house my awesome-ness level is bumped up at least 40 %.


Now that I have the townhouse more or less secured, it's just another thing I can check off my to-do list for 2006, along with pierce my ear and continue losing some pounds.

Now I'm pretty sure the chicks will be falling all over me in the next little while, or so I'd assume.

All I need now is a cowboy hat and a cut on my face and it'd basically be a licence to nail bitches.

I'm pretty sure that's how it works. (Or maybe I just came up with that cuz I've been hanging out too much with Buchs these days)

Thursday, March 23, 2006

:: Home-less ::

I put an offer on a place tonight, and all seemed to be going according to plan.

I offered. They'd counter offer. I'd offer again. I'd get it.

That's how it was supposed to go. Then two other fucking offers came in at the last minute, and suddenly we had a competition on our hands. I figured nobody else would go full-price, let alone over it, because the general consensus was that it was over-priced to begin with.

So, in a very "un-Nick" like move, I went all in. Full asking price + $1,000, just to get over the hump.

I waited. And waited. At 11:00 p.m. I was still in the running.

Official time of death 11:23 p.m.

I'm fairly confident the money was even between me and whoever I lost to - otherwise things would've been settled far sooner than 11:23...and I was super flexible with possession date too - I didn't care at all when it was, either next week or August for Christ's sake.

But whatever. Apparently it wasn't enough to get the job done.

You give absolutely every you can possible give - and then some. And it still ain't enough to get you what you want.

Story of my life.

Fuck this noise, I'm going bed.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Couple of quick hits...

First, for those readers who don't mind horrendous grammar, or none at all (Bucholtz, this is right up your alley), my old j-school pal Dale has some helpful tips for picking up women.

And secondly, on the topic of chicks, I laughed pretty hard at this yesterday, from King of Queens - a show which as of late has rocketed into my "Top Five Shows of All-time list" along with Sports Night, The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Rescue Me (honourable mention to The A Team).

Deacon: Women want you to think they're always thinking of you. It's all a scam. What they're really thinking about is girl crap - throw pillows, lotions, private schools, Lenny Kravitz and fat-free sour cream. It's never you man!

Maybe ol' Deke is on to something.

Fuck I love that show.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Weekend, in progress...

Buchs: Why's it called a blog anyway?
Me: It's short for web log.
Buchs: That's stupid. I'd have called it a wog, or weblo - that's way better.

"Why read when you can watch TV?" - Ian

"I'm gonna melt all my gold jewellry down and make an Oscar statue, but with my face on it, then I'll carry it around all the time. I'll call it a Boscar." - Bobby

"No matter how hard you try, you're never going to sound smart." - Sean to Buchs

"I'm not passed out I'm having a moment of reflection." - Buchs, lying on the bed in Sean's spare room.

"He brings a touch of class to an otherwise classless event." - Buchs, about Lambie wearing dress pants, collared shirt and sweater to Jer's birthday shaker on Saturday night.

Happy Birthday Jer!

Yes, barely a week after Kels turned 21, Jer turned 22, and I'm happy to report I was present for both occasions, as opposed to last year where I was present for none.

Friday was a strange one. For starters, I got a text message in the morning from Kels saying "Woohoo Kamloops already!" which was pretty surprising. I didn't know she was headed home for the weekend. Then again, in the loop I am not.

Work went as per usual, and I was home in time to watch the Canucks game, which me, Chris, Sean and Rach watched at S&R's place.

Then weird part #2 - we ended up at an unfamiliar Friday locale.

After that, starving, we tried to find a place to eat - White Spot (30 minute wait), Jimy's (too packed), Fort Pub (every table was reserved. EVERY table...fuckers). Eventually we couldn't wait anymore and settled, unfortunately, on Ricky's where it was empty because most of Ricky's clientele eat dinner at 4 p.m., and were probably in bed by the time we rolled in at 7:30ish.

The service, and food, to say the least, was shitty. We go to Ricky's for Hangover Breakfast quite often, and it's decent, minus the absolutely shitty service. Well dinner ain't no better.

All 10 or 12 of us basically ate separately, as they brought one meal at a time, with about 10-15 minute intervals. I got my food last, and some people were done by then. To top it all of, the food was marginal at best, and Chris and I paid $8 for six chicken wings. Yes, six.

The rest of the night played out back at Sean and Rachel's, complete with the usual hijinks.

**EDIT: After a not-so-subtle suggestion, I should also mention the weekend was cool because Katie was there, from PG, for the weekend. It was a Jeremy birthday-surprise (And a surprise that shockingly wasn't ruined beforehand). She suggests she's the world's greatest girlfriend, but I guess we'll have to let Jer decide that. Nice to see you again, regardless.

Saturday we BBQed some dogs and drank some beers at the Scramstad abode, with the highlights being our complete assualt of the JRFM phone lines. We called for everything - millions of requests, contest, just to chat...

In the end, Bucholtz was the big winner, getting on air twice - once because he won a Chicken Little DVD and dinner for four at Burger King, and another time to request a song for Jer's birthday.

By the end of the night, the phone line request guy knew us well, and when Jer called in the last time and told him his name, the JRFM guy said "Jeremy? Is it your 22nd birthday?"


Thursday, March 16, 2006

:: Random Points ::

Seems like the only time I post anything substantial these days is on Sundays after the weekend is over and the usual festivities have calmed down a bit. I figured I'd hit up the ol' blog with some bits and pieces of random stuff, cuz I haven't done that in awhile. Besides this gives you guys some more stuff to read, and I know how much you love me. Some of ya anyways.

Random note #1
We made our Final Four picks this week...most are pretty similar. Here's our picks. Keep in mind we don't know much about college hoops, we either pick the frontrunners, or the guys we see on TV, or we just pick at absolute random.

Our picks (the ones I've heard so far):

Me: UConn (over Duke)
Chris: Villanova (over Duke)
B-Rad: Duke (over Villanova)
Scotty: UConn

All the picks look fairly similar, although just to be different I was tempted to go Ohio State over UCLA, but that's a pretty big stretch. Anyways, on to other things people might care about...

Random note #2
Got my cell phone bill in the mail, and it was a little higher than usual for some reason, yet the text messages were WAY down. Only sent/received 106 last month, which is down from oh, I'd say 1,100 in previous months.

Don't really know why. Oh wait, yes I do.

Random note #3
The following two things have been annoying me the last two weeks: Work, and condo/townhouse hunting.

Rest assured, there are other things and people annoying me too, but we'll focus on those two right now. For starters, I have very little to write about at work - it's spring break, so there's no school sports. High School B-ball just ended. The junior hockey team isn't in playoffs, so nothing to write about there. Just very frustrating...

This week I was assigned to write a feature story on scrabble for christ's sake. Yes, scrabble. It didn't actually suck that much, and it turned out OK, but c'mon now. Board games? Perhaps a new low..and that's saying something cuz God knows I've had my fair share of lows.

On the plus side, my boss called me today on my way home to tell me another story I wrote was possibly the best thing he's ever seen from me, which was nice. Real nice, in fact, since he's not exactly known for dishing compliments.

On the house-buying front, I don't even wanna start getting into it. Here's the jist - everytime I find a place I like, it's either already sold, or is sold quick. And by quick I mean either 30 minutes, two hours, or less than a day.

Sometimes it takes me that long to get my shoes on.

Random note #4
Only two comments on the last post? C'mon, you can do better than that.

Random note #5
I've decided that the most frustrating feeling in the world is knowing that, no matter how much you try, you'll never end up with what you want. Whether it's looking for a place to live, or something work related, or something else, that's how it goes. And I don't like it.

Random note #6
Most people won't care, so just stop reading now, but here's my fantasy baseball team, in the league me and some guys from j-school do. In four years I've never done better than about fifth or sixth, so I went with a new strategy this year - pitching over hitting..

C - Michael Barrett
1B - Paul Konerko
2B - Robinson Cano/Ronny Belliard
3B - A-Rod
SS - Jhonny Peralta
LF - Scott Podsednik
CF - Aaron Rowand/Rocco Baldelli
RF - Jeff Francoeur
DH - Brad Wilkerson

P - Jake Peavy
P - Andy Pettite
P - A.J. Burnett
P - John Garland
P - Josh Towers
P - Jae Seo

Closer - Huston Street
Closer - Derrick Turnbow
Closer - Chris Reitsma

I like my team, even though it lacks power. As is the case with most teams I pick (in any sport), my squad is high on potential.

I'm always big on picking the sleepers - the guys who maybe don't jump right out at you, but prove to be more than worth it when all is said and done. They can surprise you - some guys, all they need is a chance.

Monday, March 13, 2006

:: Weekend Revisited ::

"I took a great shit earlier. It was like somebody liquified the Cosby's and fired them out of my ass." - Sean, in the parking lot after breakfast Saturday morning.

"Turn on the hockey game and suck on my balls!" - Ian's directions to his ideal girlfriend.

"I don't know why black people talk the way they do. Just 'cause you're black doesn't mean you can't pronounce words properly." - Buchs, apparently upset with ebonics.

"Pupperoni doesn't taste like pepperoni at all. It tastes like sawdust and cow eyes." - Buchs again. Eating dogfood? C'mon now...

"You might as well break the law before it's illegal." - Buchs trying to convince Ian to chuck a "mashed potato ball" at a street sign. Apparently when Ian's in the RCMP breaking the law will be doubly bad.

Somebody: What are the odds you'll lose your money?
Hammered Chris: What are the odds I'll have fun? I'D SAY THEY'RE 1:1!!"

"I think my brain is healed because my head is itchy." - Brad, with a little self-diagnosis.

"Does that mean half a sandwich fills him up instead of a whole one?" - Buchs, after watching a show about a midget on TV.

Yes I know this recap is a few days later than usual, but Sunday I was just too worn out and tired to write anything, and then work's been a gongshow ever since the week started, so here goes...

The weekend started off on the right foot, with Kelsey's birthday at the Giggle Dam. The only thing that sucked was that I had to be at work early on Friday (6:45 instead of 8:30), so combined with the night before where I worked til 11, I was pretty tired. Thankfully I was out of work super early Friday, and then waited for the festivities to begin.

And what festivities they were - even just the ride into Port Coquitlam and back. I was driving Jer, Jenna, Ian and Chris, and three of 'em (guess which three) wanted to drink a beer on the ride out. Normally I wouldn't really care that much, but I decided to be a pain in the ass so I said no.

About 20 times. But they did it anyway, of course. More on this later.

The show itself was a beaut - made funnier by a few "opening night mishaps." Derrick was the first of us to get dragged up on stage - to play a pre-show game where he had to hold a quarter between his buttcheeks and waddle a few feet, before depositing said coin into a beer stein. Derrick's apparently got some pretty good aim with that thing (there's probably a joke to be made there, but I'll let it go), and he won the contest, thus winning a free shot. 'Course, the losers got free booze too.

Amanda and Kelsey were also up on stage briefly for various drink-making displays, but the highlight was definitely Bucholtz, dressed up in partial drag dancing on stage to the harmonious sounds of the cast singing a slightly altered version of Tom Jones' "She's a Lady."

He was so proud of his drunken performance that he flexed on his way off stage, and 10 minutes later I found him holding court in the men's bathroom, talking about how he had solid dance moves because he's been hitting the gym to "work on my glutes."

Another high point of the show, unrelated to the show performances themselves (cuz it was awesomely funny in general) was right at the end when Kelsey's uncle, Jon, dragged Kels on stage cuz Tara and Amanda had a present for her.

Kelsey was not too impressed, and wondered who gets somebody a dildo and makes her open it on stage in front of hundreds of people?

Awesome people, that's who.

Then on the way to Kels's, Jer wanted to ge a beer from the trunk but assumed I didn't want peopel to drink in there again. So he opened to trunk to "put his flag away" (we had little Canadian flags as part of the show). His cover was blown when Chris caught on...

"Hey Jer, wanna grab me a flag too?"

The rest of the night was the predictable gongshow - but I only lasted til 1:30 then had to call it a night. I was exhausted, not nearly drunk, and I could feel GP's slowly creeping on, so I called it a night and went to sleep.

Amanda was still drunk at 1 oclock the next afternoon, so that puts the awesomeness of the night into perspective.

Hope your birthday was a good one, Kels. Of course, I didn't miss this one, so it automatically kicked a certain degree of ass.

Saturday most of us took it easy - played some baseball (we need some serious, serious work to shake off the rust. Between my inability to track a fly ball or hold onto a bat, and Ian's 15-foot-off-target tosses, we really sucked).

That night me, Ian and Buchs made ourselves a helluva feast for dinner - steak, various kabobs, prawn skewers, garlic mashed potatoes, and grilled asparagus. Plus some beers. It was delicious.

We went over to Tara's after that, and watched the Canucks game and had some drinks - a lot of people were out and about, but me, Ian, Buchs, Amanda and Tara were there, and Jer and Lambo made brief appearances - as did Jenna and Chris, who was HOSED.

He rambled on about wanting to go to some club, did a litle dance in the kitchen, then left, an angry and annoyed Jenna in tow.

Nice work douche.

Buchs ended up sleeping in his truck again because he's a retard, and that's about the end of the night. Although I was talking to Kels at about 1:30 or so - both of us loaded from out various outing. She was downtown and some bar with some old work people.

I got a couple potato-salad related text messages (we had potato salad on Sunday), and then I sent this one, apparently (drunken spelling and grammar not corrected): "We're drinking. I've polished off a 26 on some beers. YOud like me rite now - I'm super rad."

Well, I am super rad. Can't argue with that.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Happy 21st Birthday Kels!

You can now legally get drunk in any country on earth.

Hope your "birthday week" (nice invention by the way) is a gooder.

Monday, March 06, 2006

:: The weekend, a baseball legend, and a crab attack ::

"People over 50 will eat feces if they have to." - Sean

"I can't stand women. If they didn't have cunts we'd hunt 'em. And then I'd mount them on the wall and face-fuck them." - Jeremy, just mangled on Friday night.

"Grab my balls just don't hold my hand." - Dicastri, to another guy at Lambies. (can't remember who).

"I felt dirty after the crack whore smelled me." - Kels

Then tonight, at the Boathouse, courtesy of Kels again....

"I injured myelf eating."

"Gimme all your insides!" - talking to her crab.

"That's the best thing I've had in my mouth in a long time." (No I will not be putting that into context. Not a chance. I'll leave it to your imagination.)

This weekend was again a decent one, pretty much par for the course.

Friday night there was a Canucks game against Chicago (For the record, it was one of the most entertaining games I've seen all year). Like I alluded to in a previous post, we had no Slapshots to go to. Not wanting to kick a dead horse, I won't go on and on about that problem.

But on a similar tangent, we used Friday to try and find a new place to go.

It's pretty clear that Shark's Club is not that place.

Now, during the day Shark's a nice sports bar - it's only Friday and Saturday nights it turns stupid. And they've got real good food (ask Kels and Panda about the Mediterranean wrap), and they've got pretty good seating if you get the right table - which we did.

But our usual routine don't fly there.

I won't go into detail, but to say that crazy, literally psycho people threatening your life in the parking lot is a pretty obvious sign from the Drinking Gods that maybe, just maybe, it's time to mosey on down the path to another establishment.

Besides, it was too expensive for an every day place.

So, that being settled, we grabbed some booze and went over to our place, where we just sort of chilled out - we even had a fire in the backyard fire pit for the first time this year, so that was pretty rad.

Things got weird, however, when somebody noticed Kelsey's car was missing from in front of my house. Yup, stolen - or so we thought.

Kels called the cops, told her all the required info, and as she was pacing my front yard on the phone, she saw her car - three houses down, across the street, parked nicely in the opposite direction it was originally in. The cops hung up on her, and when they did come by about an hour later, immediately asked two questions:

"Is Kelsey here?"
"Is she drunk?"

Seriously though - her car was down the road, with no damage - no forced entry, no ignition damage, nothing stolen. Just there.

Somehow. (I have two theories on what happened, but I won't get into that now.)

The only spare set of keys are in my room - for those times when Kelsey the Genius gets out here and locks her keys in her car. And they were still there when I went to bed at 2:30.

Just a strange, strange event.

Tonight turned out to be pretty fun too. Rather than actually buy Kelsey something for her birthday, we went to the Boathouse in White Rock for dinner - which we've really been meaning to do since about last June.

So we ate quite a feast, which was highlighted by my inability to subtlely break a lobster shell, and Kelsey actually getting cut (twice!) by a crab leg. She had a deathgrip on one of the legs, and in her attempt to pull it apart, ending up squeezing too hard and cutting herself on the sharp little points.

It was still Kelsey 2 Crab 1 since he was on her plate, dead, but the guy still got one on the way out.

And I laughed and laughed (not at the injury so much as the fact that not many people hurt themselves eating).

And finally, I hate to end this post on a sad note, but I must.

Kirby Puckett, the rolly-polly former Minnesota Twins outfielder, died today at 44, after complications from a stroke.

While I've always been a Blue Jays fan - and a Mariners fan in my last handful of years once I began to re-love baseball again in my late teens and 20s' - I always liked the Minnesota Twins.

I don't know why really, perhaps because two of their biggest stars during the 1980's and early 90's were two guys who didn't quite fit the 'athlete mold' - Puckett, and first baseman Kent Hrbek. They were both as wide as they were tall - kind of like I was (And still am, to a certain extent.)

There were other Twins I liked too - Dan Gladden, Jack Morris, Chuck Knoblauch, but I liked Puckett most of all. His biography is on my bookshelf right now.

In his later years, Puckett suffered from glaucoma, causing him to retire due to blindness in one of his eyes. So he had a few medical problems.

But I never expected this, and now I'm just kinda sad.

I never really openly cheered for the Twins or even really for Puckett - in the early 90s they were chief competition for the Mighty Joe Carter-led Jays, of course. But they were always my "closet" faves - kind of like the guy who says his favourite movie is Goodfellas when really it's The Goonies.

Oh wait, that's me too.

Adios Mr. Puckett.

Friday, March 03, 2006

There's a Canucks' game on TV in T-minus 1 hour. Just now, the reality has hit us...

"Where are we going tonight?" - Amanda

"This sucks not having a good reliable place anymore!" - Sean

"Last night Amanda called me during the game and I heard noise in the background and figured she was at Slaps, then realized there is not a slaps anymore." - Tara

"Let's go to Slaps..haha, oh." - Buchs.

This sucks.

Say it ain't so.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I wanted to let the Slapshots: Last Call post sit at the top of this site for a day or so, but I figured I'd let you know about a couple changes to the ol' Classic Times. For one - as you can already see - I switched up the header/title graphic at the top of the page.

Secondly, if you scroll down a bit and look at the left-hand sidebar, you'll notice a Hall of Fame section - where links to the top posts, quotes, and stories can be found, dating back to the blog's beginnings, back when it wasn't called Classic Times at all - but In the Loops.