Monday, March 13, 2006

:: Weekend Revisited ::

"I took a great shit earlier. It was like somebody liquified the Cosby's and fired them out of my ass." - Sean, in the parking lot after breakfast Saturday morning.

"Turn on the hockey game and suck on my balls!" - Ian's directions to his ideal girlfriend.

"I don't know why black people talk the way they do. Just 'cause you're black doesn't mean you can't pronounce words properly." - Buchs, apparently upset with ebonics.

"Pupperoni doesn't taste like pepperoni at all. It tastes like sawdust and cow eyes." - Buchs again. Eating dogfood? C'mon now...

"You might as well break the law before it's illegal." - Buchs trying to convince Ian to chuck a "mashed potato ball" at a street sign. Apparently when Ian's in the RCMP breaking the law will be doubly bad.

Somebody: What are the odds you'll lose your money?
Hammered Chris: What are the odds I'll have fun? I'D SAY THEY'RE 1:1!!"

"I think my brain is healed because my head is itchy." - Brad, with a little self-diagnosis.

"Does that mean half a sandwich fills him up instead of a whole one?" - Buchs, after watching a show about a midget on TV.

Yes I know this recap is a few days later than usual, but Sunday I was just too worn out and tired to write anything, and then work's been a gongshow ever since the week started, so here goes...

The weekend started off on the right foot, with Kelsey's birthday at the Giggle Dam. The only thing that sucked was that I had to be at work early on Friday (6:45 instead of 8:30), so combined with the night before where I worked til 11, I was pretty tired. Thankfully I was out of work super early Friday, and then waited for the festivities to begin.

And what festivities they were - even just the ride into Port Coquitlam and back. I was driving Jer, Jenna, Ian and Chris, and three of 'em (guess which three) wanted to drink a beer on the ride out. Normally I wouldn't really care that much, but I decided to be a pain in the ass so I said no.

About 20 times. But they did it anyway, of course. More on this later.

The show itself was a beaut - made funnier by a few "opening night mishaps." Derrick was the first of us to get dragged up on stage - to play a pre-show game where he had to hold a quarter between his buttcheeks and waddle a few feet, before depositing said coin into a beer stein. Derrick's apparently got some pretty good aim with that thing (there's probably a joke to be made there, but I'll let it go), and he won the contest, thus winning a free shot. 'Course, the losers got free booze too.

Amanda and Kelsey were also up on stage briefly for various drink-making displays, but the highlight was definitely Bucholtz, dressed up in partial drag dancing on stage to the harmonious sounds of the cast singing a slightly altered version of Tom Jones' "She's a Lady."

He was so proud of his drunken performance that he flexed on his way off stage, and 10 minutes later I found him holding court in the men's bathroom, talking about how he had solid dance moves because he's been hitting the gym to "work on my glutes."

Another high point of the show, unrelated to the show performances themselves (cuz it was awesomely funny in general) was right at the end when Kelsey's uncle, Jon, dragged Kels on stage cuz Tara and Amanda had a present for her.

Kelsey was not too impressed, and wondered who gets somebody a dildo and makes her open it on stage in front of hundreds of people?

Awesome people, that's who.

Then on the way to Kels's, Jer wanted to ge a beer from the trunk but assumed I didn't want peopel to drink in there again. So he opened to trunk to "put his flag away" (we had little Canadian flags as part of the show). His cover was blown when Chris caught on...

"Hey Jer, wanna grab me a flag too?"

The rest of the night was the predictable gongshow - but I only lasted til 1:30 then had to call it a night. I was exhausted, not nearly drunk, and I could feel GP's slowly creeping on, so I called it a night and went to sleep.

Amanda was still drunk at 1 oclock the next afternoon, so that puts the awesomeness of the night into perspective.

Hope your birthday was a good one, Kels. Of course, I didn't miss this one, so it automatically kicked a certain degree of ass.

Saturday most of us took it easy - played some baseball (we need some serious, serious work to shake off the rust. Between my inability to track a fly ball or hold onto a bat, and Ian's 15-foot-off-target tosses, we really sucked).

That night me, Ian and Buchs made ourselves a helluva feast for dinner - steak, various kabobs, prawn skewers, garlic mashed potatoes, and grilled asparagus. Plus some beers. It was delicious.

We went over to Tara's after that, and watched the Canucks game and had some drinks - a lot of people were out and about, but me, Ian, Buchs, Amanda and Tara were there, and Jer and Lambo made brief appearances - as did Jenna and Chris, who was HOSED.

He rambled on about wanting to go to some club, did a litle dance in the kitchen, then left, an angry and annoyed Jenna in tow.

Nice work douche.

Buchs ended up sleeping in his truck again because he's a retard, and that's about the end of the night. Although I was talking to Kels at about 1:30 or so - both of us loaded from out various outing. She was downtown and some bar with some old work people.

I got a couple potato-salad related text messages (we had potato salad on Sunday), and then I sent this one, apparently (drunken spelling and grammar not corrected): "We're drinking. I've polished off a 26 on some beers. YOud like me rite now - I'm super rad."

Well, I am super rad. Can't argue with that.

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