Friday, February 25, 2011

:: Guns and Waffles ::

In recent weeks, ever since the countdown to Vegas has got into the 60/50-days to go range (I think we're at 40-something now, for those scoring at home) people have asked me what I want to do for my birthday itself - which is the first full day we're there.

Now, even though it's my birthday and this whole Vegas-for-my-birthday thing was my idea, I don't want to be the kind of person who says "Oh, well we all have to do this and then this and oh, then we're all going to do this, too!"

I mean, there's eight of us there for four days, and I'm sure we're gonna see more than enough of each other - mostly while shitfaced. And then I'm sure there will be other times when people wander off to do whatever they want.

When the 46 of us (it was 46, right?) went to Vegas last April, we did plenty together - gambled, played craps and then all hung out at ESPNZone for Colleen's birthday. And Christene and I actually went about a day and a half without seeing a single other person in our party (mostly because I was uber-hungover... 'twas not good). It was, in retrospect, a pretty damn good mix of organization and randomness.

That said, people have still been asking me what I want to do on my birthday. After careful consideration, I have only two requests for the day I officially leave my 20s behind:

1. I want to eat breakfast/brunch/lunch (whenever we wake up) at the Hash House A Go Go which is located at the Imperial Palace on the strip. I want to go there because I've heard people rave about it, and also I saw it on an episode of Man vs. Food. To put it simply, the food looks ridiculous. Like, enough to feed you for 4 days kind of ridiculous.

For example, take a gander of the following three photos from the Hash House. In order, they are photos of their pork tenderloin sandwich (yes, that's technically a sandwich... see the bun top?) fried chicken benedict; and chicken and waffles.

So yes, I would like to spend the first day of my 30s eating a disgusting amount of delicious yet terrible food. Because if your 30s are supposed to be about responsibility and kids and home-ownership and RRSPs, well I can think of no better way of saying "Fuck that" than by eating any of the three meals you see above this paragraph.

Oh, and there's one more thing, if you'll indulge me. I'd like to shoot some fucking guns.

You see, never in my 29 years on this planet have I fired any weapon stronger than a paintball gun, and while I have no intention of going on Ted Nugent on you, I would like to remedy that situation. Just because, well... just because. I propose we do it here - at The Gun Store.

(Now, I also realize that since my birthday is our first full day in Vegas, we may actually want to do other Vegas-y things on Day 1, so I'm OK if gun-shooting gets delayed a day or so. And if we do in fact delay, I suggest we fill the void by playing Beer Pong at O'Shea's. 'Tis a worthy substitution.)

So there you have it, folks. Guns and waffles. I am a simple man, and I don't think this is too much to ask.

Friday, February 04, 2011

:: 30 for 30 ::

Last month, Lanette – who turns 30 this year – posted a list of 30 goals she wishes to accomplish before her birthday in October. I, like Lanette, am also turning 30 in 2011, and while I am not scared of the big 3-0 either, it's probably not a bad fencepost at which to take stock of things and come up with some goals.

However, keep in my two things: 1) Lanette seems to be a much more professionally drive, goal-oriented, motivated person than me (case in point: one of her goals involves something called a vision board, whatever the fuck that is. Unless that means "get an eye test" you won't find that on my list.)

and 2) Unlike Lanette, who has eight months until the big day, I turn 30 in mid April, so I don't have a lot of time here, people. My goals, therefore, have been adjusted accordingly, although a few for later in the year still made the list.

So, with that preamble out of the way, I present to you, my 30 for 30 list:

1. Get my basement finished, or damn-near close to finished.
2. Install some shelves and cupboards in my otherwise bare, unorganized garage.
3. Find a new job, or get more serious about looking for one (ie: at least polish up the old resume).
4. Catch up on all the movies I want to watch. (Because I don't spend enough time on the couch as is).
5. Play in a poker game in Vegas.
6. Go on a trip. (Vegas already booked for my birthday weekend, so I'm one down already!)
7. Buy some bookshelves and a desk, so the spare room/office can be more than a storage pit.
8. Try not to meet any more people. Enough is enough.
9. Lose 15 pounds. (More is needed of course, but we've only got 2 months here, remember.)
10. Become more patient with my jerk of a dog.
11. Fulfill my lifelong goal of having a TV in my bathroom (see #1 in the list).
12. Actually win some money – however little – in Las Vegas for once.
13. Buy some more books for my Kindle.
14. Get better at Angry Birds.
15. Tell somebody off with a better line than "Fuck you, go to hell!."
16. Become a better beer-shotgunner.
17. Break 100 a few more times while playing golf.
18. Eat an entire large pizza.
19. Expand my drinking horizons to beverages other than simply beer and vodka.
20. Spend an entire day not wearing pants.
21. Screw it - spend two entire days not wearing pants.
22. Don't slack off. Follow things through right until they are finishe...
23. Find a good torrent site to illegally download ebooks.
24. Speaking of books, finish the stack of regular books I have yet to read.
25. Try not to get annoyed at Christene for leaving her laundry everywhere.
26. Continue being awesome.
27. Find out who the asshole is who keeps throwing garbage and apple cores into my backyard (and front sidewalk/boulevard, too), and beat them with a sack of doorknobs.
28. Fix the front gate latch.
29. Make fewer goals.