Sunday, September 25, 2005

"I wish that the song 'I'm too sexy' would play whenever I walk down the street." - Bucholtz, after performing his "model/runway" walk.

"When I get a seat I don't mess around." - Ian, after plunking himself into a corner seat at Mirage. He started pounding beers and didn't really get up all night.

After a night pounding beers at Jeremy's on Friday, we went to Mirage for the 'official' birthday celebration of Sean and B-rad's birthdays. Not being a real club guy, I didn't have high expectations for the place, but it was surprisingly a very good night. $3 beers and $2 highballs had their desired effect too - but after talking with people today, it seems like I came out better than most.

Nick 1
Mirage 0
Everyone else -10

I was pounding gin-and-7s pretty consistently last night, with a few beers mixed in, and Bobby was doing pretty much the same. He was the first to go - not even making it to the bathroom before puking all over the bar. He passed out in the parking lot (still puking) with Jeremy. And Gorski felt like hell this morning, and Kels said "I feel like death."

Normally, I'd be in the same boat - especially since I had to be up by 9 for a quick bit of work this morning. However, I felt fucking fantastic. No hangover. Not even that tired. It was marvelous.

Like I said, the night itself was a good one. We got there VERY early (we were about the only ones there for a few minutes) but it picked up quickly. Early on, the DJ/host/guy with microphone came out and said he needed 3 volunteers to try and win a free drink. Being it was their birthdays, we volunteered Sean and Brad. Some other girl was contestant #3.

The contest? Make the best sex noise without using any actual words. Sean had the mic first and was actually really good - he would've won had the girl not recruited her friend to do it for her. She was marginally hot and sounded really slutty, so Sean conceded victory.

Brad, however, was fucking terrible. At first he tried to slink off the stage but they wouldn't let him. He was clearly embarrassed - and I don't blame him, I probably woulda been too. But it was still a bad attempt.

"I couldn't tell if you were having sex or riding a horse." - The host, critiquing Brad's work.

The rest of the night got slightly more blurry. Spent most of the last couple hours dancing and hitting on some girl named Stacy, which was fun. I'm not used to getting that much attention at clubs, so I just went with it.

Even if my "wheeling" ability was a little rusty ("In pre-season wheeling form" according to Chris). He seemed slightly disappointed afterwards that I didn't complete the "full wheel" but I got effort points.

"You had the wheel going pretty good for awhile." - Chris

So that was the night. Not a bad one at all.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Another Friday...

"I should clone myself." - Kelsey

"Alex Rios is my boyfriend.'s a secret." - Kels

Tara: This woman called my work the other day and said she'd only speak to French Canadians or Jews.
Chris: Who likes French Canadians?

"Nigga's funny cuz I'm so white." - Kels

Kyle: I wanted the pink and diamond phone but it was too much money.
Kels: Why, did you grow a vagina?
Kyle: No, but if I did I'd fuck it.

"Okay fine, just drive home you idiots! I don't care. But do me a favour and both die at the same time so I only have to buy one set of funeral clothes!" - Jer, yelling at me and Kels before we left. (For the record, I wasn't drunk and nobody drove anywhere)

"It's like a hat..for a waterbottle." - Kels, talking about her new waterbottle's lid this morning (completely sober)

Last night was a decent one. Started at Jimy Mac's for dinner and a couple pitchers o' beer, then it was off to the Scramstad residence for some more beers. Hung out there the rest of the night with pretty much everybody. And me and Kels were somewhat shocked to realize that we were pretty fuckin' tanked and it was only 8:12.

We work quickly.

The night progressed as usual, with the odd hitch here and there. Then Kyle, Jer and Ian came home. They'd been out at Jer's uncle's place fixing his truck. But when they walked in the door, they looked very different.

All three of them had shaved heads. And Sean quickly followed suit and did it too.

Now, Jer and Ian have always had short hair, so they didn't look that different. But Bucholtz has had long curly hair for as long as I've known him - since he was probably 13 or something like that. He looked ridiculous - especially considering his hairline comes to a point (like a perfect arrowhead) in the middle of his forehead.

We decided that - not only does it make him look 5 years younger - his new hair makes him look like Dracula...or Count Chocula, whatever.

"He looks like Dracula, not Count Chocula you bunch of cereal munching idiots!" - Jer

"Weird. I'm hanging out with a bunch of white guys with shaved heads." -Bobby, afraid that some kind of racial hate crime/skinhead situation was about arise. It didn't.

"Now that you're drunk can you fix my hair?" - Ian

Then when it was time to go home around 2ish (I think), Kels was back in her form of two weeks ago, demanding to drive home. I don't know that she actually would have, but I stole her keys again anyhow, even if I got yelled at for it. (and told to "Go away and fucking leave me alone!") But that's ok.

"I don't know how we're such good friends. You should've punched me in the face." - Kels, this morning, about how I (and I alone) usually end up (undeservedly) taking the brunt of her drunken wrath.

It's tough work, this attempting to keep my friends alive and out of jail, but the next-morning "You were right" is enough for me.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Things I've been called this week by newspaper readers:

Someone who should never had kids (because "it's probably better that way")
A bastard

But now it's Friday. Let's drink.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

As some of the crew were playing a drinking game...

Kels: Hey, can I play?
Buchs: Sorry, no. To quote the scripture, 'No cunts allowed.'

"I wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on earth. I'd do the devil first." - Melissa. Can't remember who she was talking about.

If you scroll down a post or so, you'll see a quote from Ian (mis-reported as Jer though) about how you know you're old when you don't know people working fast-food jobs anymore. I had a similar experience last night, out at Blarney Stone with Melissa for her birthday. We were sitting there, then some girls from Melissa's work came by, so we all introduced ourselves, and then we all were talking about what we do for a living...

"Sports writer"
"Legal assistant"

For most of my life, I've been more used to lists like "Dairy Queen/going to school/drug dealer."
Just something I thought I'd point out. I guess it wouldn't kill me to hang out with older people once in awhile, who knows. Sometimes I'd imagine it'd be less fun - cuz I don't want to spend an evening sipping wine discussing RRSPs - but it'd probably be less crazy too.

Anyway, on to the weekend. It had it's highs and lows, but overall it was typical. Saturday night, like I mentioned earlier, was Blarney Stone downtown for Melissa's birthday. Me, Melissa, and Ashley started drinking in Burnaby around 5ish, then we headed to the Stone around 8:30. I hadn't been there in 5 years, and it's a pretty cool place. I had to leave a bit early though, but that was OK, better than missing out completely.

When I came home from downtown everyone was just hanging out. Nothing really eventful happened before I called it a night except Kels wouldn't stop blathering on about her shoes...and then she bounced around for awhile goin' "Wanna fight?"

Then I got punched in the jaw. Pretty hard (for a girl). But I got a few shots in...

Me (after a body shot): There, I got one punch in!
Kels: You didn't even hit me in the face! Body punches don't count.
Me: Yeah, but this way I get to touch a boob.

I could probably make another joke or two out of that conversation, but I won't.

Friday night was Shark's Club, and to be honest, it was nowhere close to as fun as the last time we went. I guess there was no hope of that place putting together back-to-back wins. Can't say I'm really surprised, but whatever. At least we got drunk.

Some of the Shark's events: Jeremy starting an arm-wrestling contest in the patio/smoking room; Sean being extra mouthy to random strangers, and then Sean snapping his cell phone in half, apparently because he was mad about something while arguing with Rachel.

Oh, and Ian kept demanding that I punch him in the face.


Saturday, September 17, 2005

"I went to the mall determined to buy something and I came home with a pretzel." - Melissa

"I can't even take you seriously right now." - Brad, to me when I had my hair in a faux-hawk at Slapshots the other day.

"This place is almost as crappy as it was before." - Brad ( I think) upon the re-opening of the 'new and improved' Slapshots.

"You know you're getting old when you dont know anyone who works at mcdonalds anymore." - Jeremy


Couple links to check out....

My iPod Shuffle thinks I'm gay

List of things that piss us off

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I was clearing some random files off my desktop today, and came across a file with a couple old quotes from Kelsey that I meant to post but forgot about. Better late than never I guess...

Me: Why are your socks 42 different colours?
Kels: They're my lucky socks. They helped me get a job today!
Me: They helped you get a job?
Kels: Well it was either that or my awesomeness.
Me: Probably the socks.

Me: I'm eating potato salad right now.
Kels: E-mail it!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Sean: Me and Rachel had sex in a hot tub in the middle of the afternoon!
Ian: Is that a challenge? Because I'll do her right now!

You hang out with Brad for a whole weekend on a roadtrip, and you're bound to collect some doozy quotes...

"They shouldn't go to jail, they should get a trophy." - Brad, on the people who dug the drug-smuggling tunnel under the Canadian-American border in Aldergrove.

"It's almost time I developed a gambling problem." - Brad

"Buddy, if basepaths were downhill, you'd be Rickey Henderson." - Brad

Slut: Do you like blowjobs?
Brad: Do I like Christmas?

"There's just two kinds of people who wear purple: The Anaheim Mighty Ducks, and homos." - Brad

"I gave her the juice. That's like a cross between the business and...more business." - Brad again

"I have a little more respect for Bucholtz now." - Chris, after him and Brad met some friendly black guys. Bucholtz of course, is 1/6000th black.

"We're still friends with you but I don't know why." - Chris

"I'm gonna change careers from a no-good son of a bitch to a ballplayer." - Brad

"They should've had a doubleheader today. The first game should've been all this Sept. 11 stuff, then Game 2 should've been Muslim Appreciation Night." - Brad, after the Sunday M's game.

Jenna: Can you believe we got all this beer, a sandwich, and two bags of chips for $30?
Nick: God Bless America!

Well we're all back from Seattle, and it was awesome. We stayed in Everett actually, at Jenna's aunt and uncle's house. They're rad people to stay with - they stayed up on Saturday and drank a bit with us. And the best part was that Kerri spent a good deal of the weekend questioning how a) Brad could be so dumb and b) How come it didn't bug him that we bug him so much.

(As an aside, here's a typical Brad situation. We were watching bullriding on TV, and Brad revealed to us all that he didn't know that bulls were only male, and regular cows female. I'm not kidding you. Nice job B-rad)

Anyways...the games were awesome even though the Mariners lost them both. The second game the Safeco ushers moved us from our top row bleacher seat to the near-empty Terrace Club, where the seats are wider and comfier, and the food is brought right to your seat.

We also took the Sounder train from Everett to Seattle for Game 2. It was pretty cool cuz I'd never been on a real train before. A good deal for $6 roundtrip.

The only part that kind of sucked was that the M's super-rookie, 19-year-old Felix Hernandez, didn't have his usual stuff in Game 2. The kid's a fireballer -and the video radar gun had most of his pitches in the 96-98 mph range, but he got a little roughed up in the second and didn't dominate as he's been doing so far in the show. Oh well, still nice to see him throw.

The rest of the weekend was just a lot of hanging out, drinking beer, chillin' and playing with Howie the cat, who I thought was pretty awesome (and I don't even like cats).

I think a few of us are also dreading our cell phone bills when they come this month, thanks to the wonder that is the Roaming function on our phones. Now, I didn't actually make or take any calls while stateside, but I sent out a lot of text messages. Hopefully they're still free like at home, but if not, uh oh. When I came down 2 weeks ago with my Dad I maybe sent out 10 messages, but this weekend I sent about 10 a minute. Sent some to people because I was just kind of bored, some because I was drunk, others because people wanted to know how the game was goin', and others I sent to make sure people were doin' OK and having a good weekend

And Chris and Brad called everyone they knew at 3:30 a.m. to ramble incoherently.

Nice way to spend those airtime minutes fellas.

All in all though, an A+ weekend, especially when combined with Shark's Club Friday, which me and Kels decided was one of the best times there in the past 8 months or so - at least.

And, for a change - she could actually remember most of the night.

Which was about the most shocking thing I've heard since February.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Well, me, Chris, Jenna and B-rad are heading to Seattle tomorrow to watch a couple o' ball games, but tonight was pretty damn decent too, and I hadn't expected it to be - at all.

I had to work today until 11 p.m. because the Eagles were having their season opener. I was supposed to be at work since 8 a.m. but because I overslept, it wasn't quite that early. Anyhow, I still didn't wanna be working that late CUZ IT'S FRIDAY. But alas, I was stuck. I missed out on Jimy Mac's and, because the game was so lopsided (Eagles suck this year), I left after the second period and made it back to Grove just in time for Shark's Club. Normally it's not my favourite place, but we hadn't been there in ages and everyone wanted to go, so I met people there.

Turned into a pretty good night - got decently buzzed, and sat around, talking mostly with Ian and Kelsey, and Sean too. We left early, at around 12:30, after Buchs and Derrick had already been booted (not sure why) and Sean was next in line after he yelled at some old guy for grabbing Rachel's ass. Me and him were ready to punch the douche in the face, but we relented, and just went home.

Well, I went home anyway. The rest of the folks headed to Liquid for the last hour of it being open. I'm not a club guy, and just wanted to go home though. Good night all around, especially considering how it was shaping up earlier.

See y'all when we get from Seattle.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Just in case you needed a reminder that pro athletes, and in particular NFL players, aren't all thugs, felons, or just dicks in general. Read this about some New Orleans Saints and the Hurricane.

It's an excellent article, I read parts of it twice - especially the following paragraph from wide receiver Joe Horn, about the desperate people being branded as looters.

"Hell, if I'd been trapped there, you'd be calling me a looter, too. Picture watching your little sister drown and you're scared and hungry and you don't have any shoes, and now two hours later you see a Wendy's or a Footlocker. What would you do?
"You know what I'd like to say to everyone stuck there? Loot my house. Seriously, I have a nice house in Destrehan that's full of stuff, and anyone who wants it can have it. Go on in and take my flat-screen TVs and raid my refrigerator. Whatever."

Sure, there are thousands of regular non-famous people doing lots to help too, but I only read Sports Illustrated.

Monday, September 05, 2005

"I'm going to get two tattoos - one on each hand. One one hand it's going to say 'UNLOVEABLE' and the other will say 'UNSTOPPABLE.'" - Kelsey.

"I'm a spy." - Kels again, this time excited about the hand-recognition system being installed in her new office.

"I don't gamble with horses, just my life." - Gorski (who else?)

"Pickles can eat my butt." - Sean

"I hate brown people. The only good brown person is me. The rest suck." - Bobby

"What did you do? You're a C*&@ that's what you did!" - Derrick, shitfaced, reading (then burning) a letter from his girlfriend. Or maybe that's ex-girlfriend by now.

Bobby (watching football highlights): That's my man right there, Daunte Culpepper!
Gorski: My man is Jesus.

"Oh fuck off, you'd kill a hooker if you got the chance." - Bucholtz

Well, this long weekend was an absolute doozy. Of course, It didn't feel like a long weekend for me since I'm on holidays anyway, but I'm back to work Wednesday, which I'm not really looking forward to, but I guess nobody can stay on vacation forever.

Friday things started off pretty strong with the Pearl Jam concert. Me, Chris, Jenna, Kels, Sean, Rachel, Pat and Brad took a limo downtown - and had the bitchiest limo driver ever. Most of us wanted to throttle her. Thankfully the guy on the way home was a lot cooler - and he didn't charge us $5 per unscheduled stop (even if it was just a 20 second pee break on the side of the road). Anyway, the concert itself was probably the best I've ever been to. Right from the start, PJ busted out all the classics - Release Me was the first. I guess because they weren't promoting a particular album they just played their old tunes - Wishlist, Release Me, Black, Alive, even Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town.

It was awesome.

We were all pretty drunk too, thanks to a bit of pre-drinking, and then a few beers at the concert. Brad was especially in fine form, but we've come to expect that from him by now.

A lot of people were out of town beginning on Saturday - Sean, Rach, Jeremy, Ian, Lambie - so we gathered the remaining troops and started drinking at my house. We BBQed some steaks and had some potato salad (although Kels ate the most of it, as per usual :P) Then we headed to Dave and Derricks and proceeded to get friggin blitzed.

It was a good time - Derrick was his usual angry/hilarious drunk self, and drunk Dave was Creeper Dave (again). Also at one point, Gorski threw an empty beer can at me, and so I drunkenly decided to chase him down Dave's steep driveway. Now, for one thing, Brad's pretty fast and I was apparently keeping up with him pretty good - until I bailed, did some somersaults, and crashed onto the road. My leg and hands have some pretty good road rash right now.

Also somehow me, Buchs, Bobby and Kels ended up in Surrey at The Mirage, because BK knew some guys who were gonna get us in past the line. Well somehow after we parked, Kels and Bobby took off for the bar, and me and Buchs were left wandering the parking lot. Buchs took a cab back and after accidently calling my dad instead of Bobby, he came and picked me up. Good thing, cuz I don't think 11 bucks wouldve got me a very far cab ride.

So there was a little bit of confusion, I was kind of mad, but in the end it was just drunk talk. I eventually ended up with Bobby, Kels and the Mirage guys at Denny's at 3 a.m. Then we were back at my place where I was booted out of my own front yard by Kels cuz she had to talk to Bobby.

Apparently I wasn't allowed to hear their conversation about golf. Fools.

Bucholtz was slightly more angry than me about getting left in Surrey, which was actually his theme for the weekend, cuz he was unneccesarily angry and snap-showish last night too. But excessive booze will do that to ya I guess. Still kind of a pain in the ass, but whatever.

He ended up calling the cabbie a douchebag before getting kicked out at 176th. Gorski had to come get him.

It was also revealed last night why Kels has said 'No' everytime I've asked her to dance when we've been at Roosters or wherever. Apparently I'm not on her list of "4 or 5 people" she'll dance with.

People on the list: Bobby, Brad, Kyle.

Ouch, that's a tough list to crack. :P