Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Couple of quotes from today at work....

After me and Steve were telling bad jokes and laughing about immature stuff for like 15 solid minutes. Also, we took one of the red editing pens from the Editing Desk and attached it to one of our California Raisin figures (Yes, we have them on our shared desk). Now he's our "editing raisin."

Steve: Jeez we're funny.
Me: Damn right. We're awesome.
Elaine: I think we're going to have to separate you two. It's like recess over there.

Quote from a story that Steve wrote...

"You know what happens in life if you don't take risks?" she asked.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

Sunday, May 29, 2005

:: Barbeques, vodka and getting knocked down a peg ::

"You can see my underboob. There's a freckle on it." - Kelsey, admiring her insanely red sunburn.

"It doesn't help when you bring out your 'ness." - Ian, hammered. Not sure yet what Kelsey's 'ness' is.

"Okay, this is what we're gonna do. We'll go get some hookers, some homeless midgets, and a big bag of blow. Then we'll put the homeless midgets in a room, throw in a can of Chunky soup, and see which one comes out with it." - Bobby

Chris: Where the hell is your shirt?
Ian: I got hit with a watermelon.

Kelsey: Hey, I made it through a whole weekend without hurting myself!
Nick: You're sunburned.
Kelsey: Dammit! I really thought I had one there!

Another Sunday, another crazy weekend to report.

Friday we had a ball game, and we lost by two or three. Kelsey and I weren't in top notch playing shape. Despite the fact it was 32 degrees outside, and dehydration was a definite possibility, the two of us, along with Tara, decided to go to the bar for dinner. We had one pitcher, then Jer said he's stop by. So we ordered another. Then Jer canceled.

So we struggled to get the second pitcher down, before heading off to ball. We weren't feeling so hot, and spent nearly the entire warmup lying on the grass in the shade.

Most of us went to Shark's Club afterward, and had a pretty decent time for a change. And more importantly, an incident free time. We ended up back at my place playing poker and I passed out on my couch at 3:15 after having been awake for 21 straight hours.

Saturday, however, was where the action was.

Born of a Friday afternoon idea for a backyard party/BBQ, we all loaded up the coolers with meat and beer and headed to the backyard. A better than decent turnout - me, Chris, Jenna, Gorski, Buchs, Ian, Jeremy, Katie, Tara, Kelsey, Bobby, Pat, Sean, Rachel, Jeff, Brett, and briefly, some guy named Duck.

So we sat around boozing it up and eating steak, and Jeremy's vodka watermelon was a big hit (even though only a select few pieces were vodka-soaked for some reason.) The best part was the ensuing watermelon fight, where I broke a big piece over Bobby's head, and where Jeremy facewashed Buchs with a big piece of melon. Outstanding work.

As usual, the point-by-point highlight package.

1. I'd like to share a story if I could. (of course I can, it's my damn blog). When I first met Kelsey, she decided that, out of all of us, I was her favourite. #1. Right at the top of the list. She told me that numerous times, sometimes while drunk. Last night, she informs me that Ian's now at the top of her list. This is, of course, only because Ian's significant other wasn't there, and Ian's a lot more rowdy and entertaining when he's left on his own. He's also got 'drunk eyes' which people apparently like for some reason. Anyhow, Im pretty upset not just to get knocked down a peg, but to get knocked down for Ian. I won't lie, it stings a little bit. Especially since I told her where she stood on my list. Newsflash Kels - now you're down a peg or three too! Ha!
Apparently I'm still ahead of Brad though, which I suppose is good.

2. When Brad gets drunk, he tends to lose things. Normal stuff, like his keys or cell phone. Not too out of the ordinary for a drunk person. He always finds 'em again. Ian, however, somehow loses more unconventional items. He lost one sandal (it was thrown in a shrub and he couldn't find it); he lost his hat (under the BBQ cover) and then he lost his second sandal after finding the first (it was at the front door, like it should be). He also spent time without his shirt, and his cellphone (in the neighbour's yard).

3. Why was Ian's phone in the neighbour's yard, you may ask? Well, he was standing on the lawn, beer in hand, talking to Bre on his phone. Jeremy attempted to 'pants' him, but his belt was on too tight. So instead he got a helluva wedgie. Now, in anger, it would've been wise for Ian to throw his beer at Jeremy.

Instead he threw his still-in-use phone. (ian said the beer was too full to waste). So the phone landed in the grass someplace near Jeremy. He picked it up, and put it over the fence. Watching Ian go get the phone was the funny part. Various people, including Ian himself earlier, had jumped various fences to get errant footballs etc. So Ian hops the fence, gets his phone, no problem, right? Turns out Ian was too drunk to climb back over, and it took him a good 5-10 minutes to get out of Darren's backyard.

4. Ian trying to steal about 10 packs of Scooby Snacks from my cupboard. He said he was hungry, so he went and got one pack. The next thing I saw was him trying to sneakily cram 9 more packs into his pocket. His stupid laugh gave him away. My dad made him put them back.

5. I'm not quite convinced Kelsey was drunk on Saturday. I think she may have been high on potato salad. My mom made a giant bowl of the world's best potato salad. Many of us had some to go with our steaks and chicken wings.

Kelsey's BBQ'ed steak is still in my fridge because all she ate was potatoes. She ate ALL the leftover salad over the course of two hours. IT WAS A LOT. It got to the point where she was actually talking to the bowl.

When putting it back in the fridge for later... "Okay potatoes, don't go anywhere. And don't get eaten!"

6. The real play of the day came when an unwanted guest arrived - Val. Val is Bobby's..uh, let's call her a friend I guess. She's nice, but annoying and the girls especially hate her. She had a mickey of Raspberry vodka, almost completely full. She went up stairs to play fooseball. When she returned, her mickey was full of water, and all the vodka was in a jug in my kitchen (plan devised and carried out by Rachel and Kelsey..and maybe Jenna I'm not too sure). Anyway, she comes downstairs, dumps "vodka" into her cranberry juice. Begins drinking...

"This doesn't taste like there's any vodka in it. That's weird."

Then she pours more and more in, eventually getting to the point where the whole bottle is mixed into one drink. She was still baffled as to why she couldn't taste any booze. Tara took a sip, and said "Oh gross, there's so much in there!" so that seemed to appease Val. She was just dumb and confused the rest of the night.

Me and Kelsey then ran back in the house and downed the jug of vodka in two drinks - one each, mixed with OJ.

I love it when a plan comes together. (Especially a hilarious, if slightly mean-spirited, one).

Sunday was recovery day. Me and Kels went to Denny's for breakfast, then spent the rest of the day, until about 9 oclock, lying on my couch watching the Memorial Cup final, then parts of baseball games, and a rerun season finale of One Tree Hill (guess who had the remote? :P)

It was a pretty fun day actaully, and I quite enjoyed myself just lounging around - even if I did get repeatedly whacked in the foot with the TV remote.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Tonight, we're having a barbeque. I'm sure it'll be awesome, so I'll post more later. For now, I leave you with these two quotes, when me and Kelsey were lying in the shade before baseball yesterday. I think she got a little too much sun.

"I'm so dangerous I should be illegal." - Kelsey

Kelsey: I'm funny.
Me: You're dumb.
Kelsey: That's why I'm funny.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Kelsey combines shopping and road rage...

Kelsey: I bought four pairs of sandals.
Me: Whadda you need that many pairs of sandals for?
Kelsey: Cuz I'm a girl....FUCKING CHRIST!!
Me: Uh..what?
Kelsey: This stupid idiot just stopped at an intersection with a green light. I should drive right in the back of his fucking Nissan Altima.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Public service announcement for any of my friends who read this blog:

Barring any weather mishaps, this saturday I'm having a barbeque. Bring you own meat, beer and, quite possibly a chair. Me and Ian are contemplating making a million chicken wings.

It will be fun.

Be there or be square. (And as Sean and Bucholtz always say, 'You don't want to be a square because a square's a silly shape.")

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

On Patriotism....

A woman in the office mentioned how she'd eaten beaver once. (No, this comment isn't actually the funny part, despite the fact the three guys in our department had to really bite our tongues.)

Steve: I don't know if I could eat a beaver.
Me: Yeah, me neither. I mean, it's a beaver, what do you do after that, wipe your mouth with the Canadian flag?
Steve: Yeah, then you pay for it all with loonies and go out and shoot a moose in the face.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Well, to everyone's frustration, my blog was down for much of today. Some kind of Blogger problem I guess.

I didn't really have much to write about today. There were a couple things I thought of throughout the day, but nothing note-worthy. Regardless, being that it's now past 10:30, I've forgotten what those things were.

But then something came to me...

Being that I'm the oldest one in my group of friends (24) I get mocked pretty good by certain people for being old. And by "certain people" I mean Jenna and Kelsey. Anyway, I realized today that I'm a "young 24."

How I came to my conclusion:

About an hour ago, for the first time in months, I talked to Doug on msn. Me and Doug have been friends since Grade 8, but I havent seen him since his birthday in February (despite the fact he lives just across the road from Jeremy). We did a quick bit of catching up, and he seemed pretty stressed and depressed.

Now, without getting into detail, this isn't that new of a thing. Doug is 2-months older than me. In his 24 years on this planet he's bought three different houses, two with his fiancee. He's bought two dogs, about 6 different cars, a ride-on lawnmower. And oh yeah, broke up with the fiancee.

He's got a new girlfiend now - who has a kid herself - and now he's indirectly involved with her various custody battles, and all the stress that comes with it.

It's like he's 40 years old already.

In the same time frame, the most stressful thing I've done is went to school, moved away temporarily, and came home - normal stuff for many in the 18-24 demographic. Now I mostly drink beer, go camping, and hang out with my friends.

You tell me who's old now.

Monday, May 23, 2005

After posting pics from this weekend's camping trip, I decided to sift through last year's shots (There's a freakin' ton of 'em) and create a "Camping Classics" photo album online, along with the current shots. I picked 39 of them, and they're posted here.

Also, all the different sets of pictures can been seen by clicking "My Pictures" on the left. The site was down for awhile, but it's been rejuvenated. That's where all the different photo albums will go from now on.

"Chris, where's your flashlight? I need it to dig a hole." - Sean

"I have lots of pictures of dicks." - Kelsey (this may or may not be horribly out of context. You decide.)

A pair of Sunday night moments with Kelsey and our camping neighbour, Mauricio - the dumbest guy I've ever met.

"Are you lesbian?" - Mauricio.

Once the answer to that question was deemed a decisive NO, came moment #2....

Mauricio puts arm around Kelsey...

Kels: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mauricio: Ahh, haha I didn't think so.
Kels: Next time go with your instincts.

Photos here

So we went camping this weekend, from Friday to Monday - our longest trip yet. Although many people came and went throughout the weekend (Bobby, Pat, Tara, Katie, Brad, Jeff) the core group stayed the whole time - Me, Chris, Jenna, Kelsey, Sean and Rachel, and of course, everyone's favourite stick-fetching party dog, Rocky.

It was, of course, a gong show of the highest order, although i didn't drink as much as I originally planned. Not even close - mainly because on both Saturday night and Sunday night the GP's came on, and i didn't feel like drinking. At times I felt like punching someone in the face actually, but I controlled myself and the feeling passed.

It was good though, and since there's a lot to cram into one post, I'll do it point-form as usual.

- Drinking a bottle of cheap wine for breakfast is a marvelous camping idea. Best thing i did all weekend.

- Brad found his long-lost chair, which Bucholtz broke and threw in the river over a month ago.

- Sean and Chris broke the chair even more, and threw it back on Saturday night. It was fucking awesome.

- Watching Brad, the 100-lb wonder, almost get swept away by the current after jumping in the river was fucking hilarious - especially since we jokingly suggested that would happen.

- The GPs came on one too many times for me this weekend, and despite having fun, I could've probably had a lot more. Partially my own fault. Again.

- White gas is an excellent way to start a fire - albeit a brief one. It's also a good way to almost burn all the camping chairs when there's nobody around to sit in them - right Kels?

That's about it, I suppose.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Two things I will realize when I wake up for work in 6 hours....

1. Drinking on a weeknight is not the greatest idea ever. Even if the people you are drinking with have upcoming 5-day weekends, remember: You do not.

2. While ultimately worth it in the long run, making deals while drunk on the weekend may come back to bite you in the ass on Wednesday.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Two best things I've heard on TV or radio this week...

Some Sportsnet News anchor describing a home run in a ball game...

"And like a disobedient dog, he's leaving the yard."

And earlier this week, Jeff O'Neill, the CFOX morning show guy...

"And earlier this week in (some Brazilian town) they held the first ever 'Orgasm Day.' They had a pretty good turnout, but I gotta think that if they had spent more time promoting it, a lot more people would've come."
"I don't wanna acquire new tastes, I just wanna get drunk." - Scott, who was drinking Smirnoff Ice, and apparently had no desire to start drinking beer.

"I imitated butt-fucking some guy the other day. I was pretty good at it." - Sean, moments after he busted out his "gay-voice", despite Rachel's disgust and objection.

Well, the crazy weekend is over.

Started out weird, definitely, but at least Saturday night and Sunday were pretty good. Saturday we went to Gorski's and got nicely wrecked, and everyone seemed to be back to normal, for the most part, although I'm never a really great judge of those kind of things, especially when I'm drinking. Regardless, it was better than Friday.

Then today was the Sunday Hangover Doubleheader. We had a ball game at 9:20 a.m. - it was not a good time for the Cannons to play baseball, or do anything really. I had about 5 hours sleep, and began my morning by chugging some OJ and promptly puking it back up while talking to Ian on the phone. Pat said he slept for about 40 minutes, and I don't think Brad had much either. He was drinking beeer the second he was at the field, anyhow.

We lost the first one by a couple - we played decent. Then in between games we went to Murrayville Pub for the brunch buffet. It was awesome food, although maybe not the greatest idea to stuff our faces before our second game.

However stuffed we were, we managed to pull off a win in Game 2. We crushed the ball - 4 homeruns, although three were solo shots. Either way, it was a good game.

We play again tomorrow, then have a bit of a break for the long weekend, which hopefully will be a shitshow. We're going camping, assuming we can find a spot to go. Camping usually goes pretty smoothly, so hopefully it'll be good again.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

More evidence that bad things happen when I don't get drunk on a Friday night.

Last night after our ball game (we lost), some of us went to Shark's Club. Me and Melissa hung out at my place til around 10:00 before heading out. I was slightly buzzed, and Melissa slightly moreso. We figured this would be the time to have a big, deep conversation which definitely put us in a downer mood before we even left. Me especially.

So at Shark's I wasn't having a good time. It wasn't anyone's fault, and I should also make clear that the reason I left wasn't because I was mad or angry with anyone. I just wasn't having fun, for a couple reasons.

Chris picked me up, and, knowing me, I probably complained too much. Things got blown out of proportion after I went to bed (or so it would seem). And while I appreciate people being angry on my behalf, it really wasn't necessary because I wasn't angry. And people probably didnt have quite as fun a night as they should have.

So for anyone who was mad/angry/upset/ or otherwise not happy last night, I apologize. It's probably my fault for being grumpy.

I really should "stop being a geek."


ADDITIONAL EDIT*** In no way, shape, or form, did two or three people deserve to get yelled at last night by people who had absolutely nothing to do with anything. I'm sorry if my grumpiness was misconstrued as angry, but nobody deserves the bill for my being grumpy, and those people owe the other people an apology.

You were either trying to help, or just spouting off because you thought somebody should get upset about it. But you just made things worse. Now it looks like I was talkin' all kinds of shit about people to provoke you, which didn't fucking happen. Nice job fellas.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Drinking problem? What drinking problem?

Tonight Kelsey and me watched the Rockets game on TV. (Damn Rockets, shoot the fucking puck!) Just a little while ago, I realized it was the first time since we met that we hung out without alcohol being involved.

I've known Kelsey for like three or more months.

Granted, most of the time we hang out it's either a weekend or one of our ball games, but it's still kind of shocking.

And awesome.

Monday, May 09, 2005

:: Courage..it couldn't come at a worse time ::

My timing is off.

There are lots of things I'd like to do in my life - some things far in the future, some things I'd like to do right now. My only problem is, many of these things take slight to major risks.

And I've never been the World's biggest risk-taker because I'm usually too worried about the consequences.

However, many people reading this know that I'm an occassional insomniac, owing in large part to the fact that once my head hits the pillow, a million thoughts start rushing through my head. And I inevitably end up thinking about how I should do this, or do that.

And as I lie there in my sleep deprived state, I work myself up and decide to actually do it.

Yes, I'm going to go to gym and get in shape.

Yes, I'm going to quit my job and go off and do something cool.

There are other things too.

The problem is, this motivation usually goes away once I wake up. Turns out I only have guts between midnight and 7 a.m.

Camping, in photo form.

Didn't take too many pictures (too busy drinking), but here's the few I got.

Chilliwack Photos here

Sunday, May 08, 2005

:: Camping Part III ::

"It's like watching a retard trying to eat a sandwich." - Bucholtz, as Gorski was trying, unsuccessfully, to do something (I can't remember what).

"Me and life aren't getting along right now." - Bucholtz again.

"Hey...you're dumb." - Kelsey, to me, for absolutely no reason. I was just sitting there minding my biznass, (after Kelsey and company wouldn't let me play cards) and she turned around to tell me that.

And here, Jeremy stops Gorski from re-telling the same story for the 50th time.

Gorski: That was crazy when I fell in the river. I thought I was going to die....
Jeremy: Quit living in the past Brad!

For the third time in the young spring/summer camping season, we went to Chilliwack River for a two-nighter, starting Friday. We went to our new spot again - although we've really began to hate that treacherous hill leading to the spot. It's not so bad when you're just going for one night, but with two nights comes more stuff, and heavier coolers, so it was a struggle. Once the drinking began though, it was alright.

I had about 8 or 9 beers on Friday, so I wasn't completely mangled, but lots of other people were. For starters, Gorski and Buchs decided to split a 60 of vodka...which was a mistake waiting to happen. Turns out that the first mistake didn't take long to materialize - As he was walking from his car to the camping spot with his gear, Gorski dropped his pillow in the water.

It wasn't the only time Brad and the river would meet, as the above quote suggested. At around 3 or so (I think) after the 60 of vodka was long gone, Gorski wandered off with Kelsey.

He came back soaking wet.

Turns out he fell ass-backwards into a pool of water, and was completely submerged. He was so drunk he just stood there, and couldn't even get out of his cold, wet clothes. Me and Kels had to find him some clothes, and Jer had to dress him. It was pretty god damned funny, although Brad didn't really think so at the time. The phrase "I almost died out there" was used so much it was ridiculous.

While Brad falling drunkenly into the depths of a local river isn't uncommon (Our other spot, in Fort Langley, is named Garski Falls for a reason), there were a few other unusual occurences...and some not so much.

For starters, on Saturday most of us started drinking as soon as we woke up (Breakfast: one cinnamon bun, one hotdog, three beers), so as the day wore on, things got messy. Gorski was rambling about how he wanted to drive into town, and we obviously wouldn't let him because he was tanked. Then he said he wanted to get something from his car, and Sean, who had his keys, didn't buy it, and wouldn't give them to him.

Then Brad got angry and yelled at Sean and grabbed his collar.

Then Sean punched Brad right in the back of the head as they tumbled to the ground.

Yes, Sean punched someone. And it was pretty funny.

And as for other events, well they were what typically happens when us and alcohol are combined. At one point during the day me and Kels decided that we weren't getting along. I don't know why, but we were cutting each other down pretty good all weekend. Even more than usual. All in good fun, of course.

Then she grabbed my hat and threw it in the water.

And then I think I shocked her pretty good when I yelled at her, even though I was kidding. I'm pretty sure the words bitch and/or whore were thrown around. oops.

"I never thought I'd ever hear you call me those names," she said.

I felt pretty bad, even if it wasn't serious. (Although nobody apologized for throwing my hat in the water!!!)

I mean, I call people bitches all the time, but not Kelsey. But thats' what happens when you're drunk since breakfast I suppose.

Much of Saturday night is actually a blur...I remember some random guys from another spot showing up, I remember Kelsey getting stuck talking to them and complaining later ("Why am I always a shit-magnet?!"), and I remember Bucholtz dancing in the middle of the road at 2 a.m. with no shirt on (His shirt was found the next day...on the road).

I don't remember how I got to my tent, but my last memory of Saturday is peeking out of my tent's air vent as I lied on the floor, and hearing Rachel's voice, and seeing Kelsey's feet right outside.

Then I passed out.

What a wicked weekend.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Some leftover quotes from the weekend:

Sean, taking things to new and creepy levels...
Jeremy: Well, I'm leavin'. I'm gonna blow this popsicle stand.
Sean: I wish I was a popsicle stand.

Sean: I hate this commercial
Me: YOU'RE a commercial.
Sean: Uh, no I'm not.
Me: That's too bad, if you were a commercial you'd be gone in 22 seconds.

This weekend really blew by fast, and it was kind of an odd one. Overall, it was good, as usual, but I spent a decent amount of it either in a bad mood, or feeling sick.

Friday I had to pick up Melissa from the airport at 6. On the plus side, Melissa moved here. On the negative side, it took me 2.5 hours to get from White Rock to the effin' airport.

Two and a half fucking hours.

God I hate traffic. And construction. And protests by truckers. Uggh.

So after eventually finding Melissa, we made it back in time for the ball game, where we got slaughtered. Everyone played bad, everyone (especially me) was grumpy. And by the time we started drinking it was almost midnight. The night was pretty much a write-off.

Saturday was better - we all got pretty loaded at my place - but it started off ugly. I felt like garbage on Saturday morning, despite the fact I didn't drink the night before. Which is why I've again come to the conclusion that my body needs alcohol on the weekends. It expects it.

And when it doesn't get it on Friday nights, it's angry on Saturday mornin'.

I made up for it at night though - got freakin' plastered, as did most of us, which was good. I had a nice beer buzz going until we started playing Moose. I had to chug the cup full of beer once, and was OK. But what kicked my ass was the second time...WHEN WE WERENT EVEN PLAYING THE GAME ANYMORE. I'm not entirely sure how Kelsey roped me into chugging the cup full of beer, rye, and pepsi, but she did.

It wasn't my finest decision. After that, all bets were off. I vaguely remember the rest of the night - losing at poker, watching Kels and Lambie go toe-to-toe in the living room (which was hilarious), and then stumbling off to bed at 4 a.m.

And, once again, I paid for it Sunday morning. I had a hangover til the afternoon.

So whether I drink or I don't drink, I'm always fucked in the morning.

It's baffling.