Sunday, May 29, 2005

:: Barbeques, vodka and getting knocked down a peg ::

"You can see my underboob. There's a freckle on it." - Kelsey, admiring her insanely red sunburn.

"It doesn't help when you bring out your 'ness." - Ian, hammered. Not sure yet what Kelsey's 'ness' is.

"Okay, this is what we're gonna do. We'll go get some hookers, some homeless midgets, and a big bag of blow. Then we'll put the homeless midgets in a room, throw in a can of Chunky soup, and see which one comes out with it." - Bobby

Chris: Where the hell is your shirt?
Ian: I got hit with a watermelon.

Kelsey: Hey, I made it through a whole weekend without hurting myself!
Nick: You're sunburned.
Kelsey: Dammit! I really thought I had one there!

Another Sunday, another crazy weekend to report.

Friday we had a ball game, and we lost by two or three. Kelsey and I weren't in top notch playing shape. Despite the fact it was 32 degrees outside, and dehydration was a definite possibility, the two of us, along with Tara, decided to go to the bar for dinner. We had one pitcher, then Jer said he's stop by. So we ordered another. Then Jer canceled.

So we struggled to get the second pitcher down, before heading off to ball. We weren't feeling so hot, and spent nearly the entire warmup lying on the grass in the shade.

Most of us went to Shark's Club afterward, and had a pretty decent time for a change. And more importantly, an incident free time. We ended up back at my place playing poker and I passed out on my couch at 3:15 after having been awake for 21 straight hours.

Saturday, however, was where the action was.

Born of a Friday afternoon idea for a backyard party/BBQ, we all loaded up the coolers with meat and beer and headed to the backyard. A better than decent turnout - me, Chris, Jenna, Gorski, Buchs, Ian, Jeremy, Katie, Tara, Kelsey, Bobby, Pat, Sean, Rachel, Jeff, Brett, and briefly, some guy named Duck.

So we sat around boozing it up and eating steak, and Jeremy's vodka watermelon was a big hit (even though only a select few pieces were vodka-soaked for some reason.) The best part was the ensuing watermelon fight, where I broke a big piece over Bobby's head, and where Jeremy facewashed Buchs with a big piece of melon. Outstanding work.

As usual, the point-by-point highlight package.

1. I'd like to share a story if I could. (of course I can, it's my damn blog). When I first met Kelsey, she decided that, out of all of us, I was her favourite. #1. Right at the top of the list. She told me that numerous times, sometimes while drunk. Last night, she informs me that Ian's now at the top of her list. This is, of course, only because Ian's significant other wasn't there, and Ian's a lot more rowdy and entertaining when he's left on his own. He's also got 'drunk eyes' which people apparently like for some reason. Anyhow, Im pretty upset not just to get knocked down a peg, but to get knocked down for Ian. I won't lie, it stings a little bit. Especially since I told her where she stood on my list. Newsflash Kels - now you're down a peg or three too! Ha!
Apparently I'm still ahead of Brad though, which I suppose is good.

2. When Brad gets drunk, he tends to lose things. Normal stuff, like his keys or cell phone. Not too out of the ordinary for a drunk person. He always finds 'em again. Ian, however, somehow loses more unconventional items. He lost one sandal (it was thrown in a shrub and he couldn't find it); he lost his hat (under the BBQ cover) and then he lost his second sandal after finding the first (it was at the front door, like it should be). He also spent time without his shirt, and his cellphone (in the neighbour's yard).

3. Why was Ian's phone in the neighbour's yard, you may ask? Well, he was standing on the lawn, beer in hand, talking to Bre on his phone. Jeremy attempted to 'pants' him, but his belt was on too tight. So instead he got a helluva wedgie. Now, in anger, it would've been wise for Ian to throw his beer at Jeremy.

Instead he threw his still-in-use phone. (ian said the beer was too full to waste). So the phone landed in the grass someplace near Jeremy. He picked it up, and put it over the fence. Watching Ian go get the phone was the funny part. Various people, including Ian himself earlier, had jumped various fences to get errant footballs etc. So Ian hops the fence, gets his phone, no problem, right? Turns out Ian was too drunk to climb back over, and it took him a good 5-10 minutes to get out of Darren's backyard.

4. Ian trying to steal about 10 packs of Scooby Snacks from my cupboard. He said he was hungry, so he went and got one pack. The next thing I saw was him trying to sneakily cram 9 more packs into his pocket. His stupid laugh gave him away. My dad made him put them back.

5. I'm not quite convinced Kelsey was drunk on Saturday. I think she may have been high on potato salad. My mom made a giant bowl of the world's best potato salad. Many of us had some to go with our steaks and chicken wings.

Kelsey's BBQ'ed steak is still in my fridge because all she ate was potatoes. She ate ALL the leftover salad over the course of two hours. IT WAS A LOT. It got to the point where she was actually talking to the bowl.

When putting it back in the fridge for later... "Okay potatoes, don't go anywhere. And don't get eaten!"

6. The real play of the day came when an unwanted guest arrived - Val. Val is Bobby's..uh, let's call her a friend I guess. She's nice, but annoying and the girls especially hate her. She had a mickey of Raspberry vodka, almost completely full. She went up stairs to play fooseball. When she returned, her mickey was full of water, and all the vodka was in a jug in my kitchen (plan devised and carried out by Rachel and Kelsey..and maybe Jenna I'm not too sure). Anyway, she comes downstairs, dumps "vodka" into her cranberry juice. Begins drinking...

"This doesn't taste like there's any vodka in it. That's weird."

Then she pours more and more in, eventually getting to the point where the whole bottle is mixed into one drink. She was still baffled as to why she couldn't taste any booze. Tara took a sip, and said "Oh gross, there's so much in there!" so that seemed to appease Val. She was just dumb and confused the rest of the night.

Me and Kelsey then ran back in the house and downed the jug of vodka in two drinks - one each, mixed with OJ.

I love it when a plan comes together. (Especially a hilarious, if slightly mean-spirited, one).

Sunday was recovery day. Me and Kels went to Denny's for breakfast, then spent the rest of the day, until about 9 oclock, lying on my couch watching the Memorial Cup final, then parts of baseball games, and a rerun season finale of One Tree Hill (guess who had the remote? :P)

It was a pretty fun day actaully, and I quite enjoyed myself just lounging around - even if I did get repeatedly whacked in the foot with the TV remote.

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