Sunday, August 28, 2005

:: My frustratingly awesome weekend ::

"There's so many hot chicks here... I might meet my future wife tonight." - Brad, at Roosters.

"Oh who am I kidding, I might meet my ex-wife." - Brad, minutes later.

Sean: Does anybody know Dave's number?
Bucholtz: I think the more important question is 'Aren't you...Dave?"

After some weird guy followed Kelsey from the dance floor to our table at the bar...

Chris: How do I know you?
Guy: You don't.
Chris: Then why are you standing here?

"Somebody bit me." - Brad

Bucholtz: I'm gonna buy a sword.
Jenna: Really?
Bucholtz: Yeah, ninjas have been coming into my house like they own the place, so I gotta put a stop to it.

Well this weekend had its ups and down. The ups - Friday night at Roosters for Jenna's birthday. It was, as usual, a gongshow. Much drunkery and buffoonery ensued, thanks to $3 Coronas. It also included most of the above quotes, and also a near-scrap between Chris and some very large, angry men, and then Bucholtz vs. the very same goons about 2 hours later. Nothing happened though.

For the first time ever, we actually got there before the place even opened - although me and Kelsey and a few others had been drinking for a few hours by then.

Saturday morning a bunch of us went out for hangover breakfast at Ricky's, then Bucholtz, Gorski and me went to the mall for a little while, and watched Buchs' blow about 300 bucks in 20 minutes. I, on the other hand, just bought the complete series of The Job - a Denis Leary series from a few years back. It's awesome - classic Leary.

In hindsight, I should've bought a backup cell phone too, cuz not even 12 hours later, I lost mine. Now, losing a $250 phone sucks enough - not to mention all the phone #'s I lost along with it. However, it's how I lost it that has put me in a bad mood ever since.

We went to a kegger last night at Dave's house, but beforehand, a few of us were at Sean and Rachel's, just chillin'. I had my phone then, cuz I was talking to Tara on it, and then we left. We made a quick stop at Willoughby to meet Brad, then we left for Dave's. About 5 minutes after we left the park, I realized I was sans phone. I just figured it was on Sean's table, where I thought I left it. No biggie.

Well it's not there. It's not in Sean's car. It's not on the ground at the park. I seriously have no idea where it is. But it absolutely MUST be at Sean's or in his car - but nobody can find it. It's like it just disappeared into thin air.

Of course, after I buy a new one tomorrow morning, It'll turn up. I can guarantee you that. It's so fucking frustrating it's literally ruined my whole weekend, which sucks because it was a doozy. Dave's party was pretty decent, including another episode of Kyle and Brad "Sharing" - that's the third time for those scoring at home.

Also, Chris was in his usual asshole form. By his estimation, "I bet 75 % of the people there hated me."

He says that with pride, mind you.

So that's been my weekend. I leave tomorrow for a day and a half in Seattle to watch some M's games with my dad, and I'll be dropping $300 on a new phone before I head out around noon.

In other non-aggravating news, my photos from Merritt are finally online, you can see them here.

I'll see ya'll in a few days. (And if anyone finds my phone before tomorow at 10:30, call me.)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Well folks, today marks the beginning of GongShow Weekend. Yes, I know that approximately 83 % of our weekends are gongshows to some degree, but this'll be especially ugly.

Tonight is Roosters - for Jenna's 20th Birthday! (Happy Birthday, by the way!) It'll definitely be a shitshow because, well, because that's what Roosters always is. Can't wait.

Then tomorrow, I just found out, is a keg party at Dave and Derrick's house in Cloverdale. And nobody can resist the lure of a keg. Nobody.

It's gonna be rad.

And not only is it Jenna's Birthday weekend, it's also the last weekend Katie will be here before she goes back to school, which sucks. But I guess people gotta go to school, so not much you can do about it.

At least we're not losing Ian to UNBC too.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

"Somebody could've walked in here and just stolen our house." - my Mom, after Tara walked in and dropped off a birthday cake for Jenna without either of us hearing her say "Hi."

Brad and me talking about getting back to weekday drinking once Canucks games get back on TV in a month or so...

Me: Our livers have had a year off from hockey drinking so we need to show 'em who's boss.
Brad: Mine already knows who's boss.
Me: Mine too probably.
Brad: That's okay, it'll be laughing in 30 years when it goes away. It'll go on a little vacation with my heart.
Me: Don't forget your lungs.
Brad: Oh yeah. Dammit, all I'm gonna have left is my spleen....Good ol' spleen.
Me: What's a spleen do anyway?
Brad: I spleens things.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Well, here I am in Vulcan, AB. Day 3 of my 19-day holiday extravaganza. Mike and I just got back from a couple days in Calgary - we stayed at his cousin's place (in the darkest, most sound-proof room I've ever been in).

The trip here Friday was actually better than expected - took 11.5 hours to get here, and just under 10 til I was in Calgary. It would've been faster had I not had to make a million pee breaks, but I guess that's to be expected when you drink a large starbucks, bottle of water, bottle of lemonade and a diet pepsi all before 1 p.m. On the brightside though, I did see a bear - near Revelstoke.

Last night we were in Cowtown, and we basically just hung out for awhile - checked out a few stores, went to Reb Lobster for dinner (and had the "Ultimate Feast"), then went and watched Four Brothers, which was awesome. Nothing out of the ordinary, but just a good action-packed flick that really had no boring parts to speak of. Also had a very cool car chase - Mike and I agreed it's one of the best we've seen.

We've also spent some time watching really bad movies, which really isn't that out of the ordinary for us. First off, we watched Evil Alien Conquerers - starring Oswald from The Drew Carey Show, the Mighty Ducks' Fulton Reed, and a uni-browed Tori Spelling. It really was a terrible movie, but it's funny because it's supposed to be bad - whoever made this thing had to know it was terrible right from the start.

Definitely entertaining stuff.

Not really sure what we'll do tonight now that we're back in the bubbling metropolis of Vulcan - probably just loaf around, get something to eat and watch TV, which is fine by me. Mike's gotta work tomorrow and Tuesday, so I'm on my own. I'll probably just wander the town for awhile, and when I cover the town from end to end (I estimate it'll take 15 minutes) then I'll just come back to Mike's and chill...and think about how I'd normally be working on a Monday afternoon.

I might post again before I come home, but I don't know. I do have some pictures to load up - one of a beastly yak we saw today that looked like something out of that kid's book "Where the Wild Things are". It was awesome. We named him Stanley the Yak.

Well, see ya in a few days. Enjoy working on Monday suckers.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

On the mole holes in my backyard...

"It might've been Digby. He digs - that's why he's called Digby. If he didn't dig, he'd just be Normalby." - Bucholtz.

Bucholtz: I lost my shirt. I think it's at Lambie's house.
Chris: It's probably lost there with Ian's phone.
Bucholtz: I could have a shirtphone!

"When my kid is 10 or 12 I'm just gonna wake him up at like 4 a.m. for no reason at all. When he asks why I woke him up I'm just gonna say 'It's payback, bro.'" - Financing manager at the car dealership where Melissa bought her car, talking about how his young son always wakes him up in the middle of the night.

This weekend was a quiet one.

Our crew was depleted fairly significantly. Jeremy is in Saskatchewan for family reunion, Kelsey's in Enderby for a week, Sean and Rach were MIA all weekend long, no even answering the phone. Ian worked late Friday til 11, and Chris and Jenna weren't around saturday or sunday.

Pretty weird, that's all.

So friday, me, Kyle and Tara went to Fort Pub then me and Buch's started drinking. A handful of people - Chris, Jenna, Derrick and Brad - were at Derrick's but I guess we weren't on the guestlist.

"We're coming over, we're coming over right now" was all we heard for at least 2 hours. So we drank a bit on our own, then when Chris and jenna came by, nobody felt like drinking anymore, so we went and saw Wedding Crashers.

It was a fucking awesome movie, really funny.

Saturday was good - went to Burnaby in the afternoon and helped Melissa buy a car. She got a 2005 Chevy Cobalt. Definitely a nice ride. Then we went out for dinner, and came back to Grove and drank a bit on the deck. Ian, Bre and Tara came by for awhile, but it was another low key night.

I hadn't seen Melissa in awhile so it was about damn time we hung out.

Nobody else was around again - Chris and Jenna were out getting trashed at Charlton family BBQ/Gongshow of some sort (nice 2 a.m. phonecall by the way, Chris. Funny stuff.) And Brad, Derrick and I guess Bucholtz were at a "private party" which isn't too surprising these days. Or maybe they just didn't have their phones on them. Or maybe they were shoved up a certain place and couldn't use 'em, who knows.

Just kidding, I don't care. We had a fine time Saturday night without them.

Only 4 more working days til I'm off for 19 straight. Friday morning I'm Alberta-bound again. But this time I'm only going for a few days, not 8 months like last time.

Let's hope the weather's better too.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

:: Monday to Thursday Hermit ::

Tara made a good point today when said that since slo-pitch ended last month, nobody does anything during the week anymore. I'd been thinking recently that it was just me who doesn't do much - since Chris and Jenna are often out-and-about after dinner. I, on the other hand, watch Seinfeld reruns and lounge around in my track pants or old shorts.

In fact, today I fell asleep for over an hour.

I am the epitome of socialable behaviour, let me tell ya.

Anyway, Tara's right. Since ball ended, this is the typical weekday convo I have with people (when I talk to them at all).

Me: Hey whats up?
Friend: nothin. you?
Me: Sweet fuck all.
Friend: cool.
Me: yup.
Friend: I'm gonna go.

Since ball ended, Ian has switched to afternoon shift and works every night til 11, and without softball Kelsey doesn't always have a whole lot of reason to make the trek across the Port Mann all the way from Burnaby.

And I assume that the rest of our friends, like me, just can't get enough of those Seinfeld reruns.

Well to adjust the boredom factor down a notch or two, I really wouldn't mind doing something the occasional night. If somebody wants to do something, just call me.

I may or may not be sleeping.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

On why Brad doesn't want to eat salmon for dinner...

"Who wants to eat the same thing as bears?"

Thursday, August 04, 2005

"It's not a zoo, it's a captivity warehouse." - Kelsey

Me: Oakland's stadium is in a pretty shitty part of town.
Steve: Yeah...Oakland.

:: Give'r on the river ::

"I'm so uncool I should drive a mini-van." - Keith, a 40-something guy we were rafting with. He was upset that he doesn't know what music is cool anymore.

"I don't understand why people come up to other people and say 'Wow, you look tired.' Basically they're saying 'You look like shit.' Would you walk up to a fat person and say 'Gee, you look really full?' No, of course not." - Keith again.

This past August long weekend was a doozy. We went rafting just outside of Princeton, and it was tons 'o fun. We'd went once before, two years ago, and I definitely wanna go next year.

We got a bit of a late start on Friday, because everyone worked til at least 5:30, but we eventually got our asses movin' in the right direction.

On Friday it was late once we got there and got settled in and set up, so we just started drinking. Heavily. Well, Chris and Sean did anyhow. Me, Jenna and Rachel probably had a few - I was reasonably buzzed, but Chris and Seaner were something else, let me tell ya.

Firstly, they were yelling at each other and ending up rubbing an empty salt and vinegar chip bag on each other - on Sean's face and Chris' shirtless back. It scratched both up nicely, and combined with the salty and vinegary residue on the bag, rest assured it stung 'em both good. As if that wasn't weird enough, the next thing we all knew, the two of them were standing 5 feet apart spitting on each other. The game ended when Sean got one right in the eye.

Classy fellas, really classy.

The next morning bright and early, after some delicious bacon and eggs, we hit the river. Me in my kick ass raft, and Chris and Jenna in the Party Barge - a big square inflatable 6ft x 6 ft contraption that, on first glance, wouldnt appear to be river-worthy. But it kicked ass.

We cruised down the river for about 3 hours, stopping periodically to drink beer and/or swim. Then lunch and back for the second leg of the river - for most people.

The seven of us, you see - Us plus Sean's cousin Steve-O and his girlfriend Sara - were stuck back at the campsite because a certain brother of mine locked his keys in his truck and BCAA had to come get 'em out. Now this tow truck guy (named Doug) could not unlock the doors, cuz he was clueless. He was there for well over an hour, fiddling with his coat-hanger like tools, trying to pop the lock.

Then Jenna did it.

To show how inept this guy was, here's a quote. Keep in mind Chris' keys were sitting on the seat. No windows were open. No opening of any kind - other than the cracks wide enough to stick the coat-hanger thing in.

Doug: Well I can't pop the lock. What we may have to do is just get the big, long tool and fish the keys out.
Chris: Yeah, well thats great, but how are you gonna do that?
Doug: We'll go through the door.
Chris: And once you do that, how are you going to get the keys on this side of the door?
Doug: Hmm...good point.

The next day was a scorcher - 41 degrees according to somebody who was there. So we again hit the water. The first leg was fun again, lots of relaxing, beer drinking and watching Sean and/or Chris fall out of the boat. Although none of them fell out quite like I did after lunch.

So we're heading down the river, and my boat had me, this annoying but nice kid named Devin and his whiny bitch, anorexic girlfriend Sam. Now Sam didnt wanna come at first because she "didn't wanna get wet." (who comes rafting and doesnt wanna get wet?)

And for the most part, other than the odd splash, the whiner stayed dry.

Then our raft capsized.

Beer everywhere. Sunscreen down the river. Sandals floating away. Man Overboard.

We were in a spot called The Black Hole - really the only real rapids on the whole river. We ended up getting smashed into a big rock and then we flipped. I managed to jump out and wade off to the side - the water wasn't very deep - but then I still had to get through the rest of the small section of waves sans watercraft. So I just floated through, occasionally banging my legs on rocks, and getting a few chunks taken out of my fingers. Nothing major, and itwas actually kind of fun. Since it was so hot it was definitely refreshing.

And even better, we didnt really lose much - Devin grabbed the boat, Sean had one of my sandals, his step-sister Brittany had the other one. We even managed to reclaim the sunblock. We lost a few beers, but they were Devin's so I didn't care.

Just too bad we couldn't lose his girlfriend.

Once we were all back onboard, Sam started complaining. Her arm was so sore "it can't move" her poor legs were bruised and cut and sprained. She was tired from thrashing in the water, etc etc.

She hopped on one foot the rest of the weekend because she was apparently too hurt to walk. Well maybe if you weighed more than 35 pounds you wouldn't have taken such a beating you retard!

God we all hated her.

Then came Sunday night - the party night. When we went up in 2003 we had a rule - nobody could come home with any beer. So if that meant drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning on the last night, then dammit that's what you'd do.

We all had plenty of beer left.

Because we had so much beer we changed the new tradition slightly - You could come home with minimal beer as long as on the last night you did your absolute best to drink it all. No pussying out, basically.

I ended up puking 5 times after doing back-to-back beer bongs, and last I saw of Brittany she was lying in the dirt behind her dad's truck puking beside her. A lot of the night is a blur, but that's really the whole point.

Next year is gonna be sweet.