Friday, January 30, 2009

Nick: Hey, how's it goin' man?
Sean: Just livin' the dream man, livin' the dream. Drinking every night, playing Rock Band.
Nick: That's the dream?
Sean: Yeah, the novelty's wearing off pretty fast.

"I saw a gummy bear on the floor this morning so I ran and ate it." - Kristyl, who can't control her pregnant cravings, clearly.

Hanging out with Scott, Chris and Sean on Friday...
Sean: So I guess you're in the only one of us with a woman in town right now, eh?
Me: Hmm, yeah I guess I am. I'll take "'Things that have never happened before' for 200, Alex."
Chris (drunk): Apparently some broad in the original Fleetwood Mac isn't coming back for the new tour, and Stevie Nicks didn't want to be the only woman in the band, so they asked Sheryl Crow to join but she politefully reclined.
Sean: Politefully reclined? Do you mean politely declined?
Chris: Whatever.

When Rock Band turns ugly...
Scott: Why does this one drum have a bigger mark in the centre of it than the other ones?
Chris: Because you take dicks in the mouth and God hates you.

"I only want two kids. Maybe I was rich, with a big house and a big yard, I'd have our. Then I'd just stay home all day and bake muffins, and pay to get my stomach stapled." - Kristyl, planning for the future.

Christene: I don't know what to get Sarah for her birthday.
Me: Well I've only met her twice, so I don't know what to tell ya. All I know about her is that she likes two things - the Cloverdale Rodeo and Bernard.
Christene: Alright, I'll get her a Chinese cowboy then.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

:: I'm going to buy a huge, gas-guzzling truck just to offset your bus pass ::

Except for the week I spent in Cancun, I have never once taken a city bus. Ever since I got my licence, I've always had access to a car, and my lack of bus experience is something I'm very proud of.

I know there are those self- righteous douchebags out there who like to get on their soapboxes and proclaim that they take the bus because it's better for the environment, and reduces their "carbon footprint." But it's all bullshit. The reason those granola-munchers take the bus is because a) they're too busy making hemp necklaces to go get their driver's licence or, more likely, b) they can't afford a car because they spent all their money on weed, wool tuques and organic fruit.

And today I realized, as I walked back to the office after making a coffee run, that there is something smugly satisfying about watching these transit riders run to catch a bus. It's just so demeaning.

Here they are, grown adults – some of them business people in fancy suits or other office attire – running wildly like six-year-olds on the playground, zigging and zagging through other pedestrians just so they can hop on a bus before the big accordion doors close.

I personally enjoy when they don't make it on time – missing by mere seconds, which then forces them to stand, out of breath, next to a bus shelter and any number of other grubby "bus people" for 15 minutes until the next bus arrives.

And there is nothing dignified or admirable about that – regardless of the size of your carbon footprint.

Buy a car, assholes.

(editor's note: Meghan, I know you often take the bus, so I'm sorry. At least you own a car, so this disqualifies you from the hemp-necklace wearing, granola munching category)

Monday, January 26, 2009

:: This is why there's still crime ::

14-year-old fools Chicago cops and goes on patrol

Police Chief: Jeez, I can't believe this has happened again. This is getting embarassing.
Judge: Yeah, just crazy. What're the odds?
Police Chief: What should we do? Lock him up? Let him off the hook? Send him to juvi?
Judge: I don't know. A stern lecture might do the trick.
Police Chief: Yeah, that should work.

I have an idea, geniuses: Take his uniform away.

He lucked into one, somehow, but how many do you think he's fucking got, anyway?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

:: Free T-Shirt Sundays ::

Over the past couple weeks, I've come to realize that I have very few t-shirts I could wear in a social situation, or a so-called "nice t-shirt" if such a product even exists, as t-shirts are by their very nature, casual.

I really only have 3-4 that I consistently wear, but yet I still have a closet and two dresser drawers full of shirts. This is because I have an absolute crapload of free t-shirts, that aren't really suitable for anything except, say, mowing the lawn, or loafing around in while hungover on a Saturday morning/afternoon.

And lately, in an effort to preserve my 3-4 good shirts for Friday and Saturday nights and/or weekdays, I have taken to wearing these grungy-looking free shirts every Sunday, because at the very most, the only place I go on Sunday is the grocery store or my parents house.

I don't care that it makes me look like a poor, or just a general schlub. They're comfortable and I likes 'em. Also, I have a general affinity for things that are free, or at least cheap.

Sure, I could go purchase some other new, better shirts - I am usually able to afford such luxuries as clothes - but for now I'm content to plug along every Sunday wearing the freebies. And because I've started wearing these shirts every Sunday, I've sort of began taking an inventory of my collection. As far as I can tell, I own 14 free shirts.

Two were promoting a high school basketball tournament, another one was from a basketball camp, two more were promos from triathlons I covered, and I have three from a bike race in which my company was the title sponsor. I also have a couple from a case of beer, one from slo-pitch, one I won at a pub, one that Gorski won at the pub but then foolishly left in my car (sorry, pal, whatever I finds, I keeps), and then, my personal favourite, which I really can't wear anywhere, even to the mailbox.

It's a shirt Bucholtz had made and gave to me prior to our last trip to Merritt MusicFest about three years ago. He made himself one too. It's a simple white T-shirt emblazoned with what was our motto for the week. On the front it says "Drink Everything" and on the back reads "Fuck Anything."

Yeah, we're classy like that.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

:: Up, up, down, down, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start ::

Remember the codes back in the old school video games like Kid Icarus, Super Contra and Bubble Bobble? The kind of codes that would leave you with unlimited lives or all the guns in the game in exchange for a lifetime of carpal tunnel problems?

Well, apparently - even with all the technological advancements in video games since the original Nintendo - some things never change.

We found this out last night, trying to unlock all the songs on Sean's Rockband 2.

As Sean punched buttons on the controller madly...
Chris: That's still how you do codes?
Sean: Uh, yeah, how did you think I'd do it?
Chris: I don't know. I just thought by now you'd just download some program, transfer it to the XBox, run it, and we'd get all the songs.

The only difference, I guess, is that we Googled the codes, rather than searching through pages of some old Nintendo Power magazine.

Because that's so 1990.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

:: Don't steal music, dick ::

One thing I don't do very often on this blog is tell you what to do (lie), or suggest that my taste in music/movies/TV/clothes/lifestyle/etc.. is better than yours (lie). However, because I'm feeling generous, I'm going to give you all some suggested downloads that I've come across in the last couple weeks.

I have a permanent file in the memo section of my BlackBerry called Tunage, which is where I jot down any songs I hear that I want to download once I get home. Ever since I got hooked up to Sirius radio last year - with its numerous channels and wide range of songs - I've been discovering a lot of good stuff, some old, some new. And some I'd heard plenty before but just forgot about. The selection really runs the gamut from rock, more pop-ish rock, to some rap (which most of you will hate), and even a Willie Nelson song.

So, without further adieu, here's some stuff you should find online or elsewhere.*

MGMT "Time To Pretend" "Electric Feel" "Kids"
Poppy rock that's catchy as fuck. The first song plays during the opening montage of the movie 21, and I discovered the rest after that. It's sort of Killers-ish, I guess, with it's poppy/electro feel, which makes it odd that I'd recommend it, because I really dislike The Killers. However, these three songs are pretty rad, especially Time to Pretend, which promotes illicit drug use and sleeping with models (and then dumping the models when they're old and pregnant). It's a good message for the kids.

Kings of Leon "Sex on Fire" "Use Somebody"
I'm sure you've heard Sex on Fire on the radio, but Use Somebody may be better. Everytime I hear Sex on Fire, I think of my Kamloops road trip last fall, and that makes me happy.

The Mars Volta "The Widow"
No idea how old or new this song is, and all I know of The Mars Volta is that some of the guys in the band used to be in At the Drive-In. Also, I know that I really like this song.

Willie Nelson "Blue Skies"
This is a weird, low-key cover of a song originally done by some dude named Irving Berlin (I Googled it). I have no idea why I like this song - I guarantee nobody else will - but I do. Maybe it has something to do with my general good mood, of late. Who knows.

The Raconteurs "Consolers of the Lonely"
Not the best Raconteurs song I've ever heard, but I still like it, and still turn it up every time it comes on the radio.

Counting Crows "A Long December"
I know, I know - everybody on the planet has heard this fucking song before. But I hadn't heard it in a long time, realized I didn't have it in my iTunes library, so I went out and got it and quickly realized why it's probably my favourite Counting Crows song. Best listened to while drunk.

Spacehog "In the meantime"
Old song from the 1990s that I heard on Sirius's grunge channel. Maybe you think you don't recognize it, but once you hear it, I'm sure you'll realize you have.

T.I. "Whatever you like" "Live your life"
Yes, here's the aforementioned rap that many of you won't like, but I do because a) it's catchy, and b) like the Kings of Leon, it reminds me of my Kamloops road trip, and Whatever you Like has actually become something of an inside joke amongst a few friends and I.

Yellowcard "Rough landing, Holly"
Don't have much to say about this song. I just like it.

One Day as a Lion "Wild International"
If you listen to this and think it sounds familiar, you're right - it does. Sounds an awful lot like Rage Against the Machine, right? That's because it's former/current? Rage guy Zach De La Rocha and the ex-drummer from The Mars Volta. As far as I know, it's the only song they've released so far.

So there you have it, ladies. Don't ever say I never did nothing for ya.

*Classic Times does not condone the illegal downloading of music. Buy it on iTunes or something. Or just drive over to Lars Ulrich's house and empty your pockets.
:: Casual conversation ::

Earlier this week, Lanette wrote about her office's dress code, or lack thereof, and how even though she could dress like a slob, she chooses not to.

Very admirable.

If I was in her shoes, I'd probably wear slippers, track pants and my Boston Red Sox hat to work five days a week. And I'd only shower on Tuesdays (as opposed to my current schedule, which is Wednesdays only, plus every second civic holiday).

At my office, there is no official dress code, although I'm expected to look presentable. My boss has stated previously that he doesn't notice nor care what we wear, but did say that the boss directly above him does notice. Which basically boils down to business casual for all of us.

I basically rotate through three or four golf/polo shirts and about five dress shirts, and I wear jeans probably two or three times a week. And once in awhile, I dress up a little bit, for the sole purpose of making sure my boss's boss notices, and realizes that I'm not a complete slob. That way, on a Friday, I can wear my old college hoodie overtop of a T-shirt without anyone batting an eye. (And if anyone does bat an eye, the old 'it's way too cold in here not to be wearing a sweater,' excuse works every time, because the heat in our office sucks).

But this all brings me back to today.

In an effort to look like I can dress myself, I'm wearing black dress pants and a white dress shirt underneath a nice black and grey (or charcoal, for those of you who read labels or are gay) argyle-ish sweater. Plus I'm wearing some black leather dress shoes.

Keep in mind, there is no reason for me to look this way. I could've easily worn my green Nike golf shirt (untucked) any one of my nine pairs of American Eagle jeans, plus my beat-up Adidas sneakers, and I'd be fine.
But I thought I'd look more professional, for one day at least. Other than a regular compliment from my boss, who liked my sweater, it took all of five minutes for me to wish I hadn't got dressed up at all.

First person to see me in the morning, right at the back door: "Ooh, look at you, all fancy."

Yeah, thanks.

Second person: "Why are you are gussied up today?"

No reason. (And yes, they said 'gussied')

Third person, a few hours later: "Ooooh, nice sweater. Why are you all formal and fancy today? Why no jeans?"

My answer? A lie, of course.

"I have a job interview right after work. With (insert name of our competing company)."

That shut them the fuck up.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

:: The more things change... ::

"You have to make your own entertainment. I'm like an amusement McGuyver." - Christene

"You and Christene are so much alike, it's like I cloned her and now I get twice the fun." - Kristyl

Watching football...
Jenna: Hey, why does that referee have a big "U" on the back of his jersey?
Nick: He's the umpire.
Jenna: Ha, that's funny.
Nick: If you like that, wait 'til you see the Back Judge.
(short pause)
Jenna: Ooh, I get it.
Chris: I love back judges.

"I know what it tastes like if it comes from a box." - Kristyl, discussing the merits of store-bought cake versus homemade.

Skytrain drunk: I'm kinda drunk. I could definitely drink for another 3 to 6 hours.
Friend: 3 to 6? That's quite a wide range... why not 7?
Skytrain drunk: Don't be ridiculous.

"I hate that bitch. It should be illegal to suck that much dick." - Skytrain drunk, loudly on his cell phone.

At the end of every year, it's common - expected almost - for people to think up a bunch of things they want to change about their lives, and then go out and do it. Last year, as you may remember, I had a pretty excellent year, and wasn't looking to change that much. And while a couple things have changed already, I'm not complaining.

And last night, after I'd polished off a couple caesars (double caesars, actually) plus at least a half bottle of wine, I realized that the 2008 version of my life and the current '09 version could be summed up quite accurately simply by looking at my Saturday nights, past and present.

A pre-2009 Saturday night usually involved some late afternoon beers with whoever was around (or just by myself, if people were busy), which would then be followed by a trip to a pub to watch some type of sporting event on TV, drink a bunch more and eat some nachos.

At that point, the drinking would either continue at the pub, or we'd hit up a liquor store and end up at Ian's house or my parents house, or Jer's, where we'd polish off however many beers we had just purchased while playing Wii or PS3. Then suddenly, once Ian began talking nonsense or Chris became his drunken ornery self, we'd realize it was 4 in the morning, and find ourselves a way to get home.

Then, once I'd get home, I'd usually stumble up the stairs, throwing my jacket and shoes wherever I felt like, make myself a grilled cheese sandwich, watch some sports highlights for awhile, then go to bed.

Then I'd wake up at 11, chug some water, take some Tylenol, and go back to bed until at least noon, at which point I'd peel myself out of bed, ready to face what was left of the day.

But yesterday, Saturday, was different. Although I was no more productive than usual, I did go to work for a few hours, then came home by mid-afternoon, at which point I didn't pre-drink by myself, but instead took a delightful nap.

Then I woke up, had a shower and generally made myself presentable, waited for Christene to arrive, then went to Kristyl and Jason's stone-cooking soiree, which originally was meant to be for 6 people, but once the list was pared down to A-listers only, turned into just the four of us, which was much better.

And unlike previous Saturdays, I wasn't already half-cut upon arrival, and instead of the sounds of sports and yelling in the background (which are just fine, by the way) there was overly fancy jazzy "dinner music" playing in the background because I think Kristyl was trying to impress us.

Then we cooked our own food, drank wine instead of Jagerbombs, and then hung out for awhile. Then, around midnight, we grabbed a cab and went home, at which point we did not make any grilled cheese sandwiches, nor watch sports.

And we woke up at 9 instead of noon.

Now, keep in mind that I don't prefer one Saturday over the other - both versions involved getting pretty drunk, and both were a definite good time. They just seemed like polar opposites of each other.

One on hand, I really like grilled cheese sandwiches. But on the other, I'm not sad, drunk and alone at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning.

Actually, now that I think of it, maybe things aren't that different. Even though I woke up early today, I still required Tylenol, and I did in fact go back to bed until 12:30.

And I think I'm gonna make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.

Monday, January 05, 2009

:: Quotes, quotes, quotes, quotes, quotes ::

From work to Beer Day to any number of events, here's some quotes from the past week or so...

"People put so much lame stuff on their Lavalife and Plenty of Fish and so likes long walks, lattes on a cold Sunday... that's such horseshit. If I was on there, I'd get so much attention - 'Kristyl likes BJs and barbecues' is what my profile would say." - Kristyl, who is married. (and pregnant, too)

"The only reason I didn't eat half that (pot) cookie was because I was already wacked out on a bunch of other drugs." - Sean, reminiscing about his past habits, as well as a now famous trip to the Okanagan from years ago, in which a gas station stranger handed out some free baked goods. (editor's note: haha..baked. I'm so clever)

"After I book this trip my credit card is going to continue to cry and be emo, and my savings account is going to punch me in the box." - Meghan, going to Cuba.

"The bathroom is upstairs but I'd let it air out for awhile. I was just in there and I purposely didn't turn the fan on." - Bucholtz, pleased with himself during Beer Day at Scotty's.

"People who say you can have fun without alcohol are lying." - Kristyl, who can't drink since she's knocked up.

"I'd let Matthew McConaughey blow me if he asked." - Bucholtz, drunk on Beer Day.

"If you saw this puppy you would die of love." - Amanda, looking at a picture of a Shiba Inu puppy.

Watching a football game, where the team punted instead of trying to kick a ridiculously long field goal...
Buchs: I could kick that.
Sean: I know nothing about football, or kickoffs...or yards, but you could not kick a 62-yard field goal.

"If that fucking gecko tells me to buy insurance one more time I'm gonna punch him in the eye." - Bucholtz, watching TV.

Sean: Whose idea was it to watch Space Jam?
Scott, not impressed: I don't know, probably one of the three-holes' ideas.

Lance: I had to watch the worst chick flick the other night. It was so bad that I'll lose all respect for you if you say you like it.
Kristyl: What was it?
Lance: P.S. I Love You
Kristyl: Oh, I love that movie! Didn't you cry?
Lance: Only because of the time I had wasted in watching it.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

:: 365 ::

"If I get sick this year, I'm kicking God's ass." - Kelsey

"Rachel has some strange obsession with the gym. It's really weird, but I'm not complaining - it makes her ass tight." - Sean

"It looked like he washed his face with a dirtier face." - Jer, talking about some dirty guy who was fired from his company.

"A girl throwing something to another girl, what did you think was going to happen? There were only two things wrong with that - throwing ability and catching ability." - Bucholtz, after two of our friends apparently failed to connect when passing each other something (I can't remember what or who)

Bucholtz: Why does everybody think I'm such a dick?
Me: Well I like you, but I've known you since you were 12 so I've gotten used to you.
Bucholtz: And by "used to me" you mean "adjusted to my wickedness."

"My mom's talking about pearl necklaces!" Kristyl, New Year's Eve at the Greek restaurant a bunch of us went to for dinner, talking a little too loud in a public place.

"I wear shorts in the summer because it's hot." - Sean, auditioning for the role of Captain Obvious.

Ian: Heeeey Nick, whadda you think about Rachel's tits?
Me: Uhhh...what?
Rachel: It's OK, they are pretty nice. And I get to touch them every day.
Ian: I get to touch them every day in my mind.

"I never say anything funny!" - Katie, aka The Wet Blanket aka WB, sad that she doesn't make enough appearances on this blog.

"I'm having an affair with your wife!" - unknown. I can't remember who said this, as I was in the other room at the time, but it obviously came after somebody obviously kissed somebody else's wife when the clock struck midnight. I heard it in the background and just thought it was funny at the time.

"I smell like vomit and maple syrup." - Christene, after hangover breakfast at Ricky's.

Bucholtz: It's about time stupid, ol' 2008 was over. I was getting pretty tired of that year.
Me: Yeah, it's old news.
Bucholtz: Straight up. Fuck 2008.

So...that was 2008.

I don't have too much to write about the past year, to be honest. It was a pretty good year for all intents and purposes. Nothing earthshattering happened to me personally - there were no groundbreaking moments or anything, but all in all, it was just a solid, entertaining 12 months. Maybe the best in recent memory.

Went to a couple weddings. Made two trips to Vegas (with a third booked for March!). The Cannons finally won Funtastic (editor's note: Fuck ya we did!). I got to spent some serious time watching my favourite hockey team from the press box, which checked off one of my life goals.

I got to be there in person to see Trevor Linden's number raised to the rafters, I went rafting, camping, curling for the first time and did plenty of golfing, too. Even bought some sweet new clubs.

And I expanded my social circle considerably as well, which is probably the part of the year I'm happiest about. As lovable as I am, I don't always meet a lot of new people that I like or that like me, and now between all my pals at the office and the patrons of the WGP, well, I have quite a few more friends than I did at this time last year, and that's good.

There was the odd shitty thing, of course. We had to put poor old Digby down, and now, for the first time since I was about seven years old, I don't have any dogs. I miss that little guy, and every time I go to my parent's house, I still open the front door slowly and carefully because I expect him to be curled up against it on the inside (that's where he slept). Old habits, I guess.

And more recently, my aunt passed away, causing immeasurably sadness, stress and grief for all of us. And though it obviously (obviously) pales in comparison, last Monday I blew two tires out on my car when I couldn't swerve to miss a pothole on my way into work.

So, no, it hasn't all been good things. But mostly it has.

As for what I expect from 2009, I don't really know, although I expect a good year. I think I'll have a bit more money to blow this year than last (thanks to the aforementioned second job, covering the Canucks), and I may end up with a new townhouse or a new truck, although I'd bet less on the first thing than the second.

And I'm planning on dropping a few pounds before we head on vacation in March, and though I know I sound like a broken record when I say it, I think 10-15 pounds is reasonable. Am I going to lose 50 or 60 like I've sometimes stated I would?

No, probably not. But that's OK. 10-15 is a good enough start.

As for the rest of the year, it has promise. Like I mentioned, a few of us are going to Phoenix and then Las Vegas in the spring to watch a Canucks game against the Coyotes, soak up some sun, drink some beers and watch some spring training baseball in the desert, which allows me for the second straight year to check off another item in my life-long goals to-do list.

Of course, there's more to that list than just baseball and hockey games, and maybe I'll check off a few of those other things too, we'll see.

Whatever happens, happens.

Should be good times.