:: I'm going to buy a huge, gas-guzzling truck just to offset your bus pass ::
Except for the week I spent in Cancun, I have never once taken a city bus. Ever since I got my licence, I've always had access to a car, and my lack of bus experience is something I'm very proud of.
I know there are those self- righteous douchebags out there who like to get on their soapboxes and proclaim that they take the bus because it's better for the environment, and reduces their "carbon footprint." But it's all bullshit. The reason those granola-munchers take the bus is because a) they're too busy making hemp necklaces to go get their driver's licence or, more likely, b) they can't afford a car because they spent all their money on weed, wool tuques and organic fruit.
And today I realized, as I walked back to the office after making a coffee run, that there is something smugly satisfying about watching these transit riders run to catch a bus. It's just so demeaning.
Here they are, grown adults – some of them business people in fancy suits or other office attire – running wildly like six-year-olds on the playground, zigging and zagging through other pedestrians just so they can hop on a bus before the big accordion doors close.
I personally enjoy when they don't make it on time – missing by mere seconds, which then forces them to stand, out of breath, next to a bus shelter and any number of other grubby "bus people" for 15 minutes until the next bus arrives.
And there is nothing dignified or admirable about that – regardless of the size of your carbon footprint.
Buy a car, assholes.
(editor's note: Meghan, I know you often take the bus, so I'm sorry. At least you own a car, so this disqualifies you from the hemp-necklace wearing, granola munching category)
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