Sunday, June 25, 2006

It's fucking hot out.

This weekend, nearly over as I write this, was pretty decent - maybe not quite as spectacular as the last couple, especially the last few Fridays.

This Friday began with some baseball, and ended with beer in Bucholtz' backyard, til he gave most of us the boot 'round midnight.

There were a lot of B's in that last sentence.

Last night me and Bobby 'qued up some steaks and shrimp, then we all hung out in the heat at the ol' Scramstad abode. Almost all of us anyway - Gorski stopped by late in the evening for a little bit, and Kels was there in the beginning, but then just suddenly not.

We watched UFC, did flips on trampolines, and Bobby promised to draw my soon-to-be tattoo for me.

In other news, I've got my computer back now, If you couldn't tell. $160 later. Stupid viruses.

Short week this week for me. Monday-Wednesday, then its off to the Okanagan to get blitzed and win baseball games. Notice I said win and not just play. That's because we beat the best team in the league last week. Confidence is high. We are unstoppable.

Here are some quotes, some old, some not.

"Here's the problem..everybody who has a girlfriend doesn't want one, and everyone who doesn't have one wants one." - Bobby, summing up relationships.

Chris knows Sean well....
Sean: I'm going to do some laundry this weekend, and I'm also going to clean out my car.
Chris: Neither of those things are going to happen. You gotta start small - you've set unrealistic goals for yourself.

"I GOT FIDDLED!" - Buchs, after only getting to second base with a youngin' at a party. He also played an imaginary fiddle whilst complaining.

"I forget Vancouver even has a hockey team these days." - Chris, cheering for the Oilers in the Stanley Cup finals.

"Have you seen a seeing-eye dog crap? I don't think they do - how would their owners clean it up?" - Ashley, asking the tough questions.

Rachel: I'd rather take it in my ear than all over me.
Sean: I'll remember that.
(They were talking about beer being spilled on people. What'd you think it was? Sickos)

And I'll leave you with these two from one Mr. Bucholtz...

First, his phrase of the day: Quadicly Aquatated. I don't remember what the hell he was trying to say, but it was either that he wanted another beer, or was going to piss. One or the other.

"I wanna poke this young broad, but I don't want to put any effort into it. It's a real Catch-22."

And there, my friends, is quintessential Bucholtz. Wants to get laid without trying. I don't know how the fuck he does it, but it usually actually works.

Like he told Bobby last night, "Sometimes it's just so easy."

Easy? Jeez, I'm gonna have to start taking notes.

Friday, June 23, 2006

:: Big Win ::

That score above is no lie, my friends.

In quite possibly the most exciting game in the Cannons' three-year history, the perennial under-achievers/alcoholics - they of the 4-14 won-lost record - defeated the No. 1 god-damned team in the division, the 14-1 Finishers.

We hit the ball - home runs by Scotty and Buchs. We played some solid, solid defence - two clutch fly balls caught by Sean; two key outs tossed by Kels at 3rd and one by Chris at shortstop, and two pick'em-outta-the-dirt snags at first base by yours truly.

We had two straight three-up-three-down innings, too, for those scoring at home.

With a 9-7 lead in the bottom of the seventh and final inning, we - of course - almost Cannon-ed ourselves, putting two runners on base with no outs. But then Kels made a hard throw to first to nail one batter - on a play that I thought would be a base hit. That runner was a quick one. Good thing Kels has an arm on her.

Then Seaner caught a frozen rope to rightfield, setting up the next play, which will most likely be remembered from here on out simply as The Catch.

Up by just one run, with two runners in scoring position, Finishers mouthy second baseman sent a pop fly down the left-field line. It didn't look like Scotty was gonna make it to the ball - he's quick but there was a lot of ground to cover. For a moment I thought 'Dammit, this is the ball game right here.'

They would have scored at least one - and probably both - of the runners, thus handing us another loss.

But then Scott dove and somehow snagged the fucking ball out of the sky.

Three outs. (Or three potatoes in the sack, as Bucholtz says). Turns out I was right - that hit was the ball game after all.

"I think it's safe to say we finished off the Finishers." - Scott

Nice job guys.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

:: RANT ::

My computer is all virused up, and is currently in the shop getting fixed. As such, I have no computer until Friday at the earliest. Since I won't be online nearly as much for the next couple days, I figured I'd leave you with this list to chew on, since I'm not in a very good mood, and haven't been since about last night.


- Computer viruses
- Having to pay $120 to fix said viruses
- Double standards
- Bitches
- Spaghetti stains
- spoons
- forks
- people who say one thing, then do another
- people who do it repeatedly.
- work
- people who are either ignorant or just clueless
- not being able to tell the difference.
- people that phone before 8 a.m.
- people who phone before 8 a.m. with nothing important to say
- idiots.
- the scale
- the gym

That is all.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Well, after a four-day span of having no comments on the site, it's apparently fixed, so I figured I may as well post up all the quotes and exploits of last weekend, even if a new weekend is almost upon us. Enjoy.

"They call me Dr. Creep. It's because I'm a real doctor - a box doctor. Who needs a little checkup?" - Bucholtz, talking to drunk girls at the bar.

"This game combines my three favourite things - drinking, lying, and swearing." - Me, playing a drinking game that may have been the beginning of the end. (Others would argue the beginning of the end came about an hour earlier when I pronounced myself the only one drunk before dinner.)

"The creamsicle is like the Cadillac of popsicles." - Me again.

'Is that guy's last name 'Hashbrowns'?" - Bucholtz, watching Jarrod Washburn pitch on TV for the Mariners.

"I love taking advantage of girls. It's fun." - Bucholtz. Obviously.

"If you look at my old report cards you can tell exactly when I started to drink." - Buchs, on a roll by this point.

"Sean better lock Rachel down quick cuz he ain't gonna do any better." - Bobby. (Who says guys never talk about marriage?)

Two weekends ago, I didn't do much of anything. Each morning, Saturday and Sunday, I had to work. Therefore that meant early nights, and not a whole lot of action.

Last weekend I was determined to make up for it.

I did have some restraint, however. I decide that I would not get drunk on Friday. Instead I'd save my liver and energy for Saturday's shaker at Ian's house - for his birthday.

Plans, however, change.

Started Friday at Jimy Mac's, just hanging out, having a few beers. Soon after, we headed to Ian's, where a drunk Jer and Lambie already were. And fuck were they obnoxious.

So, about 30 minutes and one ruined card game later, me, Kels, Ian, and Bucholtz went to Fort Pub, where Sean, Rach, Rach's brother Andrew, and about 30 of his friends were getting shitfaced. It was outrageous. Seriously - it was more like a club than anything. Any oldtimers who went there for a quiet evening and a few pints were probably sorely disappointed.

I still wasn't drunk by this point - buzzed maybe, but hardly drunk. Then I ordered a beer. Then 2 more.

Then I was drunk. Then it got ugly. Sean was well on his way to being hustled out of $10 by some poolshark. Instead, however, he was just outrighted thieved of his money. So he yelled at the guy. Then I yelled. Then Bucholtz tried to fight him. Then Rachel got slapped by Thief's girlfriend.

Then there was more yelling. Then Kelsey and thieving girl went nose to nose. Did I mention it was ugly?

Eventually we left, drunk and angry. But thankful for a Friday night that didn't involve sitting and Sean and Rachel's house going "Duh...what should we do tonight guys?"

Saturday was the real gongshow, however. For once, it wasn't just a couple people really drunk and the rest of us not. EVERYONE was fucking plastered. Especially me.

I drank an entire 26 of Bacardi, then somebody gave me a beer. Then Buchs said I could have some of his vodka.

Then I stopped remembering.

Apparently I was just a fucking mangled mess. I don't remember leaving, I don't remember going home, and I don't remember what I did once I got there.

Good thing for me Ian lives about 4 houses away.

In the morning, I checked my cell phone - a handful of outgoing calls, six of the same text message sent to the same person, and a few missed calls - all ranging from 2:40 to 5:58 a.m.

Uh oh.

I talked to Kels later that morning, and the first thing I asked, after mentioning my drunken cell phone use, was: "What did I do? And how much trouble am I in?"

That, you see, is what is usually necessary after I have a night i can't remember. And by usually necessary I mean absolutely always completely necessary.

However, she then informed me that I was completely well behaved, just completely fucked up.

Best part? I somehow didn't even puke.


Saturday, June 03, 2006

Kid vows to print Internet
He's either real stupid, or real motivated.

Melissa: I'm talking to Lorne right now, and he says he's never once ate wedding cake. Isn't that bizarre?
Me: I'm talking to Lorne too. About how and where we'd go to both become ninjas.
(I think I win that one.)

Me: Then there was the time at Dave's where Bucholtz and Brad nailed the same girl in the same night, and then her boyfriend showed up and Chris told him all about it.
Brad: I don't remember that...was she hot?
Bucholtz: Absolutely not.

"I came out flexing." - Bucholtz, on his birth.

"Hey look, he's just like me, only rich and skinny." - Jeremy, after seeing David Spade ringside at a UFC pay-per-view.

"I'm brown, so I'm hung and I got a g-ride." - Bobby, discussing his new '64 Lincoln, among other things.

"You want me to give you a face wash with my nuts?!" - Derrick, angry.

Sean: I'm cutting back on smoking.
Jer: You should cut back on ugly.

Bucholtz, trying (horribly) to say "it was an accident."
Buchs: It was an acc-time.
Jer: Axe time? what the fuck is that? Like hammer time, but sharper?

"You know what? Rocking chairs are severly under-rated." - Ian

Kicking a hacky-sack around...
Rach: Can I play?
Bucholtz: No, no girls allowed. Unless we're playing "Bake the Pie" you can't play.

"I don't think I've laughed this hard in seventh months." - Gorski