There's a feeling I get when I look to the West
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
After a whirlwind festive season, I finally have some time to reflect.
It's been the craziest Christmas I've ever had, for the simple reason that it was the first time I wasn't at home in the days and weeks preceeding the 25th. In fact, it feels like I've been moving in fast-forward ever since about the 21st of December - from finishing up work, to packing for Christmas, to going home for Christmas, packing up again, flying back, spending four days, including New Year's, with Melissa, and now life is finally back to its usual quiet ways - except for the cold I have acquired.
It's this oncoming cold/flu that's made me realize how worn out I've become - for years I always get sick after long periods of stress or activity, like the first weeks during winter and summer breaks from University. But I'm not necessarily complaining about this worn-down feeling, because I had a great Christmas and New Years. I got to go home, hang out with Chris, Jer, Ian, Sean and company, I got to see my family, and since it was Christmas, I got tons of presents, so really, what's not to like?
The trip home to Langley was an arduous one: Peace River-Grande Prairie-Edmonton-Calgary-Abbotsford-Langley. Yep, not cool. But it didn't bother me because it was that final destination that I was looking forward to. There really is nothing quite like coming home. The only problem with coming home is that, inevitably, you have to leave. It was tougher than I thought to get on that plane back to Alberta. It really was. Even though my job in Peace River is great, and I really don't have a damn thing to complain about, it's still not home, and after being back for a week, home is where I wanted to be. It occurred to me, as a sat on the Abbotsford airport tarmac, that I've always made the smart, logical decision, as I was again doing by going back to Peace River. I really wanted to convince myself that a job wasn't everything, and that being home, and having everything that goes along with that, was more important that a job. But then common sense prevailed, as it always does when I get a brief irrational thought in my head, and here I am again, in Peace River.
Now, I don't want people to get the impression that I'm unhappy here, so do me a favour and don't fill the comment box full of inspirational "you're paying your dues, it'll get better" comments. I don't need to be cheered up, but that's just how I sort of feel now that the holidays are over. I just wish that sometimes the thing I really want was also the right thing to do.
But it rarely is, and without it being right I can't do it, because I don't have an irrational bone in my body.
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