:: Merritt Mountain Music Festival ::

PART 3: NICKNAMES

Over the course of the week, some people acquired some nicknames that I just felt like mentioning.

Chris: The Show.

Chris got this name after bonging about 15 beers in one day. After doing one, Dave said to him, "People should buy tickets to this, you're a show."

Chris (nickname #2): Bonger.

This guy we met, who himself had a nickname (He introduced himself as "Hayseed"), introduced Chris to everyone as "Bonger".

Jeremy: Tan Jacket.

While wearing the tan coloured cowboy jacket he borrowed from his dad, he did two bongs on Sunday night consisting of a combination of beer, fireball whiskey, and rum and coke. Anyone who saw him do it would always yell "Hey tan jacket" when they saw him around the festival.

Nick: Thumper.

Now let me tell you how this (stupid) name evolved. On Tuesday one of us was reading the festival program and it mentioned a Lumberjack Challenge, in which one event was called Speed Bucking. I thought that whoever said it said "Speed fucking" to which I replied, "Speed fucking? I'd be good at that," simultaneously insulting myself badly for the sake of a laugh, and also giving myself a nickname - Speedfucker. A little while later, the previously mentioned Hayseed showed up and warped the nickname to Sheepfucker, which I didn't really like. Then to spare me anymore embarassment, he retired the name Sheepfucker and renamed me "Thumper" for some reason. It was a better name than the first two, although I unfortunately thumped nothing all week.

:: Merritt Mountain Music Festival ::

PART 2: THE QUOTES

*note: more quotes may be added as I remember them.

"There's no way I'm sitting here sober!" - Chris, after waiting in the lineup of cars for about 3 minutes.

Me: The Cowboy hat store had no hats that were my size.
Chris: You should've yelled at them.
Steve: No, you should go back there, take a hat, flip it upside down and crap in it. Then hand it back.

Some hot girl (yelling from down the road): I'm looking for Owen!
Fraser: I'm Owen! Over here, I'm Owen!
Some hot girl: You'd better be Owen!
Fraser: I'll be Owen you one in the ass if you don't get over here!

"Take off your tits!" - Chris, and also Jessen, when they meant to say either "take off your shirt" or "Show us your tits"

"Give me a ride asshole!" - Dave, drunk and trying unsuccessfully to get someone to give him a ride up the hill to tent city, rather than walk up the big hill.

"That's awesome!" - Chris and later Dave. All weekend long, this was the answer to anything weird that happened.

Craig: What day is it?
Fraser: It's Sunday morning, time to go.
Craig: What? Isn't it Saturday?
Fraser: No, you passed out last night at 10.
Craig: So it's not still Saturday night?
Fraser: No.

"Fraig! That's the greatest name ever! I'm gonna name my kids that!" - Ian, after combining Fraser and Craig's names together when he was drunk.

"She said 'I'm pregnant' and I said 'I'm movin' to the West Coast," - Fraser, explaining why he moved to B.C from the East (I think Newfoundland).

"Hey guys, I met Andy Moog's daughter. Andy Moog!" - Chris, repeatedly throughout the weekend.

Drunk #1: It's the battery.
Drunk #2: No, it's the solenoid.
Drunk #1: No it isn't, its definately the starter...or maybe the alternator.
(Car starts after getting jump-started)
Drunk #2: I told you it was the battery.

"Jesus Christ, we've got Beavis and Butthead helping us out here, let's just call BCAA." - Chris, in the midst of getting "help" from the aformentioned drunks.

:: Merritt Mountain Music Fest ::

PART 1: AN OVERVIEW

I've just returned home from Merritt where I spent a week in the scorching hot sun drinking my face off and listening to some good country music. It was a wicked week overall - I met tons of cool people, partied with a lot of friends - it was awesome.

The festival could have very easily been called the Dirt Festival, as high winds and dry conditions combined to coat everyone and everything in inches of dirt and dust. It was pretty gross, and my tent was so dusty I basically slept in dirt (and when the cooler spilled, I basically slept in mud).

First of all, here are the cast of characters: Me, Chris, Ian and Jeremy were there first. on Sunday. We waited in line until the gates opened on Monday and we finally got a spot in Tent City around 4 PM on Monday afternoon. On Tuesday, Kyle (my cousin Tracy's fiance) and his friend Neil drove up and the partying officially started. Next up, on Wednesday, came my cousins, Tracy and Jen, Jen's boyfriend Dave, and Tara and Leslie. Also there were two friends of Jen's - Allison and Alicia. On Thursday came the last of the party-ers, Kyle's friends Craig, Fraser, Steve and Sheila.

We spent most of the first few days just hanging out in Tent City, although we went down to the infamous campsite C a few times to check out the craziness - loud music, guys ripping around on Harleys, beer bongs, Wet T-shirt contests and all kinds of debauchery.

:: Beer Bong ::

Speaking of beer bongs, Chris was hitting them hard. There were all kinds of elaborate bongs around the place, and at one time, we had a cool one too, but it sat around uncleaned for months and got moldy. So instead we had to break out a beer bong that Chris and his friends made in like grade 10 - an old, dented 2 litre 7-UP bottle and a piece of stolen garden hose. Compared to other bongs in Merritt, this one was disgraceful. So much in fact, that at first Chris didn't want to even bring out the "ghetto bong" until after it got dark. We all did a few bongs, but on one day, I think it was Wednesday, Chris did about 16 or 17 in one day, then passed out at 2:30 PM and didn't wake up again until 9:00.

Jeremy also made a name for himself with the beer bong while we were still waiting in the lineup on Sunday. He was already pretty drunk, then some people came around with a beer bong and convinced Jeremy to do a few. The first one didn't only have a beer in it, it also had three-quarters of a mickey of Fireball in it. Then, soon after, he did a bong with one beer and a large glass of rum and coke mixed together. He didn't puke, but needless to say, he was done for the rest of the night. However, he was recognized throughout the week by those who saw him on Sunday, and "Hey! It's Tan-Jacket!!" was heard on more than a few occasions.

Also, in an impressive display of beer-bongery was my cousin Tracy. She doesn't drink beer, and refused to do a bong all week. Finally, when he was drunk, Craig offered her $60 to do one. She was worried that she would puke, but she did it very well, and pocketed 60 bucks from a slighty poorer, drunk, Craig.

:: Intensity in Tent City ::

While it was widely known that for partying, Campsite C was the place to be, we did our best to make Tent City a good spot to party. Between us and some people we met from Chilliwack, we partied pretty hard, and it was lots of fun. The partying in Tent City culminated with 2 drunk topless girls making out in our very own campsite, and for nothing more than a string of beads that somebody offered them, Mardi Gras style.

NEXT UP: THE QUOTES

:: The Party ::

Tonight we went out to Roosters for Chris's 19th birthday. There were a lot of us there (Me, Chris, Ian, Jeremy, Sean, Danny, Amanda, Pat, Tracy, Jen, Dave, Neil, and Tanya) and it was a wicked night. We started out at the Keg for dinner then took a limo to Roosters and back. The night was full of highlights - hotboxing a limo, bodyshots off hot girls, cheap Corona, and then, to end off the night - 3 Pearl Jam songs in a row on the radio during the drive home - Daughter, Given to Fly, and Nothingman. Then of course there were the 2 trips to McDonald's and Chris lying face down with no shoes or shirt, passed out, in The Keg parking lot at 3 AM before Sean drove us home.

An excellent night overall.

:: No more fake I.D's ::

Well, today marks the end of Chris's fake I.D collection. Over the past year, as everyone turned 19 but him, he had collected a wide variety of identifications - he had a few from guys on his hockey team, he had one of mine, he even had one from Iowa that we made on the computer. But that all ends now because it is Chris's birthday.

Happy 19th Birthday ya jackass!!!!

"Marge, send the kids to the neighbours I'm coming back loaded." - Homer.

We're going drinking tonight (obviously) and loaded we shall be.

Weird things are happening to me.

For starters, I've been getting unexpected money from weird places lately. Not that I'm complaining, but it's all a little bit odd. And to add to the weirdness, something else weird happened today.

This morning I had some errands to run - I had to go to the bank and then the mall. When I first got into my car, I noticed that somebody had messed with all my mirrors. I thought that was weird, but I just figured Jeremy messed with them when I wasn't looking. He likes doing that. So that wasn't a big deal. Then I go to the bank, and when I get back in my car to drive away, I take a quick glance at my gas gauge - which I hadn't noticed at first. I had a full tank of gas. I didn't have a full tank before. I didn't put any in myself. On tuesday I was right empty, so I put 10 bucks in the tank, which gave me just under half a tank. How that tank became full is beyond me.

I called around. My dad didn't borrow my car. My mom didn't. Chris didn't. Nobody drove it anywhere. Now either this is some elaborate plot to mess with my head - maybe my dad or Chris did take my car out and they're just denying it. Or maybe some greater force is pulling my strings just for the hell of it:

I can see it now. There's God, maybe after a few too many heavenly Heinekens, calling over to his buddies. "Hey dudes, check out what I'm gonna do to this poor schmuck. This is gonna be wicked!" On second thought, I don't know about that. God probably has better things to do than mess with me.

And he probably doesn't say "dude".

"Do you think we could be any cooler?" - Jeremy, asking us as we sat around in a deserted parking lot doing absolutely nothing.

The answer Jeremy, is yes. We can be much cooler. Don't believe me? Check out the new game we created out of sheer boredom.

:: ConeBall ::

So me, Chris, Ian, Jeremy and Sean were sitting around in a parking lot tossing a football around. One of us, I can't remember who, took a tall skinny traffic cone that was lying around and put the football on top of it, sort of like teeball. Then we took an orange, wooden tree stake to use as a bat. The goal was to see who could hit the football the farthest. We judged distance by how many painted parking lines the ball cleared before hitting the ground. Here are the results:

GOLD: Chris
SILVER: Nick
BRONZE: Jeremy
PARTICIPATION PIN: Sean
NOT EVEN CLOSE: Ian

Yeah, we're geeks. Shutup.

Well I have three reasons for posting tonight. Well, four actually.

The fourth reason is that it's Canada Day people! And I feel it's a good opportunity to celebrate the wonderful-ness of this fuckin country. Rock on Canada! Reason number three is that I'm drunk, and God knows I post sweet messages after a beer or two, or in this case, 14. Also, reason number 2 is that Jeremy told me tonight that he is sick of seeing my Sports Night quiz at the top of my blog page. But, above and beyond the previous three reasons is reason numero uno: Today, July 2, is MEGHANS BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Happy birthday Meghan, I hope your day is a good one.

You're just like Jeremy.


What Sports Night Character are you like?
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:: Classic Times ::

"So, she was hitting back with both rockets eh?" - My dad, after Jeremy and me tried to describe this girl we both knew who was, shall we say, well endowed. My dad rules.

"I'm in the nine year program and I might take the next year off." - Chris, talking about his approach to school.

We had quite the shaker last night at my place. What started out as me, Ian, Sean and Jeremy drinking in my backyard soon turned into a medium sized gathering with people I'd never met (Nathan Pink), people I hadn't seen in a long time (Katie) and people I see far too much of (Ian, Chris, Jeremy). It was a fun night and I wish I could remember half of the wickid quotes that were flying around, but I just can't. Sorry. But I do remember hitting Ian right in the face with a cell phone. It was fuckin' sweet.

Probably the highlight of the night.

I've created another new blog, this one about JobHunt 2003 that just never seems to end.

Job Hunt 2003

Also, I'm copying an idea from some random blog I read and have added a feature called "99 Things about Me". The link is on the left. Check it out.

Well, it may be a few days late but Ian and I decided that some of his antics from the weekend should be preserved in blog-form. So here goes...

So on Saturday night we went out drinking. Having been 19 for less than a week, it was Ian's first trip to Roosters. The night was good, but unfortunately Chris couldn't come with us because he's not 19 yet, and we all felt bad he couldn't come. Around midnight, after many beers, Ian mumbles and slurs this to me as he looks around at the (many) hot girls at the bar.

"You know what? There might be a lot of boobs here, but I'd still rather hang out with Chris. That might make me sound queer, but it's the truth."

Then later on, a waitress picked up a condom (in the package still) that someone had dropped on the floor. She tossed it on the table in front of Ian, laughed, and said "You must've dropped this." Ian, looked at it for a second, waved it in front of the waitress and, pulling this gem of a pick-up line from his arsenal, propositioned the waitress:

Ian: So, you wanna join me?
Waitress: Only if my husband can come too.
Ian: Sure, why not. He can come!

Smooth Ian. Real smooth.

Then on the drive home Ian continued his drunken rambling. We were going to quickly meet up with Chris, Sean and Pat, just to say hi, and for some reason, Ian couldn't have been more excited. He kept talking about "classic times" we'd had with our crew of friends. And he wasn't only talking about good times from the past, he was excited about the "future classic times" that apparently have yet to come.

From the time I met Ian when he was about 6 until the time he was 17 he was the quietest, shyest kid I knew. But get a little booze in him and he's a changed man. And without him, our drunken-escapades wouldn't be nearly as amusing.

We're laughing with you Ian, not at you. Honest.*





*We actually are laughing at you.

"We have Bachelor degree's, you'd think we could put ourselves in alphabetical order." - Leigh Ford, as we got ready to walk out into Sport Mart Place for the grad ceremony.

"This is just like sitting through one of Maxine's classes." - Leigh Ford again, about halfway through the three hour ceremony.

Check out this fake ID that Bucholtz tried to use at the cold beer and wine store. God only knows why he thought it would work...

Well people, if you didn't know it before then let it be said now: Ian Forbes can drink. A lot. Really, it's fucking impressive. We started off the night with Ian saying something like "I'll get kind of drunk, but not can't-walk-on-my-own drunk because I have to work tomorrow morning. We'll save that for the weekend." Well, Ian's original drinking plan went right out the fuckin' window, because as I write this, Ian is more drunk than I've seen him in a long time - and even though he's only been 19 for a day, he's handling it like a veteran.

Tonight me, Chris, Ian, Sean, Jeremy, Mike, Danny, Amanda, Pat and Ivan went to Shark's Club to drink, and since it was his birthday and all, we felt it was our obligation to get Ian trashed. It's about midnight right now, and I've been gone from the bar for about 20 minutes. Ian is still there, drinking. When I left he'd had close to 20 shots - mostly tequila or 151, not to mention a whole lot of beer. And he's still standing, although he lost his ability to talk coherently about an hour ago. Case in point, the following conversation after Pat bought some cheesy bread so Ian could get some food in his stomach to go along with the booze:

Pat: Hey Ian, did you get some of that cheesy bread?
Ian: Oh yeah? When's that coming?
Pat: It's already been here dude. It's gone now.
Ian: Oh, shit. What was on it?
Pat: I don't know, cheese and garlic and stuff.
Ian: So it was good cheescake?

I'm supposed to pick Ian up for work tomorrow morning at 7:30. If he is there I will be impressed.

Well it's June 10 today and that means it's Ian's 19th birthday. We're goin out to The Shark Club (without hats!) to get hammered tonight.

Happy birthday buddy.

Next up on the soon-to-be-19 list - Chris. Only a month and a day away.

Commence drinking...

:: Work ::

"Just sit there in your car and watch them. Listen to music or something." - Mohammed, telling me my job description for the week.

Watching other people work is harder than you'd think. Not that it's physically tough, but it is painstakingly boring to just sit all day doing nothing. Here's what went down on my first day doing office work for Landtec Ground Experts:

I show up around 10:00, learn a couple of basic things about the invoicing system etc etc, and then start actually making a few invoices. All I was supposed to do today was invoice the Township of Langley - my Dad - for $24,000 worth of work that Mohammed hadn't billled them for yet. So I did all that by 11:30, and with Mohammed gone by this point there was nothing else I could do. So I wasted some time checking my email, looking at some baseball scores, and talking to Mike on MSN (which was conveniently already installed on the computer). Then Mohammed called me and asked me to go to the Annacis Island job site, where I had previously worked 2 days as a weed monkey a month ago. Now, he doesn't want me to work - just supervise the crew that's already there. The problem was that none of the crew is certified to work there because they hadn't went to this mandatory safety seminar - I had. And without a certified person, they aren't allowed to work on the site.

So there I sat, in my car, from 1:30 to 4:30 listening to music and trying to stay awake. So it was a real tough day.

Maybe not as tough as Ian's day though. Instead of mowing grass like he normally does, his job today consisted of laying in an Aldergrove parking lot "guarding" hanging baskets. While two other guys went around Aldergrove for an hour at a time hanging the baskets, Ian's job was to watch the remaining ones to make sure they weren't stolen (which happens quite often, as pathetic as that is). And Ian wasn't just being a lazy ass either, he was actually told to guard the flowers by Mohammed.

"Hey Ian, I'm not paying you 10 bucks an hour to just stand around. Lie down and take a nap."

Yep, the very guy who signs his paycheck told him to lie around for hours at a time. I swear to God.

And they're actually paying us for this.

Mike Bourke (drunk): Ah, good, at least I'm not a schizophenic.
Pat Bourke: No, but your fly is down.

This weekend was a pretty good one. The weather was wicked, and because of that we spent a lot of time sitting outside drinking beer. A lot of beer. And in Jeremy's case, that also meant puking it right back up again. Two nights in a row. Nice goin' Jerm. Then tonight me, Chris and Sean went to the cheap theatre and saw Old School, which kicks some serious ass. It's so funny. Somewhere in this weekend I also fit in a trip to the driving range with my dad, where I absolutely killed the ball. I was like the Tiger Woods of the Redwoods Golf Course Driving Range. Okay, maybe not, but I still hit the ball further than usual, although now I have a huge blister on each one of my thumbs. Oh well, that's the price you pay to be great I suppose.

And tomorrow I start yet another temporary job to earn me some more drinking money, coincendentally with the same company I quit just about a month ago. But this time it's not manual labour, it's an office job, and from what I hear, its going to be Slack. Why am I doing this you may ask? Well, you can't spell slacker without 'lack' and what I lack is money.

On a completely un-related topic, Go Ducks!!!

"That commercial is McGay."- Ian, commenting on a terrible McDonald's commercial for something called the McGridle.

"Hey Sean, keep your driving pants on." - Jeremy.

Cheer up, folks!

I've been reading everyone else blogs lately, and I've also been talking to various people on MSN, as I usually do. And from the blogs I've read and the conversations I've had I've noticed that a lot of people seem to be sad/bummed/depressed/mad or just generally unhappy. And it sort of made me sad. Now, I'm not saying people should be happy all the time, but I did notice that most people seem to be sad about generally the same thing. If you don't know what that thing is, check out everyone's recent posts.

You know what? I'm in a similar position but I don't worry about it. I just let things happen. I've stopped worrying so much and now I usually just say "Fuck it." You might think that's stupid but it works, I'm not stressed or depressed (sorry, that was an unfortunate rhyme) and I'm generally in a good state of mind. And I think I'd have good reason to be depressed if I felt like it - I'm single, unemployed, and I'm slowly running out of money. Sad? Hell yes. Does it bother me? Nope.

So in a meagre attempt to make everyone feel better, because that's just the kind of nice guy that I am, here goes:

1)It could always be worse. For example: You could go out for dinner and come back to see your house engulfed in 40 foot high flames because you accidently left a lit cigarette on top of a magazine. Or maybe your brother or sister took a blowtorch to the kitchen table. So what if you're unemployed with no hope for the future, at least you aren't on fire.

2) God is not punishing you. He's punishing everybody. Don't take it personally. You might be alone, but take your head out of the oven and look at everyone else. We are too. It's not that bad.

3) . Good things will happen eventually. Why will they? Because in my experience, they always do. You just gotta trust me on that one.

4) We all like you. Despite the fact that many of us are all in different towns, we're still your friends. (Except for Mike, he hates you.) And as long as you got friends I don't think things can be too terrible. You might think they can be at times, but that just ain't the way it is.

So, in closing, enjoy your summer. Enjoy whatever town it is you are in. And try not to worry so much. Basically, be more like me. Just jokin'.