Monday, March 17, 2003

In my magazine writing class today we did a writing excercise where we had to write about The most important thing I've ever learned. So, just for the hell of it, I decided to post it below for all to see.

The most important thing I’ve ever learned:

The most important thing that I have ever learned is that as long as you can at least pretend to be in control, then people will believe that you are. Yep, faking it is the way to go. It can get you out of any kind of situation possible. You’re boss wants to know why you haven’t submitted your big report yet, when in fact you’ve forgotten to do it? No problem, just fake it:

"It’s done but I’m having computer problems. You’ll have it by lunch time." Boom! You just bought yourself a few more hours, so go back to playing computer solitaire, you lazy bastard.

It’s called the fine art of bullshitting your way through life, and while I wouldn’t recommend you do this often, it is a necessary life skill that can get you out of more than a few sticky situations.

Don't want to talk about how you're really feeling? Come up with some bullshit about how you are 'fine', then talk for a few moments about how good you really are, and for the most part people will believe you. Or if they don't believe you they'll usually stop asking anyways.

Basically, being able to bullshit allows you to be lazy. Sure, you might have 3 news stories due for a class, but its more fun to play PS2 all day then, when the prof asks you why your stories arent in, you just mumble "Oh yeah, my interviews got rescheduled. I’m waiting for some more things to develop before I write it up, so it’ll be done soon."

But you gotta pick your spots. I don't ever reccomend trying to be fake when you tell someone "I love you." First of all, when you say that, you should mean it 100%. And secondly, a fake-out like that is bound to be exposed, and if you're a guy and you faked an "I love you" to your girlfriend, you are bound to get a swift kick in the junk.

So the fine art of bullshitting is the most important thing I've ever learned. The trick is, just sound sincere.

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