:: Being an asshole vs. financial savings ::

Almost every single day at work, between about 9:10 and 9:45 a.m., I walk to the nearby Tim Horton's with a few colleagues. We do this a) because we like coffee and b) because it gets us the hell out of the office for a few minutes, for a little mini-break.

We've had this schedule for about 2-3 years, and we like it. But of course, our schedule is by now well-known to the rest of the office, which causes conversations such as the following about once every month or so:

"You guys and your Tim Horton's runs... Ya know, if you drank the office coffee or brought it from home, instead of going there every day, think of all the money you'd save!"

And of course, this same exact thing happened earlier today.

Now, a couple things....

First, when the person who tells me how much money I could save if I could just control my caffeine addiction is a smoker, well... that's just the best. No matter how much I like the people I work with, I will never pass up an opportunity to call people on their shit. That means you, Smoky – next time you chide me on my expensive habits, I'd appreciate it if you did so while you were outside hackin' a dart. (Because I like irony.)

Secondly, don't tell me how much money I can save. Don't you think I know how much money I could save? I mean, I'm not an idiot. I can do simple math. Every time I go into Tim Hortons, I am not surprised that the employees there expect money in exchange for the coffee they hand me. Things ain't free. I get it.

I know that $1.78 every day adds up. But just because I'm aware of it, doesn't mean I want to actually do the math and be presented with the cold, hard numbers. Don't you think if I cared about the final tally I would've stopped years ago? It's not like I'll be shocked by whatever the actual number is, shape up and change my ways.

I'll probably just shrug my shoulders, offer a "Hmmph" and get on with my day, safe in the knowledge that at least I don't have a heroin addiction.

But let's get back to today, and my morning confrontation with Mrs. Math Whiz (who, by the way, smokes, and has delighted us with this same conversation numerous times).

"Think of the money you could save..." she started.

"Yeah, I know. I'd save a lot of money. But you know what I'd spend it on?" I said. "I'd take all that coffee money and buy the world's best earplugs, so I wouldn't have to listen to people tell me to what to spend my money on anymore."

"Either that, or maybe I'd take up smoking."

:: I appreciate the effort, but I'd rather you just get it right ::

Every day at about 9:30 a.m., two colleagues and I go on a coffee run to the Tim Horton's just down the road. We've been going to this same place every day, four-five days a week, since we moved into this office last June. And because we've become regulars there, the employees have basically memorized our regular orders.

Well, they think they have, at least.

Lately, the two women who regularly work as cashiers/order-takers have taken great delight in announcing our orders to us as we approach the till – before we've even said anything. They like to let us know, "Hey, I remember you!" and you know what? I appreciate the effort. I really do.

But I'd appreciate it a lot more if they – just once – got my order right. I have to correct them every single day. And sometimes, because they a) are English-as-a-second-language types and b) because they've already started punching in what they think is my order, they often screw it up, and I get what they think I want, rather than what I actually do. (Or sometimes some combination of the two).

Every day, I order the same thing – one extra-large coffee with two milk for me, and usually, one extra-large hot chocolate for my boss, who often just sends two bucks with one of us, rather than make the trek himself.

And usually I end up with either two sugars, no cream, or two-and-two, or one-and-one, or two hot chocolates. Yeah, they're pretty good at their jobs.

And I hate to be a jerk about it – because they seem genuinely nice – but at 9:30 in the damn morning, I need coffee in order to make it through to lunch, I need it quickly, and I need it done right.

Is that too much to ask?

:: I don't have a problem; I'll tell you when I have a problem! ::

I have become something of a chain coffee-drinker.

Take today, for example. Christene has the day off, and since she still woke up before I did, there was coffee made by the time I got out of bed and got dressed. Then, as I finished the last of my cup of coffee, I grabbed my travel mug for the road, which was also filled with sweet, sweet caffeine.

It's now 9:33 a.m. and my big travel mug is finally empty. Which coincides nicely with my department's daily 9:30 a.m. coffee run up the road to Tim Horton's. All told, I will have had coffee in my hand from approximately 7:05 a.m. until 10:30 a.m., non-stop.

Oh well, at least it's not a $1,000-a-day Faberge egg habit.

:: Better switch to Starbucks ::

You know, there are punishments, and then there are punishments, and even though this seems heavy-handed – I mean, all he allegedly did was complain three times about coffee - the customer in question should probably know better.

I mean, taking on Tim Horton's? Are you nuts, sir? That's like badmouthing hockey or spitting on a picture of the Queen – or Wayne Gretzky. It's just not done.