Earlier today, I was in the second-floor washroom in my office building. I was at the sink, washing my hands, when a tall, older man with an English accent entered. I had never seen this man before in my life.
I am not one for bathroom conversation – I hate inane small talk, and when you're peeing it's just that much more awkward – but unfortunately, we made eye contact. So I have him the polite head nod, eye-brow lift that essentially says, "I acknowledge your presence, but do not wish to engage in any real conversation."
Of course, this guy ignores bathroom etiquette completely by actually saying "Hi." So I was forced to respond in kind, as I dried my hands. I thought that would be the end of it – I mean, what more can be said between two strangers in an office bathroom?
Well, I didn't need to wonder long. As I'm about to leave, he blurts out "So, ya loading, or unloading?"
Uhhh...what?
Thinking that I'd heard him wrong – on account of his accent – I asked, "What?" and he repeated himself. Nope, that's really what he said.
Now, I have no idea what in the hell that question meant – absolutely no idea. In fact, I'm still confused hours later. Was this some Olde English greeting? Some kind of joke? A legitimate question about who-knows-what? I mean, I am in a bathroom so, taken literally, I suppose if I had to chose between the two options, I'd say I was unloading, but that's an awful personal question from a guy I don't know (and a weird and unnecessary one if we did know each other).
"Ya loading or unloading?"
I mean.. what the crap is that?
So, confused as all hell and regretting heavily the three coffees I drank earlier which got me into this mess in the first place, I did the only thing I could think of.
I Lloyd-Christmas'ed my way the fuck out of there.
"Well... see ya later," I said.
And then I left without saying another word and without further eye contact, while the English gent stood there as confused as I had been 10 seconds earlier.
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