:: So long, Stinktown! ::

I know it's not Friday any longer, but I've been meaning to post this since then. Also, I'm on vacation for the next week, so you can multiply the following e-card's sentiments by 7.



Next stop: Vegas.

:: Oops ::

Christene and my anniversary was Jan. 7 for those keeping track (and if you were keeping track, where the hell were you two weeks ago? More on that in a second). And to be honest, that date isn't exactly right... it's an arbitrary, kinda-close date we both chose because the real day, if you wanted to pin it down, conflicted with too many other things. Also, we could never figure out the right day anyway.

Our first real date, if you wanna call it that, was Dec. 31 – New Year's at Brett and Tara's house.

Before that, was my company Christmas party, which wasn't so much an official date (because some unnamed party was still, perhaps, married) as it was a 'Hey, you wanna come with the rest of us to the party? There's free booze!).

And in between those two days, there was Christmas, etc. So thats why we decided, three years ago, that Jan. 7 would be our new "anniversary." It came after the hub-bub of Christmas and New Year's, and it seemed as good as day to celebrate as any other. So we did.

Except for 2012.

We didn't celebrate it this year because both of us flat-out forgot.

I – like most guys, probably – tend to forget these things, but this time, neither of us remembered until Sunday night, when it sprung into my mind for one reason or another. It's not like we juuuuust missed it either; it'd been more than a week. I just laughed it off with an "oh well," but Christene was sufficiently rattled.

"This was going to be our last January anniversary," she said sadly, not because she's breaking up with me but because in 10 months (editor's note: Holy Fuck, 10 months!) our wedding anniversary (again, Holy Fuck) in November will trump the January date.

Not to worry though, Christene. Just wait until the first time I forget – or remember at the last, possible minute – our November anniversary. This won't seem like such a big deal then.

And hey, did I mention that it's only like 10 months or so away? Christ that's coming quick.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 12

"WE TALKIN' 'BOUT PRACTICE, MAN"

Considering it's been 11 days and I haven't included this one yet, you just knew I was putting it at the top of the list. It's not angry like some, but it is still my all-time favourite for whatever reason.

Just an absolutely bona-fide classic.

Also, because this is the final day of the 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences, I've decided to leave you with a bonus montage of some other sports interviews, which tend to be more angry or tense than funny. Still, many of them could have been in my list (and some of them are).

Enjoy!

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 11

Jim/Chris Everett vs. Jim Rome

I have mixed feelings on this one because I particularly like Jim Rome a lot of the time – his broascast style and attitude drives me crazy – but this interview no doubt put a young Rome on the map, and made him famous. I guess that's the other reason I don't like it – it comes off, to me, as a staged career move on the part of Rome.

That said, anytime you can get an NFL quarterback to attack you, you gotta end up high on the list.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 10

HAL McRAE THROWS A PHONE

This classic hissy fit thrown by former MLB manager Hal McRae turns up on nearly every list of classic sports rants, and for good reason. Guy trashes his own damn office, for Christ's sakes.

It's gold, Jerry. Gold.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 9

"I'M A MAN! I'M 40!"

In a hilariously noble act, Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy defends – vigorously – one of his young players who he feels has been torn apart in one particular issue of a local newspaper. And don't worry if you're unsure which newspaper it is – Gundy brought it with him. This one of one of my all-time favourites.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 8

LEE ELIA BASHES CUBS FANS

Well, considering the last two days have featured press conferences most of you have seen a million times, I've decided to throw one in that perhaps is a little less well-known (although it's quite infamous in baseball circles). No video of this one – audio only – but it's still worth it. Former Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia just tears into Cubs fans... it's vicious. I had to work hard to find an unedited, unbeeped version of this beauty.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 7

"THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!"

Another classic, courtesy of the National Football League. Former Arizona coach, lamenting the loss to the Chicago Bears. Turns out, he knows who they are.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 6

"PLAYOFFS?"

This one's a classic, and you've all no doubt seen it before – including in beer commercials. But it's too famous, and too damn good, to leave out. That said, I give you Jim Mora, former coach of the Indianapolis Colts.

(Speaking of which, Mora's question is one many around Indy will soon be asking again if and when Peyton Manning leaves town, either through trade or retirement. Man, they suck.)

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 5

"YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!"

Well, Christmas is over, you've survived Boxing Day, and are likely headed back to work after a few days off with your family and friends. What better time to remind you of one simple axiom to live by: "You play to win the game!"

You know, just in case you thought you played it just to play it.

Classic.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 4

TORTORELLA VS. NEW YORK

As many of you are likely already aware, New York Rangers coach John Tortorella is a freaking snapshow – has been ever since he coached the Tampa Bay Lightning. And he's got an especially adversarial relationship with New York sports writer Larry Brooks.

So, today, on Boxing Day, I give you not one, but two, John Tortorella clips where he appears to want to throw Larry Brooks in front of a moving subway car.

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 3

"WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, N----!"

Merry Christmas! As today is the big day, celebrating the birth of Santa Claus (or something like that), I give you the cheeriest thing I could find: A WWF interview where Booker T calls Hulk Hogan a N---- and then instantly, as you can tell, regrets it.

(By the way, Mean Gene Okerlund was awesome in his day.)

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

DAY 2

SHAQ RETIRES, MULLS KNICKS' GM OFFER

This one isn't an angry freakout yesterday's Avery Johnson flip-out, but it's just funny. Shaq is one of the funniest athletes in, I would guess, the history of sports. This video's a little long, but it's got a lot of funny moments.

Because it's only a few days until Christmas, and because I have some free time, I've decided to give this blog's few remaining readers a Christmas gift over the next 12 days. But rather than the 12 Days of Christmas, I've decided instead to run down a dozen of the best press conferences/meltdowns in the history of sports in a li'l segment I've dubbed....

:: 12 Days of Awesome Press Conferences::

Day 1

AVERY JOHNSON GETS WEIRD

NBA coach Avery Johnson, who I believe was coaching the Dallas Mavericks at the time, gets a little testy, and then downright weird, during an NBA Finals press conference.

Next up, Press Conference #11.

:: Take notes, slackers ::

One of the things I dislike most about my desk at work is the fact that it's turned away from the front of the building, leaving me with my back turned to the rest of the office and thus susceptible to sneak attacks, or worse – the dreaded sneak "look-over-your-shoulder-while-you're-adjusting-your-fantasy-football-lineup-instead-of-working."

But the one thing that nearly makes up for this poor desk placement is the fact that it's near the back of the office. So on days like today, where I exhausted my work responsibilities by about 11 a.m., I can hear the company CEO's voice when he stops by for a visit.

And unlike the people up front, that leaves me plenty of time to open up five or six work-related programs on my Mac. Sometimes, if I've got enough of a heads-up, I can even type the first few lines of a fake email before he gets to my desk to say hello.

:: Christene's new blog ::

I've been meaning to post this for quite some time, but keep forgetting, but in case anyone is interested – and really, why wouldn't you be? – Christene has a new blog:

Christene Drinks Too Much Coffee

You should check it out.

:: Being an asshole vs. financial savings ::

Almost every single day at work, between about 9:10 and 9:45 a.m., I walk to the nearby Tim Horton's with a few colleagues. We do this a) because we like coffee and b) because it gets us the hell out of the office for a few minutes, for a little mini-break.

We've had this schedule for about 2-3 years, and we like it. But of course, our schedule is by now well-known to the rest of the office, which causes conversations such as the following about once every month or so:

"You guys and your Tim Horton's runs... Ya know, if you drank the office coffee or brought it from home, instead of going there every day, think of all the money you'd save!"

And of course, this same exact thing happened earlier today.

Now, a couple things....

First, when the person who tells me how much money I could save if I could just control my caffeine addiction is a smoker, well... that's just the best. No matter how much I like the people I work with, I will never pass up an opportunity to call people on their shit. That means you, Smoky – next time you chide me on my expensive habits, I'd appreciate it if you did so while you were outside hackin' a dart. (Because I like irony.)

Secondly, don't tell me how much money I can save. Don't you think I know how much money I could save? I mean, I'm not an idiot. I can do simple math. Every time I go into Tim Hortons, I am not surprised that the employees there expect money in exchange for the coffee they hand me. Things ain't free. I get it.

I know that $1.78 every day adds up. But just because I'm aware of it, doesn't mean I want to actually do the math and be presented with the cold, hard numbers. Don't you think if I cared about the final tally I would've stopped years ago? It's not like I'll be shocked by whatever the actual number is, shape up and change my ways.

I'll probably just shrug my shoulders, offer a "Hmmph" and get on with my day, safe in the knowledge that at least I don't have a heroin addiction.

But let's get back to today, and my morning confrontation with Mrs. Math Whiz (who, by the way, smokes, and has delighted us with this same conversation numerous times).

"Think of the money you could save..." she started.

"Yeah, I know. I'd save a lot of money. But you know what I'd spend it on?" I said. "I'd take all that coffee money and buy the world's best earplugs, so I wouldn't have to listen to people tell me to what to spend my money on anymore."

"Either that, or maybe I'd take up smoking."

:: Old School ::

This morning, I logged into blogger for the first time in quite awhile, and the log-in screens, dashboard etc had changed because, well, things change. Upon log-in, a pop-up officially, uh, popped-up on my screen, and asked me to click to use the new, upgraded, Blogger/Goggle interface, which I'm sure is sleek, streamlined and very innovative.

Trouble is, my blog is still stuck in about 2004 - I believe I wrote a post about this before. It's an old template, can't have subscribers or feeds or any of that fancy new shit. It's old school, and that's how I likes it.

But I'll admit, for a second there, when I saw the option to click the fancy "update" button, I felt kind of bad that I couldn't do it. Or, I could do it, but it would either have no effect or fuck things up something horrible.

But the feeling passed quickly when something happened that made me realize I'm not the only person in this house stuck in the early 2000s: An MSN Messenger message bubble popped up on my screen.

Yes, Messenger. (Actualy, upon further review, it was Windows Messenger. Even older!)

It was a work friend of Christene's, saying hello.

"Why is Messenger turned on, and why are messages coming through? Is this some mistake? Do you know this person?!" I asked, in disbelief.

"Oh yeah, that's (whoever) from work. We use Messenger at the office to talk back and forth when we want to make fun of somebody," came the reply.

Facebook chat. Text messages. GMail chat. iChat. Shit, quiet whispers are probably more "now" than MSN fucking Messenger. Yet that's how Christene and her friend roll, firmly stuck in a bygone era.

I ain't changing this blog yet.

:: Long trips ::

"Trucking is brutal. You're just out there on the road, all by yourself. It's lonely, man. Thank God for satellite radio, but even satellite radio gets boring. After awhile, I just turn it off and drive in silence, and I sit and think of different ways I could kill people." - TO

:: Some news ::

Why, hello there.

Betcha thought I didn't have a blog anymore - I forgot for long stretches myself, as a matter of fact. But, alas, I am back. I can't promise posts on a more frequent basis - because I'd definitely just disappoint - and I won't necessarily even try.

But I'll try to try. And that will have to be good enough.

Anyways... I know back in June, I said I would post something longer on the Canucks losing the Stanley Cup. I didn't write much then because the pain was too fresh, the wound too deep. And even though we're now smack in the middle of August, I still haven't brought myself to do it. Oh, I've tried - three or four times, at least - but when I actually get passed the first few paragraphs, all that pain and anger comes back.

So I'd stop, and promise to come back to it later. I still will - I promise (There's that word again).

But until the time comes that I can eloquently write about the biggest disappointment I've experienced in some time, let's talk about something happier: me.

Well, me and Christene, to be more precise.

We are getting married.

For real.

Yeah, I know. I'm a little surprised myself. Not sure how it happened really, but it did, and I am glad. I know it was out of character/out of the blue, because after she said yes back in mid-July, these were some of the reactions I got from people.

"What the hell?!" (Christene... rather than, you know, saying 'yes')

"Holy fuck, are you shitting me?" (Bucholtz)

"WHOA!" (text message from someone I cannot remember)

"Wow! I never thought you would ever propose! (Kristyl, who apparently shared this view with Christene.)

"It's true. I kind of thought you never would. It would have been OK. We have the house and the dog, and I just didn't think you would." (Christene, when questioned about the above sentiment)

So yeah, it's fucking happening, folks. Clear your schedules, warn your livers, and send the kids to the neighbours, we're coming home loaded!*

*Because we're getting married in Las Vegas.

The tentative date will be early November, 2012. Likely at the Flamingo Hotel. Sure, there are much fancier hotels, but Christene and I have been to Vegas a lot over the last 3 years, and we agree all the new uber-fancy ones, which glittery and nice, seem a little too... corporate, for lack of a better word. They just seem to lack a little (or a lot) of that Old Vegas charm.

And since Christene and I are both bigger fans of historic Vegas than new Vegas, the Flamingo it likely will be. It's the perfect combination of Old Vegas charm/cheesiness, location, price, and well, it's probably one of the few older hotels that doesn't have bed bugs.

So there's that.

Consider yourself invited. (No, not you.)