Christene: My phone bill for December had $155 in text message fees. That was before I had a data plan.
Me: I can't help but feel partly responsible.
Christene: Of course you're responsible!

"Pregnancy is one big camel toe." - Kristyl, on ill-fitting pants.

"It actually feels like you're masturbating if you have sex with a black chick in the dark." - Sean, as politically correct as ever.

"I quit smoking weed for awhile, but then I was like, 'Hey, I enjoy being stoned.' So now I smoke weed again." - Sean, again.

Watching some '80s movie on TV...
Me: That guy looks like Judge Reinhold.
Christene: It was the '80s, everbody looked like Judge Reinhold.

"There's a lot of lesbians in Blaine." - Jolene, a co-worker. She said this at lunch, completely off-topic and unprovoked.

Speak first, think later...
Me: I want to go to Australia.
Kristyl: Me too, but I don't think I could handle the drive.
Me: uhhhh...
Kristyl: Flight. I mean flight.

"We saw a lot of sights. We didn't neccesarily go into many of them, but we drove past a lot on our way to a pub." - Kristyl again, reminiscing on the trip to Ireland her and Christene took a couple years ago.



:: And the award goes to... ::

Because it's Oscar Night, I've decided to put on my best tux (actually a stained wife-beater and some fleece sweat pants) and hand out some awards of my own.

Best attempt to out douche-ify Randy River: Old Navy, which is currently selling a shit-ton of board shorts with skulls on them.

Raddest Facebook admission: My cousin Steve, who admitted in one of those 25 Random Things About Me lists that he once "was so high I made a platter of sandwiches for people I was talking to on the phone."

Best Way to Spend a Sunday: Me, lazy fuck that I am, for waking up at 8 a.m. but not getting out of bed until 2:15.

Best Way to Get Out of Household Chores: Me again, a two-time winner. On Saturday, by coincedence, I popped by my parent's house to say hi just as my mom and dad were out washing their cars. So of course, mine ended up nice and shiny, too. I helped....sort of. Also, on Sunday, I had a bunch of shirts I needed to iron for work, but my iron sort of crapped out (it sucks on the best of days. I'd buy a new one, but it's a fucking iron, so who cares?). So I brought a bunch of my dress shirts over to my parents' house when I went there for dinner, fully content to, and planning on, ironing them myself (really). But my mom did it for me without me even knowing, because she's my mom and this is what she does.

The What a Shocker Award: Heath Ledger's Best Supporting Actor Oscar win for his role as The Joker. Not saying he wasn't deserving - he was amazingin The Dark Knight - but c'mon, they've been hyping this since last summer, obviously he was gonna take it. Even Stevie Wonder saw this coming (*rimshot*).

Best Dressed: The guy I saw at the Walnut Grove Pub Friday night, who was wearing a black T-shirt with "Spitters are Quitters" printed large across the chest. Classy buddy, classy.

Best Idea: Jenna's pre-purchase of Mariners/Padres tickets for our first night in Phoenix. Fuck I am pumped - and less than a month to go!

Best/Most Terrifying Realization That We are Getting Old Award: Christene and me, watching Kids. When you watch the movie as a 15-year-old, you think "Wow, these kids are bad ass - drinking, fucking and wandering around New York. I want to be like them (minus the AIDS)." When we watched it on Saturday, as quasi-responsible 27-year-old adults, we both said the same thing at the same time: Where are these kids' parents, anyway?

:: The Answers ::

Well, my attempt at music trivia didn't go so well - as you can see, only a few of the 25 songs were identified - but that's mostly because a lot of the lyrics were pretty obscure (Thanks a lot, iTunes' random mode). However, with song titles coming up in the first lines of a few of the songs, I expected a few lucky guesses. Good tries though - and good for everyone for not cheating (except Lanette). But, just so we can move on to other things, here are the answers:

1. Neil Young, Sugar Mountain
2. Bon Iver, Blood Bank
3. Pearl Jam, Corduroy
4. Tom Petty, Free Fallin'
5. Crash Test Dummies, Mmm mmm mmm mmm
6. The Black Crowes, She Talks to Angels
7. Matthew Good Band, Haven't Slept in Years
8. One Day as a Lion, If You Fear Dying
9. Pink Floyd, Time
10. 50 Cent, Window Shopper
11. The White Stripes, Offend in Every Way
12. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Knock Me Down
13. Van Morrison, Into the Mystic
14. Led Zeppelin, Over the Hills and Far Away
15. The Academy Is..., His Girl Friday
16. Pilate, Barely Listening
17. The White Stripes, The Hardest Button to Button
18. Ray Lamontagne, Trouble
19. Live, The Distance
20. The Black Crowes, Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution
21. Jay-Z, Can I Get A...
22. Vampire Weekend, A Punk
23. Motion City Soundtrack, 1,000 Paper Cranes
24. Green Day, When I Come Around
25. The Tragically Hip, Ahead by a Century

So there you have it. As an aside, you should all download some or all of these songs. They're good.

:: Trivia Time ::

The following is one of those mostly annoying lists that is floating around Facebook at the moment, but I decided I'd post it here too, because, well, because I felt like it. Also, it's a nice break from me bitching and moaning about stuff.

The following 25 things are the first line(s) from 25 songs that came up randomly on my iTunes last night. There are a few that are easy, plus some that I can almost guarantee nobody has heard. Either way, leave your answers in the comments, and for the time being, try to avoid Googling everything you cheatin' fucks.

1. Oh, to live on sugar mountain, with the barkers and the coloured balloons.

2. Well I met you at the blood bank, we were looking at the bags, wondering if any of the colours, matched any of the names we knew on the tags.

3. The waiting drove me mad. You're finally here and I'm a mess.

4. She's a good girl, loves her mama. Loves Jesus, and America, too.

5. Once there was this kid who/Got into an accident and couldn't come to school.

6. She never mentions the word addiction in certain company. Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan after you meet her family.

7. Make me your animal, make me your freak, and I will pack them in.

8. The bastard son I spit non fiction, in exile for a while now with raw friction.

9. Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day. You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.

10. Oh, the top feels so much better than the bottom... so much better.

11. I'm patient of this plan, as humble as I can. I'll wait another day, before I turn away.

12. Never too soon to be through, being coool too much too soon.

13. We were born before the wind, also younger than the sun.

14. Hey Lady, you got the love I need - maybe more than enough.

15. If you knew what you do, when no one's in the dark room but me and you, a brilliant disguise.

16. I lie awake on this phone call, she's dreaming of better days. Flowers lie on the counter, remind her of better days.

17. We started living in an old house. My Ma gave birth and we were checking it out.

18. Trouble, been doggin' my soul since the day I was born.

19. Let him come into the city, let him find his lucky penny, let him put it in his pocket and shake it all around.

20. Cut a rusty engine outta sawdust town. Better deal with the man who shook 'em all down, so put a little grease on my axle now.

21. Can I hit it in the morning, without giving you all of my dough? And even worse if I was broke would you want me?

22. Johanna drove slowly into the city, the Hudson River all filled with snow. She spied the ring on His Honor's finger. Oh-oh-oh.

23. I thought that you knew her. I thought that you cared. But what am I do do at four in the morning?

24. Well I heard you cryin' loud, all the way across town. You've been searching for that someone and it's me out on the prowl.

25. First thing, we'd climb a tree, and maybe then we'd talk, or sit silently and listen to our thoughts.