"My best friend LOVES to fish but I just don't get it. I went out with him once, and after a few minutes I was just like 'Hey, why don't we just go buy a fish? It'd be a lot easier.'" - Melissa's new landlord.

"Everytime I see Bucholtz I'm just amazed at how he functions in life." - Melissa. (She may have a point, considering Buch's baseball game antics of Friday night)

New & Improved Weekends: Now 100 % Incident Free!

An incident free weekend?

I didn't know we could do that.

Between grumpy bouncers, Hell's Angels, drunken punches, and weird bar situations, this weekend was relatively calm by our standards of late.

Friday I was done work by 1, so I had a pretty good afternoon lounging around, before we all went to Fort Pub for dinner. From there, people went their separate ways. Some to Garski Falls, others to Shark's Club, which is what I did. It was a pretty good night, then I left at about 1 a.m. because everyone kind of disappeared and i didnt feel like searching for them.

Last night we all went camping (minus Ian and Jer, who were AWOL all weekend due to stag parties and girlfriends being back in town). I had to work til 10-ish, then I booked it from White Rock to Chilliwack in just over an hour. Camping was an obvious gongshow, and I passed out in muddy jeans and one shoe at about 4:30 in the morning, and woke up covered in sand. (I guess camping on a sand bar will do that to ya.)

I'm a big fan of our new camping spot though, even if there is a deadly hike up and down a hill to get to it.

Some highlights from Saturday:

1. The handprint tattoo on Bucholtz's back after Bobby gave him one helluva slapping.
2. PUNCH ME. Written on Bucholz's face after he passed out.
3. All the chips we dumped on Bucholtz after he passed out.
4. Tent 1, Kelsey, 0.
5. Bobby puking in the Burger King parking lot.
6. Watching two Canada Geese float down the river and attempt to maneuver through rapids. Funny stuff.

and 7. Bobby calling his work at noon, after he was supposed to be there at 8.

Boss: Where are you?
Bobby: I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm drunk.
Boss: I appreciate your honesty. See you Monday.

Didn't even bother to come up with an excuse.

"I love summer because all the girls come out - I don't care how old they are either, because in the summer there are no rules." - Gorski

Weekend Update

Last night was interesting, and while it still ended oddly, it was a lot better than the way Friday ended. We started at Bucholtz's place watching UFC 52 on pay-per-view, which was pretty sweet. Lots of good scraps. Then we hung out there for awhile, while Buch's proceeded to attempt to fight everyone.

We later went to Sean and Rachel's, where Bucholtz's aggressive drunkiness got to be too much, so eventually Sean booted him out, which was smart, because drunk Bucholtz can be a real pain in the ass. The weekend as a whole was OK, minus a few things on Friday, of course.

And just think, if it wasn't for the fucking weather, none of the shit would've even happened because we'd have been camping.

Before I was mocked ( by Kelsey) for suggesting it earlier in the week, I was just going to have a low-key weekend, maybe just watch some movies. It was shitty weather and I've been sick, but at the risk of "pussing out" i came out anyway. I did, however, manage to watch one movie - Glengarry GlenRoss, with Al Pacino and Jack Lemmon.

I liked this one quote from it:

"When you die, you're gonna regret the things you don't do." - Al Pacino

That is all.

From last night...

"You know what we should do more often? Punch each other in the face." - Bucholtz. Ian and Buchs then proceeded to deck each other. Ian got a bruise on his jaw, Buch's got a fat, bleeding lip. Morons.

"GIV'R TO THE LIVER!" - Ian, chugging beer and proud of his rhyming abilities.

Ian and Bucholtz, talking about how the hell Bucholtz doesn't have like 43 kids by now. And of course, buch's completely misses the point.

Ian: Maybe you have no boys.
Buchs: I'm pretty sure I got balls down there. Everytime I jerk off there's something banging against the chair.

Back by popular demand...

Sports Night Quote of the Moment...

Dan: You need a plan.
Casey: Techically I have a plan.
Dan: What's the plan?
Casey: It's Napolean's plan.
Dan: Who's Napolean?
Casey: The 19th century French emperor.
Dan: You crackin' wise with me now?
Casey: He had a two-part plan.
Dan: What was it?
Casey: First we show up, then we see what happens.
Dan: That's it? First we show up, then we see what happens?
Casey: Yep.
Dan: Jeez, it's almost hard to believe he lost.

This post is brought to you by Kelsey, who called me a slacker for not writing anything...

After our infamous night at Rooster's on Friday (see previous post), we decided that, since it wasn't raining Saturday, we'd go camping to our usual spot in Chilliwack.

Like lead paint, communism, and nailing fat chicks while drunk, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

It was fucking fun - no doubt about it - but holy shit was it cold once we ran out of firewood and retreated to our tents in a drunken stupor.

And, being the genius that I am, I only had one blanket and a sleeping bag, while most people had copious amounts of blankets. Although, in Kelsey's case, the blankets do you know good when a drunken, near-comotose Ian is lying on them like a lump, boots and all.

There were plenty of other things going on too. Pat, who was camping a few miles down the road with some other people, was at our spot most of the night drinking, and he had a carton of eggs and a jug of milk with him. He was planning on making pancakes in the morning, most likely to impress a girl.

Anyway, Pat stupidly left the milk in Gorski's cooler. And Chris and Gorski found the eggs just lying on the ground and decided to hide them. Pat came back in the morning, with dreams of fluffy pancakes in his head, but he left with nothing.

Pat: Okay guys, just here to get my eggs and milk. Where are they?
Us: The eggs are against that tree. We chucked them at it last night when we were drunk.
Pat: Oh....well then where's my milk?
Brad: I didn't like milk being in my beer cooler so I threw it in the river.
Pat: You fuckers.

And there was also another startling revelation made while me and Kelsey (and Rocky) drove up to Chilliwack:

Turns out I didn't get kicked out of the bar on Friday for nothing at all.

Instead, I shoved a bouncer.

From what we can figure, I came back from the bathroom and was standing with Kelsey for a minute. A bouncer was right there, sweeping up some broken glass. He wanted Kelsey to move, but rather than ask her, he just thwapped her in the leg with the broom. It was her sore, cut up leg (from last week's ball game) and I guess I didn't like that very much, so I shoved him. That's when I was escorted from the building.

I don't know if that's chivalrous, or stupid. Probably stupid.

Either way, I remember none of this, of course, but we pieced together the story from the bits we could recall.

And that was Saturday in a nutshell.

Last night was, in the truest sense of the word, a gong show.

We went to Rooster's for my birthday, and I was quickly intoxicated. I drank about 6 beers before we even left so I was buzzing pretty good right from the start. Then I had two beers, Jenna bought me another. Chris bought me one. Bucholtz bought me three shots of something. Two tequila shots were in there too, courtesy of Brad and Ian. Then Johnny bought be three shots of zambuca and a shot of JD all at once.

All this happened within the first hour, so I was barely able to stand.

The rest of the night was good - Bucholtz got cut off at the bar by about 10 oclock. But then at about 12:30 or 1, things got fucked. Some Hell's Angel grabbed Brad and accused him of dealing drugs in the bar, and apparently that's HA territory. Then, seconds after that, I walk casually out of the bathroom only to be grabbed by the neck by a bouncer and told to get the fuck out. The bouncer and some HA guy then proceed to escort me from the building. I was fucking angry and pushed the bouncer pretty good, which earned me a shot in the jaw. Oh well.

So everyone followed me outside because nobody knew what the fuck was going on, and Brad was legitimately freaked out, because when the HA guy accused him of dealing in the bar, he also threatened to take him to the back of the building and put two in his head and drop him in the ditch. Maple Ridge is prime Hell's Angel territory too, so it was no empty threat.

We all left soon after, but not before I angrily punched a brick post for some reason. Now my hand hurts and my knuckle is cut up.

A good night, but certainly a fucking weird one.

Tonight we're going camping, and I hope it's a little less crazy.

Also, I woke up this morning with that dreaded "Oh no, how did I embarass myself last night?"
I've been getting that sensation more and more lately, and I don't know why. In my sordid drinking "career" I've always been a pretty average drunk - pretty mellow, don't do anything crazy, dumb or embarrassing, but lately I've just been feeling like I constantly make an ass of myself. Now, I don't know if I actually do, but it's certainly out of character to feel like it.

Just a quick note - the Cannons' site is freshly updated. With news of a win, for fuck's sakes!

There probably won't be too many updates until the end of the weekend, as it is my birthday and I shall be drunk from 3 oclock this afternoon onward. As a disclaimer, anything embarrassing or dumb I do from now until Sunday night can and will be blamed on booze.

"She thinks she's like the King of New Zealand or something," - Gorski, discussing a certain person we know who thinks very highly of herself (but we're not sure why).

"Boobies are way better than Jesus." - Johnny.

Last night, went to a party at Lambie's. It was excellent. Got drunk. Didn't get home til 5:30. Slept through work (which I was supposed to get up at 10 a.m. for).

A good night all 'round.

Applicable Sports Night quote of the night...

Dan: You know what that was?
Casey: What?
Dan: Another missed opportunity. You miss enough of those and the ball game's over.

Other memorable things from Friday....

Bobby getting kicked out of the bar for breaking up a fight. Then when the cop booted him out, he accused him of being racist and only kicking him out becaue he's brown. Then, to make things more fucked up, the cop (who was white) started talking with a Mexican accent...

Cop: Why would I be racist? I'm Mexican.
Bob: No you're not! You just started talking like that right now!

Stupid cops.

Brad: I just bought this shirt. It's my party shirt.
Someone: Cool.
Brad: I'm wearing my party socks too.
Someone: What are party socks?
Brad: ....ones that are clean.