:: A solution to the The Situation ::

Halloween is only a few days away, and it looks like Jersey Shore-themed costumes are awfully popular, which really shouldn't come as much of a surprise due to both the show's immense – if inexplicable – popularity and also the fact that douchebags of the world really like to show off their douchebaggyness (Ed Hardy shirts, after all, are not exactly understated).

I, of course, being of both good taste and a bad attitude, hate Jersey Shore. It's such a lowest-common-denominator show that it makes Rock of Love look like fucking Masterpiece Theatre. Sadly though, my hatred of the MTV program will do nothing to slow its popularity, nor the thousands – millions maybe – of Snooki and The Situation costumes that are sure to sprout up on the streets and at Halloween parties beginning tomorrow night.

All we can really hope for, I guess, is an increase in poison Halloween candy and firecracker accidents this year. Either that, or a bad batch of energy drinks and jagermeister.

:: You dial 9-1, then when I say so, dial 1 again ::

So apparently Halloween is a big deal here in Milner Heights, our home of two-and-half weeks. About every second house seems to be decorated up with stuff. I've never seen anything quite like it, actually, but then again, it's a relatively small area, so maybe that's why it seems like a lot.

Anyways, on that note, I was out taking Gunnar for his daily 6 a.m. walk (which we both hate, by the way - we'd both rather stay in bed, especially Guns... he's tough to get going in the morning, which I can appreciate.)

And about 8 houses up the street from us, I noticed one house with its two front windows all boarded up. At first, I thought that somehow these windows of this new house had been smashed, but when I looked closer, I realized that the way the boards were put up, I think they were meant to look haphazard and sketchy.

You know, for Halloween.

The trouble is, these boarded up windows are the only decoration - if indeed that's what they are - outside of the entire house. No spooky witches or other statues, no black and orange ribbons or anything. Not even a pumpkin!

So that being the case, I'm really not 100% convinced that this house is festive. I'd say there's a decent chance there's some kind of situation going on in there - perhaps the residents are boarding up to prevent some kind of zombie attack, I don't know. Or perhaps it's a murder scene. The possibilities are endless.

All I know is that it, on its own, it makes the house look like some kind of white trash murder scene.

Which may, come to think of it, be the scariest decorations on the whole block. Well played, weirdos. Well played.

:: Last-minute Halloween costume ::

With a nod to the Kurtenbloggers, who mentioned it on their TEAM 1040 appearance Wednesday, I present to you an easy, last-minute Halloween costume for your party tomorrow:

Go as John Gosselin.

All you need to do is wear an Ed Hardy shirt and leave your kids at home.