:: Park the attitude, bitch ::
My current office backs onto a large, fenced-in gravel parking lot - a lot we share with employees of a large strip mall and a few other businesses. The lot, along with the mall, is called The Courtyard* and is owned by a company of the same name.
Up until about two years ago, the lot was plenty big enough for all of us, with room to spare. However, with recent construction of two high-rise towers right next door, The Courtyard leased two-thirds of the lot to the high-rise development company, so it's employees would have a place to smoke weed during their lunch break.
Since then, our portion of the lot has been a mess, with cars jammed in at any angle in which they can fit. Along a concrete retaining wall there is room for about 12 cars, and there are two large garbage bins at the end. Apparently, the garbage men - who only come on Wednesdays - have had trouble maneuvering their rigs around our many cars in order to pick up the large bins. As such, someone spray-painted "No Parking" on the retaining wall, on either side of the bins, which effectively loses us 3 parking spaces.
No big deal. Garbage has to be emptied, after all.
However, this week, the arrows on the "No Parking" sign have progressively been extended for no apparent reason, thus losing us about 8-10 of the original 12 parking spots. So today I parked my car just beyond where the spray-painted arrow stopped, thinking that the No-park zone had ended exactly at that point. Makes sense, no? Besides, how much fucking room does a garbage truck need, anyhow?
Apparently, however, I was still in the wrong, and to properly convey my befuddlement/annoyance, I will direct you to this recent post by Mike at In It But Not of It.
I was made aware of my apparent mal-parkage when I left the office today at 4:30. As I walked towards my car, I noticed a woman sticking a slip of paper under my wiper blades. No big deal, I thought, as I approached my car. We get them all the time from The Courtyard security people - mostly in the case that our vehicle doesn't have a parking sticker in the window, or maybe we have a new car and the licence plates don't match up with their records.
Sometimes, they'll even give us friendly little notes about car security, reminding us that we left something valuable on the passenger seat, or left our sunroof open. Stuff like that.
So when I grabbed the paper - with the woman leaving but still no more than 25 feet away - I was somewhat shocked to read, scribbled hastily in ALL CAPS across the paper:
CAN'T YOU READ?! NO PARKING!
I looked up, and though I was still just beyond that professionally-spray painted No Parking arrow, this woman had tacked another NO PARKING sign on the wall, directly in front of my car. (Apparently the garbage trucks need 12 car-widths to pull in and out of a parking lot. 12!)
"Excuse me - did you just put this on my car?" I questioned loud enough so that the woman turned back in my direction.
I walked towards her - my work notebook and pen still in hand - and she began a holier-than-thou diatribe about how I can't park there and obviously have no regard for rules, and if I want the privilege of parking there I better start following directions. Now keep in mind that I have no clue who this woman is - she could've owned the property or simply been the cashier at the fucking drug store in The Courtyard.
As she ranted, I took my pen and scribbled across the top of her note which questioned my literacy.
When she was finally done, I spoke.
"Can you read?" I asked, walking up close to her.
"Of course I can!" she said, in a huff.
"Then what's this say?" I asked, opening the paper to show her my own block letters.
"It says 'Lose the attitude.'"
"Exactly."
And then I crumpled the paper, tossed it in the gravel between our feet, got in my car and drove home.
*Not the real name
No comments:
Post a Comment