:: Monday to Thursday Hermit ::

Tara made a good point today when said that since slo-pitch ended last month, nobody does anything during the week anymore. I'd been thinking recently that it was just me who doesn't do much - since Chris and Jenna are often out-and-about after dinner. I, on the other hand, watch Seinfeld reruns and lounge around in my track pants or old shorts.

In fact, today I fell asleep for over an hour.

I am the epitome of socialable behaviour, let me tell ya.

Anyway, Tara's right. Since ball ended, this is the typical weekday convo I have with people (when I talk to them at all).

Me: Hey whats up?
Friend: nothin. you?
Me: Sweet fuck all.
Friend: cool.
Me: yup.
Friend: I'm gonna go.

Since ball ended, Ian has switched to afternoon shift and works every night til 11, and without softball Kelsey doesn't always have a whole lot of reason to make the trek across the Port Mann all the way from Burnaby.

And I assume that the rest of our friends, like me, just can't get enough of those Seinfeld reruns.

Well to adjust the boredom factor down a notch or two, I really wouldn't mind doing something the occasional night. If somebody wants to do something, just call me.

I may or may not be sleeping.

On why Brad doesn't want to eat salmon for dinner...

"Who wants to eat the same thing as bears?"

"It's not a zoo, it's a captivity warehouse." - Kelsey

Me: Oakland's stadium is in a pretty shitty part of town.
Steve: Yeah...Oakland.

:: Give'r on the river ::

"I'm so uncool I should drive a mini-van." - Keith, a 40-something guy we were rafting with. He was upset that he doesn't know what music is cool anymore.

"I don't understand why people come up to other people and say 'Wow, you look tired.' Basically they're saying 'You look like shit.' Would you walk up to a fat person and say 'Gee, you look really full?' No, of course not." - Keith again.

This past August long weekend was a doozy. We went rafting just outside of Princeton, and it was tons 'o fun. We'd went once before, two years ago, and I definitely wanna go next year.

We got a bit of a late start on Friday, because everyone worked til at least 5:30, but we eventually got our asses movin' in the right direction.

On Friday it was late once we got there and got settled in and set up, so we just started drinking. Heavily. Well, Chris and Sean did anyhow. Me, Jenna and Rachel probably had a few - I was reasonably buzzed, but Chris and Seaner were something else, let me tell ya.

Firstly, they were yelling at each other and ending up rubbing an empty salt and vinegar chip bag on each other - on Sean's face and Chris' shirtless back. It scratched both up nicely, and combined with the salty and vinegary residue on the bag, rest assured it stung 'em both good. As if that wasn't weird enough, the next thing we all knew, the two of them were standing 5 feet apart spitting on each other. The game ended when Sean got one right in the eye.

Classy fellas, really classy.

The next morning bright and early, after some delicious bacon and eggs, we hit the river. Me in my kick ass raft, and Chris and Jenna in the Party Barge - a big square inflatable 6ft x 6 ft contraption that, on first glance, wouldnt appear to be river-worthy. But it kicked ass.

We cruised down the river for about 3 hours, stopping periodically to drink beer and/or swim. Then lunch and back for the second leg of the river - for most people.

The seven of us, you see - Us plus Sean's cousin Steve-O and his girlfriend Sara - were stuck back at the campsite because a certain brother of mine locked his keys in his truck and BCAA had to come get 'em out. Now this tow truck guy (named Doug) could not unlock the doors, cuz he was clueless. He was there for well over an hour, fiddling with his coat-hanger like tools, trying to pop the lock.

Then Jenna did it.

To show how inept this guy was, here's a quote. Keep in mind Chris' keys were sitting on the seat. No windows were open. No opening of any kind - other than the cracks wide enough to stick the coat-hanger thing in.

Doug: Well I can't pop the lock. What we may have to do is just get the big, long tool and fish the keys out.
Chris: Yeah, well thats great, but how are you gonna do that?
Doug: We'll go through the door.
Chris: And once you do that, how are you going to get the keys on this side of the door?
Doug: Hmm...good point.

The next day was a scorcher - 41 degrees according to somebody who was there. So we again hit the water. The first leg was fun again, lots of relaxing, beer drinking and watching Sean and/or Chris fall out of the boat. Although none of them fell out quite like I did after lunch.

So we're heading down the river, and my boat had me, this annoying but nice kid named Devin and his whiny bitch, anorexic girlfriend Sam. Now Sam didnt wanna come at first because she "didn't wanna get wet." (who comes rafting and doesnt wanna get wet?)

And for the most part, other than the odd splash, the whiner stayed dry.

Then our raft capsized.

Beer everywhere. Sunscreen down the river. Sandals floating away. Man Overboard.

We were in a spot called The Black Hole - really the only real rapids on the whole river. We ended up getting smashed into a big rock and then we flipped. I managed to jump out and wade off to the side - the water wasn't very deep - but then I still had to get through the rest of the small section of waves sans watercraft. So I just floated through, occasionally banging my legs on rocks, and getting a few chunks taken out of my fingers. Nothing major, and itwas actually kind of fun. Since it was so hot it was definitely refreshing.

And even better, we didnt really lose much - Devin grabbed the boat, Sean had one of my sandals, his step-sister Brittany had the other one. We even managed to reclaim the sunblock. We lost a few beers, but they were Devin's so I didn't care.

Just too bad we couldn't lose his girlfriend.

Once we were all back onboard, Sam started complaining. Her arm was so sore "it can't move" her poor legs were bruised and cut and sprained. She was tired from thrashing in the water, etc etc.

She hopped on one foot the rest of the weekend because she was apparently too hurt to walk. Well maybe if you weighed more than 35 pounds you wouldn't have taken such a beating you retard!

God we all hated her.

Then came Sunday night - the party night. When we went up in 2003 we had a rule - nobody could come home with any beer. So if that meant drinking to the point of alcohol poisoning on the last night, then dammit that's what you'd do.

We all had plenty of beer left.

Because we had so much beer we changed the new tradition slightly - You could come home with minimal beer as long as on the last night you did your absolute best to drink it all. No pussying out, basically.

I ended up puking 5 times after doing back-to-back beer bongs, and last I saw of Brittany she was lying in the dirt behind her dad's truck puking beside her. A lot of the night is a blur, but that's really the whole point.

Next year is gonna be sweet.

"I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. It's OK though - it's a good way to meet people, and I won't mind going to meetings." - Melissa

Well, it's almost the long weekend. I'm not even sure what the Monday holiday is to be honest (I heard B.C. Day, does that sound right?) but alls I know is no work for three days so that's all I really need to hear.

It's gonna be a rad weekend. Me, Chris, Jenna, Sean and Rach are going tubing/rafting near Princeton. I believe the river is the Similkameen..should be fun. Me and Chris went two years ago with Sean, his fam, and his stepmom Sandy' work associates. It's basically a 3-day gongshow where you get sunburned.

In '03 when we went, the last night we decided we weren't leaving the river/beach until all the remaining beer was drank. I don't remember how many were left, but it was A LOT. I passed out (while standing up) in a prickle bush, where I pretty much stayed for about a half hour before somebody (probably chris or sean) picked me up. I also puked a few times on the bushes, if I remember correctly.

I'm pretty pumped about going. It'll be nice to get away for a few days and just chill.

Pretty much everyone is going their separate ways this weekend. Jer's going to catch up with his family at Okanagan Lake, Brad and Ian are going to Oliver, and Buch's is working non-stop. I don't know what everyone else is doing, I don't really talk to people during the week much these days.

It'll be kinda different to be in a smaller group probably, but it'll be nice.

Speaking of holidays, from Aug. 22 - Sept. 5 I had 2 weeks off work. A nice solid two weeks. And now its' just getting better and better.

I've worked 8 hours of OT the last week, so I get a day off down the road. I decided to make that day Aug. 19 (friday) adding to my holidays. Then I discovered that Sept. 5 isn't actually my first day back because it's Labour Day. So tack another day onto the holidays. Now for the best part:

My work discovered that somehow they owe me two holiday days from '04 (when I didnt even really get vacation yet). So I took one random day next week, and added one final day onto my two weeks, thus giving me from Aug. 19 to Sept.7 off work.

19 fucking days. (With Pay).

Pretty god damn sweet. I've got a few minor plans in the works for the time off. Pearl Jam concert is Sept. 2. Also I'm going to Seattlefor a few days at the end of August to see a pair of Mariner/Yankee games, which is gonna be awesome.

And knowing me, I'll get bored of sitting on my ass and I'll probably take off for somewhere at some point, so if you live reasonable far away from me, don't be surprised if I show up on your doorstep.

Mike, I'm looking in your direction.

:: Finally, a post ::

"Yeah, she's a crazy bitch." - Jer, in Merritt (I think he was talking about Katie, but I can't remember now.)

Kelsey: Eww, look at all those bugs on you.
Chris: Those aren't bugs, they're my little friends!

Me: That's awesome!
Brad: It's like waking up to waffles!

Random chick at Roosters (who had previously told us she had a kid): Do you have a condom?
Chris: No, I don't use 'em.
Chick: You should always use one!
Chris: You're the one with the kid, I don't think you should be lecturing me on using a condom.

Some kid named Jay: I'm from Canoe.
Buchs: I'm pretty sure that's not even a place.

Sean: What are you talking about?
Derrick: I don't know but if you don't like it you can get the fuck out.

"I'm gonna shave my entire body, roll around in the snow then go kill some Elves." - Bucholtz

I know, I've been remiss with the posts lately, for a number of reasons. Firstly, when we got back from Merritt I was tired and kinda grumpy about some shit, and didn't feel like posting. Don't get me wrong, Merritt was lotsa fun, but it certainly had it's moments of ridiculousness as well, which is fairly common. Too much booze for too long a time, I guess.

Regardless, it was fun. Four straight days of drinking, the beer bong in fine form (Good thing I made that damn thing the day before we left).

We saw boobs, Tim McGraw, and some crazy fuck shotgun 20 beers in 27 minutes (while puking about 8 times or so, maybe more). I've got some pictures, which I'll upload to the pics page sometime soon. I recommend looking at the pics of Gorski, passed out in the pathway - what a fucking gongshow.

The only thing that kinda sucked was the weather - it was overcast and chilly, and rainy at times even - so we could only chill out in the river on Friday, which is where many of the aforementioned boobs were seen. We did our fair amount of wandering around the fairgrounds too, with Chris eating just about every 5 minutes. Foot long hot dogs. Corn Dogs. Kettle Corn. Hamburgers. Beer. Pepsi. What a pig.

Beer pong was also a big highlight - many, many games were played. Me and Jen got slaughtered once badly, and Chris and Jer lost their championship beer bong belts (even if they were too drunk to remember it happening).

The few shitty parts of the weekend worth mentioning though, were these: Some of the concerts (Chely Wright) just sucked knobs. Too much yackity-yack yack between songs you stupid ass - if you aren't really famous yet, you might want to try and endear yourself to new fans by not sucking. Now, I'm not entertainer, but it just seems like good business sense: If you want to get bigger and better, don't suck.

Also, the first few Tim McGraw songs were impossible to hear due to shitty as hell sound quality. It actually had 160,000 people booing. If they hadn't have fixed it, I don't doubt that a riot would've broken out, with angry mobs of cowboy-hatted drunks tearing shit apart.

Since we got back from Merritt, it was a pretty lowkey week, although this weekend has been Rachel's birthday and slo-pitch playoffs. Friday we went to Roosters and got blitzed, although me and Jer only had a few each because neither of us really felt like drinkin'. On the way home, with Tara, was the funniest part.

Tara, you see, has no tail lights on her Civic. No turn signal lights either. No lights of any kind. So we got pulled over on Lougheed Highway, in Maple Ridge. Tara plays dumb ("Really? You mean all the lights are out? Is that just a fuse problem, I don't really know.") The cop made her breath on his face, and when he was sure she hadn't been drinking ("Wanna give me the breathlyzer just for fun?") he let us go.

Then in Walnut Grove we got pulled over again, but before the woman cop could even get up to the car, Tara yelled that we'd already got pulled over once, and were on our way home, so she too, let us go. All while me and Jeremy were laughing our damn asses off. Just hilarious.

Then, the baseball playoffs. We got fucking slaughtered on Thursdy (14-1 or something) then we had 2 games today. The first, at 12, was awesome. We were playing a bad team, and we started off the first with five runs - thanks to a three-run dinger by me, complete with an apparently terrible-looking slide and me getting an errant throw beaned off the side of my head. Scraped up my leg a little, but it was worth it - first softball home run for me ever (I'm not much of a hitter). I finished the game 3-for-3 with a home run and 4 RBI. Not a bad day at the dish.

We ended up winning the game 7-6, after my dad made the final out in left field - catching a pop fly I thought for sure was gonna drop in for a hit (the bases were loaded and it would've lost us the game).

We lost the second game fairly badly, but by then we'd been in the sun all day and everyone was pretty beat up. Chris played half the game and could barely move after hurting his leg earlier, and Jenna had so many blisters on her feet she had to play second base instead of the outfield because she couldn't move around much. Also, making defensive matters worse, I booted another easy ground ball, this time it bounced off my toe and into right field.

But I still hit a home run.

I rule.

:: NICK: MISSING IN ACTION (no reward offered) ::

Well, since no posts, funny quotes or comments, or photos have emerged from the Merritt Mountain Music Festival, I think it's safe to assume the obvious reason.

Nick is dead.

Perhaps he was eaten by a bear or other large marsupial, or was attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines. Perhaps he was thrown in a campfire by a rowdy Bucholtz, causing his alcohol-permeated body to instantly ignite and torch up.

Or perhaps the Pure Awesomeness of the weekend overloaded his feeble brain, and at this very moment, he lies drooling and slack-jawed in some bushes in Merritt, wearing only an oversized poncho, a rubber glove, and a trucker hat that says TORCH.

One can only hope.

Happy 21 Chris, you jackass....

Well, like I said in the previous post, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

For starters, yesterday (July 11) was Chris' 21st birthday, which we celebrated on the weekend twice - on Friday at Jimy Mac's and Derrick's and Saturday at Roosters. It was awesome.

But before we get to those festivities, we'll rewind to Thursday - Guy's Night.

Brad: Wow, she's hot eh?
Buchs: She's a stripper...so yeah.

The guys and girls in other little troupe decided to split up for one night, we went to a shady peeler bar in Surrey, Delanie's, to see the proclaimed "World's Biggest Boobs" According the the announcer guy, this chick (Maxi Mounds in case you wanna Google her) has size 156 MMM whops.

The girls also went to a slightly more classy joint - T-Barz - to see boobs too. And apparently the girls were the life of the party - which I guess is bound to happen when a bunch of young non-ugly chicks sit in gyno row.

Delanies though, was friggin hilarious. There were a few hot normal broads up before her, and then the main event - and it was worth it. After her little show, people could pay $20 to lie on the stage and she'd basically suffocate you with her rack.

A few people went first (including one chick and Crazy Eyes) and then of one us ponied up 20 and convinced Bucholtz to do it.

So he gets up there and lies down and proceeds to giant ginormous boobs all over him, then the chick decided to take off his belt, which wouldn't have been a big deal except for one thing:

Bucholtz wasn't wearing anything under his jeans - not boxers, not briefs, not even a burlap sack.

Nothing.

So she got a little surprise, and the rest of us couldn't stop laughing for a really long time. The best part? She let Kyle keep the $20. Must've been impressed.

Now, on to the weekend.

Friday I was off work a bit early and me, Tara, Kelsey and Ian decided to go to Jimy Mac's for a beer or two, and something to eat.

Then some more people showed up and that "beer or two" turned into four and a half hours of drinking and a $220 tab.

I couldn't even drive my car home - Kelsey had to.

Then we went to Derrick's and got even more shitfaced. It was fun for the most part - complete with the usual ridiculousness - although I took off shortly after 1 a.m.

The birthday boy, on the other hand, stayed. And drank 18 beers. The next day I had doubts that he'd survive long enough for Roosters.

"I feel like a monkey's ass. This is the worst I've ever felt in my whole life." - Chris
Roosters, of course, what the usual shitshow. On the plus side, I didn't get kicked out this time and Brad didn't get accosted and threatened by bikers.

Derrick was in fine form and after half a 26 of rye at my place and a large quantity of $7.25 doubles at the bar he was $200 lighter with more than a few motor skills impaired. Pretty much everyone was sloshed. A few highlights:

- Chris and Brad trying to pick up every chick they could at the end of the night. Chris would ask them to dance and when they said yes, he'd say "Sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend." He also wanted to fight just about everybody he saw - including some sorry fellow in a red shirt.

- Jenna handing out the penalties - complete with the proper hand signs. Game Misconducts. Gross Misconducts. 10-minute misconducts. Match penalties. Tripping. Hooking. You name it, she called it.

I had to work Sunday night, and have spent the beginning of this week working (its been a shitty week at work) and getting ready for merritt. We painted the trailer tonight finally, it looks friggin sweet. Tommorrow is the last work day before we take off on Thursday.

It's gonna be awesome.

A conversation with Brad...

Brad: Hey, what's shakin?
Me: Nothing.
Brad: Cool. Can I get a ride with you guys tonight?
Me: Sure.
Brad: My balls are itchy.

Lots of other things to post about - Thursday night at the peelers, and tonight is Rooster's night for Chris's birthday, so expect updates in a little while, but probably not tomorow cuz I'll be too busy at work.

:: More quotes and other such nonsense ::

"Remember when Stewie left a time bomb in Lois's uterus?....I really wish I hadn't said that word." - Sean, talking about Family Guy

Ian: You're slightly standing behind me.
Sean: Uh, no I'm definitely standing behind you.

Bucholtz: I'd definitely be down for some racquet sports right now...Actually, instead let's kidnap a dog and dress it up like a clown.
Bobby: I'd prefer to kidnap a cat and dress it up like a dog.
Bucholtz: That's just crazy enough to work!

Me: I have like 65 bites on my legs.
Bobby: I'm brown.

Bobby: Are we going yet?
Ian: No.
Bobby: How long are we staying then?
Ian: At least...longer.

Yesterday started off a little slow, since I had to work. It was supposed to just be a quick little league baseball game I had to go to, but from the time I left the house until I got home it was still over a 5 hour work day. Not too impressive.

But after that we went to Jeremy's for a little shaker and beer ponging, which was pretty fun. The team of me and Sean lost our first game handily, and then me and Bobby created a new team, which we called Team Michael Jackson, or Team Open-faced-Oreo (had it been a three-person team with one more brown guy it could've been just Team Oreo).

Anyway, Team Open-faced-Oreo never actually played a game, instead we just drank. Jeremy and Lambie were 4-0 until Chris showed up and him and Bobby (Team Gorski's Mom) beat 'em.

Other highlights:

-Jeremy zapping people with a abnormally high powered bug zapper. I could actually smell my arm hair burning when he held it on there. It was pretty sick.

- The trampoline competition. Basically a two-man competition between Derrick and Bucholtz to see who could do the best flips. Then Lambie entered into the competition, where he did a couple of lame backdrops. Somehow though he weaseled back into the competition after being eliminated and then blew away the competition to win.

He still did the same lame tricks, only this time he was wearing a red speedo he just happened to have under his jeans. I'm not sure exactly why he was wearing it - maybe he just assumed a situation like this would arise, I don't know. Either way, the gold medal went to him.

The last noteworthy thing that happened was Derrick tying Bucholtz's shoes to a cabinet door, tying about 30 knots in them, covering them tighlty in three different kinds of tape, then zap-strapping them together, just for the hell of it.

Bucholtz seemed choked about that - and apparently about other stuff too for some reason. On my drive home I found him walking around the streets in his socks, mumbling about how everyone had pissed him off.

It was pretty damn funny.

Usually I wait til the end of the weekend to post up all the stupid quotes from the previous two days and nights, but I didn't feel like posting any last weekend, so I've got a backlog of good stuff. Here they are...two weeks worth of awesomeness (or stupidity..your choice).

Bobby: Hey - are you drinking my beer?
Jer: No.
Bobby: Are you sure? Do you want to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

"All you people are garbage." - Bobby

"You know what they say...liquor before beer - Hey are we going to the fireworks?!" - Brad, combining ADD and alcoholism.

And from last weekend...

"My mom is like McGyver." - Kelsey

Bucholtz: Don't you just want to light things on fire sometimes?
Me: Uh...no.
Bucholtz: Me neither...who does that?

"I use boobs all the time." - Kels (I have no clue what she was referring to now, but it was written down in my phone, so she must've said it.)

"I'm just trying to drink through it." - Sean, after a particularly tough week. It's not a bad idea. Not bad at all.

"I have pillow boobs." - Kels (once again, no idea)

:: Canada Day ::

I don't really have a whole helluva lot to post about today. Being that it's Canada Day I'm sure we'll go out tonight and do something. The last couple years we ended up at the fireworks/Canada Day party at the Langley Airport, but to be honest, it's pretty lame.

It is, however, something to do. Last year, after taking 2 hours to find a parking spot, we watched the 3-minute fireworks, bought some mini-donuts from the little fairgrounds, and played hackey-sack til security told us we had to go home.

Word on the street is that some people wanna go to Cloverdale's Canada Day thing, but I don't feel like drivin' out there just to see a free Colin James show. I'm sure Colin James is a fine Canadian entertainer, but I can't name one of his songs so he's not high on my priority list.

Last night was pretty good, even though we lost our ball game 13-11 and I made 3 errors at first base in 4 stellar innings of work. Afterwards we went to Gorski's and drank. Still on my no-beer kick (and now deathly afraid of gin and its consequences) I decided to drank the ol' standby - rye and coke.

And I realized that I don't like it. Not one bit. I used to love rye, but now I honestly can't stand the stuff.

So now I have half a 26 of rye and half a 26 of gin that I doubt I'll be drinking in the near future. Maybe I'll feed 'em to a dog or a hobo, or 12-year-old kid...but more likely I'll get drunk, run out of booze and go to those bottles as a backup plan at 3 a.m...yep, that's pretty likely to happen.

I am happy that this weekend shows signs of being more fun and less stressful than last weekend. It has been a draining week though - up, then down, then really down, then very up.

Maybe that's why getting effin' plastered last night and just chillin' and playing drunk Guess Who with Chris, Sean and Brad was so much fun. (me and Brad still have to play the finals)

On another topic, Kelsey isn't here this weekend, instead she's off having a funtastic time at home in Enderby. While I know she's having a freaking good time (and a very drunk time too), the thing about Kelsey is she HATES missing out on stuff, like whatever we're doing down here. She just hates it.

Now, I bring this up only because she said before she left 'You better call me and tell me what's goin' on while i'm gone."

Well, it's awfully hard to do such a thing if you don't return the damn messages! (And I don't wanna hear nothing about no cell phone service either.)

I will however, accept the following as reasonable excuses:

If you were...

a) Too drunk to dial a phone.
b) Too drunk to even stay conscious.
c) So drunk you fell in the river or other body of water.
d) Attacked by a pack of rapid skunks or wolverines.

Those are the only options.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm off to the driving range to embarrass myself.

I'm not going to write anything about this weekend, because I know i'll either end up with my foot in my mouth, or someone's foot in my ass.

Or quite possibly both.

All I'll say is the last few days have sucked - easily the worst in recent memory.

That's life I guess.

Live and Learn.

"DE-FAULT, DE-FAULT! The two sweetest words in the English language!" - Homer Simpson

So we had a ball game tonight, at an unusual location -Stafford Secondary - because of some kind of scheduling conflict. Apparently the other team didn't get the memo, so they didn't show - giving us a win by default. Normally that woulda sucked cuz we all wanted to play - but a team in the G2 division (we're D1) played before us, so they stuck around for a rules-be-damned exhibition game.

Not exactly a real intense affair - we didn't always bat in order, we subbed in guys whenever we felt like, I played right field, Kelsey pitched, we drank beer on the field, and at one point we had no left fielder and three guys playing shortstop.

And NO defence was played. If we were keeping score the final woulda been probably 55-40..for us of course. And even though the other team was horrendous on defence, I still went 4-for-5 with two doubles. TWO! Sadly, my first extra base hits of the year.

And, just because I feel like it, I'll end with a Mastercard commercial....

Cost of pack of gum: $1.29

Being back in the #1 spot: Priceless.

It's good at the top.

:: Last Ditch Effort ::

In January, I decided I had had enough of my current out-of-shape state. It has never gotten me anywhere, and I figured it was holding me back from certain things. So I made one minor change: I gave up fast food completely.

It worked, to a certain degree. I lost like 15 pounds between January at May. Not nearly enough, In the last few weeks I started going to the gym, and gave up these additional things: Beer, pretty much any food that's bad for you, and my sanity.

Did I mention beer?

For the first time since I can remember, I've actually been motivated. Very motivated, in fact, for a variety of reasons which I won't get into. Not having a heart attack and dying at like 30 is one reason, but it's by no means near the top of the list.

Basically, I'm tired of people saying "Oh, but he's really nice." or "He's funny."

Funny, nice guys don't get shit. Guys who are in shape do - even if they're pricks. One day I'd like to find that out for myself.

It's been pretty damn difficult giving up all that stuff - you never realize how much shit you ate until you actually don't eat it anymore. But I'm still confident that in the end, it'll be worth it. I don't know if it'll be worth it tomorrow, next month, or a year from now, but eventually I think it will be.

It damn well better anyway - did I mention I gave up beer?

:: Victory laps and cheap gin ::

"You know what really pisses me off? I didn't start eating potato salad until like a year ago. I missed out on a lot of potato salad eating opportunities." - Kelsey, lamenting 19 years of missed opportunities.

"I'm like one of those guys in the army...you know, soldiers?" - Bucholtz

"It did not get cool until I got here." - Kelsey

"Maybe I'll just not let anyone come over and I'll stay at home and build lego all night." - Ian, on his potential change of plans.

"What do you think is better - having one of those wheelchairs you control with your mouth, or having a big Swedish guy carry you around all day in a giant snuggly?" - Bucholtz

"Or maybe I'll just ride around on a giant hippo." - Bucholtz finds a third option to the above dilemna.

Chris: Where's Jenna?
Buchs: She's inside with Amanda, talking about yarn, or whatever it is girls talk about.

By most accounts, this weekend was a good one. Although it further reaffirms my position that I should not be allowed to have a cell phone while drunk. Too many opportunities for a drunk dial or far-too-truthful text message. I don't necessarily regret it, but sooner or later it'll be a mistake, I'm sure.

Anyway, Friday started off with a phone call from Bucholtz about a half hour before our ball game, at 7:35. He needed a ride. Not because he didn't have a car or anything, but because he was freaking loaded. He got off work at 3 and spent his afternoon drinking free beers with his boss.

Needless to say, he only played an inning of the game before we yanked him. In that time however, he still looked ridiculous by striking out, and pretty much embarrased his family name - with his grandparents in the stands to watch.

It was a really good game, well played and lots of fun. We ended up tying, but we were very close to pulling out a W. Oh well, still better than a loss.

After ball, we parking lotted it for awhile before hitting up the beer store and heading to my place. My normal Friday night beverage would be beer and plenty of it, but I'm actually off beer for awhile, as part of a little plan of mine. Anyway, I decided gin was the way to go.

And it didn't take me very long to get friggin' sloshed. I hadn't wanted to get that drunk, honestly. But the gin really hit me harder than I expected, and I passed out by about 1:30 or so, not before slamming my front door, yelling at Sean, and generally being mad. It didn't turn out to be my best night, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Saturday, I went to the dentist, then patiently waited for people to wake up so I'd have some company. That eventually happened when Chris and Kelsey woke up at like 2 p.m.

It was Harmony's 1st birthday so we went to Danny and Amanda's for awhile for the partay. It was pretty cool, and Little H seemed to have a good time, even with cake all over her face. It was so good in fact, Bucholtz wrote in the 'guest book' type thing that he "Hopes you have lots more birthdays" which is really like saying "I hope you don't die"

How touching.

Anyway, Saturday night was a shaker at Ian's because his 'rents were gone away for a day or two. It too, turned out to be pretty good. I drank some more gin, and, because Bucholtz chickened out, I also drank a small cup full of beer, gin, orange Kool-Aid, and Frank's Red Hot Sauce.

It tasted like puke, but thankfully I didn't hurl. It was a close call though.

The night turned into a marathon, with me and Kels eventually wandering home at 5 a.m. Before heading inside we sat in her car for a few minutes and chatted.

Then we decided a victory lap was in order.

Sunday, I was thinking about doing a bit of work in the morning, but I obviously slept right through that. oops. The fam came over for a Father's Day BBQ in the afternoon and evening, which worried Kelsey because that meant less potato salad for her. My great-uncle Ed was here from Florida too, and he was a little camera happy, which made most of us not. Some people are camera shy, others like myself not very photogenic, and he always wanted people to "snuggle up closer" if he was taking a picture. It was just sort of annoying.

Really, the weekend was not unlike many others though - some booze, lots of fun, and me and Kelsey spending most of the weekend loafing aroun trying to annoy each other and/or hit each other with stuff.

And me generally feeling the same way I do at the end of every Sunday - happy, except for the fact that I know I won't be asleep for a long time yet.

It's 12:20 a.m. already. I'm betting on 3 this time.

Dammit, this has gotta stop.

For the first time since I can remember, I came home from somewhere while it was light outside. Of course, it was just Ian's house, and he lives around the corner, but me and Kels just got home, and it's 5:13 a.m. - do you know how awesome that is?

WE KICK ASS.

That is all. I've got lots of quotes from when people (mostly Kyle) were drunk, but I'm too tired to write them out now.

"The only rally I've ever heard of is the puke-and-rally." - Brad, after someone mentioned how we needed a rally to comeback in our pitiful ball game tonight.

:: Taking my licks ::

Believe it or not, there are times when even I say things that are stupid. Apparently, according to my friends, those things somehow never make it onto my own blog. To them I say, get your own damn blog if you want to post embarrassingly dumb "Nick Moments". Or, if you've got a blog already, then do as you please.

However, just this once, I'll take some of my own medicine.

Today at ball, for some reason talking about small horses...
Kelsey: They're called miniature horses.
Nick: They're called quarter horses aren't they?
Kelsey: Are you kidding me? Quarter horses are like race horses. You thought they were called quarter horses because they were a quarter of the size of a real horse?

(Cue laughing)

What can I say? I don't know a damn thing about horses, and it seemed reasonable at the time. Although now that I think of it, a horse one quarter the size of a regular horse is pretty fucking small.

Also, for good measure, Kelsey, Tara, Brad and some of the other jerks got me pretty good with a keys-locked-in-Kelsey's-car gag last week. They preyed on my good nature and helpfulness, but they still got me.

There, you guys happy now?

I'm posting a little bit out of boredom.

Not a lot went on tonight - Chris and Jenna are out someplace, only Mike's online. I usually spend my free evening loafing around the house and usually talking to either Kelsey or Melissa on msn...neither are around tonight. Weird to actually feel extra bored - it's a Monday night, boredom's usually a given.

Not having anyone to yap at (and annoy) doesn't leave me with much to do at 10 oclock at night.

Tonight is a good example though, of how I've felt as of late. One minute I'm bummed about stuff, then I went to the gym and felt great, then after the adrenaline dropped off, I just felt, well, blah. Pessimistic, just kind of uneasy, paranoid. I hate feeling like that - it doesn't work for me.

I can foresee another sleepless night on the horizon.

In other news, we bought a tent trailer for Merritt yesterday. It's a real beauty - the best trailer $260 can get ya. I'll post some pictures when we open 'er up tomorrow. We drove it home from Mission last night with no lights and no insurance. We had to be sneaky.

***EDIT: There are some people who read my blog who don't know me very well, or at all really. They know 'of' me through other people, and I think it's pretty cool that they read this blog actually - it just re-affirms my awesomeness.

However, since these people don't know me that well, I feel I should clarify something about myself: I exxagerate a lot for comic affect - and usually it works. But things aren't always as over-the-top as they seem. That goes for quotes and photos alike. I take things out of context because it amuses me - no other reason.

Anyway, I just felt that needed to be said, so people don't think we're all a bunch of alcoholic lushes. Well, enjoy reading, and thanks for stoppin' by.

"If it was up to me I wouldn't even have feet." - Kelsey

"I have rocket boobs." - Kelsey, again.

"When I'm rich I'm going to have an underground shuttle system that goes right from my house to the mall...Or maybe i'll just get a time machine." - Kelsey (Completely sober).

"Let's buy cocks. Big hairy cocks." - Bucholtz, talking about getting some roosters and starting up a cockfighting tournament.

"BET is bullshit. If I started a white man's T.V. network there's no friggin' way that would work. They already have UPN what the fuck else do they want?" - Bucholtz, in fine form.

After Ian's birthday shaker Friday night, I didn't know how much of a wild shindig Saturday night would be, especially after Kelsey told me Saturday afternoon that she wouldn't be drinking, because she had to drive home later that night and stay with Rocky so he wouldn't be by himself.

Of course, Kelsey not drinking on a Saturday night is just a little too unnatural for my liking, so I came up with a solution: Just bring the dog out here.

Problem solved.

There were still a few other hurdles. Sean wasn't feeling too hot after Friday, and I since I had just spent an hour and a half at the dentist that morning (getting my gums cut apart...I bled all over the place), I wasn't in prime party-mode either. I quickly changed that by getting some beer and just drinking it anyways. Between the lack of food I'd ate (mouth frozen of course) and the half a bottle of Tylenol i'd downed, I was a pretty cheap drunk.

After returning from the (Evil, evil) dentist, the afternoon was a pretty good one. I came in the door to find Chris and Kels in the kitchen. In the odd course of Friday night, Kelsey had lost her phone (Ian had it), and one contact lens. Probably made for a fun drive home.

So while Kelsey squinted her way home, me and Chris headed out to Maple Ridge to check out a cheap $200 tent trailer for Merritt. We don't expect much for $200, but we still expect more than the duct-taped, torn to shit, mouldy as hell, gross trailer we went out there to see. And don't even get us started on the owner of the thing, he was a piece of work - dumbest guy ever.

So we came home without our trailer, ate some chili then me, Sean and Kelsey had some beers. Eventually most of the rest of the crew showed up, and Kelsey got the brilliant idea to play Moose. Not her finest plan, because she ended up getting her ass kicked EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME. So guess who was drunkest?

Now, a drunk Kelsey is usually quite the show. And Saturday was a violent show - she got hold of a sharpie marker and drew on me and Sean (but she got it too). I also was on the receiving end of about 10 punches to the face, FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER. And you claim to be nice to me..Bah!

To see two pictures of the Sharpie fight, click here and here.

To see what kind of shape Kelsey was in as the night progressed, click here.

By about 1 a.m. things start to get a little fuzzy - although I do remember Sean's step-sister and her stupid friends rining my damn doorbell at 1 a.m. Then I yelled at them and slammed the door in their face. Sean tried to make me feel bad about it, since it was his sister, but I didn't care at all. It was funny and they deserved it. What was also funny was Chris giving wrong directions to one of the girls so she ended up in the garage when she wanted to be in the bathroom.

As for the rest of the evening, I don't recall a lot because I passed out on the couch (just after Kelsey, who was the first passed out). I woke up at 4 a.m., lying awkwardly on the couch with Kelsey's foot practically right in my face. Then I went to bed.

Just to top off the weekend, we went out for breakfast this morning and being the prick that he is, Jeremy stuck my hat in a newspaper box and I had no money to get it back out. Thankfully Katie had $1.50 in change or it would probably still be in there.

:: Ian's Birthday ::

What a weird night. Combination anger, sadness, confusion, mixed with usual drunkeness - for a lot of people, not me necessarily.

Strange indeed.

Regardless, happy birthday Forbesy.

:: Anger and other observations ::

Nothing angers me more than bad drivers. I just want to fucking throttle 'em.

Tonight, on the drive home from Brown Rd Park - from our rained out baseball game (I'll get to it in a minute) - I got tailgated by some prick in a light brown Dodge Intrepid.

The Whole Fucking Way Home.

Now, normally I can deal with minor tailgating, because I probably do it a little bit myself. But this fucker was unbelievable. His car was so far up my ass I could barely see his headlights.

And it's not like I was going slow - I was going a steady 80-85 so I was speeding already - and it was raining and dark, to boot. Anyway, this retard then gets the bright idea to fall back a bit and then speed up. I don't know if he was trying to scare me, but it didn't work. I just did what any angry, road-raged person would do.

I slammed on my brakes. Hard. For no reason. Repeatedly.

Sure, I'm a bit of a prick, but I didn't care. I was just waiting for him to smash into me, but he didn't. So we got back into Grove, where the road turns to 2-lanes. Red light. Beautiful. I got in the left, he went in the right.

Sure enough, 40-year-old douchebag starts yapping at me, so I gave him some back. Then he actually opened his car door, and looked like he was going to get out of his car. Then I told him "If you take one more step out of that car I'm going to smash your head right through your fucking windshield."

Then he got back in, turned right at the light, and was gone.

Nick 1. Douchebag 0.

Angry note #2: Our ball game was cancelled.

Yes, it was raining fairly hard at 8:20 when the ump apparently decided to call it. However, our game didn't start til 8:55. By then, it wasn't raining nearly as hard. Sure the field was a bit slick, but it definitely was playable - no big mud pits or anything like that.

To make matters worse, the game at the diamond right next to us went ahead as planned.

I guess it wasn't raining as hard over there. Either that, or their umpire wasn't as much of a pussy as ours.

And one more thing before I go... (don't worry, this isn't anger, just an observation I made on the way home)

I sometimes wonder how good of friends I really am with some people. That's not to say I don't like any of my current friends - that'd be ridiculous. I'm not even saying they don't like me. I just mean that I sometimes think I'm closer with some people than I actually am.

If I didn't make the phone calls, or say "Hey lets do something" I just wonder if we'd ever do anything at all. It's just weird, and it kinda sucks when you think you're really good friends with somebody.

It's still worth the effort on my part, and I'm not angry or anything, it's just something I realized. I just don't want to feel like that charity case friend. You know, the "Oh, Nick's calling again. I better go hang out with him" kind of person.

I can't be that guy, because people like Jarrett already are. I figured I was higher up the totem pole than that - With some people anyway. Chances are I'm reading way too much into things (I tend to do that ALOT) but it'd just be nice if somebody else picked up a phone once in awhile. Somebody who actually wanted to do something, and not just because I was badgering them.

:: BORING POST ::

This weekend I did nothing.

For the first weekend in a long, long time, I didn't do anything this weekend. No drunken stories. No crazy antics of me or any of my friends.

Nothing.

I didn't drink this weekend, which I suppose may be news itself. I had a grand total of half a beer Friday, and a bellini Saturday when me and Melissa went out for dinner (Which was good, so I guess I did do one fun thing this weekend).

I worked late Friday. Then worked Saturday and again Sunday morning. When I came home Saturday everyone was here watching UFC pay-per-view, but since I couldn't care less about UFC, I didn't watch much - instead I read Rolling Stone and text-messaged back-and-forth with Kelsey, who was working on her fifth bottle of Boone's at the time. Then everyone left to go find something to do, and I went to bed.

I don't even have any good quotes to post.

Nothing.

Couple of quotes from today at work....

After me and Steve were telling bad jokes and laughing about immature stuff for like 15 solid minutes. Also, we took one of the red editing pens from the Editing Desk and attached it to one of our California Raisin figures (Yes, we have them on our shared desk). Now he's our "editing raisin."

Steve: Jeez we're funny.
Me: Damn right. We're awesome.
Elaine: I think we're going to have to separate you two. It's like recess over there.

Quote from a story that Steve wrote...

"You know what happens in life if you don't take risks?" she asked.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

:: Barbeques, vodka and getting knocked down a peg ::

"You can see my underboob. There's a freckle on it." - Kelsey, admiring her insanely red sunburn.

"It doesn't help when you bring out your 'ness." - Ian, hammered. Not sure yet what Kelsey's 'ness' is.

"Okay, this is what we're gonna do. We'll go get some hookers, some homeless midgets, and a big bag of blow. Then we'll put the homeless midgets in a room, throw in a can of Chunky soup, and see which one comes out with it." - Bobby

Chris: Where the hell is your shirt?
Ian: I got hit with a watermelon.

Kelsey: Hey, I made it through a whole weekend without hurting myself!
Nick: You're sunburned.
Kelsey: Dammit! I really thought I had one there!

Another Sunday, another crazy weekend to report.

Friday we had a ball game, and we lost by two or three. Kelsey and I weren't in top notch playing shape. Despite the fact it was 32 degrees outside, and dehydration was a definite possibility, the two of us, along with Tara, decided to go to the bar for dinner. We had one pitcher, then Jer said he's stop by. So we ordered another. Then Jer canceled.

So we struggled to get the second pitcher down, before heading off to ball. We weren't feeling so hot, and spent nearly the entire warmup lying on the grass in the shade.

Most of us went to Shark's Club afterward, and had a pretty decent time for a change. And more importantly, an incident free time. We ended up back at my place playing poker and I passed out on my couch at 3:15 after having been awake for 21 straight hours.

Saturday, however, was where the action was.

Born of a Friday afternoon idea for a backyard party/BBQ, we all loaded up the coolers with meat and beer and headed to the backyard. A better than decent turnout - me, Chris, Jenna, Gorski, Buchs, Ian, Jeremy, Katie, Tara, Kelsey, Bobby, Pat, Sean, Rachel, Jeff, Brett, and briefly, some guy named Duck.

So we sat around boozing it up and eating steak, and Jeremy's vodka watermelon was a big hit (even though only a select few pieces were vodka-soaked for some reason.) The best part was the ensuing watermelon fight, where I broke a big piece over Bobby's head, and where Jeremy facewashed Buchs with a big piece of melon. Outstanding work.

As usual, the point-by-point highlight package.

1. I'd like to share a story if I could. (of course I can, it's my damn blog). When I first met Kelsey, she decided that, out of all of us, I was her favourite. #1. Right at the top of the list. She told me that numerous times, sometimes while drunk. Last night, she informs me that Ian's now at the top of her list. This is, of course, only because Ian's significant other wasn't there, and Ian's a lot more rowdy and entertaining when he's left on his own. He's also got 'drunk eyes' which people apparently like for some reason. Anyhow, Im pretty upset not just to get knocked down a peg, but to get knocked down for Ian. I won't lie, it stings a little bit. Especially since I told her where she stood on my list. Newsflash Kels - now you're down a peg or three too! Ha!
Apparently I'm still ahead of Brad though, which I suppose is good.

2. When Brad gets drunk, he tends to lose things. Normal stuff, like his keys or cell phone. Not too out of the ordinary for a drunk person. He always finds 'em again. Ian, however, somehow loses more unconventional items. He lost one sandal (it was thrown in a shrub and he couldn't find it); he lost his hat (under the BBQ cover) and then he lost his second sandal after finding the first (it was at the front door, like it should be). He also spent time without his shirt, and his cellphone (in the neighbour's yard).

3. Why was Ian's phone in the neighbour's yard, you may ask? Well, he was standing on the lawn, beer in hand, talking to Bre on his phone. Jeremy attempted to 'pants' him, but his belt was on too tight. So instead he got a helluva wedgie. Now, in anger, it would've been wise for Ian to throw his beer at Jeremy.

Instead he threw his still-in-use phone. (ian said the beer was too full to waste). So the phone landed in the grass someplace near Jeremy. He picked it up, and put it over the fence. Watching Ian go get the phone was the funny part. Various people, including Ian himself earlier, had jumped various fences to get errant footballs etc. So Ian hops the fence, gets his phone, no problem, right? Turns out Ian was too drunk to climb back over, and it took him a good 5-10 minutes to get out of Darren's backyard.

4. Ian trying to steal about 10 packs of Scooby Snacks from my cupboard. He said he was hungry, so he went and got one pack. The next thing I saw was him trying to sneakily cram 9 more packs into his pocket. His stupid laugh gave him away. My dad made him put them back.

5. I'm not quite convinced Kelsey was drunk on Saturday. I think she may have been high on potato salad. My mom made a giant bowl of the world's best potato salad. Many of us had some to go with our steaks and chicken wings.

Kelsey's BBQ'ed steak is still in my fridge because all she ate was potatoes. She ate ALL the leftover salad over the course of two hours. IT WAS A LOT. It got to the point where she was actually talking to the bowl.

When putting it back in the fridge for later... "Okay potatoes, don't go anywhere. And don't get eaten!"

6. The real play of the day came when an unwanted guest arrived - Val. Val is Bobby's..uh, let's call her a friend I guess. She's nice, but annoying and the girls especially hate her. She had a mickey of Raspberry vodka, almost completely full. She went up stairs to play fooseball. When she returned, her mickey was full of water, and all the vodka was in a jug in my kitchen (plan devised and carried out by Rachel and Kelsey..and maybe Jenna I'm not too sure). Anyway, she comes downstairs, dumps "vodka" into her cranberry juice. Begins drinking...

"This doesn't taste like there's any vodka in it. That's weird."

Then she pours more and more in, eventually getting to the point where the whole bottle is mixed into one drink. She was still baffled as to why she couldn't taste any booze. Tara took a sip, and said "Oh gross, there's so much in there!" so that seemed to appease Val. She was just dumb and confused the rest of the night.

Me and Kelsey then ran back in the house and downed the jug of vodka in two drinks - one each, mixed with OJ.

I love it when a plan comes together. (Especially a hilarious, if slightly mean-spirited, one).

Sunday was recovery day. Me and Kels went to Denny's for breakfast, then spent the rest of the day, until about 9 oclock, lying on my couch watching the Memorial Cup final, then parts of baseball games, and a rerun season finale of One Tree Hill (guess who had the remote? :P)

It was a pretty fun day actaully, and I quite enjoyed myself just lounging around - even if I did get repeatedly whacked in the foot with the TV remote.

Tonight, we're having a barbeque. I'm sure it'll be awesome, so I'll post more later. For now, I leave you with these two quotes, when me and Kelsey were lying in the shade before baseball yesterday. I think she got a little too much sun.

"I'm so dangerous I should be illegal." - Kelsey

Kelsey: I'm funny.
Me: You're dumb.
Kelsey: That's why I'm funny.

Kelsey combines shopping and road rage...

Kelsey: I bought four pairs of sandals.
Me: Whadda you need that many pairs of sandals for?
Kelsey: Cuz I'm a girl....FUCKING CHRIST!!
Me: Uh..what?
Kelsey: This stupid idiot just stopped at an intersection with a green light. I should drive right in the back of his fucking Nissan Altima.

Public service announcement for any of my friends who read this blog:

Barring any weather mishaps, this saturday I'm having a barbeque. Bring you own meat, beer and, quite possibly a chair. Me and Ian are contemplating making a million chicken wings.

It will be fun.

Be there or be square. (And as Sean and Bucholtz always say, 'You don't want to be a square because a square's a silly shape.")

On Patriotism....

A woman in the office mentioned how she'd eaten beaver once. (No, this comment isn't actually the funny part, despite the fact the three guys in our department had to really bite our tongues.)

Steve: I don't know if I could eat a beaver.
Me: Yeah, me neither. I mean, it's a beaver, what do you do after that, wipe your mouth with the Canadian flag?
Steve: Yeah, then you pay for it all with loonies and go out and shoot a moose in the face.

Well, to everyone's frustration, my blog was down for much of today. Some kind of Blogger problem I guess.

I didn't really have much to write about today. There were a couple things I thought of throughout the day, but nothing note-worthy. Regardless, being that it's now past 10:30, I've forgotten what those things were.

But then something came to me...

Being that I'm the oldest one in my group of friends (24) I get mocked pretty good by certain people for being old. And by "certain people" I mean Jenna and Kelsey. Anyway, I realized today that I'm a "young 24."

How I came to my conclusion:

About an hour ago, for the first time in months, I talked to Doug on msn. Me and Doug have been friends since Grade 8, but I havent seen him since his birthday in February (despite the fact he lives just across the road from Jeremy). We did a quick bit of catching up, and he seemed pretty stressed and depressed.

Now, without getting into detail, this isn't that new of a thing. Doug is 2-months older than me. In his 24 years on this planet he's bought three different houses, two with his fiancee. He's bought two dogs, about 6 different cars, a ride-on lawnmower. And oh yeah, broke up with the fiancee.

He's got a new girlfiend now - who has a kid herself - and now he's indirectly involved with her various custody battles, and all the stress that comes with it.

It's like he's 40 years old already.

In the same time frame, the most stressful thing I've done is went to school, moved away temporarily, and came home - normal stuff for many in the 18-24 demographic. Now I mostly drink beer, go camping, and hang out with my friends.

You tell me who's old now.

After posting pics from this weekend's camping trip, I decided to sift through last year's shots (There's a freakin' ton of 'em) and create a "Camping Classics" photo album online, along with the current shots. I picked 39 of them, and they're posted here.

Also, all the different sets of pictures can been seen by clicking "My Pictures" on the left. The site was down for awhile, but it's been rejuvenated. That's where all the different photo albums will go from now on.

:: MAY LONG WEEKEND ::

"Chris, where's your flashlight? I need it to dig a hole." - Sean

"I have lots of pictures of dicks." - Kelsey (this may or may not be horribly out of context. You decide.)

A pair of Sunday night moments with Kelsey and our camping neighbour, Mauricio - the dumbest guy I've ever met.

"Are you lesbian?" - Mauricio.

Once the answer to that question was deemed a decisive NO, came moment #2....

Mauricio puts arm around Kelsey...

Kels: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mauricio: Ahh, haha I didn't think so.
Kels: Next time go with your instincts.

Photos here

So we went camping this weekend, from Friday to Monday - our longest trip yet. Although many people came and went throughout the weekend (Bobby, Pat, Tara, Katie, Brad, Jeff) the core group stayed the whole time - Me, Chris, Jenna, Kelsey, Sean and Rachel, and of course, everyone's favourite stick-fetching party dog, Rocky.

It was, of course, a gong show of the highest order, although i didn't drink as much as I originally planned. Not even close - mainly because on both Saturday night and Sunday night the GP's came on, and i didn't feel like drinking. At times I felt like punching someone in the face actually, but I controlled myself and the feeling passed.

It was good though, and since there's a lot to cram into one post, I'll do it point-form as usual.

- Drinking a bottle of cheap wine for breakfast is a marvelous camping idea. Best thing i did all weekend.

- Brad found his long-lost chair, which Bucholtz broke and threw in the river over a month ago.

- Sean and Chris broke the chair even more, and threw it back on Saturday night. It was fucking awesome.

- Watching Brad, the 100-lb wonder, almost get swept away by the current after jumping in the river was fucking hilarious - especially since we jokingly suggested that would happen.

- The GPs came on one too many times for me this weekend, and despite having fun, I could've probably had a lot more. Partially my own fault. Again.

- White gas is an excellent way to start a fire - albeit a brief one. It's also a good way to almost burn all the camping chairs when there's nobody around to sit in them - right Kels?

That's about it, I suppose.

Two things I will realize when I wake up for work in 6 hours....

1. Drinking on a weeknight is not the greatest idea ever. Even if the people you are drinking with have upcoming 5-day weekends, remember: You do not.

2. While ultimately worth it in the long run, making deals while drunk on the weekend may come back to bite you in the ass on Wednesday.

Two best things I've heard on TV or radio this week...

Some Sportsnet News anchor describing a home run in a ball game...

"And like a disobedient dog, he's leaving the yard."

And earlier this week, Jeff O'Neill, the CFOX morning show guy...

"And earlier this week in (some Brazilian town) they held the first ever 'Orgasm Day.' They had a pretty good turnout, but I gotta think that if they had spent more time promoting it, a lot more people would've come."

"I don't wanna acquire new tastes, I just wanna get drunk." - Scott, who was drinking Smirnoff Ice, and apparently had no desire to start drinking beer.

"I imitated butt-fucking some guy the other day. I was pretty good at it." - Sean, moments after he busted out his "gay-voice", despite Rachel's disgust and objection.

Well, the crazy weekend is over.

Started out weird, definitely, but at least Saturday night and Sunday were pretty good. Saturday we went to Gorski's and got nicely wrecked, and everyone seemed to be back to normal, for the most part, although I'm never a really great judge of those kind of things, especially when I'm drinking. Regardless, it was better than Friday.

Then today was the Sunday Hangover Doubleheader. We had a ball game at 9:20 a.m. - it was not a good time for the Cannons to play baseball, or do anything really. I had about 5 hours sleep, and began my morning by chugging some OJ and promptly puking it back up while talking to Ian on the phone. Pat said he slept for about 40 minutes, and I don't think Brad had much either. He was drinking beeer the second he was at the field, anyhow.

We lost the first one by a couple - we played decent. Then in between games we went to Murrayville Pub for the brunch buffet. It was awesome food, although maybe not the greatest idea to stuff our faces before our second game.

However stuffed we were, we managed to pull off a win in Game 2. We crushed the ball - 4 homeruns, although three were solo shots. Either way, it was a good game.

We play again tomorrow, then have a bit of a break for the long weekend, which hopefully will be a shitshow. We're going camping, assuming we can find a spot to go. Camping usually goes pretty smoothly, so hopefully it'll be good again.

More evidence that bad things happen when I don't get drunk on a Friday night.

Last night after our ball game (we lost), some of us went to Shark's Club. Me and Melissa hung out at my place til around 10:00 before heading out. I was slightly buzzed, and Melissa slightly moreso. We figured this would be the time to have a big, deep conversation which definitely put us in a downer mood before we even left. Me especially.

So at Shark's I wasn't having a good time. It wasn't anyone's fault, and I should also make clear that the reason I left wasn't because I was mad or angry with anyone. I just wasn't having fun, for a couple reasons.

Chris picked me up, and, knowing me, I probably complained too much. Things got blown out of proportion after I went to bed (or so it would seem). And while I appreciate people being angry on my behalf, it really wasn't necessary because I wasn't angry. And people probably didnt have quite as fun a night as they should have.

So for anyone who was mad/angry/upset/ or otherwise not happy last night, I apologize. It's probably my fault for being grumpy.

I really should "stop being a geek."

Sorry.

ADDITIONAL EDIT*** In no way, shape, or form, did two or three people deserve to get yelled at last night by people who had absolutely nothing to do with anything. I'm sorry if my grumpiness was misconstrued as angry, but nobody deserves the bill for my being grumpy, and those people owe the other people an apology.

You were either trying to help, or just spouting off because you thought somebody should get upset about it. But you just made things worse. Now it looks like I was talkin' all kinds of shit about people to provoke you, which didn't fucking happen. Nice job fellas.

Drinking problem? What drinking problem?

Tonight Kelsey and me watched the Rockets game on TV. (Damn Rockets, shoot the fucking puck!) Just a little while ago, I realized it was the first time since we met that we hung out without alcohol being involved.

I've known Kelsey for like three or more months.

Granted, most of the time we hang out it's either a weekend or one of our ball games, but it's still kind of shocking.

And awesome.

:: Courage..it couldn't come at a worse time ::

My timing is off.

There are lots of things I'd like to do in my life - some things far in the future, some things I'd like to do right now. My only problem is, many of these things take slight to major risks.

And I've never been the World's biggest risk-taker because I'm usually too worried about the consequences.

However, many people reading this know that I'm an occassional insomniac, owing in large part to the fact that once my head hits the pillow, a million thoughts start rushing through my head. And I inevitably end up thinking about how I should do this, or do that.

And as I lie there in my sleep deprived state, I work myself up and decide to actually do it.

Yes, I'm going to go to gym and get in shape.

Yes, I'm going to quit my job and go off and do something cool.

There are other things too.

The problem is, this motivation usually goes away once I wake up. Turns out I only have guts between midnight and 7 a.m.

Dammit.

Camping, in photo form.

Didn't take too many pictures (too busy drinking), but here's the few I got.

Chilliwack Photos here

:: Camping Part III ::

"It's like watching a retard trying to eat a sandwich." - Bucholtz, as Gorski was trying, unsuccessfully, to do something (I can't remember what).

"Me and life aren't getting along right now." - Bucholtz again.

"Hey...you're dumb." - Kelsey, to me, for absolutely no reason. I was just sitting there minding my biznass, (after Kelsey and company wouldn't let me play cards) and she turned around to tell me that.

And here, Jeremy stops Gorski from re-telling the same story for the 50th time.

Gorski: That was crazy when I fell in the river. I thought I was going to die....
Jeremy: Quit living in the past Brad!

For the third time in the young spring/summer camping season, we went to Chilliwack River for a two-nighter, starting Friday. We went to our new spot again - although we've really began to hate that treacherous hill leading to the spot. It's not so bad when you're just going for one night, but with two nights comes more stuff, and heavier coolers, so it was a struggle. Once the drinking began though, it was alright.

I had about 8 or 9 beers on Friday, so I wasn't completely mangled, but lots of other people were. For starters, Gorski and Buchs decided to split a 60 of vodka...which was a mistake waiting to happen. Turns out that the first mistake didn't take long to materialize - As he was walking from his car to the camping spot with his gear, Gorski dropped his pillow in the water.

It wasn't the only time Brad and the river would meet, as the above quote suggested. At around 3 or so (I think) after the 60 of vodka was long gone, Gorski wandered off with Kelsey.

He came back soaking wet.

Turns out he fell ass-backwards into a pool of water, and was completely submerged. He was so drunk he just stood there, and couldn't even get out of his cold, wet clothes. Me and Kels had to find him some clothes, and Jer had to dress him. It was pretty god damned funny, although Brad didn't really think so at the time. The phrase "I almost died out there" was used so much it was ridiculous.

While Brad falling drunkenly into the depths of a local river isn't uncommon (Our other spot, in Fort Langley, is named Garski Falls for a reason), there were a few other unusual occurences...and some not so much.

For starters, on Saturday most of us started drinking as soon as we woke up (Breakfast: one cinnamon bun, one hotdog, three beers), so as the day wore on, things got messy. Gorski was rambling about how he wanted to drive into town, and we obviously wouldn't let him because he was tanked. Then he said he wanted to get something from his car, and Sean, who had his keys, didn't buy it, and wouldn't give them to him.

Then Brad got angry and yelled at Sean and grabbed his collar.

Then Sean punched Brad right in the back of the head as they tumbled to the ground.

Yes, Sean punched someone. And it was pretty funny.

And as for other events, well they were what typically happens when us and alcohol are combined. At one point during the day me and Kels decided that we weren't getting along. I don't know why, but we were cutting each other down pretty good all weekend. Even more than usual. All in good fun, of course.

Then she grabbed my hat and threw it in the water.

And then I think I shocked her pretty good when I yelled at her, even though I was kidding. I'm pretty sure the words bitch and/or whore were thrown around. oops.

"I never thought I'd ever hear you call me those names," she said.

I felt pretty bad, even if it wasn't serious. (Although nobody apologized for throwing my hat in the water!!!)

I mean, I call people bitches all the time, but not Kelsey. But thats' what happens when you're drunk since breakfast I suppose.

Much of Saturday night is actually a blur...I remember some random guys from another spot showing up, I remember Kelsey getting stuck talking to them and complaining later ("Why am I always a shit-magnet?!"), and I remember Bucholtz dancing in the middle of the road at 2 a.m. with no shirt on (His shirt was found the next day...on the road).

I don't remember how I got to my tent, but my last memory of Saturday is peeking out of my tent's air vent as I lied on the floor, and hearing Rachel's voice, and seeing Kelsey's feet right outside.

Then I passed out.

What a wicked weekend.

Some leftover quotes from the weekend:

Sean, taking things to new and creepy levels...
Jeremy: Well, I'm leavin'. I'm gonna blow this popsicle stand.
Sean: I wish I was a popsicle stand.

Sean: I hate this commercial
Me: YOU'RE a commercial.
Sean: Uh, no I'm not.
Me: That's too bad, if you were a commercial you'd be gone in 22 seconds.

This weekend really blew by fast, and it was kind of an odd one. Overall, it was good, as usual, but I spent a decent amount of it either in a bad mood, or feeling sick.

Friday I had to pick up Melissa from the airport at 6. On the plus side, Melissa moved here. On the negative side, it took me 2.5 hours to get from White Rock to the effin' airport.

Two and a half fucking hours.

God I hate traffic. And construction. And protests by truckers. Uggh.

So after eventually finding Melissa, we made it back in time for the ball game, where we got slaughtered. Everyone played bad, everyone (especially me) was grumpy. And by the time we started drinking it was almost midnight. The night was pretty much a write-off.

Saturday was better - we all got pretty loaded at my place - but it started off ugly. I felt like garbage on Saturday morning, despite the fact I didn't drink the night before. Which is why I've again come to the conclusion that my body needs alcohol on the weekends. It expects it.

And when it doesn't get it on Friday nights, it's angry on Saturday mornin'.

I made up for it at night though - got freakin' plastered, as did most of us, which was good. I had a nice beer buzz going until we started playing Moose. I had to chug the cup full of beer once, and was OK. But what kicked my ass was the second time...WHEN WE WERENT EVEN PLAYING THE GAME ANYMORE. I'm not entirely sure how Kelsey roped me into chugging the cup full of beer, rye, and pepsi, but she did.

It wasn't my finest decision. After that, all bets were off. I vaguely remember the rest of the night - losing at poker, watching Kels and Lambie go toe-to-toe in the living room (which was hilarious), and then stumbling off to bed at 4 a.m.

And, once again, I paid for it Sunday morning. I had a hangover til the afternoon.

So whether I drink or I don't drink, I'm always fucked in the morning.

It's baffling.

"My best friend LOVES to fish but I just don't get it. I went out with him once, and after a few minutes I was just like 'Hey, why don't we just go buy a fish? It'd be a lot easier.'" - Melissa's new landlord.

"Everytime I see Bucholtz I'm just amazed at how he functions in life." - Melissa. (She may have a point, considering Buch's baseball game antics of Friday night)

New & Improved Weekends: Now 100 % Incident Free!

An incident free weekend?

I didn't know we could do that.

Between grumpy bouncers, Hell's Angels, drunken punches, and weird bar situations, this weekend was relatively calm by our standards of late.

Friday I was done work by 1, so I had a pretty good afternoon lounging around, before we all went to Fort Pub for dinner. From there, people went their separate ways. Some to Garski Falls, others to Shark's Club, which is what I did. It was a pretty good night, then I left at about 1 a.m. because everyone kind of disappeared and i didnt feel like searching for them.

Last night we all went camping (minus Ian and Jer, who were AWOL all weekend due to stag parties and girlfriends being back in town). I had to work til 10-ish, then I booked it from White Rock to Chilliwack in just over an hour. Camping was an obvious gongshow, and I passed out in muddy jeans and one shoe at about 4:30 in the morning, and woke up covered in sand. (I guess camping on a sand bar will do that to ya.)

I'm a big fan of our new camping spot though, even if there is a deadly hike up and down a hill to get to it.

Some highlights from Saturday:

1. The handprint tattoo on Bucholtz's back after Bobby gave him one helluva slapping.
2. PUNCH ME. Written on Bucholz's face after he passed out.
3. All the chips we dumped on Bucholtz after he passed out.
4. Tent 1, Kelsey, 0.
5. Bobby puking in the Burger King parking lot.
6. Watching two Canada Geese float down the river and attempt to maneuver through rapids. Funny stuff.

and 7. Bobby calling his work at noon, after he was supposed to be there at 8.

Boss: Where are you?
Bobby: I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm drunk.
Boss: I appreciate your honesty. See you Monday.

Didn't even bother to come up with an excuse.

"I love summer because all the girls come out - I don't care how old they are either, because in the summer there are no rules." - Gorski

Weekend Update

Last night was interesting, and while it still ended oddly, it was a lot better than the way Friday ended. We started at Bucholtz's place watching UFC 52 on pay-per-view, which was pretty sweet. Lots of good scraps. Then we hung out there for awhile, while Buch's proceeded to attempt to fight everyone.

We later went to Sean and Rachel's, where Bucholtz's aggressive drunkiness got to be too much, so eventually Sean booted him out, which was smart, because drunk Bucholtz can be a real pain in the ass. The weekend as a whole was OK, minus a few things on Friday, of course.

And just think, if it wasn't for the fucking weather, none of the shit would've even happened because we'd have been camping.

Before I was mocked ( by Kelsey) for suggesting it earlier in the week, I was just going to have a low-key weekend, maybe just watch some movies. It was shitty weather and I've been sick, but at the risk of "pussing out" i came out anyway. I did, however, manage to watch one movie - Glengarry GlenRoss, with Al Pacino and Jack Lemmon.

I liked this one quote from it:

"When you die, you're gonna regret the things you don't do." - Al Pacino

That is all.

From last night...

"You know what we should do more often? Punch each other in the face." - Bucholtz. Ian and Buchs then proceeded to deck each other. Ian got a bruise on his jaw, Buch's got a fat, bleeding lip. Morons.

"GIV'R TO THE LIVER!" - Ian, chugging beer and proud of his rhyming abilities.

Ian and Bucholtz, talking about how the hell Bucholtz doesn't have like 43 kids by now. And of course, buch's completely misses the point.

Ian: Maybe you have no boys.
Buchs: I'm pretty sure I got balls down there. Everytime I jerk off there's something banging against the chair.

Back by popular demand...

Sports Night Quote of the Moment...

Dan: You need a plan.
Casey: Techically I have a plan.
Dan: What's the plan?
Casey: It's Napolean's plan.
Dan: Who's Napolean?
Casey: The 19th century French emperor.
Dan: You crackin' wise with me now?
Casey: He had a two-part plan.
Dan: What was it?
Casey: First we show up, then we see what happens.
Dan: That's it? First we show up, then we see what happens?
Casey: Yep.
Dan: Jeez, it's almost hard to believe he lost.

This post is brought to you by Kelsey, who called me a slacker for not writing anything...

After our infamous night at Rooster's on Friday (see previous post), we decided that, since it wasn't raining Saturday, we'd go camping to our usual spot in Chilliwack.

Like lead paint, communism, and nailing fat chicks while drunk, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

It was fucking fun - no doubt about it - but holy shit was it cold once we ran out of firewood and retreated to our tents in a drunken stupor.

And, being the genius that I am, I only had one blanket and a sleeping bag, while most people had copious amounts of blankets. Although, in Kelsey's case, the blankets do you know good when a drunken, near-comotose Ian is lying on them like a lump, boots and all.

There were plenty of other things going on too. Pat, who was camping a few miles down the road with some other people, was at our spot most of the night drinking, and he had a carton of eggs and a jug of milk with him. He was planning on making pancakes in the morning, most likely to impress a girl.

Anyway, Pat stupidly left the milk in Gorski's cooler. And Chris and Gorski found the eggs just lying on the ground and decided to hide them. Pat came back in the morning, with dreams of fluffy pancakes in his head, but he left with nothing.

Pat: Okay guys, just here to get my eggs and milk. Where are they?
Us: The eggs are against that tree. We chucked them at it last night when we were drunk.
Pat: Oh....well then where's my milk?
Brad: I didn't like milk being in my beer cooler so I threw it in the river.
Pat: You fuckers.

And there was also another startling revelation made while me and Kelsey (and Rocky) drove up to Chilliwack:

Turns out I didn't get kicked out of the bar on Friday for nothing at all.

Instead, I shoved a bouncer.

From what we can figure, I came back from the bathroom and was standing with Kelsey for a minute. A bouncer was right there, sweeping up some broken glass. He wanted Kelsey to move, but rather than ask her, he just thwapped her in the leg with the broom. It was her sore, cut up leg (from last week's ball game) and I guess I didn't like that very much, so I shoved him. That's when I was escorted from the building.

I don't know if that's chivalrous, or stupid. Probably stupid.

Either way, I remember none of this, of course, but we pieced together the story from the bits we could recall.

And that was Saturday in a nutshell.

Last night was, in the truest sense of the word, a gong show.

We went to Rooster's for my birthday, and I was quickly intoxicated. I drank about 6 beers before we even left so I was buzzing pretty good right from the start. Then I had two beers, Jenna bought me another. Chris bought me one. Bucholtz bought me three shots of something. Two tequila shots were in there too, courtesy of Brad and Ian. Then Johnny bought be three shots of zambuca and a shot of JD all at once.

All this happened within the first hour, so I was barely able to stand.

The rest of the night was good - Bucholtz got cut off at the bar by about 10 oclock. But then at about 12:30 or 1, things got fucked. Some Hell's Angel grabbed Brad and accused him of dealing drugs in the bar, and apparently that's HA territory. Then, seconds after that, I walk casually out of the bathroom only to be grabbed by the neck by a bouncer and told to get the fuck out. The bouncer and some HA guy then proceed to escort me from the building. I was fucking angry and pushed the bouncer pretty good, which earned me a shot in the jaw. Oh well.

So everyone followed me outside because nobody knew what the fuck was going on, and Brad was legitimately freaked out, because when the HA guy accused him of dealing in the bar, he also threatened to take him to the back of the building and put two in his head and drop him in the ditch. Maple Ridge is prime Hell's Angel territory too, so it was no empty threat.

We all left soon after, but not before I angrily punched a brick post for some reason. Now my hand hurts and my knuckle is cut up.

A good night, but certainly a fucking weird one.

Tonight we're going camping, and I hope it's a little less crazy.

Also, I woke up this morning with that dreaded "Oh no, how did I embarass myself last night?"
I've been getting that sensation more and more lately, and I don't know why. In my sordid drinking "career" I've always been a pretty average drunk - pretty mellow, don't do anything crazy, dumb or embarrassing, but lately I've just been feeling like I constantly make an ass of myself. Now, I don't know if I actually do, but it's certainly out of character to feel like it.

Just a quick note - the Cannons' site is freshly updated. With news of a win, for fuck's sakes!

There probably won't be too many updates until the end of the weekend, as it is my birthday and I shall be drunk from 3 oclock this afternoon onward. As a disclaimer, anything embarrassing or dumb I do from now until Sunday night can and will be blamed on booze.

"She thinks she's like the King of New Zealand or something," - Gorski, discussing a certain person we know who thinks very highly of herself (but we're not sure why).

"Boobies are way better than Jesus." - Johnny.

Last night, went to a party at Lambie's. It was excellent. Got drunk. Didn't get home til 5:30. Slept through work (which I was supposed to get up at 10 a.m. for).

A good night all 'round.

Applicable Sports Night quote of the night...

Dan: You know what that was?
Casey: What?
Dan: Another missed opportunity. You miss enough of those and the ball game's over.

Other memorable things from Friday....

Bobby getting kicked out of the bar for breaking up a fight. Then when the cop booted him out, he accused him of being racist and only kicking him out becaue he's brown. Then, to make things more fucked up, the cop (who was white) started talking with a Mexican accent...

Cop: Why would I be racist? I'm Mexican.
Bob: No you're not! You just started talking like that right now!

Stupid cops.

Brad: I just bought this shirt. It's my party shirt.
Someone: Cool.
Brad: I'm wearing my party socks too.
Someone: What are party socks?
Brad: ....ones that are clean.